Competitive Advantage: The First Date
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Your effort has paid off. You have crossed the threshold between wondering what that beautiful woman behind you in line at the coffee shop is all about, and actually scoring a first date to find out for yourself.
Now, you’ve got to have what it takes to ensure a second date.
We’ve already talked about chivalry and the modern man, but even as important as these small things are – they won’t guarantee your success.
Before you even leave the house, keep in mind that chances are, the woman you’re taking out is going to put some serious effort into how she looks (make sure you notice and compliment her). Show her the respect of doing the same. You don’t need to go out and rent a tuxedo, but dress appropriately for your destination.
It’s important that you set the stage for mutual comfort during your first date. This allows for you to be truly you, and them to be truly them.
If you are uncomfortable with the idea of one-on-one conversation over dinner with someone you barely know, be self-aware enough to choose a different kind of location or avenue for your night out. Don’t force it – the last thing you want to do is to knock yourself out of the game early on.
Equally as important, is your date’s comfort. In this day and age, it’s likely that you’ve been talking before you actually go out, probably via text. Use this time to get to know what they do or don’t like, so you know what to plan for the same reason as above. If you put your date into a situation they’re uncomfortable with, your shot at moving forward could be blown.
Speaking of discovering their interests, use this to add an extra shot of creativity into your day or evening. Show her that you pay attention, and act accordingly. She might just give you ideas for a unique date you may not have thought of before.
Don’t stop there. When you’re out, ask questions. Inquire. Not “what’s your favorite color?” type nonsense – find out what makes her tick. What are her dreams and passions? Everyone enjoys talking about themselves – genuinely listen to her and build the conversation around her answers.
Speaking of your date’s comfort, I always make sure to offer to pick her up. (Make sure your car is clean, and get out to open that door for her). If she shows some hesitation because maybe she doesn’t want you to know where she lives right away, meet her at your destination or if you really want to make an impression, offer to get her a cab, or use the Uber app to send a car for her. How many other guys do you think have done this for her?
Regardless of the situation – relax, and take it slow. Act as if you’re out to dinner with one of your friends who you haven’t seen for awhile. The idea here is that your new potential boyfriend or girlfriend should be your friend as well as you’re lover, so that’s essentially who you’re talking to, anyway.
The difference? You’d split the bill with your friend, but you damn well better pick up the tab on this date, friend.
And always, always, go for the kiss. If you don’t, you run the risk of making her feel insecure about how you feel, and also giving your relationship the ‘just friends’ vibe. This way, you will know where each other stands early on – because friends don’t kiss.
Open doors for her. Pull out her chair. Stand when she leaves (and arrives to) the table. Let her order first. Walk on the street-side of the sidewalk. Ensure she gets home safely.
Things that used to be simple common sense have become rare, and therefore a competitive advantage for those who pay attention.
Stand above the rest, gentlemen.
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