Competitive Advantage: The First Date

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Congratulations!

Your effort has paid off. You have crossed the threshold between wondering what that beautiful woman behind you in line at the coffee shop is all about, and actually scoring a first date to find out for yourself.

Now, you’ve got to have what it takes to ensure a second date.

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We’ve already talked about chivalry and the modern man, but even as important as these small things are – they won’t guarantee your success.

Before you even leave the house, keep in mind that chances are, the woman you’re taking out is going to put some serious effort into how she looks (make sure you notice and compliment her). Show her the respect of doing the same. You don’t need to go out and rent a tuxedo, but dress appropriately for your destination.

It’s important that you set the stage for mutual comfort during your first date. This allows for you to be truly you, and them to be truly them.

If you are uncomfortable with the idea of one-on-one conversation over dinner with someone you barely know, be self-aware enough to choose a different kind of location or avenue for your night out. Don’t force it – the last thing you want to do is to knock yourself out of the game early on.

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Equally as important, is your date’s comfort. In this day and age, it’s likely that you’ve been talking before you actually go out, probably via text. Use this time to get to know what they do or don’t like, so you know what to plan for the same reason as above. If you put your date into a situation they’re uncomfortable with, your shot at moving forward could be blown.

Speaking of discovering their interests, use this to add an extra shot of creativity into your day or evening. Show her that you pay attention, and act accordingly. She might just give you ideas for a unique date you may not have thought of before.

Don’t stop there. When you’re out, ask questions. Inquire. Not “what’s your favorite color?” type nonsense – find out what makes her tick. What are her dreams and passions? Everyone enjoys talking about themselves – genuinely listen to her and build the conversation around her answers.

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Speaking of your date’s comfort, I always make sure to offer to pick her up. (Make sure your car is clean, and get out to open that door for her). If she shows some hesitation because maybe she doesn’t want you to know where she lives right away, meet her at your destination or if you really want to make an impression, offer to get her a cab, or use the Uber app to send a car for her. How many other guys do you think have done this for her?

Exactly.

Regardless of the situation – relax, and take it slow. Act as if you’re out to dinner with one of your friends who you haven’t seen for awhile. The idea here is that your new potential boyfriend or girlfriend should be your friend as well as you’re lover, so that’s essentially who you’re talking to, anyway.

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The difference? You’d split the bill with your friend, but you damn well better pick up the tab on this date, friend.

And always, always, go for the kiss. If you don’t, you run the risk of making her feel insecure about how you feel, and also giving your relationship the ‘just friends’ vibe. This way, you will know where each other stands early on – because friends don’t kiss.

Open doors for her. Pull out her chair. Stand when she leaves (and arrives to) the table. Let her order first. Walk on the street-side of the sidewalk. Ensure she gets home safely.

Things that used to be simple common sense have become rare, and therefore a competitive advantage for those who pay attention.

Stand above the rest, gentlemen.

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12 Comments

  1. marialebanesebarbie on January 8, 2014 at 7:34 pm

    “Things that used to be simple common sense have become rare, and therefore a competitive advantage for those who pay attention.”

    Super true. Loved this post, made me laugh and cheer you on! I don’t know how I’d feel if someone sent me a cab though haha. That might be doing the most… but you would certainly have my attention!

  2. LadyPatriot on January 8, 2014 at 8:26 pm

    Wonderful post Michael. That’s why I stay subscribed, and why I nominated you. It’s about your readers!
    Where I live men are way outnumbered by women so if men don’t “get” what they want, they move on. Unfortunately there are plenty of women who are willing to give it to them, so those of us who stick to our values, are passed over more times than we can count. Until women act like ladies instead of tramps, we can’t expect men to be gentlemen. But I guess it goes hand in hand with the entitlement mentality.

  3. littleblissbook on January 8, 2014 at 10:16 pm

    I don’t know so much about the ‘stand when she leaves’ I would feel awkward, but definitely let her sit first when you arrive to the table.

