10 Qualities Of The Ultimate Relationship
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Perfection, as we know, is not attainable. One of the reasons why it’s not attainable is that it has a different meaning for everyone. What one person defines as “perfection” could be completely different from another.
Furthermore, perfection doesn’t allow room for real life. It doesn’t allow room for personality, for nuances, for the very things that make people and relationships beautiful.
What we can strive for, though, is finding what we could consider the “ultimate” relationship for us. When that one person walks into your life and makes you realize why it never worked out with anyone else.
What does this type of relationship look like?
There is no judgment.
Happiness in a relationship comes from two teammates who are able to be open and honest with each other. That honesty comes from being comfortable to open up and know that you will not be judged.
When you’re sharing your life with someone, there is no room for discomfort, secrets, or lies. Especially secrets or lies that are forced by the inability to be genuine with your teammate.
The right person for you will support and encourage you on your journey to becoming the person you want to be, but they will also love you as the person you already are – no judgment allowed.
You have discussions, not fights.
It’s natural to face conflicts when you spend a lot of time with any person, but a healthy relationship will resolve any issues by discussing their opinions and stances in order to understand each other better and reach a solution they both agree on. Frequent nasty, vindictive fights are a sign to re-evaluate your ‘relationship.’
There is mutual support.
Whether or not you share each others’ passions or life ambitions, when you truly care about someone you want to see them succeed and be happy in whatever they love. This means standing beside them, not in their way, when they dedicate effort towards pursuing a goal.
You are frequently intimate.
Let’s face it, this is a big part of a relationship – and it’ll be easy to tell if you’re in a good place together or not.
There is unwavering mutual respect.
This one needs no explanation – mutual respect between partners in a relationship is paramount to its success. Honesty, trust, friendship, and intimacy all grow from this foundation. Without respect, there is nothing else.
I’m not sure why this one is so difficult to grasp, but if your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to go out with their friends who they haven’t seen in awhile, what’s the harm? A solid relationship won’t be shaken by this simple act and you’ll know they’ll be back in your arms at the end of the night or the next day. Nothing to see here, kids – move along.
If your partner doesn’t trust you, and you’ve given them no reason to feel this way, it is possible they are projecting their own infidelities or insecurities onto you.
In the “ultimate” relationship, both partners have earned each others’ trust and would never do anything to betray it.
While of course you should be compatible with your teammate, that doesn’t mean that you will automatically love every single thing they love, and vice versa. If you truly care for someone and their happiness, you will be willing to watch, do, see, and experience things they enjoy, as they would do for you in return.
Without compromise, we can easily find our relationships resembling a see-saw with a huge boulder on one side, the distribution never shifts.
In this case, the boulder represents the wants and needs of one partner. There should be an equal amount of balance in order to keep you both happy and satisfied.
You understand you both have a past, but that’s where it stays.
When animosity or bitterness from or towards a previous relationship is brought into a new situation, it’s like taking a shower and putting the same dirty clothes back on again after. You’re not really starting fresh.
Two mature teammates will accept the fact that they are (probably) not the first person their partner has ever been with, and understand that those experiences have shaped him/her into the person they are today.
In reality – these experiences should actually be seen as a good thing, because they ultimately created the person you fell in love with.
You have similar goals or dreams for your future.
We can’t expect our significant other to have an identical plan for their future as we do (See: Compromise and mutual support), but it is reasonable to desire similarities when building a life with someone.
Like any team, as a relationship is, the results are best when the members are working towards a common goal together. This goal could even be something so simple as self-improvement. If one teammate is dedicating their life to personal growth, and the other is content with how things are and never displays a desire for change, then this can easily create resentment and tension over time.
You never lose sight of the little things.
The small things you do for someone are what count the most. These are the actions that show your partner that you’re willing to put in effort for them, just because. No special occasion or holiday required. You don’t need a schedule to show someone you love them.
A happy, healthy relationship will consist of two partners willing to put in equal effort, consistently. Great relationships are not about give and take, they’re about give and give.
