5 Things Making Women Less LadyLike

I’ve been challenged. Each article I write about how men should act, I am challenged by those who call it “wildly sexist” and tell me that I would be obliterated by society if I were to write something similar about women.

Challenge accepted.

As a man, I write from the male perspective. This is why I typically write how I feel that men should act, because they are standards that I have chosen to hold myself to. But of course, I am equally aware that the modern-day female is much different than those in the past and some men question if they are “worthy” of the respect and chivalrous acts which I encourage.

I feel that every person should be respected as a human being, but certain popular trends make me curious about how our future generations will be raised.

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They call themselves a “bad bitch.”

I can’t stand this term. I even hate writing it. Worse, I hate women referring to themselves in this way. Why does anyone actually want to be a bitch, let alone a “bad bitch?” If the girls of our generation think that this makes them sound more authoritative and respectable, well, it doesn’t.

A true gentleman will choose a good woman over a bad bitch, any day.

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They have truck driver mouth.

Sure, when you’re in the comfort of your own home or around friends, the gloves come off in terms of language (though there are still some words I’d never say), but when typing tweets or status updates, even I get taken aback by some of the words that girls use these days.

The irony of it is that I was raised to do my best not to swear around women, and now they do it more than I do.

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They talk about fighting other girls (and do it).

What? When did women become the new high school boys? With so much talk about drama and fights at clubs all over Facebook, if I blocked out the person’s name I probably couldn’t tell if the post was coming from a guy or a girl.

Keep it classy, ladies – no need to fight.

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All they want to do is get “TURNT UP!”

First of all, what are you turning up? Secondly, is “turned” so hard to type?

A well-rounded lady is attractive to a man who wants something serious – not someone who just wants to party multiple times a week. By all means, have your fun, we’ve all been there! But don’t complain about not being able to find a steady boyfriend.

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They pay more attention to their appearance than their attitude.

Class is not a matter of style. It is not a matter of the price tag on your outfit. Class is in how you carry yourself, how you present yourself, and how you treat other people. One cannot be considered “classy” simply due to how they dress – it’s a matter of what you exude from within. Man or woman.

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As a man encouraging the New Chivalry Movement, I would be doing a disservice if I ignored the fact that a gentleman looks for a lady. Men with dreams, goals, and ambition will look for women who have the same, to be their teammate in life. To walk the journey together, side by side.

Maybe, just maybe, if more women would act like ladies, more guys would stand up and be gentlemen.

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201 thoughts on “5 Things Making Women Less LadyLike

  1. “First of all, who you are should not be dependent on the behavior of others. It should be the bedrock of who you are, and it should stand firm regardless of your company. That is the true meaning of class: it’s knowing who you are and what you stand for, and holding to it. Your values can change, yes, and absolutely should; but changing your mind is different than giving up. Take it from someone who has done both.”

    Lizzie, I completely agree with this.

    Now, to my thoughts. I understand not being okay with cussing, but why should this be specific to women? You say that you were raised to not swear around women, but why not men as well? Are our ears too delicate to hear these words? I agree that people (notice I say PEOPLE, not just men or just women) should be mindful of others and their surroundings when using language, but men and women should be held to equal standards when it comes to where or how often you think a person should swear.

    While the original intent of this article might have been to simply state turn-offs for men, to me it ties back to a larger issue in sexism. The men who feel this way are holding women up to higher standards than themselves when it comes to how we talk, the way we dress, etc. And the fact that it’s not okay for women to fight but it’s okay for teenage boys to (because boys will be boys, amiright? – I’m not advocating fighting, just trying to make a point). We may as well just be your own personalized barbies who shave perfectly and don’t curse, burp, or fart.

    I think the one thing from this article that’s actually okay is the last one- “Class is not a matter of style. It is not a matter of the price tag on your outfit. Class is in how you carry yourself, how you present yourself, and how you treat other people. One cannot be considered “classy” simply due to how they dress – it’s a matter of what you exude from within. Man or woman.” I see that you included men in this one, so I really don’t understand why this thought process couldn’t have been applied throughout the entire article.

    • Cussing around a woman (or mother) was at one point (and to many of us, still is) considered extremely disrespectful….. that’s why he said he was raised that way. It’s actually quite the opposite of sexist.

    • Oversensitive much? There are literally HUNDREDS of articles chastising men and describing how we should act. Only a handful the other way, and they always get tons of pushback – kind of like your comments. The simple point is this: if you want a gentleman, act like a lady. If a man wants a lady, he needs to act like a gentleman.

  2. First thing what research have you done to determine “the modern-day female is much different than those in the past”, is this an proven fact or just a general thought you believe to be true? personally i believe there hasn’t been much of a change… just the environment has manipulated how we see women and treat them. your disagreement with “Bad Bitch” is just another manipulation, I hear what you’re saying trying to win the white knight vote, but Ronda Rousey is a “bad bitch”. im going to break that down a little so not to confuse anyone. Bad referring to toughness or willingness to fight for what she wants. Bitch as in female dog, now do most people connect bitch with female dog or just derogatory usage? it depends on how its used. right? In a veterinary office bitch probably means female dog. have you ever heard a man say “I’m an Alpha Dog”, is there any difference? If you ask me, no. its referring to the masculinity, just as “Bad Bitch” is related to a women’s femininity. To say that women can’t call themselves Bad Bitches is like saying she can not be proud of her femininity and the strength that comes with it. So Rise-up bad bitches of the world, don’t let White Knight Alpha Dogs use their charm to manipulate you! all the Alpha Dogs better watch out for bad bitches if you’re trying to play.

    • I don’t know about other people, but the word ‘bitch’ IS derogatory to me, and I would never use it to describe myself or anyone else.

    • As a modern day female that has researched behaviors of women in the past….yes. There are many differences. Anyone who refers to themselves as a “bad bitch” is in no way feminine, and it is annoying when women use that as a term that is supposed to make them awesome. Just like any man who says I’m an Alpha Dog” makes me want to punch them in the throat.

