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8 Things Good Men Don’t Do

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There is a lot of discussion floating around the internet about what makes a good man, or a “real man” in some cases. I’ve decided not to use the term “real man” here, though I was tempted by pop-culture to do so.

Each of us has our own unique background with our own unique upbringing, and has developed a view of the world accordingly, so each of us will see “goodness” differently. But, I think it’s fair to assume that we can all come together and agree that these eight habits or characteristics will never be found in a truly good man.

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Good men are never abusive.

There are many different types of abuse, certainly not just physical, and certainly not just in a relationship. Someone can be emotionally abusive towards a child or pet as well as their significant other.

Regardless, they all have one thing in common: The desire to break another down. A good man recognizes that his confidence and worth comes from within himself, and never from attempting to place others below him.

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Good men never cheat in relationships.

There are plenty of arguments in the world that monogamy is not “natural” and that humans are not biologically wired to spend an entire lifetime with one single person. Regardless of the scientific validity of this statement, one thing remains true: Monogamy is a personal choice made by two people in a relationship. There is literally nothing physical binding two people together – just a decision.

A good man will never cheat in a relationship because cheating means going back on his word or breaking a promise he has made to someone he loves.

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Good men never discourage others.

A sign of a person’s confidence in themselves is how they help to support the ambition of others. A good man will always be willing to help and support those around him, and will never be discouraging or insulting.

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Good men never let you forget your worth.

A good man who truly cares about his partner in a relationship will never let them forget how much he values them and how important they are.

He will understand the importance of giving as much as he receives (or more) and that open communication will decrease insecurities in a relationship.

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Good men don’t avoid difficult discussions.

Whether it be between family members or in a relationship, a good man understands that no problem can be resolved until it is faced. The only thing that avoidance of difficulties will accomplish, is delaying the inevitable and potentially making things worse.

There is a difference between choosing your battles and avoiding conflict altogether – the important thing is to know when to hold’em and when to fold’em.

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Good men don’t look for conflict.

In addition to knowing when a conversation needs to be had and when it is better to let an issue slide, a good man will not seek out or look to start conflict between himself and another.

Whether it be with a stranger at a bar or his significant other in a relationship, there will be no need to prove “dominance” when someone is comfortable in themselves.

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Good men aren’t selfish.

When it comes to helping a person in need, a good man will always be willing to step up to the plate. He understands the importance of contributing to both individuals and society and makes it a regular habit to do so.

There is no room among the gentlemanly for the selfish. There is no room for those who believe climbing the ladder means stepping on others along the way. There is no room for those who mistreat others for their own benefit, or any reason at all. A good man isn’t kind to people because of who they are, he is kind to people because of who he is.

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Good men are never disrespectful.

Easy. Simple. Basic. But, often overlooked. A good man will show respect to everyone around him. He will not be condescending or put anyone down, regardless of intelligence level or professional position. As the saying goes, ‘a man of quality is not afraid of equality.’

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There is no universal formula for what constitutes a “good man.” We all have our own unique ambitions defining the profile of the person we are working to become and develop into – but these above qualities are sure to never make the list.

What other habits and qualities do you associate with the good men in your life? Sound off in the comments below!

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21 Comments

  1. George Kages on May 19, 2014 at 12:23 pm

    I hope I qualify!

    Sent from George’s iPhone

    >

  2. Satin Sheet Diva on May 19, 2014 at 1:01 pm

    What you have here are traits found in good humans :-). Male or female, if more of us subscribed to these behaviors, society as a whole would be in a much better position. Great post as usual 🙂

  3. ashokbhatia on May 19, 2014 at 2:25 pm

    They do not look for conflict but surely know how to manage one. Also, their chivalrous tendencies do not evaporate when they are inside the house.

  4. Michael Rittenhouse on May 19, 2014 at 7:03 pm

    Good! I’d also like to see eight things good men should do more often. Example 1: Smile! http://orthosexuality.com/?p=40

  5. kaitlin812 on May 19, 2014 at 7:41 pm

    Reblogged this on we are what defines us and commented:
    I hope everyone gets to find a good man

  6. Maria Grant on May 20, 2014 at 7:50 am

    That’s my baby All Day, Every Day. I’m blessed to have him in my life!

