7 Signs You’re Giving Too Much

A healthy relationship is about give and give, not give and take. It’s not even 50/50, it’s more like 100/100. There is no “part time” relationship, you’re either in…or you’re out.

But sometimes, our judgment gets clouded. We really care about the person we’re with so we’re willing to do everything for them. The difference between being part of a solid relationship and being a doormat, is if they’re willing to do the same for you in return (without you asking for it).

So, how do you know when you’re giving too much? When is enough…enough?



You’re smiling less when you’re alone.

The one person you can’t hide your feelings from, is yourself. It’s easy to convince those around us that we’re happy with the situation we’re in and with our partner. Of course no relationship is 100% perfect, but if you begin to feel down when they’re not around (and not because you’re missing them), this could be a sign of your true feelings coming to the surface.

The only way to lead a happy, fulfilling life is to first be true to yourself and what you want and need.


You’re even asking yourself this question in the first place.

I recently received a message on Facebook that went as follows:

Personally I’m going through an episode where she is feeling out or dating other guys because they deserve a “chance.” But my opinion is that although I care for you and you know it without a shadow of a doubt, that if you have to continue to search after 3 months of countless dates and hanging out, then you’re not searching for me and you’re willing to forego what’s in front of you for what’s in the mystery box.

I believe that as difficult as it is for us to sift through our own emotions at times, it is an integral part of a happy life and relationship. We are the only ones who truly know what we’re feeling inside our own heart and mind, and if you find hesitancy like this poking through your consciousness, it’s probably a red flag.

Reciprocity is key, and if you’re questioning whether or not your partner is putting in their best effort, the answer is probably no.


You feel emotionally exhausted.

A solid relationship should enhance your life, not complicate your life. You should feel energized by the other persons’ presence in your life. Inspired. Motivated. Excited.

If you are mentally and emotionally drained, you may be sacrificing your own well-being for the sake of an unhealthy relationship.



You’re losing sight of you.

Do you feel like more of a servant than a partner? If you are always working to make your partner happy but rarely or never see the effort reciprocated, it’s very easy to lose sight of your own wants and needs because you’ve become too caught up in theirs.

Anyone who reads my articles knows that I am all for being loving and giving at all stages of a relationship, but it’s important to make sure that it goes both ways.


There would be voids if it wasn’t for you.

Voids in things to do together, voids in physical intimacy, voids in conversation.

If you are always the one who is suggesting activities, initiating physical contact, or taking care of things around the house – then you probably already realize that you’re carrying the relationship and giving too much of yourself away.

Happy, healthy relationships are a team – and like any good team, each player has their strengths which fit together like puzzle pieces with the other players to create a strong partnership. If one player doesn’t carry their weight, the team will lose.


You jumped into commitment before they were ready.

When I met my girlfriend, I knew basically immediately that I was no longer interested in talking to any other women – but I also knew this feeling had to be mutual and we needed to let the first few dates take their course to see if the luster would last (it did, thankfully).

I’ve seen, many a time, people dive head first into a relationship with someone, swear off all other members of the opposite sex right away, and end up hurt. They think that giving their entire being to the other person will make them return the sentiment and love. It doesn’t. It needs to come naturally from both sides.



You worry about losing them and keep trying harder.

If we begin to feel someone slowly slipping away from us, some of us may find it natural to try harder and to put more effort in to keep them around. Often times this does the exact opposite and pushes them away.

This is where it’s key for the relationship to have healthy communication. Taking guesses at what might “fix” a problem is simply a band-aid solution. If something is wrong, we need to have the maturity and discipline to discuss it, no matter how difficult it may be.


While relationships do often take work, they shouldn’t feel like work. If your interactions with your partner are forced and don’t feel natural or fulfilling, then this is an instinct that shouldn’t be ignored.

Life is too short to waste your time on people who don’t appreciate you. Value your time, your body, and most of all – your heart. Stop giving these things to people who don’t deserve them.

