How To Attract The Man You Want


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In previous blog posts I have explained why we shouldn’t let chivalry die, how to spot a player, and even how to approach a woman without getting slapped.

I will be speaking more on the general cluelessness of men in dating these days in upcoming posts – but first, women, you have to understand that being approached and courted by a gentleman is not a right or an entitlement – it’s a privilege.


It takes a surprising amount of courage for a man to approach a woman he doesn’t know, no matter how much confidence he has – especially considering the dismal success rate for such an act.

If you are looking for a smart, educated, established man, you’ve got to project the qualities that will attract someone of that stature.


I hate to say this, but we all know it’s true: You will be judged by your Facebook profile. If you’ve ever been ecstatic about talking to a new guy who finally has the qualities you want, but then he suddenly disappears – and your tagged photos look like an episode of Jersey Shore, you may have found the problem.

Of course I’m generalizing here, but many of the men that I hear women say that they want, are past the crazy party phase in their lives and want someone more mature.

If you’re not portraying this, why would he be interested?


Have your own identity. A woman with her own passions, dreams, and goals is attractive to a man who has the same. I’m personally not a fan of a woman who is emphatic that she doesn’t need a man. We know you don’t need us, but we want you to want us.

A successful man will know he could never plan a future with someone who has no future plans for themselves.

Elevate your company. If I were to be interested in a girl and took a look through some photos of her with her friends – I could quickly come to the conclusion of whether or not I would fit in with her crowd. The people you choose to spend time with speak volumes about your own personality and self worth.


Spend time in the right places. An addition to the above point is that if you are spending a lot of your time in bars or clubs that attract more of a college-aged crowd, not only are your chances of meeting the man you want greatly diminished, but your chances of keeping him around once you suggest “goin down to da bahh for some beeahs” greatly diminish as well.

You should never change who you are for the sake of finding someone to be with, because then they won’t be getting to know the real you, and it’ll be doomed in the long run. But, you can work to improve yourself and advance your own life in order to be more attractive to those who have the qualities you want.


Be sure you’re not spending time around the wrong people who are holding you back from what you truly want in life.

We often feel as though we lose friends by choosing to advance when they don’t – but we’re really just learning who belongs in our lives, and who doesn’t.

Stay classy, ladies.

[twitter-follow screen_name=’JamesMSama’]


  1. crissybwell on July 31, 2013 at 12:42 pm

    Another great post, oh the world of social media!! How it has really changed the face of dating, you can find all this information out even before you date the person, it just blows my mind sometimes.

    But we do attract certain people and it’s for different reasons, I think it’s key to remember that no matter what you need to be who you are and remain true to yourself, because that really will be the only way that you will find someone you really want to be with. Love reading your work 🙂

  2. Elizabeth Cole on August 4, 2013 at 12:33 pm

    What a great article? Thank you for the tips. I’d love to collaborate and share a guest post of yours to have a guys point of view! 🙂

    • James Michael Sama on August 4, 2013 at 12:34 pm

      Hey Elizabeth, thanks so much! Glad you enjoyed the article. I’d love to collaborate, just let me know what you’d like me to do!

      – JMS

  3. Jennifer Woods on August 4, 2013 at 1:31 pm

    Nice article. I’m curious about the images though. Did you realize young women look at such images and take these to be prescriptions for how they should look? They’re told all over the place that the only look men like is the long, sleek hair, and flashing skin (like the lingerie shot, short-shorts shot, and bikini-babe shot; BTW does Ms. Bikini come with the car? Or need she be bought separately? Not a comment on her but on the way that GIF portrays her). Are you showing these as examples of what men want? Or what young women (they’re not girls if they’re over 18) should look like? I am not criticizing, just trying to see what the male impression of such images is, especially when used with an article on how to attract a man.

    • James Michael Sama on August 4, 2013 at 1:40 pm

      Interesting point – I honestly have no intention when choosing images to use. I just typically choose ‘high fashion’ or sexy looking photos or gifs.

      They’re not intended to send a certain message, just give some extra flash to the blog post. I use similar imagery in every article I write. I’ll take your points into consideration though.

      Thanks for taking the time to read the article!

      – JMS

      • Jennifer Woods on December 13, 2013 at 5:54 pm

        Thank you for responding (took me a while to see this though, so I must’ve missed the email). I was just wondering, that’s all. I’d been reading some articles at that time about how women are portrayed, so I was starting to notice things like this in many places where I may’ve been previously unaware of it. Reading your articles, and you messages of decency, I certainly didn’t think you were doing it as an intentional message.

  4. […] previous posts, we’ve discussed what women can do to attract the type of man they want, but finding a woman of quality and class is an equally challenging undertaking for the modern […]

  5. becomingkels on September 25, 2013 at 2:15 am

    Reblogged this on princelesslife.

  6. Irina Del Genio on November 19, 2013 at 3:11 pm

    Well, looks are important 🙂 Along with other great things you have been describing, James – thank you for great tips! I couldn’t have said it better myself 🙂

  7. Tom H on November 20, 2013 at 8:09 am

    Women are desperate–even young ones. I know, because I get hit on a lot and I’m not even looking (married and I love keeping my word). Desireable men simply aren’t as interested in you as you think they are, ladies! If you want to know why, go read Rollo Tomasi to get an idea of a single man’s perspective. Tomasi has studied and analyzed the sexual and marriage marketplaces and produced some startling conclusions. Single women party away their most attractive years. By the time they are 27, their attractiveness to men is in rapid decline, but they are generally in denial about their loss of attractiveness. If you understand how men see you, you can develop strategies that give you a better chance of settling down happily.