When these little things start to fade is when the strength of the relationship will start to become more questionable. Do they really appreciate you? Do they still care as much as they once did? Is our relationship becoming stronger over time, or weaker?
Once you start asking yourself these questions, it is time to address them and find real answers.
Every person who reads this will have a different image of their “ultimate” relationship in their mind. The key thing is to understand that it is possible to achieve, as long as both teammates are willing to put in the effort to uphold the integrity of the wants and desires.
Does it sound like work? That’s because relationships can be – but that’s what makes the great ones so rewarding.
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EXCLUSIVE ADVICE & OFFERS RIGHT TO YOUR INBOX (NO SPAM)
[…] ***Here’s a great article that I believe explains what the ultimate relationship should look like. Notice I said ULTIMATE, not perfect. I believe if you have the qualities listed here, the romance & passion will NOT die over time; they will only grow stronger. http://jamesmsama.com/2014/07/09/10-qualities-of-the-ultimate-relationship/ […]
Great post! I couldn’t agree more (as usual). I just shared this on my own blog b/c it tied in perfectly with what I was already posting today.
Reblogged this on Danz Social Blog and commented:
Absolutely correct. I wouldn’t see it otherwise.
Hi, I’m not sure if you get emails through this address, but here’s hoping. I am in desparate need of some advice! Every relationship I’ve been in previously has consisted of abuse, lies, cheating and generally feeling like absolute crap about myself… until January this year. I met my now-boyfriend on a blind date set up by my sister and we immediately clicked. We’ve been basically inseperable and he’s kind, loving and treats me extremely well – I could go on forever about the big and little things he does to make me feel so loved. A true gentleman. But here’s my issue – while I believed every word he said about never cheating or lying to me (my biggest concerns), I found out he has been keeping in daily contact with his ex, has been messaging girls he’s previously been intimate with, and messaging personal and intimate details about us to another girl that I do not get along with and therefore don’t want her knowing that stuff. I found the messages while we were out drinking with some friends and it ended in a huge fight (he was extremely drunk) and him telling me I don’t show him enough love and that he needs to get his self esteem from somewhere. When he sobered up he said that was in no way true, and that I give him more than enough of everything he needs and he cried and said he didn’t want to lose me, messaged each of the girls saying they were coming in between our relationship and that he wasn’t going to talk to them again. Just want to note that I NEVER go through his phone, and I feel guilty about it, but he gave it to me with messages open because he was too drunk to text properly. Another note – he never usually drinks, ever, and has said he won’t again (at least not to that excess). I believe him that he won’t do it again, but before all this, every time we kissed it was like fireworks, every time we looked at each other I melted a little inside (never felt like this before, makes me nervous talking about it haha), and now… it’s gone. I’m hoping that maybe I just need a little time or something, because honestly, the messages (apart from those involving details about me) were harmless, it was just that he lied to my face about still being in contact with them. My sister and family are telling me to leave, and if I didn’t have such strong feelings for him, I would have gone by now. I don’t know what to do! If I should take a little time to myself, or just get over it and continue as normal and hope the feelings come back just as strong. I don’t want to lose him, either, I just don’t know how to make it better, or how he can earn my trust again. There aren’t any other issues, just this one incident and it’s killing me that a silly mistake early on in the relationship might be enough to end it when it was going so well. Sorry for the long-winded email, I’m just very lost and not very good at explaining my feelings, especially on paper! If this gets to you, thank you in advance for reading it and I really hope you take the time to give me some advice. Bronte. Date: Wed, 9 Jul 2014 19:41:40 +0000 To: email@example.com
I completely agree with everything you said here. I think the only thin I would add to my ultimate relationship would be admiration for one another. I would want to be proud of my partner and standing by his side and I would always want him to feel pride when it came to being with me. Great post!
I always appreciate a post like this, especially put in the positive. This is what I want to get into. I happened to write a post more on what not to do, but I’m hoping you’d take a moment to look at it in the least, as I think it would be complementary. Both what to do and what not to do.
10 Warning Signs to Look for Before Getting into a Long-Term Relationship”
[…] has their own “ultimate relationship” and their vision of what it would look like, but in the long run, the right relationship […]