  3. Reblogged this on Chronicles of the Chronically Confused. and commented:
    5 Unfair Oppressions That Label Women As “Less Ladylike”
    1. Call yourself whatever you want- If you are empowered by being a “bad bitch”, good for you! If we own negative labels, we may be able to take them back and make them our own again. #badbitchesforlife
    2. Swear as much as your fucking want to- just because you’re a woman doesn’t mean you need to limit your colorful and expressive vocabulary. Your fowl mouth will NOT take away from your femininity, you are still a lady if you want to be.
    3. Defend yourself and fight them “basic bitches”-I’m actually not encouraging violence, but if you have to throw a punch once in a blue moon to prove a point or to defend yourself, THAT’S OK. Being physically aggressive, just like our men counterparts does NOT make you less of a woman.
    4. Party whenever the fuck you want to-No one has the right to judge you and your choices of going out or consumption of alcohol will only deflect and turn off men who are boring as fuck… If ANY potential boyfriend told me I went out too much to be in a steady relationship, I would agree because he obviously isn’t steady, secure, or mature enough to handle my level of confidence and fabulousness.
    5. Present yourself the way you want to, those who judge you can fuck off- there’s no “ladylike” way to carry yourself or present yourself. There are no “ladylike” ways to speak and no “ladylike” mannerisms. Any man who judges you for not being “ladylike” can borrow my Time Machine, blast back to the 1950s and marry their fucking mothers.

    Get real, love yourself, don’t limit your expressions, language, or actions out of fear that you won’t appear “ladylike” enough to be loved.

    • 1. You don’t have a fowl mouth. You have a foul mouth. Fowl is a chicken.
      2. You are currently single, aren’t you?
      3. I would be willing to bet next month’s house payment that you grew up without a father present.

      • 1. #oops Spelling has never been my thing.
        2. Recently single and learning to live for me instead of for others.
        3. Rude assumption. I’m deeply offended. My parents are married and my father has been highly involved and has been a huge presence in my life. In fact, I’ve developed many of my opinions from lessons I have learned from him. I’m not sure why you would assume my opinions correlate to the level of involvement of a father-figure in my life. Does being raised without a father make someone “less ladylike” because I would absolutely disagree.

      • Wow. You’re an ass. And Sara_Wildes is completely right. This article is a bunch of anti-feminist bullshit. And by the way I’m single because I am genuinely choosing to be so and my daddy is my best friend :) But you can go fuck yourself.

      • Omg, Laura you are about as ignorant as it FUCKING gets. How dare you assume she hasn’t had a father in her life. I think my father would be proud of me for welcoming you to GO FUCK YOURSELF C:
        Daddy always said a lady is a woman who speaks her mind, obviously you grew up in a house with a tyrant not a father.

      • I understand and agree with the thoughts behind your comments, but as one lady to another, I respectfully ask you to *please* refrain from using, “You grew up without a father” as an insult. Bring raised without a father is never the fault of the child, and as a single mother who is working her tail off to raise five well-adjusted, respectful children, this kind of thought-process is extremely disheartening. I absolutely agree that a two-parent home is the ideal, but we moms (and single dads) can fill a pretty big hole when we’re forced to. :)

        Carry on.

      • Thank you, Laura. I believe when a person has a large vocabulary, they can use foul language only for great emphasis, with no need to drop an f-bomb every few sentences.

    • I agree with your comment completely.
      This man was only fulfilling his requests to write an article like this, but he should’ve known better than to tell women, or men, how they should act in order for him to be happy. He can share his opinion, it is apart of basic freedom. But not only is this offensive and wrong, he is saying these things as if he is commanding. He is ordering that women act and talk a certain way so they may obtain respect and become “ladylike.” Women, and men, deserve respect no matter what curse words come out of their mouths’.
      It’s important for women to feel comfortable in their own skin, and if they like to put way too much time into their appearance to get there, then who are you to judge?

      • Who are you to judge? I’m always perplexed by this claim that we should not judge people. Strangely, it comes from the Bible, ” Judge not lest ye be judge…” in the Gospel of Matt, though, most people miss the rest of the passage in which The Christ is telling peeps to hold themselves to the same standard they hold others to. Nonetheless, to the real point, what do people think judging is that we should not be doing it? Consider, “She is someone I would like to get to know” is a judgment. “She is pretty” is a judgement. “He is rude” is a judgment. “He is helpful” also a judgment. I assert that no one can go a single day without judging another person; we may all do it in our head and keep our judgment to ourselves. Nonetheless, we all judge everyone else all the time.

        As a specific comment to something said, “It’s important for women to feel comfortable in their own skin, and if they like to put way too much time into their appearance to get there, then who are you to judge?” He is exactly the person to judge, as am I, you, and everyone else. The judgment that only I can make is the one of importance: “Do I want to spend time with this person?” “Do I want to invest my emotions in this person?” The answers to those questions are judgments that only I can make. I will never have all the information about any person so I have to make these judgments with the information available to me. One’s appearance, one’s demeanor, one’s language, one’s behavior towards others are all means by which I will make these judgments.

        I hope it’s not surprising to anyone to be told that people are attracted to people of similar character. Thus, “gentlemen” will tend to be attracted to “ladies”; men who tend to treat everyone they met with respect and dignity will tend to be attracted to women who treat everyone they met with respect and dignity; men who don’t go out carousing every night will tend to be attracted to women that don’t go out carousing every night. In each case, the reverse tends to be true as well; women are attracted to men of similar character. You see the pattern? Thus, the lessen follows from the proposition that if you want to attract someone of particular character type be that which people of that particular character type tend to be attracted to.

