The Happiest Relationships Share These 10 Qualities
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The right person will make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else.
Perfection, as we know, is not attainable. One of the reasons why it’s not attainable is that it has a different meaning for everyone. What one person defines as “perfection” could be completely different from another.
Perfection doesn’t allow room for real life. It doesn’t allow room for personality, for nuances, for the very things that make people and relationships beautiful.
What we can strive for, though, is finding right relationship for us. When that one person walks into your life and makes you realize why it never worked out with anyone else.
What does this type of relationship look like?
1: It’s a judgment free zone.
Happiness in a relationship comes from two teammates who are able to be open and honest with each other. That honesty comes from being comfortable to open up and know that you will not be judged.
When you’re sharing your life with someone, there is no room for secrets or lies. Especially secrets or lies that are kept out of fear of judgment or ridicule.
The right person for you will support and encourage you on your journey to becoming the person you want to be, while fully accepting the person you are today.
2: You SOLVE problems during your disagreements, not create new ones.
It’s natural to face conflicts when you spend a lot of time with any person, but a healthy relationship will resolve any issues by discussing their opinions and stances in order to understand each other better and reach a solution they both agree on.
It’s about both partners feeling heard and seen, and seeking to hear and see the other.
You don’t need to agree on everything, but finding a common ground through compromise is the only way for both people to feel comfortable and secure in the relationship.
3: There is mutual support.
Whether or not you share each others’ passions or life ambitions, when you truly care about someone you want to see them succeed and be happy in whatever they love.
This means standing beside them, not in their way, when they dedicate effort toward pursuing a goal.
4: You are frequently intimate.
Let’s face it, this is a big part of a relationship — and it’ll be easy to tell if you’re in a good place together or not.
5: There is unwavering mutual respect.
This one needs no explanation — mutual respect between partners in a relationship is paramount to its success.
Neither honesty, nor trust, nor friendship, nor true intimacy can exist with someone who you don’t fundamentally respect on a human level.
6: Trust, trust, trust.
Trust is another foundational piece of any puzzle, and one that must be earned every single day.
Trust is not something you can take for granted or stop working towards, because it is far more easily lost than it is obtained.
You can spend years earning someone’s trust, and lose it all in a moment of infidelity, betrayal, or rage.
Once it’s gone, it is infinitely more difficult to get back.
While of course you should be compatible with your teammate, that doesn’t mean that you will automatically love every single thing they love, and vice versa.
If you truly care for someone and their happiness, you will be willing to watch, do, see, and experience things they enjoy, as they would do for you in return.
Without compromise, relationships quickly become a one-sided breeding ground for resentment.
It’s not about give and take, it’s about give and give.
8: You accept each other’s pasts.
Every adult relationship is comprised of two people who have unique and varied pasts.
We come from different upbringings, have different viewpoints, opinions, and life experiences.
And — the older that we get — the more likely we are to bring some of our past forward with us.
Previous marriages, losses, children, homes, and careers all play a factor when building a new relationship with a new partner.
The key is to understand that the person you love has been molded by that very past, and now they are using the wisdom and knowledge they’ve gained along the journey to choose where they go next — and they want you to be on that ride with them.
If you harbor resentment or jealousy towards the life they lived before they met you, you’ll never be able to fully embrace and live in the love they’re willing to give you today.
9: You have similar goals or dreams for your future.
We can’t expect our significant other to have an identical plan for their future as we do (See: Compromise and mutual support), but having a similar vision of our futures is important.
Like any team, as a relationship is, the results are best when the members are working towards a common goal together.
What do your career trajectories look like? Do you want children? If so, how do you believe they should be raised? What are your values, religious views, political affiliations?
What vision do you have for your own future, and is it malleable enough to mesh with theirs?
This is why understanding two things is paramount:
1: Absolute clarity around who you are and what you want.
2: Open and honest discussions with your partner about where you each want to go..
The future you want for yourself is going to dictate the decisions you make every day. The lifestyle you live. The way you spend your free time. The amount of time you dedicate to work, and family.
Trying to walk down two separate paths in a relationship that is supposed to merge your lives together is going to create conflict, disagreement, and disconnection.
10: You never lose sight of the little things.
The small things you do for someone are what count the most. These are the actions that show your partner that you’re willing to put in effort for them, just because. No special occasion or holiday required.
You don’t need a day on the calendar to show someone you love them.
A happy, healthy relationship will consist of two partners willing to put in equal effort, consistently.
When the little things stop, the insecurities begin:
Do they really appreciate you? Do they still care as much as they once did? Is our relationship becoming stronger over time, or weaker?
Continuing to show your partner how much you care is exactly how you maintain a strong foundation of trust, respect, and love.
A lack of effort eats away at your relationship like termites, until the whole thing collapses under the pressure.
If building this type of relationship sounds like work, that’s because it can be. But, that’s what makes the great ones so rewarding.
James Michael Sama is an internationally recognized speaker, author, and personal development coach.
Finding success in creating hundreds of viral articles and videos on building limitless confidence and healthier relationships, James has accumulated over 38 million visitors to his website and a collective social media following of over 400,000.
James speaks at live events and in the media across the U.S. and has become a go-to expert with outlets such as CNN, Bravo, The New York Post, The Huffington Post, The Daily Beast, CNBC, The Boston Globe, CBS, and more.
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