10 Reasons ‘Settling Down’ Doesn’t Mean You’re ‘Settling’

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I feel as though there is often an interesting negative stigma towards relationships in the younger generations – my own included. In an age of infinite options bombarding us daily in the form of Facebook posts, Pandora advertisements, and scrolling billboards, we are very seldom satisfied with anything anymore.

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To make matters worse, we have constantly evolving technology that makes us always want the next best thing. You’ve had your smartphone for two whole years? Talk about obsolete technology.

We can see why, then, there is a certain avoidance of commitment in other areas of life as well. Why commit to one man or woman if you are just going to ‘upgrade’ in a year or two anyway? You might as well just stay single and save yourself the frustration.

But – the problem presented here is that this way of living doesn’t actually provide anyone the fulfillment or satisfaction that we think it does. To pursue constant variety is to sacrifice stability. Security. Love. Real, intrinsic happiness that comes with building a bond with another human being.

The concept of ‘settling down’ doesn’t mean you are settling for less than you deserve. Here are five reasons why.

You build a deep, meaningful relationship.

As I was just starting to discuss, building an emotional connection with someone who is not only your lover, but also your best friend, will never leave you wondering who else is out there that might be ‘better.’ You will never feel like you are missing out on other parts of life because you now have someone who share that life with, and all of the joys that it brings.

You have an equal, a teammate, a partner, who will never hold you back – but help you become all that you’ve always wanted to be.

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You have someone who keeps you motivated.

Yes, motivation and ambition come from within and we should want to be happy and successful (whatever your personal definition of that is) whether we are single or in a relationship. But often times having a significant other in our life gives us a deeper meaning, someone who we want to make proud. An accountability partner. A person, most of all, we never want to let down.

Being in a relationship means having someone there who we want to be our best for.

You have a built-in date for all events.

Family holiday party? Awkward work event? Great charity fundraiser? All of these things are more fun with somebody by your side. Especially someone you love and care about.

Trust.

You should never have to worry about whether or not you can trust the person you’ve committed yourself to. This is not something that can be said for the random person you are going on a date with tonight that you’re still not sure about yet. There is a security in this kind of stability that only being in a relationship can bring.

You understand you don’t have to choose between your passions or your loved ones.

Too many people think they are going to have to stop doing the things that make them happy if they get into a relationship. Maybe they will lose focus on their career, not be able to travel as much, or have to cancel that white-water rafting trip.

On the contrary – being with the right person will only mean that you have somebody to share all of those great experiences with. Or if it is something you are going to do alone, being with the right person means you will have somebody waiting for you with open arms upon your return.

The right relationship should never hold you back in life, but encourage you to do everything that you love, because they want to see you happy.

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Even boring things become fun.

Suddenly, that trip to Bed Bath & Beyond just became an adventure because the person you have the most fun with is by your side.

You always get honest feedback.

While the person you love should never say anything hurtful or discouraging to you, they are also a person you should be able to count on for their honesty. This means sometimes telling you things that you need to hear rather than only what you want to hear – but only because they love you and want the best for you.

Two words: Better sex.

Sure, one night stands can be fun if that’s what you’re into, but many people stay single and dive head first into the hookup culture because they want to keep their options open and do whatever they want whenever they want.

What these people do not yet realize is that they are chasing things they will never find with that strategy. The basis of a real physical connection is a real emotional connection. The most fulfilling intimacy comes when you are with someone who you have built a bond with and have taken the time to learn about. Something that cannot happen in just one night together.

Less risk.

Let’s be honest – the hookup culture mentioned above is a breeding ground for some less-than-ideal risks that come along with it.

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You get to experience love.

Love is one of those rare, powerful, exciting emotions that we can only experience when we open ourselves up to another person. It makes us smile in the middle of the day for no reason. It gives us something and someone to look forward to every day. It makes you laugh louder and adds deeper layers into your life. It opens your heart to new emotions that make the very experience of living more vivid.

To truly love someone is to link your emotions to theirs. To share in their happiness and to lend them your strength to heal their pain. It is not the obligation, but the willingness to do whatever it takes to make them happy while they do the same for you.

It is something that bonds us to another person, that makes two “I’s” become a “we.”

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6 Comments

  1. Art on November 28, 2015 at 12:02 pm

    Excellent points and very well written

    • James Michael Sama on November 28, 2015 at 12:25 pm

      Thank you, Art!

      • Art on November 28, 2015 at 12:36 pm

        I am experiencing a lot of interesting stuff dating lately. (I am 48) and our writing has definitely helped me deal with it.



  2. Gina Scott Roberts on November 28, 2015 at 7:54 pm

    I had the relationship you discuss here–we set the record on both sides as the only ones in our generation that did not get divorced–and every point you made is a prime example of why it lasted as long as it did. My husband expressed on more than one occasion that he worried I had/felt like I had missed out on something because I didn’t have any relationships before him. I’m not sure I ever convinced him that I hadn’t because I had known for years before our first date that he was the only one I wanted. I wish I’d had this article to show him as it explains it better than I ever could.

    Once I was widowed, I’ll admit I toyed with the idea of ‘dating around’ to see what I had ‘missed’ but found it was nowhere near as fulfilling as what I’d had with him. Those temporary ‘relationships’ merely made me miss what I’d lost all the more.

  3. rlcarterrn on November 28, 2015 at 8:47 pm

    Amen. Great post. Having married my high school sweetheart in my early 20s, I never experienced the hook-up culture myself, & I’m so glad I didn’t. I don’t think I missed out on anything worthwhile. I’m sure some people obtain some enjoyment from it for a while, & that’s fine for them, but I’m still glad I never partook in it myself. Instead I’ve enjoyed many different experiences with the person who is both my lover & best friend.

  4. Not Settling! – My Cimmy Kinda Life on December 5, 2016 at 6:57 pm

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