    If a guy called a cab for me to pick me up, my mind would be blown. Because no one ever does that. EVER. I don’t even think many guys even think about it. It’s practically like a modern day carriage that you’re sending for the girl to be picked up in. She’ll already start to thinking you’re prince charming in her head on the ride over to the date, it’s genius.

    • James Michael Sama on January 8, 2014 at 10:18 pm

      Thank you 🙂 I prefer to use Uber, but since it’s not available everywhere, cab is also of course an option.

      Uber is fantastic because at the touch of a button a black car arrives at whatever destination you input into the app, and the ride is automatically charged to your credit card. It makes for a flawless, effortlessly cool option for transporting a woman when you cannot pick her up.

      • markvnathan on January 8, 2014 at 10:46 pm

        Thank God we have uber here! Great article, very much my style, but it really depends on the girl. I’ve attempted something like this before, not very successful :/



      • littleblissbook on January 9, 2014 at 8:41 am

        I’ll pass the word a long and share this to as many guys I know who need some help in gaining some ‘competitive advantage’. Congrats on the nomination by the way 🙂

        – Rakhi



  4. MissEllyn on January 8, 2014 at 11:25 pm

    Loved this article. Love all of your articles. I went on a date recently where the guy acted a lot like what is described here except send the car part. And kept telling me how great he thought I was and how he couldn’t believe he was on a date with me. At the end of the date he walked me to my car, told me he really enjoyed our evening and wondered if I’d be interested in going out with him again. I said I most definitely would because I had a really great time. He said great so it’s alright if I text you? And I said anytime. Once at my car he kissed me and then sent me on my way home. The next day I texted him Thanx again for last night I had a really nice time. He replied I did to and hope we can go out again soon. Except for the next 8 weeks I’m going to be busy with work, moving etc. (he gave more detailed things other than etc.) so we will have to plan and time might be hard to find. I said ok well we will find time eventually. So now almost a month later we have made plans once that had to be cancelled for a family event and then Xmas and he was away and said he’d talk to me when he was back. But no call yet. My friends are telling me to relax he’ll call. But I’m bad at waiting and am starting to think he’s not interested anymore. Thoughts? Are my friends right am I just impatient?

  5. sbdiaries on January 9, 2014 at 8:44 am

    yup. if a guy did all this, he’d get a 2nd date from me. and a 3rd.

    my mind would be blown with the cab/uber thing as well. so I wouldn’t drop the guy anytime soon unless he does something extraordinarily weird/out of line or is just plain disrespectful in some way.

  6. KP East to West on January 23, 2014 at 3:49 pm

    Good article! Although you shouldn’t always go for the kiss in my opinion unless it feels right. If you know, you know. I once was on a date that just wasn’t going well and the guys asked “Don’t I get a kiss?” It was just super awkward.

    I’ve also been on dates that have gone really well and we didn’t kiss the first date but it kind of built that anticipation so when we finally did it was even more heart racing. Just some different perspective 🙂

  7. Victor on March 5, 2014 at 11:34 am

    Great post and I’ll definitely have to try uber the next time I go out. Also I enjoy the part about the kiss. Whenever I’m on a first date I always go for the kiss unless I’m not into her.
    The kiss is usually the best way to tell if it will work out or not. If she lets you kiss her on the lips, there’s a good chance she’ll want to move forward. If she turns her cheek or just flat out says no, you’re either in the “friend zone” or she’s not interested. Either way the kiss part is important. It’s one of the only ways you’ll know for sure!

    Keep up the great work on this blog. You’re a huge help to us!

  8. Matthew on March 14, 2014 at 12:21 pm

    Always going for the kiss isn’t always an option. If she is newly divorced, or separated like the fabulous lady I have the privilege of dating, wait until later.

  9. Andie on June 6, 2014 at 12:21 pm

    I agree with some of the previous comments–for the most part, I wouldn’t feel comfortable kissing someone on the first date. I would rather he waited. But other than that, all the advice in this article is awesome!

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