The Honest Reasons Why Nobody Wants to Get Married Anymore

I don’t believe that we can blame the decline of happy relationships on any one societal or circumstantial change. There is an entire wave of social evolution that is flowing over us, and unfortunately it’s washing away what we have always referred to as ‘happy relationships.’

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Women like to blame men, and say they are ‘no longer men’ and don’t step up or put effort into dating anymore. Men like to blame women, saying they are ‘no longer women’ and feel like we are in competition with each other rather than working together.

There is so much conflict and miscommunication flying around, it’s no surprise that fewer people are getting (or staying) married, and even fewer people seem to consider the concept of marriage as a viable future plan.

Lots of millennials aren’t even sure if they ever want to get married, or have kids. Many of these millennials are men.

Men constantly feel vilified and as though they are the reason why women are unhappy. They are made to feel like they can never be, do, or have enough to bring to the table – some men simply do not know how to approach dating or a relationship, and given the turmoil in the landscape, never begins in the first place.

There are certainly no excuses being made here, men, in many ways, do need to step up and BE MEN. We need to reinforce the idea of being romantic and putting real effort into dating. To make the woman in your life feel valued, and special, and cherished.

But, here’s the problem…

A lot of women don’t put across the vibe that they even want a man to be romantic. I have had many a conversation with women who are completely unapproachable and closed off – who then told me they weren’t intending to be that way.

We all understand that people are walking on eggshells these days. I can’t scroll through Facebook for 5 minutes without seeing a woman complaining about a guy who hit on her, or winked at her, or complimented her the wrong way in Starbucks. Yes, there are a lot of creeps out there, and I often publicly speak out against them – but that does not mean that all men need to be grouped together with these idiots.

What happens is, kind, goodhearted men start to get the idea in their mind that women simply do not want to be approached or spoken to, so they sink back into the corner and leave women alone. In an episode of New School Romance, author Alexandra Adomaitis told me that she never gets approached by men when she leaves the house. “Maybe it’s the way I’m presenting myself…” she wondered.

Or, maybe men just aren’t approaching women anymore. But, why?

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And herein lies the problem. Men have no idea how to navigate the playing field of the modern, professional woman. There is complete confusion brought about when we are biologically programmed to be the provider, the protector, and the pursuer – but then be submerged in an environment that tells us we are not needed to be any of those things.

Perhaps, not even wanted to be any of those things.

An environment with a high risk of divorce – a circumstance which is widely perceived to favor the woman. So, then, men will think: “Why even get married?”

People cannot even figure out dating, let alone a relationship, let alone marriage. So, is it all just fading away? Are we descending into a free-for-all, a’la the wild wild west?

I do believe that people do want to find love. They want to be adored, and cared for, and have someone they can rely on (even if they don’t need it). I believe that men are men and women are women, biologically. We have different strengths and different desires – neither is better nor worse. They are just, different.

The reason I believe this is because it’s biological fact, generally speaking. I know that there are plenty of things I lack, that a woman would provide me great balance for. And, vice versa. I enjoy being the guy who lifts the heavy things, who carries the bags, who opens the doors. Why? Because it makes me feel like a man, and a useful one at that.

But, women are squashing this in men with the “I can do it myself” attitude. We know you can do it yourself, that’s not why we do it. We do it because we want to, and it makes us feel good.

So, then, what is the solution? I think we need to make a clear separation between strength and independence in one’s individual life, and in a relationship. A successful relationship is a team, and teams only win if they work together towards a common goal. In this case, a happy life.

The great thing about teams is that each member of the team has specific talents and skills. A quarterback has different strengths than a receiver, and when the two communicate and work together seamlessly, the team wins. If the quarterback tried to throw the ball and ran down the field to catch it himself, it would never work.

At this stage of the human condition, we are all trying to be everything. Our society is making us so individualized that it’s hurting our ability to actually work together with each other. We are terrified to give up power or control in any area of life (unless you’re Anastasia Steele), and it’s causing us to be wound so tightly that we never open up to any other possibilities.

We have to understand our differences and accept them as positives. We have to understand that ‘equal’ does not have to mean ‘the same.’ We can love and respect each other on an equal level, while understanding that we are different from each other – and that’s what makes things work.

If you have a puzzle, you need all of the pieces to fit together in order to create the picture. In a dance, there is balance between partners. In a yin-yang, both sides cannot be black or white.

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The same goes for a relationship, and we are losing sight of this. Men are men, women are women, and when we work together as a team, beautiful things happen.

Teams do not compete with one another, they work together in order to win.

It’s time that we remembered that again.

Do you agree? Disagree? Tell me in the comments, and be sure to share this article on social media so your friends can chime in as well.