    • And yes, your foul mouth WILL take away from your femininity.
      (and yes, I know I’m three weeks late to this party :-))

    • This is sad. Just like there’s standards we hold men to, there’s a standard for LADIES as well. There are standards to hold yourself too. These are HIS standards of ladies, just like you label a man boring if he doesn’t like how frequently you party. It’s not a matter of sexism or your so-called “feminism”. It’s a matter that our society says we should no longer have standards of those we choose to be with, because if I’m CHOOSING to be in a relationship with someone he needs to be someone who holds himself to the same standards as myself.

      “same standards as myself”- that’s what men and women being equal looks like.

    • As a man, I totally agree with YOUR views on this! I like people who are excited about life and are eager to live it to its fullest. I also tend to trust people more when they DO swear fairly often. Bad bitches all the way! (as long as they don’t smoke cigarettes, YUCK!)

    • I would bet 100 bucks your arguement only applies to you and other women, not to men. You want men to love you if you’re a “bad bitch” but if a guy acts like a total bastard, doesn’t give a shit what he looks or acts like, then I would imagine you would NEVER “love him for who he is”

    • And this is why men aren’t men anymore- because of women who carry this attitude. BIOLOGICALLY we are programmed to behave a certain way. Switching roles in society is making everything screwed up and people are getting confused. It’s all about BALANCE. You can be a strong, independent woman who is also a lady without cursing or fighting and being aggressive. Cursing is an uneducated way of expressing your emotions and often used as space fillers. Be PROUD of your femininity. OWN it! Being a feminist should be about not only equality, but embracing your femininity and “surviving”- not becoming as androgynous/masculine as you can in defense.

    • Sara, Can I own “White Supremacist”, taking it back, making it “our own” again so it no longer has the negative connotations that it has acquired over the years? What about “sexist”? “Male chauvinist”? “Asshole”? “Player”? “Dead-beat dad”? “Wife beater”? By taking these words back, would it somehow strip the actions and behaviors that earn a person these titles of their negative moral, and in some cases legal, evaluations? If we somehow own the negative label “wife beater”, and thus took it back, making it ours again, would that somehow make beating my wife okay? No, quite obviously. All that would happen is that the negative actions and behaviors would be described by some other term that would take on the negative connotations “wife beater” presently has. The term “wife beater” would either come to mean something completely different or would pass out of the vernacular.

      Thus, I assert taking a negative label back does nothing for actually changing the judgments people have for the behaviors that presently earn one the negative label. All it does is change the meanings and references of some words in our language. That is to say, beating one’s wife is bad no matter what term we use to describe it.

      On the other hand, if a negative label has no consistent connection to behavior that is judged morally, legally or in some other way negative, that someone is describing another person with that label has more to do with the first person’s subjective preferences and opinions about the second person, than with any real behavior of the second person. For instance, “slut” has come to have that sort of use. People don’t use it to actually say some woman has any specific negative character traits or behavioral habits, but rather that they just aren’t happy with her, or don’t like her. Taking back the word “slut” is not going to change the fact that people won’t just straight up say “I don’t like her.” We humans, well perhaps it’s just Americans, think there is something wrong saying “I don’t like him,” but find nothing wrong with say “He’s a fucktard.”

    • Sara, Thanks for showing us what a low-class skank writes like. You are a poster girl for the degeneration of our culture.

    • Sara Wilde -> Your rant makes you appear to be yet another brain washed, peer pressured female who has bought into the ‘feminist’ way of life. Women are incredibly strong internally and fiercely protective in nature. They are the pillar of the family unit. That does not mean they must act like men by engaging foul mouths and posturing. It also does not mean women need to act like weak, promiscuous, whiney, clingy beings.

      Your comments above are nothing more than that of a female trying to be a male. In wanting to be a male, you give away the power that is inherent within the female. The power of grace, internal beauty, bearing life, calm, intense love, kindness, gentleness, creativity, and more as the list is immense. We already have men acting like men – why would we want more masculine behavior? Life is about balance – we need both.

      It also tells us that you have fallen for the biggest line of ‘that guy in the bar who wants an easy one night stand.’ The mantra of the feminist is the doorway to losing your own identity rather than gaining one. It is also the same as kneeling down to be a willing subservient to males, government and others. What am I saying? Just watch what happens when you step off the feminist plantation. Watch how much you are stomped into the ground. As you seek to be everything the feminists say you must be – when you are fatigued and your genetic processes are screaming for attention – when you are tearing your hair out – remember what you have said here.

      If your way is the way to success and freedom for females – then, tell me, why can you not make a choice to be a stay at home mom without being looked down on by the feminists?

      The pioneer women did not have foul mouths, they were not backstabbing and catty with fellow females, they did not compete with the male to be the man in the relationship and they expected to be treated like a lady aka with respect. These women were INCREDIBLE as they built this country, they forged pathways for women in science, math and more. They helped the world realize that women are not just sex objects – that they have brains, intelligence and can think. They did not have to act like men or emasculate men to do this. The feminists of today have penis envy and want to be males. They also want to emasculate males, yet they yearn to be grabbed up by that kidnapper that steals away their control. Disgustingly sick.

      Women do not need to act like men nor do they need to act like entities current society dictates as ‘being a female.’ These peer pressured ideologies kill the very essence of women and diminish them as well.

      You, apparently, want to give away the feminine power. If that is what you want – to be a shell of who you could be, go for it. Just don’t try to impose your shallowness on the rest of us and don’t attack the author for their much needed insights and wisdom.

      Fads come and go. Style and Class are eternal.

