15 Small Things That Are Actually Big Things To Her

15 WAYS TO KNOW YOU'RE DATING A GENTLEMAN

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The small things you do for a woman are the ones that mean the most. Why? Because those are the things that show her you’re willing to put effort in for her, just because. No holiday or special occasion needed.

A good boyfriend or husband knows that any man who waits until Valentine’s day to romance the woman in his life is missing the point 364 days out of the year. He also understands that while grand romantic gestures are great, the thought put into everyday activities is even better.

Here are fifteen small things that actually have a big impact.

smallthings1

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Remember her friend’s names.

She’s told you about Susie at least 17 times since you’ve been together, not referring to her as “You know, that girl with the weird eyebrows” will let her know that you actually pay attention when she speaks – especially about things that may not involve you directly.

Clean up after yourself.

The cave men out there have given all of us guys the unjust reputation of being complete slobs. There are three possible scenarios here:

1: You have your own place which she visits, in which case she will appreciate you keeping it clean.

2: You share a place, in which case she will really appreciate you keeping it clean.

3: She has her own place and you spend time there, in which case it is imperative that you help keep it clean.

It’s not really that hard.

Actually tell her how you feel.

Men are notorious for not being open and honest about their feelings, and just like you tell women you’re not a mind-reader, neither are they. She will appreciate you respecting her enough to open up to her.

smallthings2

Don’t pressure her into anything.

Guilt trips are never cool, no matter how small the issue is.

Don’t criticize her food/drink choices.

“Are you really going to eat that?” “Are you sure you want another drink?” Yes, she is. And now she’s going to order two because of your stupid comment.

Don’t take forever to respond to her text.

You don’t have to be completely glued to your phone, but you probably are anyway. If she texts you, at least have the courtesy to text her back in a reasonable amount of time. It will show her that she is a priority to you even when you’re busy. It just takes a few seconds.

Watch what she wants to watch.

Maybe you couldn’t care less about the Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills, but being in a relationship isn’t always about only taking part in your own interests, it’s also about taking part in things that your partner enjoys, even if it’s not your favorite. Plus, you will get bonus points and probably get to pick the next movie you go see.

Learn to cook.

If you don’t already know how, learn at least one or two dishes to make for her now and then. It doesn’t have to be anything extravagant, and women think it’s sexy when you’re in the kitchen. Sounds like a win to me.

smallthings4

Give her massages.

She’s had a long day. And even if she hasn’t, why would any guy complain about this? It’s an excuse to get physically close to her and make her feel relaxed. As if you needed an excuse for that, though.

Take her on a date.

It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together, you should never stop dating. Whether it is out to dinner or a night on the town, it is important to not let things get stale. Give her a good reason to dress up and go out.

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Whatever you’re getting, get her one too.

Going out to grab a coffee? Getting up to get some water? Don’t come back empty handed. Even though it’s something tiny, she will appreciate your thoughtfulness.

Give her space.

The only thing worse than a guy who doesn’t give her enough attention is a guy who gives her too much attention. Sometimes she just wants to read a book or watch a trashy TV show by herself. Respect her alone time, it will allow her to rest and reset, and she will love you for it (especially if she doesn’t have to ask).

smallthings5

Listen. Just listen.

Men are naturally problem solvers. When we hear about an issue we are compelled to attempt to come up with a suggestion or solution. When a woman vents to you, that’s not what she’s looking for. She wants you to simply listen and at least make an attempt to understand.

She doesn’t want you to give her the answer, but the support she needs to figure it out on her own.

Don’t talk badly about your ex(es).

Women understand that how you speak about those from your past is usually more of a reflection of you than it is of them. Someday, if your relationship ends, you are basically predicting to her how you’re going to talk to your friends or your next girlfriend about her. Not very reassuring.

Go shopping with her.

Dude, it’s Saturday, and you’re not doing anything anyway. If she wants to go to the mall, just go with her – but be in good spirits about it. I never understood why so many guys have a problem with this. You get to go and help her pick out clothing that makes her look sexy, and then you get to see her wear it later on, it’s a win win.

Just don’t be a downer while you’re there or it will do more harm than good. Oh, and offer to carry her bags. Just offer.

As Robert Brault said: Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.

Click here to get my new e-book, The Modern Man’s Guide To Chivalry And Courtship!

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70 Comments

  1. 8in8 on September 1, 2014 at 3:27 am

    Thank you
    Blog fantastic
    Good luck
    ………………..
    http://www.8ii.in

  2. mandawritesthings on September 3, 2014 at 12:09 am

    Yes to all of this!

