5 Ways to Be The Man Every Woman is Looking For


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Let’s be honest here: The title of this article either intrigued you or aggravated you to the point where you just had to click it. How could this random guy on the internet know what every woman wants? What an idiot.

Who is he to tell us how to date? How to live? How to be?

I will tell you one thing, in nearly a decade of writing and speaking about human relationships, I have yet to find someone who disagrees with the points I am about to make here.

So crack those knuckles and get your typing fingers ready to rebut me in the comments, but bring your reasoning and evidence with you.

1. Be adventurous, but also stable.

Stability does not have to be boring, and adventure does not have to uproot your entire life. Many relationships get stale because there is no excitement left, no thrill, no passion – and much of that fades because routine takes over and we become complacent.

Effort into a relationship should not cease when the relationship is established. Just the opposite, actually. The world begins when someone commits themselves to us, that’s not where it ends.

We need to show the woman in our life that we are still just as ambitious and driven towards our own personal goals as when she first met us, particularly since that’s likely one of the things that attracted her in the first place.

But, you don’t do it for her. You do it for yourself. Living a vibrant and passionate life is more attractive than we could explain. And, it brings about opportunities to have new experiences you can share together, while still building a stable foundation.

Balance is key here, and if you are truly pursuing what makes you (and her) happy in life, boredom won’t be a problem.

2. Challenge her, but also support her.

Men and women have naturally different strengths due to biological evolution. Our neurological makeup is different and we therefore see and approach things differently.

Related recommended reading: The Female Brain.

For that reason, we may see things that she doesn’t, and vice versa. The female brain is better at anticipating pain and detecting danger, so perhaps instead of thinking women are just being emotional and overreacting, we should pay attention to something she might be seeing before us.

Conversely, men are typically problem solvers and more results-driven. This gives us an opportunity to help her see different potential paths to meeting a goal, through supporting her journey. Not through telling her what to do. Not through trying to be a “fixer.” Not through giving advice where it isn’t asked for…

Simply through supporting her while she figures it out on her own.

3. Empower her, but also protect her.

Women are fully autonomous adult humans who are capable of taking care of themselves, but that doesn’t mean she wants you to stop being “the man.”

The biological realities of the human animal have to be acknowledged and respected, they are ingrained within us whether we like it or not. And, through conversations, seminars, writings, TV interviews, and more – I have repeatedly heard from women that they do not want the man to give up his masculine role and energy in a relationship.

We just need to understand that empowering HER feminine energy, does NOT take away from our masculine.

We should still strive to make the women around us feel secure and protected, both emotionally and physically, even if they can protect themselves.

4. Tempt her, but also respect her.

Sexual chemistry is of the utmost importance to any intimate relationship, but it needs to be established in a way that both people feel completely comfortable with. Society has fed us a false narrative that women’s sex drives are not as strong as men’s (they’ve done this by suppressing conversations, images, topics, etc., around a woman’s sex drive through making them feel badly about having human desires).

The reality is, women desire a deep sexual and intimate connection just as much as men do, they just approach it in a different way. Men are much more “analog” where we can flip a switch and go. Women traditionally have to feel more secure and comfortable with their partner in order to enjoy the full experience.

By showing up for her in a way that lets her know she is still respected regardless of what desires she does (or doesn’t) act on, adds an extra layer of foundation to the relationship that strengthens your bond and enhances your experiences together on all levels.

5. Make her feel sexy, but also make her feel safe.

The reality is that we live in a world where many people (men and women alike) hold back on showing their true selves from fear of judgment…or in some cases…fear of violence.

As difficult as it is to admit this, it is the truth of our reality and we need to adjust how we act accordingly.

Building a foundation of trust through communication and honesty helps to show your partner that she can open up and be her true self with you. As we become more comfortable with a person, we are more free in expressing ourselves to them in all ways.

Stronger relationships are built not only when she knows how sexy you think she is, but when she feels completely safe allowing you to see and experience her fullest self.

The two must exist in harmony, and they will grow together over time – as will you both as individuals, and as a couple.


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  1. DPB on May 7, 2019 at 6:04 pm

    Nicely done! Great way to engage the audience on a very importnat topic.

    • James Michael Sama on May 7, 2019 at 6:08 pm

      Thanks so much!! I think it’s valuable to have these conversations even if not everyone agrees. That’s how we open up the communication and ultimately connect. I appreciate you reading and commenting.

  2. E on May 8, 2019 at 12:54 am

    Hi James, would you help us by writing “5 Ways to Be The Woman Every Man is Looking For”, waiting for your article release, thank you James.

    • James Michael Sama on May 8, 2019 at 12:59 am

      Hey there! As a male who coaches and advises men, I don’t often write on how a woman “should” act, that’s just not my place to say. However, with about 800 articles here on this site I do have a couple that may interest you:

      11 ways to show a man you love him: https://jamesmsama.com/2014/11/24/11-ways-to-show-a-man-you-love-him/

      10 qualities that define a good woman: https://jamesmsama.com/2016/02/05/10-qualities-that-define-a-good-woman/

      And many more.