      • 1. Why is ‘feminist’ in quotes? Do you believe in the oppression of people? Oh you don’t, you say? Congratulations! You’re a feminist.
        2. Women are not only incredibly strong internally, but in the crazy and rare occasion, some women are strong externally too. But obviously, they just want to be a man, right?
        3. Since when is “engaging foul mouths and posturing” a gendered behavior?
        4. Female power of “grace, internal beauty, bearing life, calm intense love, kindness, gentleness, creativity” is a stereotype of the female gender. The female sex, however, may not identify with these “powers” and it does not mean what-so-ever that they wish to be male.
        5. I can’t even dignify the next paragraph with a response.
        6. Women and men should both be free to make the decision to stay at home with their children without judgment. Strange you didn’t mention stay-at-home dads. Post-modern feminists (which is the wave of feminism scholars believe that we are in today) would not look down upon this decision. Sheryl Sandberg even suggested in her book, Lean In that “A truly equal world would be one where women ran half our countries and companies and men ran half our homes.” Food for thought.
        7. The “Pioneer Women” that you are referring to had to deal with so much shit from society and despite said shit, yes, they were still able to “forge pathways”. They absolutely competed with males. No, they did not compete TO BE the male, because they were “pioneer WOMEN”. Not only did they have to act like men, but they had to speak like men just to be heard. As a society, we have overcome so much due to these “pioneer women” and I would hope that all self-identifying feminists would be grateful for their triumphs.
        8. “The feminists of today have penis envy and want to be males. They also want to emasculate males, yet they yearn to be grabbed up by that kidnapper that steals away their control”— I’M SORRY, WHAT? A) you just made a sweeping generalization with a lack of knowledge about feminists. B) this sounds like you’re referring to rape. “grabbed up by that kidnapper”… “Yearn” by definition means to “have an intense feeling of longing for something”. Are you saying feminists have an intense feeling of longing to “be grabbed up by that kidnapper”…. Did you actually type that sentence?
        9. My name is Sara WILDES.

    • In other words, don’t have any self respect, with no self control, act as low class as possible, and thus attract the same in the opposite sex. Then cry to your girlfriends and mama that they just don’t have any respect for you!

    • Apparently you were too offended to get the point of the article.

      1. James’ point is that calling yourself a “bad bitch” is not going to get you a gentleman. If you don’t want one, that’s fine, but gentlemen would never call you a “bitch” and find it repulsive that you would call yourself one, because that term is demeaning towards women.

      2. Sure, swear as much as you want, but don’t expect to find yourself a gentleman. Not everyone cusses, and not everyone wants someone who cusses as part of their regular vocabulary. Myself and my group of friends find cussing for those who lack a proper vocabulary and are uneducated – especially as most cuss words are used outside of their dictionary definition.

      3. Great. Go ahead be a fighter. There’s a difference between defending yourself against a physical attack by physical means, and defending yourself from a verbal/online attack by physical means. You’ll notice James doesn’t say it’s OK for men to either.

      4. Great. Go ahead, party, get wasted, spend 3-4 nights out a week and the next days with hangovers. Don’t expect to be dating someone who has a full time 9-5 job and will join you.

      5. Absolutely. Go ahead, just remember that the way you carry yourself will determine how people treat you in live. (Man or woman) If you’re rude to service people, they will find you to be a jerk.

      What it comes down to is, you are free to do whatever you want to do Sara.

      If you want a man who will call you a bitch, swear a lot, pick fights with people and get into bar room brawls, can’t hold a full time job because he’s out partying with you all the time, and doesn’t worry about what society thinks about him so he acts like a slob, and treats people poorly. Than you are free to do your 5 steps. Just don’t complain when you don’t have a gentleman.

      However, if you want a man who would never dream of calling you a “bitch”, doesn’t cuss because he has a vocabulary and can articulate himself, only fights to defend those who are defenseless, can provide for for himself and you if need be with a stable well paying job and who is a proper gentleman and treats you like a princess… you must realize that just because you have the freedom to act however you want, doesn’t mean you should.

    • Most guys I know wouldn’t touch you with a ten foot pole,, You sound worse than the trash I put in my garbage can and I bet your single status is consistent as they get lol!

  4. I especially loved your last criticism: “They pay more attention to their appearance than their attitude.” This is really funny coupled with the hot models who act as our visual aid. They are the pictures of “Ladylikeness.” hahah. Women pay attention to their appearance because they are told to by men. Because this kind of imaging tells us to! It’s SUPER HARMFUL. Secondly, being Ladylike is GREAT! But one doesn’t do this for the purpose of becoming more attractive to men. You say this over and over: if you do this-you’ll be attractive to me. As if that’s what our whole life is about! This message is SO limiting. It says, “Ladies, clean yourself up so that you will be attractive to US. Women, let the men curse and fight..when you do it- it’s repulsive.” Do you see how this message tells women that this mythic ladylike women is who we need to become to be accepted by men? :(

    • Most men don’t care what your wearing, or how you look. Most men do not make lady’s worry about their appearance. Blame the fashion mags and each other. If your man is only fixated on how you look then you made the mistake not us. I think I speak for many men that are tired of seeing articles like these putting men into one category of what we want from females equal to our media expression of a rap video girl. We want to treat you all with chivalry, but if we don’t also have a fat wallet, and a nice car, a great job, and a house then our chivalry means nothing. You ever heard the expression behind every great man is a great woman? Its true, its true for the ones that stick around long enough to see their dreams come true. I think the author was really tame in this article and its true that their are plenty of articles condoning men in the worst ways and girls jump right on board the hating spree. I.E.- (http://elitedaily.com/life/culture/the-actual-difference-between-women-who-are-hot-and-who-are-beautiful/) But as soon as we try to challenge the infallible temple that is women they jump down our throats. Yes men are capable of some horrible things, but yall act like its a free pass to do what ever you want. Party girls end up with someone else who likes to party like they do and then get burned. The swearing doesn’t matter. If you think your a “bad bitch” then you will find a bad man. Girl fights are only entertaining to violent men. I think the author is only showing the tip of the iceberg here for fear of mobs of angry women’s comments. I think this list could have some additions. Like having too many men on hold incase everything goes wrong. Instantly dating someone else. Passing up the good guys for ones that basically are the things they complain about. And thinking that all men are the same. The most attractive thing on a women is her mind. Then class, then attraction.