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13 thoughts on “The Honest Reasons Why Nobody Wants to Get Married Anymore

  1. James- I hope this is not a perpetual state of affairs for you. May I recommend Alain Badiou’s book “In Praise of Love” (Amazon)
    Wishing you high positive vibrations!

    • I’m in my late 60’s. It’s a problem. I thought it was a joke “Senior men are looking for a nurse with a purse.” I don’t have a purse, and they leave when they find that out. The other issue is demanding sex on the 3rd date. If no sex, they disappear. It’s very discouraging. Too bad, as they’re missing out on an enriched soul.

      • Funny, I’m in my 40s and all the women are interested in is my wallet. I guess it works both ways.

  2. James: The thing that’s really depressing is that too many women demand guys respect them…yet they outright disrespect guys every chance they get. So, why would any normal, self-respecting guy would put up with the endless hostility?

  3. I agree with the majority of your points. I have been unmarried for 2 1/2 years. When I was, my husband was the provider and protector, for sure. We agreed when we married about the roles in our relationship would work for us best and any children we would have. I was a stay at home mom…there is a lot of work that comes with that. I did end up doing billing for my husband out of necessity but I did so when the kids were napping or they started school I would work part time at his office. At home, my husband handled all the finances, the home repairs, cars etc. and I orchestrated our family and social life. It worked out great! But when my husband got sick I needed to know how to do these things because we both knew his prognosis was grim. He was reluctant to let go and teach me…I don’t know why…hoping for a miracle maybe. The miracle did not happen. I was left with so much responsibility at home and with closing his practice that I couldn’t cope and went through a horrible time, horrible. I have learned so much and I think it’s important women know how to do things around the house and how to handle the finances, you never know if your man will always be there…I learned the hard way. Ladies, save yourself the grief. I am not opposed to maybe marrying again, but there are not many men who are single and that I would be compatible with. When men look at me and it’s not at my face but elsewhere I get embarrassed. And men can be crude. What am I supposed to think? I don’t put men down, I like men…I do not hate men, but c’mon I have been through so much, I want manners and some chivalry. Intelligence and kindness…something on the ball is nice, too. He doesn’t have to be rich, but comfortable for sure. And a good communicator. A relationship based on sex never works long term either. Let the man be a man, but have him teach you too. Just in case.

  4. James, you know very well that happiness is temporal thing. But Joy is for ever, the Joy that only our Lord Jesus Christ imparts in our hearts. No one can take that Joy away from you. So as soon as we give our hearts to God happiness is here now, gone the next minute.

    Best regards.

    Hugo

    • Can’t say I agree with that at all. But the good news is that we are all entitled to our own opinions and beliefs (or lack thereof).

      Really appreciate you taking the time to read and comment!

      – James

  5. men are pieces of garbage and we women can barely tolerate the sight of them. they are spoiled from birth by their mothers and we are supposed to date and pick up the slack when it becomes unnatural when that ridiculous scenario gets weird. every day is “man’s day” in this world. the sooner everyone admits it, the better off we will all be to move passed all the excuses.

  6. “A lot of women don’t put across the vibe that they even want a man to be romantic. I have had many a conversation with women who are completely unapproachable and closed off – who then told me they weren’t intending to be that way.”

    Good points in the article but what I’ve noticed over the last few years is this particular point: That there seems to be more and more women that are presenting themselves as unapproachable. Non-verbals are huge with me. Something I’ve noticed more than anything is the lack of “return serve” just on questions. I may start talking with a woman, asking her various questions and what I notice is there’s no “return serve.” “So what do you do for a living?” They respond. then, no “return serve” from her on asking what I do. I may followup with other questions. Again, no “return serve.” Then usually at some point, the interaction trails off because the vibe is that she’s not interested. Many times I’ve been told later on the woman was interested in me, which leads me to ask the question “Why? She doesn’t know anything about me and didn’t seem all that interested in knowing anything about me.” I’ve never been someone to “peacock” so I don’t just lay it all out there. This isn’t just a few times out of many where this is happening, this is happening more times than not. Which brings it back to your point about being unapproachable because, there’s no showing of being interested. Dating has just gotten very bizarre over the last 3-5 years and I’m not sure where the changes have come from. Is it just the times? Is how we socialize on social media now completely merged with how we communicate and socialize in the flesh? Who knows but, dating and relationships, for me, has turned to the point where, as you hypothesizes in this article, it’s something irrelevant in life and not worth the time.

  7. So basically this hipster alt-right douche thinks it’s all women’s fault? Yeah, big shock there.

    Honestly, instead of a stock photo, he should publish his own photo with the article. That way people would know not to read this tripe.

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