  7. johnquepublique on May 20, 2014 at 3:43 pm

    Yep…

  8. simran1206 on May 21, 2014 at 1:25 am

    9. And good men don’t exist.

    • James Michael Sama on May 21, 2014 at 8:37 am

      I will duplicate another response I just left for someone else here:

      I’m sorry you feel this way, as I wrote these points from personal experience and feel as though they’re relatively reasonable.

      I consider myself a “good man” by these standards. It saddens me that you can’t think of anyone in your life who meets them.

    • leslie on May 22, 2014 at 8:53 pm

      They definitely do. Took me 50 years to find one who fits this to a T. After 8 years, he fits it even better than the first year. Keep looking and work on those 8 traits in yourself. That will help the most.

  9. chime victor on May 21, 2014 at 8:33 am

    Your analysis is far-fetched and am afraid no such man exists.

    • James Michael Sama on May 21, 2014 at 8:36 am

      I’m sorry you feel this way, as I wrote these points from personal experience and feel as though they’re relatively reasonable.

      I consider myself a “good man” by these standards. It saddens me that you can’t think of anyone in your life who meets them.

  10. Isabel Salazar on May 21, 2014 at 9:51 am

    They do exist! I have one and all of the men in my life are these kind of men. Why would you allow someone space in your life if they weren’t a good person? Male or female.

  11. dulce67 on May 21, 2014 at 11:10 am

    Of course good men (and women) exist. The problem is finding them. As you get older the source pool becomes smaller. And the sources are questionable. Meeting people organically is almost unheard of, especially if you’re a single suburban mother of three who’s overweight. Because let’s face it, most people want the good person wrapped in an attractive package. But most good men do not look like Brad Pitt and I certainly don’t look like Angelina Jolie. I find that if someone doesn’t find you attractive they’re not going to make the effort to find out if you’re good or not. And I totally get that. Attraction is key. Meanwhile the clock keeps ticking…

  12. kirsten on May 21, 2014 at 2:52 pm

    I don’t know that most good men look like Brad Pitt. Don’t give up! I FINALLY found a good one, and I’m 47….

  13. […] spent a lot of time discussing things that good men don’t do, as well as things that they need to do better. But we must not forget that there are two sides to […]

  14. surfercajun on May 25, 2014 at 8:57 am

    a gentleman of excellent character! Thank you, sir for the article!

  15. zakkthomas on May 26, 2014 at 6:21 am

    I disagree with this list, as chivalrous qualities do not make a man good. Not being disrespectful? Selifsh?Or shy away from conflict? As a man, important qualities that would define his goodness should none the less include restraint, patience and caring.

  16. Chris on July 16, 2014 at 1:32 am

    These character traits are unrealistic nowadays. I had to care for an ailing parent as a teen and then a young adult, all my peers were married with families by the time I was getting ‘out there’ in my twenties. As a young woman, it seemed I had already missed the boat because I never found anyone who was interested in committing. Living together, sure, but I didn’t go for that so i was eventually dumped. Apparently, the good men seemed to be the ones who valued family and commitment, and they had no problems making those commitments early in their adulthood. As I was unhappily encumbered at the time, I missed grabbing up one of those guys. And to think I was old cake in my mid twenties….(I was born in 1961).

  17. jthmommy on August 19, 2014 at 7:38 pm

    It saddens me to see comments on here that people truly have convinced themselves that good men and women are not out there. Personally I know I am a good woman. Its not something I need to boast about it shows in who I am and my personal code of morals. Sometimes life darkens a persons light and all they really need is that one person to truly believe in who they are and what their about. Most of us have good inside of us……some of us just have to dig a little deeper within is all.

  18. […] there you have it. Add catcalling to the list of things that good men don’t do (as if it wasn’t already […]

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