Why You Should Never Settle For Less Than You Deserve


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Every now and then I get feedback from readers telling me that my articles portray unrealistic figures or people, who don’t really exist.

No man can live up to the standards set to be a good man, and the type of woman men are looking for seems to be the stuff of rom-coms.

No man or woman? Seven billion people in the world, and, nobody? 

I may not always meet the standards that I set for myself, but I have made a pledge to do my damnedest. Nobody is perfect, and perhaps filling every single point in these articles, all the time, is ‘impossible’ – as much as I hate to use that word.

Though, as Vince Lombardi said: Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence.

You, my friend, deserve someone who will wake up every morning and look you in the eye with the pledge of being the best that they can, both for themselves and for you. You deserve someone who will make you feel empowered, encouraged, and invincible. Someone who makes you believe that maybe fairy tales have some truth rooted in them. Someone who makes you feel like everything will be okay, just by smiling at you. Not only a lover, but a best friend. A teammate in not only your relationship, but in life.

Don’t you?

They are out there. I believe when two people truly connect and care for each other, they will do these things for each other without even trying. The connection formed will give you hope and strength. Sharing in the happiness of the man or woman you love will enhance your own happiness as well. The sun will shine brighter and your accomplishments will feel just a little more fulfilling, because you now have someone to share them with. I believe that while this is difficult to find, life is too short to settle for anything less.

Of course circumstances get in the way. Life happens, and it’s unpredictable. We have all had curveballs thrown at us, and we certainly do not all wake up on the real life set of The Notebook – but that doesn’t mean we can’t find what we all want: Happiness.


Happiness is not a product of perfection. Happiness is a product of progress. Striving to be better. Love. Caring. Respect. Loyalty. Focusing on what matters, and forgetting what doesn’t.

Is a list written by some guy on the internet the ideal set of characteristics for a man or a woman? Obviously not. Can it be used for self-reflection and understanding who you want to be as a person? Absolutely.

So – for the sake of your very own quality of life, pledge to yourself that you will set a standard for what you will and won’t accept from a romantic partner, and then stick to it. Some people might call it being ‘too picky’ – I just call it refusing to accept less than you deserve.

You’re not perfect. The person you’re with isn’t perfect. But, if you refuse to settle for less than you deserve, you just might find someone who’s perfect for you.

Trust me.


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  1. Ryan on February 17, 2015 at 12:59 am

    thanks for the reminder. with the last few months ive had after my breakup, this is a great reminder of the future that has yet to come.

  2. Kimi Starr on February 17, 2015 at 2:06 am

    Thanks James! I believe that somehow, somewhere in the world there will always be a good man and woman. It just so happens that the world has changed to become quite selfish that fewer people are ideal. I have met and read about these couples who have happy lives. I have met my own ideal man who is a respectful gentleman. He may not be perfect for others, but indeed he is for me 🙂

  3. jonathan on February 17, 2015 at 7:17 pm

    I enjoy your articles, James. Although, I haven’t walked the same paths as many of the commenters. My best friend, a lady, always says ‘ what a friend of your caliber, deserves’
    I met someone last year, that truly fits in, with this article. I once sent her a postcard ” never underestimate the value of a caring friend” I had a dream back in 2003 about this lady. I was living in NJ and she lived by a lighthouse that was foreign to my state. Fast forward 11 years and the same lighthouse in my dream is in Michigan, not far from where my current girlfriend lives. 🙂

  4. Gorgeousmane on February 19, 2015 at 12:26 am

    Reblogged this on Gorgeousmane and commented:
    I completely agree. And this is my new motto when it comes to relationships.

  5. mim on February 19, 2015 at 3:02 am

    Reblogged this on THE 2wenty 3hree AVENUE.

  6. Manisha Tajne on March 4, 2015 at 10:04 pm

    No man or woman? Seven billion people in the world, and, nobody? – So True!
    Great post! why to settle for less.

  7. Surovi Salgado on November 3, 2015 at 4:08 am

    This spoke to my heart, thank you for the constant reality check and inspiration. I love your blog posts!

  8. Sarah on January 2, 2016 at 10:50 am

    I’m so tired of being told by friends and family that I need to stop being so picky or I’ll never find someone. What’s worse is that these comments usually come after I’ve said that he made me uncomfortable, was pushy sexually, had given me back handed compliments all night, etc. I was even given a hard time by many people after I walked away from a guy who I thought was great because after two months of regular dating, many mixed messages and a difficult conversation, he basically told me he wasn’t that into me. I was told I should be more patient, that he might come around, that I had to have more hope.

    It’s painful enough to put yourself out there and repeatedly have encounters where you just don’t connect with the other person, or worse, something feels off (read: I felt disrespected and/or my boundaries were crossed consistently). It’s hard to have to let somebody down when you know they are into you, and it’s even harder to be on the receiving end of that rejecting. But possible the hardest thing is to then turn to a friend for comfort, because it’s always disappointing when you have a close call that doesn’t work out, and that friend tells you that you shouldn’t be so picky. It’s a subtle blow to the self esteem that rivals the rejection itself when the ones you love imply that you don’t deserve, are not worthy of, or will never find a relationship in which you feel respected, loved, safe and happy. These are the basics, and sure, relationships take work and evolve, but why is it consisted unreasonable and picky to have basic standards for yourself and for others? Picky is “I don’t like his car”, having standards is “I don’t like the way I feel around him”.

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