Why Romance Is Not Just For Fairy Tales
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I received a message earlier from a reader that I thought raised an interesting topic of discussion. The message read as follows:
Hello James! So… I have to propose a question to you that a friend recently asked me. First you should know that I am an avid daily reader of your blog and I frequently encourage friends to check it out which is how this question was presented to me. That being said, my friend recently asked me if I thought that women were being led to find discontent in their current relationships by reading the “fairy tale ideas” that you presented. I found this to be an interesting idea, but thought I would defer this one to the author himself to see what your thoughts were!
Upon further discussion with her, I confirmed my immediate suspicion that her friend, was a man. Her friend had to be a man, because if a woman was being made to feel discontent in her current relationship by something someone on the internet writes, it is likely that she has been awoken to what a happy, healthy relationship is – and she is not in one. So it had to be a man because, dare I say, he may be a little concerned that he is not working to meet the standards that I present in my articles.
I understand that he is trying to probably be a little funny, but mostly serious, when he says “fairy tale ideas,” because as we all know – fairy tales are not real. So what he’s really asking is, “Isn’t James setting women’s expectations too high when it comes to finding a man who is actually going to treat them with the love, respect, and adoration that they deserve?“
This idea can only be perpetrated by someone who is supposed to be on the giving end of this love. It can only come from this angle because if he simply made the choice to court a woman, build a relationship with her, and learn about her loves, passions, and desires, he would understand that a “fairy tale” romance is entirely possible.
Am I claiming that a relationship won’t have problems? That it’s possible to find “perfection”? No, of course not. Believe it or not I do live in the real world and I understand that disagreements and mis-communications happen. Additionally, anyone who knows anything about my personal life knows that I am more aware than most that circumstances you cannot control can easily come between two people in a relationship. But I also understand that a healthy relationship is about how you handle these issues when they arise, and not whether or not they ever arise in the first place.
That being said, everything that I write in my articles, I do myself. I would never say “a gentleman should do this” if I have never at least made an attempt to do it in the past. That would make me a hypocrite and make all of my articles just…yes…fairy tales. Do I say this to make myself sound like some sort of perfect man? No. I have as many flaws (probably more) as the next guy – but I say it to give an example that it is possible to be a man who works to make the woman in his life feel like she is in a fairy tale, if that’s what she wants.
If two people both desire this kind of love and romance, if they are both willing to put in the necessary effort and make the right choices in order to create this type of relationship; if they are willing to communicate instead of fight; do small things for each other often to show they care; and rise above all of the noise put forth in modern society to live the lives that they choose together – what is stopping them from living a fairy tale romance?
Nothing, that’s what.
You see, our society seems to place things outside of peoples’ reality. There are two types of people who see a Ferrari on the street: The type that gawks at it and feels a bit of sadness that they will never be able to own one, and then there are the types of people who approach the driver and ask if they can call in 5 years to buy it. Because if they can have it, why can’t you?
The same goes for relationships. There are people who see what they would want in a partner whether it be in a grandparents’ marriage or in a romantic movie, and then they look at their own one-sided relationship where they don’t get the love and respect they deserve. They become sad and lonely because “people like that don’t really exist.”
Then there are the types of people who recognize what they deserve, stand up, and say “I’m not gonna take this anymore, dammit.” The types of people who are willing to create the type of relationship they want, and just need the right teammate to do it with. And guess what? The right type of teammate will not be someone who thinks that a happy, healthy relationship is the stuff of fairy tales.
The only question left to ask is – which type of person are you?
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Excellent points, James. I know how tempting it is for a man to “yeah but” everything you say in this piece. That tells me his mind is operating in the wrong mode. It’s the mode of resentment and anger for not GETTING more in his marriage. Giving is the mode we must start in every day.
I love this: “The types of people who are willing to create the type of relationship they want, and just need the right teammate to do it with. And guess what? The right type of teammate will not be someone who thinks that a happy, healthy relationship is the stuff of fairy tales.”
I wrote a very similar piece here if you’re willing to share it with your readers. Love your stuff and your commitment. Thanks for what you do!
As always such a great post. I love that you immediately, detected that the gentleman making the inquiry……posed his theory because perhaps he wasn’t meeting his teammates deserved standards. Men use that tactic a lot to cop out of meeting a woman’s standards. Causing the woman to think, that she’s asking for too much or that she’s set standards to high for any man.
This is interesting, your answer is tactful and true.
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN
What sewlovable said. If i find a woman who has high expectations, ill jump on it and give it my best. If I fall short, I’ll be happy with the fact I tried instead of making ‘yea but’ excuses or copping out. The relationship is about what you put into it, not take.