7 Subtle Signs Of Interest That You Might Be Missing
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Not every guy directly tells you how he feels, but if you pay attention to small details, he just might be showing you.
“I just need him to tell me how much he likes me,” recently said a female coaching client of mine.
“Well, what are some of the things he does for you?” I asked.
We got into a conversation about The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. If you’re not familiar with them, it goes something like this:
The five languages are:
- Physical touch
- Acts of service (Doing something for another person)
- Gift giving
- Quality time
- Words of Affirmation (compliments, saying nice things)
These are, primarily, the ways that most of us show and receive love. Odds are, you have one or two that are the strongest.
So, what happens if you start dating someone with a completely different love language than you?
He (or she) may not be telling you directly how they feel, but they may be spending a lot of time with you, which to them, is a clear expression of interest.
Yet, if you’re not receiving it, it might as well not even exist.
For men, oftentimes they’re not quite as expressive as a woman would hope for. Men can be more of the silent types, or stoic, or nervous about being too direct for fear of rejection or vulnerability.
However, that doesn’t mean they’re not showing their love and affection in other ways.
Here are 7 more subtle signs that you might not even realize are ways he’s expressing himself:
1: His texts are much longer than normal.
Whether we like it or not, we need to accept that communication is changing and between busy schedules and simple convenience, texting has become our primary form of communication with those around us (save the professional emails and more formal areas of life).
One of the things that formed a strong foundation for Rachel and I was the depth of our conversation from early on. There was very limited small-talk, and instead a more detailed and nuanced conversation about our lives, pasts, values, visions for the future, and things that cannot be covered in a few simple sentences.
This meant when we weren’t video chatting, we were essentially writing text novels to each other.
It helped us build a bond through covering the bases of learning about each other, and it also showed real, genuine interest, because those messages take time to craft, read, and respond to.
“Hey, what’s up?”
“wyd?” (What are you doing?)
“Ya my day was good thanks”
…leave very little to work with by the way of responses and building a real conversation.
A man who actually puts in the time and effort to chat on a deeper level is showing interest through time investment.
Sure — some men simply are not good texters (I once knew someone who was a spectacular public speaker but had horrible texting etiquette), in which case the key is to pay attention to the depth behind his preferred method of communication.
The point is: If he’s investing time in getting to know you, that’s a good green flag.
2: He mirrors your behavior and body language.
While some of us recognize this as an effective form of communication as well as a method to make someone more comfortable around us, many people will just become so in-tune with the person they’re with that they subconsciously start duplicating gestures, positions, or postures.
If you find him touching your arm after you touch his, uncrossing his legs after you uncross yours, or leaning in to you during conversation after you lean in to him — it shows he is paying close attention to you and is consciously (or subconsciously) feeling deeply connected.
This is also a great way to test whether or not he is respectful of boundaries that you set. If he continues moving closer if your body language is closed off, he may not respect (or be aware of) your limits. Conversely, if you’re dying for him to make a move and he’s just not picking up the signs, he may be too shy, or simply oblivious to your hints.
Some men need more prompting than others, but he should be aware enough of non-verbal cues to know when to move forward and when to back up. Someone who cannot read these signs will likely have a hard time understanding your deeper needs as well.
3: He compromises.
No great relationship was ever built on the foundation of “what’s in it for me?” A man who is just playing the field will have no reason to sacrifice his own self-interest for somebody…unless he feels something deeper for them. It would be much easier to simply continue living life his own way and skip the compromise.
However, when we begin to develop love for someone, we want to see them happy, even if that means putting our own self-interests aside for the sake of theirs. Her happiness becomes our happiness.
In a world where so many of us have become individualized and self-sufficient, selfless acts of love are an even more powerful statement than before.
This is not to say he will become a doormat — there is a big difference between compromise and sacrifice. A man who is there at your every beck and call and seems to have no passions or interests outside of your relationship will likely bore you to tears. Compromise happens when you bring two people together with their full lives and find a way to mesh them together.
4: He asks for your advice.
If a man asks you for your advice on a decision he is trying to make or a situation that he is in, it means he values your opinion enough to take you seriously and actually use it as a guiding light in his own life.
A lot of men are ego-driven, but men who want to build a well-rounded and full life are always looking to those they respect for guidance and counsel. A woman’s perspective is invaluable in many aspects of life and he will understand that your insight can help him see things from a fresh perspective.
But — he won’t heed your words unless he truly respects you as a person. And we cannot have true interest in someone that we don’t fully respect.
A man valuing your thoughts is a clear sign that he values you.
5: He MAKES time to see you.
You’re busy. He’s busy. I’m busy. We’re all busy.
But — I’ve said this repeatedly — people make time for what (and who) is important to them.
Remember the coaching client I mentioned who wanted her love interest to be more direct about his feelings?
Once he called her and wanted to come by her house for a quick kiss on his way out to dinner with friends.
He may not have said “Hey, I really like you and I want to spend forever with you,” but that simple act of wanting to see her just for a moment spoke volumes about his level of interest.
Men simply don’t do things like that if they’re not serious about you.
Pay attention to the way a man moves his schedule around in order to fit you into it. It may not be a weekend getaway or an entire day together, but a man who’s interested will always find creative ways to see you instead of making up creative excuses for why he can’t.
6: He doesn’t rush “it.”
Let’s be real — of course he wants to be intimate with you. Every woman knows the reality of a man’s libido and has experienced both the good and the bad of how it influences some men’s actions.
A man who is serious about you beyond physical attraction, though, will have no problem delaying “the act” until you are comfortable and ready.
Why? Because it’s not the end goal.
When there’s more to the relationship than just physical intimacy, there will be more to fill the time with. Fun outings, deep conversations, drinks with friends, exploring a new city together…
When the time is right, the time will be right. Until then, he’ll be happy enjoying your company just the same.
7: He works to make you feel safe.
Men are naturally protective. Millions of years of biological evolution has brought us to the point where we naturally want to protect those we love, whether they need us to or not. It could mean protecting you from getting hurt emotionally or physically, but protecting nonetheless.
A man who loves and cares for you will make you feel safe. He will never make you question whether or not he will be there for you in a time of need. A man who loves you will make you feel it in his own ways.
It all comes down to this:
When he really cares, you will know it — if he doesn’t, you will be wondering all the time if he does.
Finding success in creating hundreds of viral articles and videos on building limitless confidence and healthier relationships, James has accumulated over 38 million visitors to his website and a collective social media following of over 400,000.
James speaks at live events and in the media across the U.S. and has become a go-to expert with outlets such as CNN, Bravo, The New York Post, The Huffington Post, The Daily Beast, CNBC, The Boston Globe, CBS, and more.
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