32 Behaviors I Notice in High-Status Men

You feel stuck, don’t you? You know that you’re capable of achieving…nay, being so much more than you already are, but you’re just not sure where (or how) to start.

You have great ideas, but you can’t get people to listen.

You have mountains of love to give, but you can’t seem to attract women.

You feel stuck in your career, but it never seems like you have any other options.

Or, perhaps, you’re already in a relationship, on a solid career path, and have generated professional success…but you’re just not feeling fulfilled and cannot figure out why.

I believe that society is letting down the boys and men of our generation. We are seriously lacking role models in the mainstream, our positions in society are shifting and nobody is guiding us through the changes, and our visions of our self-worth and our relationships are becoming blurrier by the day.

(This is the very reason why I started writing, speaking, and coaching more than a decade ago).

As a result, you feel lost, confused, and alone. Like you’re destined to live an ordinary, bland, beige…life.

That’s not what you envisioned for yourself though. In fact, you refuse to accept that’s all there is.

You need to separate yourself from the masses.

You need to find purpose and meaning in your work.

You need to feel a deep sense of love in your relationships…intimate and otherwise.

You frequently ask yourself:

How can I be an even better partner? An even better son? A better brother? How can I be a better role model? How can I be a better friend? How can I contribute more to my community? And most of all: How can I create an even deeper sense of pride in the man I have worked to become?

My belief has always been that, while we don’t often voice them publicly, many other men struggle with the same questions.

I answer these questions in much further depth in my newest book, but this article will provide a substantial foundation to build an honorable, respectable life from.

1. Always go the extra mile.

One of the things I’ve begun doing lately is changing the way I say “thank you.” Whether it is a cashier at the grocery store or barista at the drive-through coffee shop, I always say some variant of “Thanks so much, I really appreciate it.” More than a simple “Thanks,” communicating a stronger sense of gratitude for someone’s service makes both of your days a little brighter.

With those we care about, we mustn’t lose sight of their wants, needs, and desires. It is natural to get caught up in our own realities, but remembering to pick up that little snack at the grocery store or sending that random appreciation text to your significant other will reinforce how much you love and care for them.

Let someone go in traffic. Use your turn signal. Do something for someone who can do nothing for you in return. Small extra steps often make the loudest statements.

2. Keep EVERY promise you make.

Darren Hardy once remarked:

“Commitment is doing what you said you would, long after the mood you said it in has passed.”

The quicker the world seems to revolve around us, the easier it is to overlook commitments and promises we’ve made. Perhaps we think (hope) that the recipient will simply forget about it, but even if they do, staying true to your word is a sign of honor and integrity.

When you make a pledge to yourself to only offer what you can deliver on, the results will be two-fold:

You will make fewer, but more meaningful promises. And, you will build credibility with those around you (and with yourself) as someone who means what they say, and says what they mean.

3. Properly fuel your body and mind.

Simple, but so often overlooked.

Stagnant desk jobs (or these days, working from home) are a breeding ground for poor health decisions. As if sitting down all day wasn’t harmful enough to your body, the ease of ordering a quick (and unhealthy) meal doubles up on the problem.

Sedentary days lead to lazy nights, as it’s even more difficult to garner the energy or desire to do something creative or active after the day is done. Subsequently we resort to Netflix binges or mindless scrolling on our phone until it’s time to hit the sack and do it all over again the next day.

There’s nothing wrong with rewarding yourself with some “fluff,” but reward is the key word.

Replace music on your commute with audiobooks or podcasts. Commit to working a documentary into your Netflix routine. Hop onto YouTube and start your day with a free body weight workout. The small habits we create on a daily basis quite literally shape the reality (and the body) that we live in.

4. Improve your communication skills.

Written, verbal, and non-verbal communication are the keys to expressing our ideas and our identity to the world.

Watch, listen to, and read work by those you admire and have developed a reputation of being effective in their methods. There is an infinite amount of free information at your fingertips. Find people whose style you can relate to and allow it to influence your own. Shape your communication style by adapting what has worked for others to your individual approach. Record videos of yourself and observe your tone and body language. Write stories or opinions about topics and ask friends for feedback. Engage in thoughtful discussion online. The opportunities are endless.

5. Learn to cook well.

If we want to operate at optimal levels, both our mind and body must be properly fueled, as mentioned in point #3. Doing so with proper nutrition is not easily achieved if we rely on takeout or restaurant meals for the majority of our diet.

Being creative in the kitchen opens up new opportunities for exploring not only what works best for your palate, but for what best serves you mentally and physically.

Plus, women dig it.

6. Practice gratitude daily.

The famous Jim Rohn once proclaimed:

“Learn to be happy with what you have while you pursue all that you want.”

This simple but poignant lesson about gratitude helps to ground us when we put all of our focus on where we are going, at the expense of enjoying where we are.