There will be someone who comes along and accepts you for you – if you have the discipline to only accept the love you truly deserve.


Click here to get my new e-book, The Gentleman’s Advantage!



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17 thoughts on “7 Signs You’re Giving Too Much

  1. Perfect, just perfect. Wish I had listened to all of this years ago. Would have saved me a lot of heartache. Thank you again!

  2. I’ve been reading your blogs for awhile now… My boyfriend and I just ended our almost year long relationship, yesterday we made it final. It’s crazy because our relationship seemed so healthy… vibrant… good. Now in hindsight looking back and reading this article… Maybe I was giving too much. I was giving enough for the both of us. It’s hard to see giving as a flaw… but when you are giving because you are afraid you are going to going to lose someone, and then it pushes them away even more… I don’t know. My mind is jumbled, my thoughts all over the place just trying to make sense of it all.
    Thank you for being a fantastic writer and seemingly fantastic man.

  3. This article is just so perfect. You’ve summed up so much of what I believe about relationships & what I’ve often tried to tell others when they ask for advice on relationships.

  4. I AGREE with James analysis. There should be a prevailing feeling of contentment on both sides. One of the best things said to me by someone, was that they just felt incredibly happy just being in my presence, and I realised I felt the same way (then) Once it begins to feel like you have to struggle to get some happiness or joy in the relaionship, it doesn’t bode well for the long term future…and you would do well to re evauate the relationship.

  5. This article hit home for me. I don’t fit into the typical mold for a guy; I’m a transman. But ever since I was a kid I was in love with the idea of chivalry and being a gentleman. To this day I love the art form, and I’m glad I stumbled upon this site. I’ve been with my girlfriend for 2 years; I know I give too much, and Lord knows I’ve walked away more times than she knows about, only to come back and try to make it work. I’m only realizing nowadays that I give too much and I’m losing myself in the process. I know she wants to try and make it work sometimes because every now and then she will drop her guard and reach out, but almost as quickly as it came out, she has retreated back into her fortress. I know she’s a good person, she just has so many walls built up from her past, and no matter how hard I work to gain her trust, she won’t drop them for me. So, now I’m trying to move in a direction to finally break from her peacefully, so we can each find someone who is more suited to our needs.

    Thanks for the awesome articles, keep it up!

  6. Definitely hit really close to home for me. Basically doing all of the above for a year and almost gave up on love because of it. looking back, I see how far i set my self back loving someone who wasn’t ready, willing or able to love me.

  7. Thank you for this article and your previous ones…. I was in a 9 year relationship with my children’s father, we were even married but are now divorced. All that time, I was giving far too much of myself and not receiving any type of love and appreciation in return. I have been following your blog for some time and you have definitely opened my eyes, to what my true value and worth is. Especially as an educated woman, who is always trying to further herself for her children. I long for the type of love and healthy relationship that you speak of as well as for a man who will appreciate me for who I really am, not for my looks and especially not for what he wants to mold me into. I’m sure with the proper confidence (which I am working on daily) and knowledge of my self-worth, I can find it. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. 🙂

  8. This is hitting close to home for me… in a relationship now for a year and questioning why it is so hard, why I am not feeling happy or fulfilled, why I am not trusting him, etc. I am feeling that our problems are my fault because I am not trying hard enough, but starting to realize it is not me, but him. All the good things in my life have been easy, and this is far from easy. Thank you for helping to open my eyes to what is happening. I really appreciate your insight and perception in relationships!

  9. This is exactly what I am going through right now and this is why after a year, I have finally had enough. I am going to break this up completely because like you said, it’s very unhealthy and it affected my self-esteem and happiness. He was a good guy and I could have loved him but his commitment issues are severe.
    This is what I am going to read every time I become doubtful of ending things. Thank you!: “Life is too short to waste your time on people who don’t appreciate you. Value your time, your body, and most of all – your heart. Stop giving these things to people who don’t deserve them.There will be someone who comes along and accepts you for you – if you have the discipline to only accept the love you truly deserve.”

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