    • “They pay more attention to their appearance than their attitude.” This is really funny coupled with the hot models who act as our visual aid. They are the pictures of “Ladylikeness.” hahah. Women pay attention to their appearance because they are told to by men.”

      I don’t know what country you live in but here in the USA I’ve found the exact opposite to be true. Women are the ones who tell other women to look good and they use men as the scapegoat. Women are the ones constantly judging each other’s appearances. Where’d she get that jacket? What’s up with that haircut? She’s too big for those jeans. I can say this because I know it to be true, I’ve been a part of these conversations and I haven’t met a woman yet who has not been. Am I proud of that fact? No way. But it defines my point. Every man I’ve ever known could care less what I’m wearing. And I grew up with three brothers and they’re the same with their wives. The author is not his statement with a photo of some hot model in designer clothes saying “Now this is a Lady!”, is he? Where did that even come from?

      “Women, let the men curse and fight..when you do it- it’s repulsive.” Do you see how this message tells women that this mythic ladylike women is who we need to become to be accepted by men?”

      All I have to say to that is you get back what you put out. If you want to cuss and fight and act like a fool you will likely attract the same type of person. Go for it. And you definitely do not need to listen to the opinions of men and what they find attractive. But IF you are in search of a man (not by any means saying you are, just in general) you might have better luck going with the male opinion than the female. As women we’ve convinced each other (and ourselves unfortunately) that we know everything about men and we need to share that information with other women as much as possible (screw you Cosmo). But it’s all malarkey. And being a lady isn’t mythical at all. It’s your option to be or not to be.

      la·dy noun, often attributive \ˈlā-dē\
      : a woman who behaves in a polite way

    • Most men do NOT like what fashion mags are putting out. Most fashion designers are gay men and they want straight, stick figure women because it reminds them of pre-pubescent boys. Sarah, you seem nice, but grow up. If this little bit of tepid constructive criticism is so harmful, well. If being asking to behave appropriately with good manners is SO limiting, then you are definitely on the wrong blog.

    • No, Sarah. You are confusing Media and Media hype with what truly attracts a male. If you want to fight something – go after the media who pose females as sex objects rather than the incredible creatures they are.

  5. I mean, I see where the guy is coming from on some points (1, 2, 5)
    For example “truck driver mouth” – I swear all the time, but there is a time and place for it. That place is not on social media and not in professional company. I would hope you aren’t swearing in a professional setting, regardless of gender.
    The whole “bad bitch” thing just screams stupidity to me. Own the word if you must, but it just seems more juvenile than anything else. There are connotations that come with “bad bitch” and I wouldn’t want to label myself as one. Re-claiming the word to make it more socially acceptable is kind of ridiculous. Why is bitch something to be reclaimed. We aren’t bitches, bitches are dogs. We are women.
    The fighting point is kind of unnecessary. If someone deserves a punch, they deserve a punch. The part about fighting in clubs that annoys me is that getting THAT wasted and getting into fights just seems dumb. But that goes for both men and women. Apart from that though, bro – girls are way tougher than boys. WAY, We deal with so much more crap than you on a daily basis. Why shouldn’t we punch someone if they deserve it? If you can, so can I.
    “turnt up” is just a new phrase in a long line of many. If someone wants to party all the time, they can party all the time, male or female. It may put a strain on a relationship, it may start a relationship, it may end one. That has nothing to do with clubbing/going out and everything to do with the people in the relationship.
    the fifth one is something most everyone agrees on. Being classy is more about attitude and less about what you’re wearing. For me, being classy refers to how one person treats themselves and others. And as he said, this goes for men and women.

  6. I cringe when I hear women *and men* cussing like a sailor.
    If your calling yourself a bad bitch I hope your still young and grow Out of that label cause there isn’t anything appealing about being around someone who labels them self a bitch.
    If you feel a need to fight someone, be constructive and join a kick boxing class. You just sound like a scrappy high school kid when you “wanna fight”.
    I don’t get the women that want to party all the time *the guys either* there comes a time when you have to grow up and be responsible. I get the need to go out once and a while but 3 times a week to go drink?
    Dress how you want, if you have good morals how you dress doesn’t define you. How you act does.

  7. Well as a man in my forties and married for 18 year when I was single I looked for women to ladylike. Plain and simple. I didn’t want a bad bitch a fowl mouth woman. I wanted a woman with class and that’s what I married. One that knew how to carry herself, and command respect simple by being in her presence. She is strong willed with being offensive. I don’t curse very much but sometimes and she does sometimes. But she is regal in her standing. If I had wanted a women that acted like a man I would have married a man. I understand exactly what the author is trying to say. If your offend then you took his meaning wrong.

      • I agree with everything you ever say….. Ever….As that word stands there by itself I can see why this word alone was responsible for the slurring English of this day. Say it like water is falling out of your mouth. It’s a lazy word and I blame it for the welfare state of America.

    • Is she a trash-mouthed scappy over-partying bitch (or rather-bad bitch)? If so I can’t imagine why you’d need to shield her from the author. Seems it’d be the other way around.

      Oh and congratulations on that by the way…

  8. First off the term bitch has been changed in a more positive light. Being a bitch now a days is meant by being assertive and independent that doesn’t need any man to take care of her. Second, every point you have mentioned is something most men do. Our society tells us that men and women should act differently but all that does is create inequality in which one benefits and the other suffer. If a women wants to cuss and get wasted or beat someone’s ass cuz something happened then that’s her perrogative and doesn’t make her any less of a woman. This article is complete bullshit. And sexist indeed.

    • I’m independent and assertive and I pay my bills all by myself. Go me! But don’t you dare call me a bitch. Bitch is not and never will be a positive term unless referring to a dog, and even then it’s just neutral. In my experience, the girls that call themselves bitches are trying to appear tough. And they’re usually not. And how do women suffer from acting like they have some class?

      • ^ Agreed. You don’t have to be a bitch to be assertive. Same as you don’t have to be a doormat to be a lady. A lady is assertive, but she’s not going to be a bitch about it.