It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of pursuing or accomplishing a new goal, but if we are always chasing that dopamine hit, we won’t stop to actually enjoy the moment (or the people in it).

Each morning before getting out of bed, take a moment to feel the deep gratitude for the people and freedoms you have in your life. For extra bonus points, express this gratitude to those you feel it for.

7. Explore deeper conversations with those different from you.

The internet and social media have made it easier than ever to stay inside of our pre-chosen bubbles.

We choose which pages we follow, which friends we accept, which information we interact with.

And then, algorithms feed us even more of the same types of stuff.

Before long, we’re living inside of a fishbowl that we don’t even know exists, only having conversations that confirm our already one-sided bias.

Stepping outside of this comfort zone is difficult because it means that we might realize we’ve been wrong about something (or many things). This is why most avoid it and never break the pattern (See: Confirmation bias, cognitive dissonance).

Further resulting disadvantages are prejudice and discrimination as we steep ourselves further into the “Us vs. Them” mindset that shuts out anyone who comes from a different political viewpoint, religion, race, gender, or sexual orientation.

A one-dimensional life is the inevitable outcome. New and diverse information and cultures are what make for a rich and curious life, a deeper understanding of the world around us, and the opportunity to build meaningful relationships with humans of all kinds.

8. Take pride in grooming and appearance.

There is no one way any of us “should” look. As referenced in #7, variety and diversity are what make the world a very cool place to live in.

What does make the difference, is how we execute the image we’ve chosen to show the world.

The way you dress, talk, walk, and carry yourself, all express your identity to those around you. Who are you? What do you value? How have you chosen to show up in this universe?

Gone are the days of suits on airplanes, fedoras, and 3-piece suits (unfortunately), but taking pride in whatever style choices you do make is a sign of respect both for yourself and those around you.

9. Practice patience.

The world is moving faster than ever, and we can access almost everything we want by opening an app on our phone. We can order food, find a job, or and even get a date with a swipe or push of a button.

The result is an instant gratification society who is losing its ability to be patient, calm, and understanding when things take longer than we are used to.

What’s more is that deep and meaningful things (skill development, long term relationships) are not instantly achieved and require us to be patient and deliberate with our approach.

Undertaking tasks and setting goals that are specifically longer-term will help us to hone and develop our ability to not just “wait,” but maintain a positive mindset and perspective in the process.

10. Work to understand your relationships.

Particularly true for heterosexual men, a deeper understanding of the female brain helps us learn the basics of attraction, relationships, communication, and emotional connection.

So many men complain about not being able to understand women, yet so few men put in the time and effort to actually do so.

Communicate, ask questions, pay attention. We will never be able to predict or fully understand how or why an individual human being does what he or she does, but we can gain a greater understanding of how the human brain works and become better at navigating the waters.

11: Get better at decision making.

Decisiveness signals confidence, and confidence reinforces trust. Making decisions, particularly when others are affected by them (personally or professionally) is a heavy responsibility, but that’s why extraordinary men are hard to come by.

It is one’s obligation to be thoughtful and informed about each decision that one makes. But when it is made, it must be done free of doubt.

12: Practice what you preach.

Aside from just saying inspiring things, extraordinary men must lead by example. People look to those who’ve walked the walk, who’ve proven they can get the job done, who live their own lives in ways that make you want to be better.

If you are leading a team at work and encouraging everyone to come in earlier to finish a project, the best way to make it happen is to always be the first one there. Not just dictating what you want done, but showing you hold yourself accountable for the same.

Parents may tell their children “do as I say, not as I do,” but the truth is that we watch those that we look up to and we learn from them. When striving to become a better man, we must understand we are held to a higher standard of conduct at all times, because people are paying attention.

13: Hold yourself accountable.

Reality check: You’re not perfect. Nobody is.

Not a single soul on this planet goes through their entire life without making mistakes. Those who tell us that’s the case are never taken seriously because we all know better.

Extraordinary men are not perfect men. But admitting this is part of what makes them extraordinary.

Avoiding responsibility is the death of trust. It means you will always pass the blame to someone else and never open yourself up to learning new things because you think you’ve got all of the answers. This strips you of a sense of humanity that we need to feel in order to believe in someone.

Extraordinary men own up to their mistakes and work to fix them. People respect that far more than someone pretending they’ve got it all figured out.

14: Seek to help others rise.

As we’ve just established, nobody is perfect. What’s also true is that nobody knows everything about everything.

You may have heard of the “entrepreneur’s curse,” which is a struggle that many face when it comes to delegating tasks, because they want to do everything themselves.

By holding on too tightly to control, though, we actually impede progress because we may not be the best candidate for a certain task.

Just like on a sports team, players are organized based on their skillset. You wouldn’t expect a quarterback to also be a receiver, and a lineman, and a kicker.

Extraordinary men empower others to do what they’re best at. They are comfortable taking a back seat, because they have nothing to prove.

15: Never take a good person for granted.

