5 Types of Men You Should Never Date (And One You Definitely Should)


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Dating is a trial and error process. A “numbers game” so to speak. One of the only ways to determine what type of person you really want to be with, is to be with people who aren’t completely right for you.

But, there are ways to avoid unnecessary heartache and skip over the wrong types of people in a better attempt to find the right one.

Here are five types of men to steer clear of:


The control freak.

While this one should be obvious, often times the “control freak” type can be disguised in the beginning of a relationship as someone who just, pays a lot of attention.

Eventually, though, you will begin to feel a little more closed-in and unable to make your own decisions. Additionally, the decisions you do make could feel judged or looked down upon. This is in an effort to mold you into the person he/she wants you to be in order to obtain a role of “power” in the relationship.

Relationships aren’t about power or control – they are about cooperation and collaboration. For this reason, a man or woman who is a control freak is unable to build a healthy relationship with an equal and should be avoided.

It is also important to note that control is easily associated with emotional abuse and could eventually lead to other types of abuse in the future. If you EVER experience even a SINGLE instance of abuse of ANY kind – RUN.


The constant complainer.

Dating an eternal pessimist is akin to trying to go for a swim with an anchor tied to your ankle. There is a difference between two people balancing each other out, and one who drags another down emotionally.

To try to build a relationship someone who is always complaining or seeing the negative side of things will be increasingly difficult over time because their attitude will begin to rub off on you (if you let it), and while you may not become as negative, you could easily stop always trying to see the silver lining of a situation because they will keep shooting you down.

If you are a naturally positive person, being with someone else who has a similar attitude will elevate your level of happiness, and anyone who does the opposite should be moved on from.


Silly Putty.

Most of you reading this probably remember Silly Putty. It was a super flexible substance that you could do whatever you wanted with. You could even pull it so hard that it separated apart, but then you could just put it back together again and continue to mold it.

Sure, it was fun to play with, but it wasn’t your significant other. Flexibility and compromise in a relationship is important, but so is having your own opinions and point of view.

Being with someone who doesn’t have their own identity and relies on you for every decision will drain you of energy, and not to mention – bore you to death. As an intelligent, independent adult – your best partner is someone with the same qualities.


The center of the universe. 

The opposite of Silly Putty is that hardened Play-Doh stuff. Remember that stuff? When it would get hard it would have no flexibility at all – it would just stay the way it is and break apart if you tried to do anything with it.

So it goes with someone who is so self-absorbed that everything needs to revolve around them, requiring them to do essentially nothing but be catered to. We should never want to change our partner, but their willingness to be flexible and compromise is essential to ensuring the happiness of both teammates in a relationship.

Additionally, someone who is so concerned with their own self is much less likely to be concerned with your happiness.


The narcissist.

A few of these previous qualities could fall under the umbrella of narcissism, but recognizing it for as a self-standing diagnosis is ultra-important.

According to Psychology Today: Individuals with this disorder exhibit a lack of ability to empathize with others and an inflated sense of self-importance.

You can read a full definition and find symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, here.



The man you SHOULD date:

The man who makes you feel safe. Invincible. Wanted. Desired. Valued. Consistently.

Being with the right man is not just about how you feel about him, it’s also about how you feel about you when you’re with him. Does he encourage you? Does he support your endeavors? Does he help you flourish in all ways, when he is able?

In my opinion, the non-negotiable answer to all of these (and other) questions, has to be a resounding yes. It has to be a yes because a healthy relationship is comprised of two individuals who both lead separate lives, but that converge as one. Neither person can smush themselves into the mold of the other person and sacrifice their identity – unless they want to be resentful and unfulfilled forever.

We all have individual interests, needs, desires, professions, hobbies, and paths in life. And as a result, your teammate (my favorite word for ‘partner’) should support you as you enjoy all of the things you loved before they came into your life.

Powerful women crave powerful men – it is their only option – a weak man will have no idea what to do with her.

Grow, thrive, and succeed…together. We have more power as a society than we ever have in the past. Let’s not waste it.

With billions of people in the world, it is impossible to categorize everyone – but there are certain traits we need to be cognizant of in order to maximize our chances of happiness in a relationship.

What are some other “types” of people you have learned to avoid? Let us know in the comment section below!

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Click here to learn the 5 keys to increasing your chances of finding Mr. Right.

Click here to get my book: Unlocking Love: 10 Keys to Finding The Love of Your Life (Even If It’s You).


  1. Little Miss Menopause on May 3, 2018 at 12:41 pm

    Great piece. Just wanted to point out that you can be considered a “control freak” and not try and control or exert power over your partner– you can just try to maintain control over your own life. I tried that. How’d that work out for me??

    Another type I’ve learned to avoid is what I call “The Assumptive Close Salesman” — he’s charming (in a slick kinda way?) and presuming you’ll just go along with his program. If you question or put on the brakes, he’s gonna accuse you of being overly cautious, boring, and not enough of a fun-loving, carefree type of girl.

    • James Michael Sama on May 3, 2018 at 12:45 pm

      Great points! Very much appreciate your insight. 🙂

      • Little Miss Menopause on May 3, 2018 at 12:59 pm

        Thanks! Also I cant find any of your new podcasts. Did they cease or am I just missing something?

    • Amber on May 3, 2018 at 5:14 pm

      LMM- loving your Title of “Assumptive Close” true true

    • mgm531 on May 4, 2018 at 4:52 pm

      ‘…presuming you’ll just go along with his program. If you question or put on the brakes, he’s gonna accuse you of being overly cautious, boring, and not enough of a fun-loving, carefree type of girl.’

      Wait a minute…isn’t that the ‘taking the lead’ type of behaviour that women constantly profress to want in a man?

      • Little Miss Menopause on May 5, 2018 at 4:57 pm

        Perhaps…. but this type just bulldozes his way in.

  2. Tracy Ter on May 3, 2018 at 9:38 pm

    What do you call a guy who stalks on every single social media ports you have. Stalks on whose posts you have liked and started getting all jealous as they are either guys or even one of you past boyfriends who had moved on and is getting married soon? (By the way… the post that was liked was his new apartment that he has gotten for themselves after they got married)

  3. […] article was originally published at James M Sama. Reprinted with permission from the […]

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