  9. This is quite mosoginistic as well as chauvinistic. Women and men are created to be equals. The idealism of being ladylike was created by men and look at who is writing an article about being lady like- of course a man who knows nothing of what it’s like to actually be a WOMAN. Being a feminist myself I really don’t fathom nor respect the popularity of this post.

    I’d prefer to be a unique woman than to be an idealism of what a “lady” should be. Stop the woman on woman hate and allow each other to experience life just as much as men can. With out the fear or whispers saying “slut” or “whore”. To try to shame each other into hiding our desires. Some of the most intelligent and influential women in this world are the most vulgar, honest, and sexually adventurous people I’ve ever known or even read about.

    A strong independent confidant woman doesn’t need to put down another woman’s lifestyle to feel good about herself. If anything she embraces the new and different and jumps at the opportunity to be different.

    • Men and women were not created to be equals. We have different parts. Our minds work differently. We are not the same as men. Of course we are all humans and should have all the same rights and be compensated equally for doing the same work. But to say we are equal is a stretch. We surpass men in some areas and men surpass us in others. It’s just how it is. No amount of feminism will change that. I do agree that we need to stop woman on woman hate. Just like we need to stop human on human hate. It’s difficult for any group to progress if everyone’s too busy hating each other to move forward and work together for a common goal.

  10. Am I the only woman here who liked the article and actually agrees with all of it? Does that make me sexist? Against my own kind? Women are too quick to jump on the sexist train. Get over it. You all know that the things he listed are legitimate. He’s not saying you can’t do these things or that men don’t do these things, he’s saying they’re just not very lady-like and he’s right. If you’re cool with being trashy then continue on you bad ass bitches.

    -Chivalry is dead, and women killed- I Love Dave Chapelle!

    • Kay,
      You certainly aren’t the only one who agrees with the article. It seems the only women offended by this article are the ones who act this way.

      There is nothing attractive about any of these habits in men or women.

    • No Kay, you are not the only woman who enjoyed this article. I thought it was wonderfully written, well thought out, and it’s time that today’s young women realize that they can be assertive, and professional and even edgy…but a woman’s life has many facets; work, home, personal relationship with your man or same-sex partner, mother, friend…etc. Maybe they need to be tough at work, but do they have to be foulmouthed and abrasive at home? Ladies, or should I say Women, we make the choice as to how we want to be seen by others. And James…I suppose if these women want to be seen as “bad bitches” that is their choice. But for me, I choose a happy medium. I would not say that I’m a perfect lady all the time, but there is a time and a place for more ladylike behavior and it is MY choice and probably Kay’s too, to act like a lady and enjoy being a lady. I notice there are significantly more pro bad bitch comments on here. Perhaps that is because by nature, those bad bitches are more aggressive and simply cannot resist the temptation to spew their venom all over this blog. Have a happy day all. And thank you to James. I am 51 years old and I do think it’s time to bring back a little more ladylike behavior.

    • Nope, I agree with all of it. And I’m 19 years old! Sure I swear here and there, but only if it’s used to sincerely express the emotion of what I’m saying. The phrase “bad bitch” is so annoying. You’re not bad, you’re not a bitch, you’re probably just trashy. Dressing like a slut and saying your clothing doesn’t determine your classiness is pure ignorance. Having an attitude that’s worse than a psychopath in prison and saying that doesn’t determine your classiness is also pure ignorance. If you disagree with anything he says here you’re obviously in denial and think that your “independence” means that its socially acceptable to be a complete nuisance and make everyone uncomfortable then you need to go back to the 50’s and see what being a lady is really all about. Women definitely killed off chivalry. Any man that wants a girl like that just wants her for the night.

    • I’m with you, Kay! The women who are offended are the same women who refer to themselves as bad bitches, and are throwing nothing but cuss words at the computer screen. :) (and are single.)

  11. I completely agree with this. What happened to being lady like ? I here women saying “I wish men would treat me like a lady and be more of a gentlemen. Well you get what you give, if you are out spouting off like a sailor calling yourself a bad bitch and telling your girls your going to smoke the female who’s giving you dirty looks. Well that’s going to attract the men looking for a girl who acts like that which means he’s probably not much of a gentlemen. It’s not attractive on either side but it’s less attractive on a woman not because we are weaker or more delicate but because we are intelligent and poised…”ladylike”.

  12. I mostly loved this until that last line… “if more women would sit down and be ladies, more guys would stand up and be gentlemen.”
    I agree wholeheartedly that women ought to start acting like ladies. But do not tell me to sit down! That’s not chivalry! Be a gentleman and hold my door open for me, but if I decide to hold a door open for you, walk through it! We’re not incapable of accomplishing great things, and we’re not going to just sit around while waiting for men to stand up. The list above is a list of immature things that girls do. Guys do immature things too. If their immaturity defines them, it doesn’t matter if they’re 18 or 48: they are not men and women. They are boys and girls.

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  14. Dear James Michael Sama,
    As you note in your article “5 Things Making Women Less LadyLike,” you are coming from a male’s perspective. You said that you write about how all men should act because these are the truths that you hold for yourself. But I think you forget to mention that you can only come from your own perspective. Even though there is fault in trying to tell others how to act only because of the personal beliefs that you have, there is even more fault that you have in trying to tell women how to act. This is because you are not a woman and you have no place in telling a woman how to act.
    Instead your list of “5 Things Making Women Less LadyLike ” is more of a just list of preferences you have for how a woman should act. This list does not empower women but rather only lists the qualities that you find more attractive. By doing this, you are still subjecting women to your male gaze of what you believe to be “right” and “wrong” in the actions of women and aren’t allowing for individuals to make their own choices outside of the preferences of yourself. In your article, you are telling women that they should have one priority: to subject themselves to the preferences that you have of them. Your article works to reinforce the traditional gender roles of society which leave women subjected to the pleasures of men, and in this care, yourself. Even if this was not your intention, you need to understand that intentions are not removed from consequences. There are consequences that this article has in the lives of women or young girls who are working to define themselves. Their identities and actions should not be one where they are pressured to succumb to the preferences of a man.
    But the biggest problem with your article comes in your closing sentences. You talk about how a true gentlemen looks for a lady teammate in life but then you conclude with ” Maybe, just maybe, if more women would sit down and be ladies, more guys would stand up and be gentlemen.” Without apology, I will not sit down. I want to stand up and have a voice, and so should all the other women in this world. Please consider the implications and contradictions that your article holds. Once these are considered, then hopefully you can better understand the kind of consequences that this article has on society and those who read it.