  3. Jane on September 3, 2014 at 8:38 pm

    This is mostly true except for the part about the ex.. I don’t want him to praise his ex, but I do want him to tell me where she went wrong so I don’t do the same.

  4. Randy on September 6, 2014 at 3:00 am

    must disagree with the texting one. many are *not* glued to cell phone. some do not have a keyboard. i cannot answer a text when i am receiving one asking why i haven’t answered yet. i do not drive but if i were driving for hours a reasonable time to answer would be at least that amount of time. on to the cooking part. cooking is nice but washing dishes is better. remembering her friends names is good. remembering that she likes barbecue sauce instead of ketchup for her french fries is big time points. i’m gonna stop before this becomes a best selling novel. oh one last thing, look in her eyes with a smile when you talk to her. i can’t help doing that with my tonya.

  5. Lexi Herrick on September 8, 2014 at 12:12 pm

    I really love this. I write about love too, this is one of my most recent articles that I wrote about being in love, I think you may enjoy it!

    http://serendipityandcreativity.com/2014/09/04/25-moments-that-make-being-in-love-so-incredible/comment-page-1/#comment-863

  6. austin was here on September 17, 2014 at 12:19 pm

    Sounds like someone is bitch whipped

    • James Michael Sama on September 17, 2014 at 12:22 pm

      Who is this “someone” you’re speaking of, Austin? Not sure how being kind and respectful makes a guy “bitch whipped.”

      • jdane on September 19, 2014 at 8:29 pm

        Aaaaand there’s the White Knight, right on cue!



      • poop on October 8, 2014 at 7:40 pm

        James



      • Ryan on January 10, 2015 at 5:40 am

        You’re definitely not bitch whipped. There are some things I disagree with in this article, though.. it’s about the food one. I think it’s perfectly reasonable to ask your significant other, if they have been drinking much, that maybe they should slow down. If she gets angry that you ask something like, “Are you sure you want another drink?” and ends up ordering two more in spite, then that’s immature and missing the point (caring about your girlfriend and whether she is having too much to drink). If your example was related to non-alcoholic drinks, then I can understand. Also, the cup of water thing is a little far fetched (solely the cup of water example). If your girlfriend gets upset every time that you didn’t grab her a cup of water, or a small snack, then she is overreacting. Although I am the kind of person that would offer to grab it as I was getting up and going into the kitchen, I do believe that I would forget to ask sometimes, and that it should be okay. One last thing: the texting. My girlfriend would be one of the most important people in my life (up there along with family). So, reading and responding to her texts would be very important, but if I can’t text back immediately due to business (work), or driving, it shouldn’t be a big deal. The “What took you so long to respond?” texts that sound like they are questioning my faithfulness sometimes are a huge deal. My faithfulness shouldn’t be questioned just because it took me 30 minutes to respond to a text message. Lol. Anyway, these are just my opinions, so to each his own. I did find some nice advice in this article though, and it was short and to the point. I enjoyed it.



      • Leedix on January 16, 2015 at 11:58 am

        Being kind and respectful does not make you B whipped; it rather means you are enough of a man and a gentleman to realize there are others besides yourself.



    • alisha on December 23, 2014 at 3:10 pm

      Bitch whipped? Its called respect. You must be single. Loser.

    • Victoria on January 7, 2015 at 3:55 pm

      Its not called bitch whipped…its called being a man. What us women really want, just like how mean what respect. Don’t know why you have to be so rude. 🙁

  7. […] 15 Small Things That Are Actually Big Things To Her. […]

  8. Marisa on September 18, 2014 at 10:17 am

    I’d definitely agree with all of these. And while you don’t necessarily need to do each and every one of them, it doesn’t hurt to at least pick a handful that aren’t outside the realm of possibilities. While I love my boyfriend, I’d also love if we didn’t have to watch what he wants to watch every single time we have movie night. Not that I don’t like action or comedy.. but I’m a sucker for ridiculous Korean dramas and I wish he’d sit through them once in a while with me. AND at least pretend to pay attention!

