Why Men Need To Keep Their Edge

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As someone who publishes articles on the topics of romance, chivalry, and gentlemen being the new bad boys, it may come as a surprise to some of you to see an article about men needing to maintain an “edge,” but let me explain.

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Much of what I talk about is men being men. Yes, we should see women as equals and never disrespect or mistreat them, but that is a separate issue in itself. We can still be respectful towards women and keep our identity as a man.

If we want to be attractive to the woman in our life, we cannot become pieces of mush that they walk all over. Being chivalrous and romantic is not about being entirely submissive. Cooperation and compromise are not the same as self sacrifice, which I think is a common misconception. Men take things too far, do everything the woman in their life says, and then wonder why they cannot keep her happy in the long run.

Here is the harsh truth – she stopped respecting you. She stopped respecting you because you became a doormat. You became her puppy, almost, dare I say, her servant. Men need to keep our edge because it is the root of our sex appeal. We need to keep our edge because it is what makes us exciting. We need to keep our edge because it is what makes us men.

Gender roles are going further and further out the window. Men are staying home to take care of the kids, helping to cook and clean and do laundry. As we should. We should be pulling our weight in a relationship in different ways than our predecessors. The line down the middle of “men do this, women do that,” is blurred – if not entirely erased.

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While this is largely a good thing, it can be dangerous for men. It can be dangerous because we can easily become too malleable and try to fit into this mold of flexibility so much, that we find ourselves losing sight of who we really are. We try so hard to define what the “modern man” looks like, that we lose sight of our roots. We don’t have to erase ourselves and start from scratch, we can take the base we already have and build upon it.

Women don’t want men who drift too far into one direction. They don’t want a man who is emotionally cold and grunts while he chugs beer out of his huge beer stein and chomps on the leg of whatever he beat over the head with a club earlier in the day. This man will never be able to give her what she needs to be emotionally satisfied.

They also don’t want to come home to find you crying at the television during a Hallmark commercial. This man will never take enough of a masculine role in order to make her feel like a woman.

We have to find ourselves in the middle. We have to understand that we can still be men while also having the softness that is required to really relate to the woman in our life. We have to show her that she can rely on us. That we can protect her, even if she doesn’t need it. That we can provide for her, even if she makes more money than us. That we will be her man.

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Keep her excited. Keep her attracted to you. Keep her respecting you as you respect her. This is what will keep your relationship fresh. You can do all of this and still be nice – Nice guys do not finish last, boring guys do.

You don’t have to be a bad boy or a nice guy, you can be both. Challenge her, seduce her, empower her. But also love, honor, and value her.

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9 Comments

  1. rlcarterrn on August 18, 2014 at 11:38 pm

    Great post! There is so much truth here. I especially love what you said at the end: “Nice guys don’t finish last. Boring guys do.” So true! Modern women want to be respected & expect men to help out around the house, but we do still want & need men to be men. Just as modern men appreciate women who have their own career & aren’t completely helpless with finances & such things & yet men still want us to be feminine in at least some ways. Some people says it’s unfair. But I think it’s just biology.

    • James Michael Sama on August 18, 2014 at 11:39 pm

      Yes!! Fantastic comment, couldn’t have said it better myself. 🙂

    • njmamma on August 19, 2014 at 11:32 am

      Ditto! I have two doors, they each have a doormat. I don’t want one lying in the bed next to me.

      • James Michael Sama on August 19, 2014 at 11:32 am

        Haha, that’s great njmamma!



  2. Nikki Babie on August 21, 2014 at 12:29 am

    Reblogged this on THE OFFICIAL NIKKI BABIE BLOG.

  3. Jeff on August 22, 2014 at 11:28 am

    Uhhhh I’m still confused. What am I supposed to do?

  4. […] men, we need to keep our edge but still always remain loving and respectful. The truth is, a man who is too nice will never keep […]

  5. […] men, we need to keep our edge but still always remain loving and respectful. The truth is, a man who is too nice will never keep […]

  6. Cherise Reuben on April 25, 2016 at 12:38 pm

    i just broke up with a guy who didn’t have an edge. nicest guy ever; too nice. he made me uncomfortable because i couldn’t be my edgy self. he was too perfect and so i could never be myself b/c i feared if i did, he would hit the road anyway. I’m not a nasty person, but I’m not perfect either. don’t want to be around a guy with no edge.

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