    Thank you for your time,

    Julia S.
    University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, 2016

    • Julia, I think it’s likely that even if this were to be written by a woman, the attack on the article would be similar. It’s just that because he is a man expressing what he finds unattractive in a woman (in this case, the author seems dominated by ideas of gentlemanly and ladylike behaviour, dichotomising the two as such) his gender goes under attack too.

      Also, this article seems more popular writing, requiring understanding of popular generalisations of certain young people. I could guess at these being “women are looking for gentlemen in their lives” etc. So it’s written in a punchy, mildly provoking sort of way. Although he is being as diplomatic as he can. I don’t agree with everything he writes, and I mean posts other than this one–but I think you’re missing the point a little bit at the end.

      He’s very brave to write this as he has such high readership. But sexist people will find sexism in here, as I doubt he was having a go at women’s rights to voice.

      He’s somewhat amusing though, writing about gentlemanliness and ladylike demeanours–seems to me like just good manners.

    • Julia,

      How is the Womens Studies department? Still fighting the “oppressive patriarchy” I see. You overanalyze things to the point it almost appears you have a mental disorder. Cheers…

  15. Am I the only girl who respected this man’s opinions? I’m confident and independent and kind, and I found this list thought provoking, and NOT sexist. He’s simply stating what he values in a woman. And even if I don’t adhere to all of his expectations for a lady, I dig what he has to say.

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  18. This is a very good debate. Truth is debate is a good thing. Perspective is everything and all people see things from where they stand. Attemtpting to understand some other’s perspective is not always easy but
    is necessary to evolve and grow. If there is a topic that gets you “steamy” perhaps there is some truth in the other’s point of view. Although we all want to make actions right or wrong it is but shades of grey. Should I cuss regardless of who is around? The answer is no. Do I cuss? Yes. Has it caused
    me difficulty in life? Actually yes. It had nothing to do with the opposite sex. Have I learned an invalueable lesson? You bet. I was old enough to know better and wise anough to know better. Got cuaght up in the moment of being ” human”. I was embarassed and was asked to leave a funtion. Can’t tell you how low I felt after. I Love being a lady and treated like a lady. Most occasions I act as one. I am in the end of the day ,just one more human being.

  19. It’s a good article. But then I noticed the picture of your girlfriend that you have posted and she doesn’t look the slightest bit feminine at all. A man’s haircut, her clothes and the way she is standing is not ladylike at all.

    • My girlfriend just finished her cancer treatment and that’s why she has short hair. She is a fantastically intelligent feminine woman with enough class to never judge someone so harshly.

      Thanks for your feedback.

    • Wow, jerk much??? I’ve seen PLENTY of pictures of her and she is the definition of beautiful and lady like. It must be awful to carry so much hate in your heart. I feel bad for you! (kind of. you are a jerk, after all.)

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  22. This^ all of this, suddenly explains why the chivalrous (or gave up on chivalrous) men on your blog complain about ladylike women no longer existing. The females posting are either trying to prove they are above any imposed standards by denying its validity and living out the opposite. Proudly. Defiantly. Or they are defending the proposed standards of ladylike behavior by using personal attacks. Men are not much better, but this being a women’s trail of blood, I focus on my own sex.

    Intelligence is shown by thinking larger than the topic at hand. Swearing and cussing is usually a cheap way out of intelligent discussion. Circular reasoning is another. There is a lot of both going on here. I’d challenge readers to not post an irate blast of refusal, but to step back, try to understand, and intelligently (and rationally–think Spock) discuss faults and merits.

    Similarly, tact and diplomacy are shown by acting larger than the people around you. This trait perhaps more than any other has defined true gentlemanly and ladylike behavior for centuries–perhaps millennia. And it has never been “common.” Being able to meet someone where they are and come to an understanding is the highest respect you can show a person. Dismissing them outright and to their face without attempting a peaceable resolution is the opposite.

    We are not so low as to be incapable of intelligent, diplomatic discussion. Unless we choose to be. That being said, it’s foolish to grab a tiger by the tail and attempt to tame it. If someone is irate, jumping into their conversaion is usually an exercise in drama not in diplomacy.

    Kudos James for taking on such a volatile topic. I remember Darcy describing the perfect lady and it being an unattainable standard but one worth aiming for. (Better to aim for the moon and miss than aim for the skunk and hit it.) This blog post covered such a tiny fraction of the concept, but the topic is more fully covered elsewhere for those who want it. Your gentleman’s blog is the much needed corollary and as always, I applaud your efforts to raise the bar for both sexes!

    For those who have found their own alternative, may they find happiness and find ways to bring happiness to others.

  23. AWESOME post! With regards to your point if women being more concerned with their appearance versus their attitude, there is a great opportunity for balance here. There are times that I love getting dressed up and going out somewhere nice and then there are other times I love to throw my hair up, put on jeans, have pizza and beer and snuggle on the couch and watch a movie. Either way, enjoying the moment!
    Women that are “bad bitches” have wounded hearts. A woman that presents herself in this way needs healing and is not being her true, authentic self and she doesn’t feel worthy of genuine love.
    Keep up the phenomenal writing! Through the eyes of love!

