7 Important Qualities Women Want In A Man


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The question “what do women want?” has multiple answers for multiple areas of life. What do they want in a career? What do they want in a relationship? What do they want in a man?

The way a woman wants to be treated in a relationship is different than the inherent qualities she wants the man she is with to have. So, what qualities put you at the front of the pack when looking for a committed relationship?



Nobody wants a partner who flies off the handle all the time or who they need to walk on eggshells around. Plus, two different people from two different backgrounds will likely see the world differently and need to take time to learn about each other.

Be patient and understanding, take the time to learn new things from her and to also help her learn new things from you. Don’t get frustrated easily and keep your temper at bay.


If you’re looking to keep a woman’s attention, manners matter, good looks are a bonus, but humor is a must.

Having a great sense of humor is essential in many different parts of life. It helps you deal with stress, and it also makes you more pleasant to be around. A man who can make a woman laugh will never lose, and when he can transplant that quality into other aspects of a relationship [when appropriate] it will always be a plus.


Notice, I didn’t say arrogance. Confidence plays into biological desires for us to want to “mate” with the leader of a pack or the “alpha” type. Confidence does not mean cockiness or someone who is so full of themselves that they can’t be bothered with those around them…

Confidence is a strong presence and purpose that is contagious. When you are confident, those around you can feed off of your energy and feel empowered. This, of course, includes your significant other.



Passion for life. Passion for your own interests. Passion for her.

How often do we hear that a relationship has “lost its passion” over time? Inevitably, this either leads to a continued, unhappy relationship – or the end of it. Keeping passion alive is essential to ongoing happiness in a relationship.

Don’t just be passionate towards her physically (though of course that is high on the list), also be passionate about her interests, her goals, and supporting her on her own individual journey.


Honesty is the foundation for so many other necessary qualities one can possess: Consistency, trustworthiness, dependability…

When a woman is confident that you are always being honest with her, she will have no reason to distrust or doubt you. Many women complain about men saying one thing and then doing another, whether it comes to committing to a relationship and then disappearing, or being shady about canceling plans.

The best bet is to always be up front – plus, if you lie, she will probably find out anyway.


When I was growing up, I would always wonder why women were attracted to men who never paid attention to them. Besides the stereotypical “want what you can’t have” mindset, I was told these guys were “mysterious.”

Mystery brings excitement, anticipation, and uncertainty. It also eliminates the risk of coming across as too needy or desperate, if you have a hint of mystery to you. (It’s very important to not display indifference or apathy, that is a much different message to send).

You also don’t have to lose your mystery in a long term relationship. Surprise her with a night/weekend away or special plans now and then. Keep things exciting, and always remember it’s the little things that count the most.



No matter how many misconceptions there are out there that women want to be treated badly – they don’t. Nobody does. Kindness also suggests being respectful towards her, and others (also very important).

When it comes to actually committing to someone for a long term relationship, kindness is essential. This is a person that a woman is picturing spending time with their friends, their family, and potentially building a family with in the future. Anything less than kindness is unacceptable.


Of course, every person is different and wants different things from their partner. Generally speaking though, these qualities will not only increase your chances at a happy relationship, but also at a happy life.

The good news is, you can work on and improve yourself in order to consciously display everything here.

Just remember – don’t make it an act, always be genuine in your actions.


Click here to get my new e-book, The Modern Man’s Guide To Chivalry And Courtship!



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  1. trietnguyen1982 on April 2, 2015 at 12:22 pm

    Thank you very much for your post.

  2. Miss flyness on April 2, 2015 at 1:51 pm

    Yaass:-)I love the humor part especially.

  3. Daniel Watts on April 2, 2015 at 2:24 pm

    Hi James, another interesting article. I agree with you on most of your stuff but not all. I was interested in your opinion on something, you’ve repeatedly stated women don’t want to be treated badly. And I’ve met more than my fair share of women like that to know it’s somewhat true. What does baffle me though is something like 50 Shades of Grey. I didn’t read the book my self, but out of sheer curiosity i read quite a lot about the characters and the plot details of the book. The male protagonist is an asshole, a rich, handsome, confident asshole but nevertheless an asshole. I’ve read of few characters that vile in my life time. Yet he’s become a sex symbol and a lot of women, even educated, intelligent women seem to fawn over him. Why? If as we all hope that women hate be treated the way many men treat them, why would they find someone so abusive attracting? I’m really curious as to your opinion on this.
    Thanks and keep up the good work

    • ralanist on April 2, 2015 at 5:29 pm

      I do believe, Daniel, that the kind of women that are attracted to any kind of abusive way are the ones that we need to stay away from. If you take a look on the qualities that Michael has gotten together you can always think on someone that was attracted to the exact opposite: Some girls love the thrill of a fast paced relationship (patience); Others, will go away when they feel the pressure of having someone really passionate besides them and won’t be willing to push forward to move at the same pace (passion); Even, some women will be really attracted to a really mysterious kind of guy that is less trustworthy than a convicted thief. Heck, some women will get used to a good treatment and find that a guy that is kind and attentive to them is boring (Of course, one has to control oneself, but you get the point)

      Being attracted to those opposites is, in fact, fun for them! Drama in paper is fun, A thrilling and unstable relationship is what books are made of, but in real life those relationships are not sustainable. So I do believe that if your spider-sense is tingling when you meet a girl that may be looking for the trill of that kind of stuff in her relationships, the best you can do is move away and seek for someone. So instead of wondering why they like them, the best for us is just to ignore them and move forward to someone that will certainly appreciate a respectful, constructive relationship.

      • Daniel Watts on April 3, 2015 at 4:37 am

        That made alot of sense, thank you

  4. janicej10 on April 3, 2015 at 5:02 pm

    I totally agree but would like to add one more from a woman’s perspective: understanding. As I mentioned in my dating blog( https://datewilliam.wordpress.com/2015/03/29/steps-to-the-ideal-relationship/) “The ideal relationship is that you do not need to tell him what you want and what you think. He can know it from your eyes, from your gesture, from what he knew about you before”.

    • Kelly on April 11, 2015 at 2:58 pm

      From my woman’s perspective, I strongly disagree. Clear communication is absolutely necessary in any relationship. I don’t want to have to go around guessing what he wants based on a look in his eyes or a gesture and I’m sure men would agree. Assuming what someone wants that they have not communicated to you is going to lead to all kinds of problems. Your position strikes me as rather romantic and naive.

    • Kelly on April 11, 2015 at 3:01 pm

      Oh, Jeebus, I just clicked on your link.

      Just one example: “The short cut is training him like your pet, if he does things right, you need to reward him if he fails to do so, try another way to communicate.”

      That has to be a joke. If you want a puppy, get a puppy. If you want an equal partner in a relationship, treat them like a friggin’ human being.

      • Janice on April 11, 2015 at 9:13 pm

        Thank you for your comments!Yeah, I admit that my point here may be too extreme. People is indeed more complex than pet and treating man like pets is not respective. But sometimes, direct communication cannot work well and people cannot always express what they really think of so some indirect way may help. By the way, I have to say that because I have some Eastern culture background and it may have more so called “go around guessing”.

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