Bringing Back These 5 Dating Habits Would Make Relationships Great Again
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What even IS dating these days? I think part of the reason everyone is so confused about relationships is because nothing we do seems to have a structure or a purpose anymore. Back in the day there was a process to dating and people knew what to expect, for the most part.
Now, even if you manage to match with someone on Tinder, you’re lucky if they actually message you. And then since only 1 out of 30 messages gets responded to, they’re lucky if you answer them!
But sometimes, you do answer. And then they ask you to ‘chill’ or ‘hang out’ and you don’t even know what that means, so after exchanging messages for a few days the whole thing fizzles and it’s back to square one.
But enough about the problems – what are the solutions?
Actually take women on real dates again.
The very foundation of all of these concepts is that we actually put in enough effort to symbolize that this is actually a meaningful experience. I understand that a lot of men like to do coffee dates before dinner dates because they’re cheaper and it’s sort of a ‘trial run,’ and if that’s your thing then YOU DO YOU.
Personally, in the age of information and technology, I’d like to think that you could learn enough about someone through communication to know if you actually want to take them on a serious date or not.
Once you know, it’s important to remember that your level of effort indicates your level of interest. When you take the time to plan a date (hint: use her interests as inspiration), then you set yourself apart and also show her that you respect and value her time.
Prioritize the person you’re actually out with.
That means, no phones. Unless you are on-call, expecting an emergency text or email, or for some reason absolutely need to be checking your notifications on a Saturday night, leave your phone in your pocket.
Someone will understand if you’re expecting an important call, but at least inform them beforehand. And if you’re not, then they should absolutely be your priority. We are always so focused on the screen in front of us that we seem to forget about the person in front of us.
Nothing sends the message that you don’t value someone’s time, like using it to check your own personal notifications.
Remember the small things matter the most.
Anyone can take you to an expensive dinner. Anyone can send flowers to your work. Anyone can buy you a nice gift for a holiday or birthday. But not everyone will do the little things.
The little things matter the most because they don’t require a date on the calendar or a special occasion in order to do them. Maybe you saw a little toy that will remind him or her of a childhood movie. Maybe you came across a candle that is their favorite scent, or a candy you know they love.
These small things show the person that you are truly and genuinely interested in who they are and what they enjoy. It shows that your dating strategy is not a cookie-cutter template approach to everyone you meet. It is uniquely for them, as it should be.
Communicate boundaries, expectations, and standards.
The lifeblood of any strong relationship is strong communication. Whether it be frustrations with how someone is acting, sexual preferences (that’s a big one), expectations for certain conduct, or whatever the case may be – it is absolutely imperative that we develop the ability to be open and honest with our partner.
Authenticity and transparency are key from the very beginning. I think a lot of people are walking around just expecting for relationships to be hunky dory and all sunshine and rainbows without any effort. Then, when there is a conflict or a disagreement, the “it’s not supposed to be like this, it’s supposed to be easy!” mindset kicks in, and they walk away.
Communication allows us to learn and grow (both as individuals and as a couple). We are constantly changing and evolving, and so are our relationships. The idea that a relationship shouldn’t require any work is essentially saying that you’re expecting Mr. or Mrs. Right to show up in a pretty little package that will fit directly into your life without any adjustments and stay that way forever.
Sound crazy? Yeah, exactly.
Understand you are never entitled to someone’s body, time, or attention.
At no stage in the relationship, even if you are married, are you entitled to something from another human being. But since we are talking about dating here, we will keep this in the context of the ‘courtship’ phase of a relationship.
Dating is about two mutually interested people choosing to spend time with each other in ways that work for them both individually, and as a single unit. This means that each person willingly chooses how much of their time, attention, and self they give to the other.
And, they are all separate.
Just because someone spends a lot of time with you doesn’t mean you’re entitled to sleep with them, unless they want it. And just because someone sleeps with you, doesn’t mean they’re necessarily going to want to spend more time with you (this goes back to communicating expectations).
Understanding this will help to lead to a dating culture where dignity, integrity, and respect are paramount again.
Tell me in the comments, which of these do you think is the most important to bring back?
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