  24. Very true…I remember Vincent Canby once said….I’m gonna kill you, homer….you…are…so…dead :)

  25. If all these people making negative comments would read the other posts in this blog, they would realize that most of them are directed towards men. You clearly spend more time trying to educate men on proper male behavior than you do trying to ‘command’ women or whatever it is the haters are calling it. I agree with all the points in this post, and I also agree that if I want a gentleman, I’d better act like a lady. If I didn’t want a gentleman, I would find an entirely different blog to follow. Keep up the good work!

  26. I realized pretty quick that I didn’t want to end up with most of the drunken, partying, disrespectful men that surround me in college. I wanted to a gentleman that would respect and love me. (Plus I like the idea of complementarianism) In order to have the love of a decent guy like that, I needed to be a lady. I agree with this list, James. You won’t find me doing these things. They aren’t pretty and will just attract the wrong kind of guy. If I did the things on this list, I wouldn’t have the wonderful, chivalrous man I do. I will have to show him this site! He’ll love it.

  27. “I’ve been challenged. Each article I write about how men should act, I am challenged by those who call it “wildly sexist” and tell me that I would be obliterated by society if I were to write something similar about women.” – JMS, I think your friend might’ve won! I love your blog, it restored my faith in humanity (until I read the comments – haha). But I must be getting old, I have never heard of “bad bitch”, “turnt up” and don’t know any women who would fight other women.

    • Sir, I believe it is not a matter of getting old, but a matter of who you have chosen to surround yourself with. Truthfully, I am 24 years old and attend college with a great many individuals who likely may use this phrase. But even I have never heard of the phrase “Turnt up”.

  28. I agree with this blog. There is nothing attractive in swearing like a sailor or partying and getting drunk or fighting, these applies to both genders. I am a lady, does that mean I am a doormat? Absolutely not. Just because I am a lady doesn’t mean I will let anyone disrespect me. And what the author here is trying to say is, basically, that if you want a gentleman to notice you, you must have the qualities of a lady. And as I read some comments over here about feminism relating to wether or not you had a father is wrong. I was raised by a single mother that I love with all my heart. My mom left my father for the terrible hurt he caused my family. Does that mean I believe all men are bad? No, I know many men that are gentlemen. My grandfather, for example. Being a B-word is not attractive at all. The same way that lowly men with promiscuous habits are not attractive either.

  29. Pingback: 5 Things Men Should Avoid Doing | James Michael Sama

  30. This is epic. Thank you for posting this. I try to preach this to my daughter and nieces all the time. Be the company you wish to keep.
    My father always said, “You can be whoever you want to be. Just remember, for every action you take there is a consequence. Your behavior has consequences. Your words have consequences. Make sure you act and speak in a manner that will only bring positive things into your life.”

  31. ***I posted this on FB–Hope you don’t mind my encouraging others to check you out.***
    So…I have been following these male bloggers that write daily about “How to be a real gentleman. And Bringing Chivalry Back”. Interesting concept and I am not sure about you but the male mind absolutely fascinates me. Perhaps because the way men think is so different then me which draws my attention or perhaps it’s because I desire to understand men more. Well the other day there was a blog about the qualities you would find in a REAL MAN. The short listing is below along with the link for the blog should you chose to check it out. http://jamesmsama.com/2014/05/19/8-things-good-men-dont-do

    *Good men are never abusive
    *Good men never cheat in relationships
    *Good men never discourage others
    *Good men never let you forget your worth (I LOVE THIS ONE)
    *Good men don’t avoid difficult discussions
    *Good men don’t look for conflict
    *Good men aren’t selfish (LOVE THIS ONE TOO)
    *Good men are never disrespectful

    These are ALL wonderful traits, and certainly things to appreciate in men. However..I got to thinking about how many men I actually know that fall into this category. And to be honest there WERE NOT a lot that did. Be that as it may I do not and have not considered most of the men that I know to NOT BE MEN OF QUALITY. So is my perception of what a GOOD MAN less than standard or have I just been exposed to so many less than quality men that my perception IS anything above my experience is good? Moreover—if I am digging deeper into that thought process wouldn’t these same qualities be present in a “GOOD WOMAN”? Wouldn’t defining what makes a GOOD WOMAN be a listing of standards far above the normality of a common woman? I think that if we are going to hold men to such a high standard it would be only fair to do the same for women because if we desire to partner with a man of quality (aka GOOD MAN) then we certainly NEED to be WOMEN OF QUALITY (aka GOOD WOMEN).

    May we all strive to be better than we were yesterday and better tomorrow then we were today! Love to ALL! Be safe—Be well! ~Melissa W

  32. Thank you so much for posting this article. The article brought a very vexing question to my mind… have men over the past few years changed as much as women? It is a perplexing question to me as well as the feminist movement that has devalued women more than what we realize. The women’s role is just as important as the males. Yet the feminist movement valued the male’s role as a provider increasingly more just to devalue the women’s role as a caregiver. Do not be mistaken, I am very grateful to have rights and to vote, yet femininity did not have to be lost in this movement. Take for instance dating; the man traditionally approached the woman. If she was interested she made herself available to him. Dating has become very perplexed with the feminist movement where men are almost afraid to approach a woman, yet woman will chase after men. Men generally seem to enjoy womanly women and to open doors and treat a lady with respect. Yet today generally, we women dress as if we have no respect for ourselves, open our mouths with foolishness, and conduct our manner as if, indeed, we were sailors crossing the big blue sea. Women should stand up for their femininity with the attractiveness and beauty it brings.

  33. Damn fed up, you should have written this. James you totally failed on this challenge. You really went after some easy targets. The type of men that read your articles are intelligent. Please don’t dumb things down. “I think this list could have some additions” Like having too many men on hold incase everything goes wrong. Instantly dating someone else. Passing up the good guys for ones that basically are the things they complain about. And thinking that all men are the same. The most attractive thing on a women is her mind. Then class, then attraction.” That’s real talk

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