  8. Amber on November 21, 2013 at 12:38 am

    Tom H. Is an idiot, king of jerks, just trying to feed his insecure ego by hitting on young women in the first place. No one wants your advice TOM TOM. Women in their 40’s can be smoking hot. No real man would hit on other women when he’s attached!

    • Tom H on November 21, 2013 at 4:52 am

      Sorry, Amber, I don’t focus on age about anything. I live in reality and single men who are looking for marriage and a family prefer younger women because of their superior fecundity. Older women are much less likely to be able to carry a baby to term if they can even become pregnant. By the way, one way to quickly find a man is to advertise that you will never, ever withhold sex from your partner/husband as long as you are physically able to have sex. That will generate a lot of interest. Of course, you could be lying about what you would do, but that wouldn’t be unusual for women, would it?

      In chivalry, a wife would never, ever withhold sex from her husband. If she did, he would beat/spank her. That’s the way it was. A truly chivalrous wife would prepare her mind for sex with hubby no matter how bad the day was or her feelings about him. She wouldn’t hold grudges against hubby. But most women want the men to be chivalrous and want to be able to control their men by withholding sex. Feminism makes women into bitches and feminism advocates that women have the right to withhold sex, despite their marriage vows. That’s reality.

      Oh, I actually prefer the company of an older woman–mostly because she will be more interesting to talk with than a young skull-full-of-mush. I was only trying to provide the single man’s perspective.

      • Jenny on November 21, 2013 at 1:13 pm

        Whoa! I’m sorry! I think I just accidentally time travelled back into the 1900’s……*nothing to do here*…

      • Jennifer Woods on December 13, 2013 at 6:08 pm

        Can I get you a bandage for your scraped knuckles, Tom? They must surely be chafing from all the dragging they do.

        Beating and spanking a woman who won’t bend to his will has nothing to do with chivalry, Tom. I don’t withhold sex or affection to get my way. Anyone who uses manipulation to get what they want should be avoided at all costs, be they male or female. I am looking for an equal partner in life, not some moron who can be so easily controlled, and not someone who seeks to control me. I am looking for someone who loves me for who I am, and not someone who’s looking for nothing more than a committed f**kbuddy. This article is how to attract a quality man. The worst way to attract a quality man is to say “Hey, by the way, I put out no matter what, even if I don’t feel like it, and even if you’re a complete jerk and I don’t feel like sex, so hey, come do me.”

        Or perhaps I should feel sad for you, because you clearly used to be (or perhaps still are) partnered with a narcissistic sociopath who manipulated you? If that’s the case, then I truly am sorry because nobody should have to put up with that. Best I can say is learn more from the experience than “women are evil.” Learn how to avoid that sort of person again, and how on earth you accepted that sort of treatment in the first place.

        I don’t understand what on earth you’re talking about when you suggest that feminism leads to withholding sex. That is insane. Withholding of sex to control a person is the sort of deviousness to which women used to feel obliged to resort before they had any real rights, including the right to earn money and gain more power in her own life. Feminism simply is equal rights, regardless of gender. Feminism means that all people are equal. Feminism isn’t mind games or other such stupidity. Are you buying into all that right-wing propaganda? You longing for the 1950s again, where men held all the power, and women were forced to bend to their will?

  9. Amber on November 21, 2013 at 12:42 am

    Oh, I miss read that, so you didn’t come on to women, they came on to you but the real truth is you’re still not a real man because you focus on age and looks…BAM. Your poor wife.

  10. julie on November 22, 2013 at 10:47 pm

    Thanks have covered great points.thx for sharing. .

  11. Jossie Nate on December 4, 2013 at 4:48 am

    Thanks James, I love it when you wrote “We know you don’t need us, but we want you to want us.” We both know the sentence may generate secondary perspective, whether you wrote what you wrote, or you wrote what women wanted to read 😀
    Nevertheless, I love how you put women’s perspective in your articles, they remind me to take it easy in this hunting game, since I am being roughly 80% of whatever you wrote on what a woman should do.
    Lastly, I do agree with Jennifer’s comment on how men portrayed women, you should consider something “women in daily-life” pictorial works to display, so at least men who read this get a hint.

  12. Diana Chalmers on December 10, 2013 at 5:22 am

    Hi James,
    I am not entirely sure how I stumbled on your blog, however I have to say that the few entries I have read are fantastic, so much so, that I registered to receive posts via email.
    Keep up the good work!!
    Diana (from Brisbane, Australia)

  13. firemystdl on December 12, 2013 at 7:24 pm

    I enjoyed reading this article! Especially the closing line, “Stay classy, ladies.” So true! What you said basically reiterates a lot of what this guy says too:

    Women need to project what they want to attract. I’ve registered to receive more posts, so will be looking forward to more of what you have to say.

  14. Kawtar on March 3, 2015 at 4:31 pm

    I ve just found your article , interesting. I have one weird question, a personality who followed me on instagram and has never missed any like to my pic, does it mean he likes me? And how attract a man and to push him to a direct contact on instagram ? Thank youuuu

  15. […] CLICK HERE – to go read the rest of this article at […]

  16. Pamela on July 7, 2016 at 9:58 am

    Great post, James, as always. It’s a tip I keep hearing about in my law of attraction teachings…you attract what you’re vibrating and projecting to the universe.

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