      I hope these help you find what you’re looking for and I will take your request into consideration as well, though I feel it would be easier to find that topic written by a female writer.

      Thanks so much for reading and commenting.

      – James

  3. Ted on May 8, 2019 at 11:39 am

    Hmmm, let’s see, I need to bring evidence? While you bring anecdotal ¨evidence¨? Where is the scientific method or proper journalistic inquiry?

    While some of the ideas you express may seem like common sense, some questions that expose the complexity of the human (and female) psyche are appropriate.

    1. If women are so adventurous (and seek that in a man), then why do so many, after marriage, become so dull and sexless? (Oh sorry, you’re a simp, so you see all this as the fault of men that don’t follow your code of chivalry.)
    2. If women don’t want men to help with their problems, then why do so many women consider marriage as the license to ¨fix¨ their spouse into their ideal mate?
    3. I had one girlfriend from Texas, her daddy a general in the Army, two Viet Nam vet brothers. She trained in the National Guard and she had a shotgun in her home. Yet, when a burglar attempted entry into her home she fell apart, but thankfully the big, strong Beverly Hills policeMEN were only two blocks away.
    4. Why do so many women choose the raucous jerk over the ¨nice guy¨ if they want security so bad?
    5. See #4, but if you needed to stretch four into five for some magical numbers reason…What makes you think (most) women really want ¨strong relationships¨? Oh yes, they want to be in control, that is until the next sucker that catches their fancy comes along.

    So that’s my fifty years of anecdotal evidence for you and the sycophant readers to chew upon.
    If you want real evidence, you know the kind that gets legitimate attention, watch the documentary ¨The Red Pill¨.

    • CJ on May 17, 2019 at 7:51 pm


      1) Don’t you know the answers to these questions? For someone with 50 years of anecdotal evidence, from what you wrote here, I’m saddened that it appears you’ve used your time to bolster your negative feelings for others, rather than using it to truly understand and help others connect and communicate in safe, interesting ways.

      As you pointed out, there are complexities. But truthfully, the answers to those questions you’ve posed are pretty straightforward. Often people are damaged by others from a young age, by people who treat them unkindly, are judgmental, and treat them unkindly. It’s not the easiest thing to get past. My guess is you’re one of those people struggling with getting past them as well, based on the amount of anger that comes through in your comments here.

      2) Perhaps you may benefit from taking a look at this: https://couplestherapyinc.com/gottman-four-horsemen-of-the-apocalypse/

      I realize you’re not in a relationship with James, but my guess is a man who comments “You’re a simp” to a man writing a blog to help others, is likely a man who treats women like this in a relationship as well. “You’re a (anything negative)” isn’t being kind. It doesn’t make people feel safe enough to be vulnerable and open up. Treating people like this likely reinforces your own negative view of people, because they close down in the face of this kind of bullying.

      Also “you’re a …” is just your opinion, usually given to someone who either didn’t ask for it, or on the other end of the spectrum, is vulnerable to being hurt when you interact like that. It isn’t fact. What a change you’d experience in your life if instead of popping off responses like this, you spent some time trying to come up with different explanations for things you believe are true. Tell yourself a different, better story, find ways to view women and others like James in a positive kind light, the same way you’d like to be viewed, and I suspect those negative views would have a hard time continuing in your consciousness as truth, the way they do now.

      I do hope you really think about what I’m saying here, Ted. Your response to James really made me sad for you.

  4. hmickeyjd on May 10, 2019 at 12:28 am


    I just cannot disagree more. It’s a little tough to be the man women are looking for when women are open in their hostility against men. #Metoo has branded men with an automatic presumption of guilt with almost no hope of due process. You have man-hating feminists screaming from the rooftops that men are dogs, men are rapists, men are oppressors, and so long. At best, in the minds of most women, men just can’t do anything right. Social relating between the sexes is at an all time low!!! And that’s not mentioning how courts are practically predisposed to destroy husbands and fathers in any divorce proceedings. Thus, in this day and age, it’s open season on men just for being men. There are predominately two types of women out there now: women who openly hate men and those who pretend they don’t.

    Why do you think men are avoiding women and relationships like the plague?

  5. CJ on May 17, 2019 at 7:53 pm

    hmickeyjd – See my reply to Ted. The story you’re telling yourself isn’t accurate. I know plenty of women who don’t fit what you’re describing at all.

    • hmickeyjd on May 20, 2019 at 11:19 pm

      CJ: You might want to tell that to the phalanx of guys who’ve been vilified by every man-hating feminazi screaming #metoo.

  6. KC on May 18, 2019 at 2:07 am

    Some people have been hurt and never learnt to recover, those men and women come up with so many misunderstandings about the opposite sex which is poison and prison to themselves, sad really.

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