  9. 15 Signs You’re With A Good Man | James Michael Sama on September 28, 2014 at 12:19 pm

    […] Do you need a prescription filled but have to stay late at work? Did you mention an art exhibit coming to town and he made plans to take you to see it? Regardless of how small certain things seem, he will understand they are really the big things that matter most. […]

  10. […] The small things you do in a relationship are quite often actually the big things, because they show you are willing to put in effort for your teammate for no reason. No holiday or special occasion required. You don’t need a date on a calendar to show your love. You just need, well, the love. […]

  11. […] The small things you do in a relationship are quite often actually the big things, because they show you are willing to put in effort for your teammate for no reason other than that you care and want to make them happy. No holiday or special occasion required. You don’t need a date on a calendar to show your love. You just need, well, the love. […]

  12. JiLoa on December 17, 2014 at 4:12 am

    At the end you say “Offer to carry her bags. Just offer.” do you mean you shouldn’t insist on carrying the bags but only offer to do so? I have that tendency to offer more than once.

    • JiLoa on December 17, 2014 at 4:29 am

      I have a query about something and or a topic for a blog, if you haven’t already posted about it. Is there some way to contact you? Apologises for going off topic.

  13. Ryan on December 23, 2014 at 4:55 pm

    I agree with doing those things. The only one that sucks is the mall. I hate shopping and i hate the masses of idiots jammed into one place. They don’t always want to go to the mall for sexy lingerie either. So the mall i can pass on most of the time. It’s not like i drag her to guitar center to aimlessly watch me try out numerous guitars. I’m not saying i won’t EVER go to the mall with her, but sometimes i enjoy not doing shit on Saturday after a long ass work week.

  14. Sarah on December 28, 2014 at 10:57 pm

    Best article I’ve ever read. ON. POINT.

  15. shultzm15 on January 11, 2015 at 3:02 pm

    You just gained another Subscriber for your page on Facebook-(me), because of this article! Great write-up!

    This is the exact way every guy should be in life to his partner! Can’t wait for your other great articles to come! Best Regards – M@thew

  16. […] Originally appeared at JamesMSama.com  […]

  17. Nate on January 14, 2015 at 5:38 am

    Okay so there are a lot of good points here and it is definitely a good thing to practice these tips although in my opinion, any woman that expects all of these to be met consistently has unrealistic expectations. My first priority is not making sure that the woman ‘feels good’ in the moment but that her needs are met because that is my responsibility. There are a lot of bootlickers out there feeding the feminists, but I won’t be a part of that.

  18. Zachary Hansen on January 14, 2015 at 10:31 am

    In other words be a gentleman.

  19. John on January 14, 2015 at 4:11 pm

    These all seem like important things a girl should do for a guy as well.

    • James Michael Sama on January 14, 2015 at 4:12 pm

      Yep! But this blog is written from the male perspective, so I talk more often about things men should do.

  20. Randy on January 15, 2015 at 1:36 am

    You could have just said “Put her happiness above yours” it has to go both ways for a relationship to work but if you sincerely love a person all the above listed items just happen.

    • James Michael Sama on January 15, 2015 at 9:40 am

      Sure, I could have! But that wouldn’t have been nearly as interesting of an article.

  21. […] article originally appeared at JamesMSama.com and is reprinted in partnership with The Good Men […]

  22. Apple Codilla on January 26, 2015 at 7:43 pm

    Awesome 🙂
    “Sometimes” its good to somehow feel these from your man. My man is into his guitar but still he can put it just to be with me. 🙂

  23. 15 Small things you can do to bring her closer on February 3, 2015 at 11:29 am

    […] Originally appeared at JamesMSama.com  […]

  24. Craig on February 7, 2015 at 3:12 pm

    let me say first that I agree with all of this. I was raised this way so doing these things is second nature. However, this blog Is written is such a douche bag, “good guy” manner that is makes me sick. I don’t know if guys out there need to read this to understand women but that way this post was written is like a condescending university douche telling you how to treat a woman. Not a fan.

  25. […] James Michael Sama / August 30, 2014 […]

  26. kitvalmadrid on March 5, 2015 at 11:19 am

    Reblogged this on Find the joy in your life… and commented:
    Don’t pressure her into anything.

    Guilt trips are never cool, no matter how small the issue is.

  27. iljean on March 23, 2015 at 8:55 am

    how do i get my bf to read this?

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  43. yoursavannah on July 1, 2015 at 4:20 am

    Reblogged this on introvertspeaksrandomly and commented:
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  45. Billy on July 15, 2015 at 9:24 am

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  47. 15 Signs You’re With A Good Man | on October 26, 2015 at 2:33 pm

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  51. 7 Important Qualities Women Want In A Man - on December 3, 2015 at 6:02 pm

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  52. 15 Signs You’re With A Good Man on December 13, 2015 at 6:04 am

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15 WAYS TO KNOW YOU'RE DATING A GENTLEMAN

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