Someday, someone will come along and appreciate what you didn’t.

16: It ain’t over ’til it’s over.

You may be a late bloomer, you may take longer than others to find your place in the world…but if you consistently do what’s right and do the best you can to be good to others, you will win in the end.

Extraordinary men don’t throw in the towel. They use it to wipe the sweat off of their face, and keep going.

17: Remember that having a significant other doesn’t make you complete.

I understand that you are frustrated with dating and you want to find a relationship, but being extraordinary has nothing to do with your relationship status.

You are a complete, whole person, right now as you are. A great relationship is not about two people who complete each other, but two people who are already whole and accept each other completely.

18: Always keep asking questions.

Curiosity, learning, and understanding, are literally the lifeblood of both individual and societal progress. There is so much left for our species to learn about our own psychology, our planet, and especially our universe — that an unquenchable desire for ongoing knowledge is the key to improvement. The moment we stop learning is the moment we stop growing.

You cannot become an extraordinary man with an ordinary knowledge base.

19: Don’t be afraid of making mistakes.

Brian Acton, founder of WhatsApp, is a fantastic example of this. In 2009, Brian applied for a job at Facebook and was turned down. On February 19th, 2014, Facebook bought Brian’s company for a staggering 19 Billion dollars. Had Brian allowed his previous setback discourage him or cause him to change direction in life, this may not have happened. He used his “failure” as fuel to create an infinitely bigger success…a lesson we can all learn from.

20: Dream big.

An extraordinary life begins with an extraordinary vision.

It sounds cliche, but it’s important that we always make sure we have more dreams than memories. To wake up each morning without a goal to strive for will make for a bleak, mundane life. We only get one shot at life, and it’s too short to be miserable.

21: Never lose your imagination.

Ask a child to look into the sky and tell you what a cloud looks like, and you’ll get hundreds of answers. Show them a blotch of ink on a piece of paper, and you’ll get an entire story around it. As we become adults we start to see things more in black and white without the imagination and creativity. Throw your logic away next time you look at the clouds, and see what stories you can create.

As important as logic is to living a successful life, it can also be paralyzing. We can over-think, and create problems that didn’t even exist in the first place. Happiness and progress relies on a healthy mix of imagination, emotion, and logic…not too much of one ingredient.

22: Be as optimistic as you can, as often as you can.

As hard as it is, we have to remember that the past is simply a thought appearing in your mind in the present. Each new situation is unique in its own way and we can’t let our past disappointments govern how we see the future.

Being governed by our past is a sure path to staying stuck. Stagnant. Ordinary.

We all have to remember we have the ability to learn and grow constantly. Our minds are endless sponges for information and we can mold ourselves as we wish.

23: Make the move.

Being rejected may be painful, but not as painful as the lingering regret of wondering if you’ve let ‘the one’ fall through the cracks.

24: Tip well.

When you take care of people, they take care of you.

25: Waste no energy on negative people.

How can you become an extraordinary man if you spend your time around ordinary (or negative) people? You can’t.

26: Give and accept nothing less than respect.

This applies to everyone from people on the street to your romantic partner. If you are not getting what you deserve from them, find someone who will give it to you. If you are not giving it to them, don’t be surprised if they leave. Never settle for less than you deserve in life or in love, you are better than that.

27: Acknowledge your emotions.

An ordinary life is one with muted and dulled feelings and experiences. To be extraordinary, we must dive fully into our human existence and stop being afraid of what it might feel like

We all have emotions, and it takes more strength to be vulnerable and show them to others than it does to hold them in and hide from the world.

28: Belong to a community.

Whether it is playing sports, and instrument, or playing chess; whatever you enjoy, do it, and do it with others. It will increase your sense of belonging, confidence, and bring new opportunities to your life. Stay socially involved.

29: Keep moving forward when people let you down.

It’s a reflection of them, not you.

30: Win like you’re used to it…

…lose like you enjoyed it for a change.

Extraordinary men don’t gloat or brag. Their achievements speak for themselves.

31: Be capable of defending yourself and your loved ones.

Even if you never have to.

32: Everyone has a different path to happiness. Follow yours with passion.

Aside from money, aside from cars, or houses, or clothes, or watches…is the importance of being truly happy in life. There is no substitute for it. There is no possession that can fill the hole where it belongs. And there is no finding it if you stray from the path you belong on.

Extraordinary men stay focused on what matters most.

Do not let anyone tell you how to live your life. We all have different interests, different passions, different natural talents. To discover yours and to run with it, is something that many people forego for the sake of convenience and instant gratification. They are short-sighted, but time is not. Waking up one day and wondering where the hell your life went and why you never did the things you always wanted to do, is an easily avoidable tragedy.

As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: To be yourself in a world that’s always trying to make you into something else is the greatest accomplishment.

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• James Michael Sama is an internationally recognized speaker, author, and personal development coach.
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