10 Positive Signs They’ll Make A Great Partner
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Look for these GREEN flags in your relationship.
We spend a lot of time talking about the red flags to look for in a partner or relationship. But, what about all of the positive signs that someone may actually be different from the rest and give you all that you deserve?
Isn’t that what we’re looking for, anyway? So, why not understand what it looks like so we’ll recognize it when it shows up…?
Here are 10 positive signs that someone just might be the real deal:
1: They’re kind and respectful to people who AREN’T you.
When you’re building a relationship with someone new, they’ll always be putting their best foot forward. They’ll be on their best behavior and do whatever they can to win your affection — as they should.
Note: This effort should be consistent and not fade after the “honeymoon phase” of the relationship, but that’s a conversation for another article.
However, what’s often overlooked is how they treat the people they’re not trying to impress.
The barista, the waitstaff, the bartender, the mailman.
For years I’ve been saying that someone who’s a nice person to you, but not the waiter, is not a nice person. They’re simply putting on an act because they want something from you.
But, if you can observe someone’s actions in all areas of life around all different types of people, and they are kind and genuine with everyone, that is a sign that their true character is one of integrity, honor, and respect.
2: They take accountability for their actions.
“I’m sorry” might only be two words, but it is a big statement.
People who are unable to hold themselves accountable and accept responsibility will never open themselves up to learning or growth, because they think they already have it all figured out.
Spoiler alert: Nobody does.
Nobody is perfect, and nobody is free from making mistakes.
But, that’s okay, because we all do it.
What’s not okay, is blaming someone else for your poor decisions, or refusing to accept responsibility when you’ve said or done the wrong thing. And, it prevents real bonding in a relationship because they’ll always be passing the blame onto you or refusing to change their behavior.
If, though, they’re willing to look themselves in the mirror, admit wrongdoing, apologize to you, and — most importantly — actually change their actions for the better, this is a sign of someone with the emotional maturity to actually build a relationship alongside of you.
3: They respect and honor your boundaries.
Few things are more important than respect in a relationship — and you do not push or stretch the boundaries of someone that you respect. You listen to them, and operate within them.
If you want to take it slow, they’ll take it slow. If you need to communicate more, they’ll communicate more. If you need space, they’ll give you space.
You get the idea.
Persistence is one thing, but ignoring what you want and need and just doing whatever they feel like doing is disrespectful and inconsiderate. A great partner will listen to you, and adjust accordingly.
4: Their words and actions align.
Anyone can tell you what you want to hear, but few people will show you they’re serious about backing up those words with actions…
Trust is built through this consistency, and running hot-and-cold can quickly melt it away.
If, though, you look at how they conduct themselves in all areas of life, and see someone who means what they say (and says what they mean), this is someone who is worth giving a chance to.
Of course it’s impossible to know what the future will bring and how they will (or won’t) change over time, but this is why points like #1 are so important. It’s not just about how they act in your relationship, it’s about the patterns of their past, and the reputation it has created for them.
5: How YOU feel matters to them as much as how THEY feel.
Part of being in a great relationship is shifting your mindset from “me” to “we.”
You’re no longer making decisions that only affect your life, but that of your partner’s as well. And, kids if either of you have them.
For this reason, entering into a relationship requires us to consider our partner in any major decisions that we make. I don’t mean what kind of coffee you order, but I do mean getting one for them as well.
Checking each other’s schedule before you make a commitment.
Not disregarding what they say just because you disagree.
Feeling recognized in a relationship will be a shield against resentment, frustration, and pain.
6: They put in effort to understand themselves and others.
I find that one of the biggest things holding people back in relationships is that they’re not happy or fulfilled from within.
They’re seeking external validation, or simply avoiding asking themselves the hard questions altogether.
Who am I?
What do I want?
Who do I want to be with?
What do I really need in my life and relationships?
If someone isn’t willing to understand these things about themselves, they certainly won’t put in the time to understand them about you, either.
But — if they are — that’s when you can create a deep and meaningful bond based on truly knowing each other. Something not many relationships can achieve.
7: They make you feel safe.
Feeling safe in your relationship is about being free of judgment. Knowing that you can open up to your partner, show them the most authentic version of yourself, and be fully accepted.
Not just tolerated — accepted. Free of judgment.
The right person will create that space for you to open up and be fully you. If you can’t do this with the person you’re with — then why are you with them?
8: They’re willing to have hard conversations.
Avoiding the difficult discussions does more harm than good in the long run.
It may be tempting to “not bring it up” if it’s bothering you — but all that’ll happen is that you harbor those feelings and they come out at an undesirable time, in an undesirable way.
Someone who is mature enough to convey their feelings to you, even when it’s not something you want to hear, is also mature enough to hear you when you do the same in return.
Having these difficult conversations can serve as a bridge, not a wall.
They can bring you closer together as you gain a deeper understanding of each other’s wants and needs.
But, if you avoid them, not only do you create an emotional blockage, but you stifle the growth of the relationship as a whole.
9: They approach conflict as a repair tool.
When these hard conversations are had, there should be one goal in mind: Finding a mutually beneficial solution.
It’s not about placing blame, or unloading your frustrations, or “being right.”
It’s about coming together as a team and finding a solution for both of you.
It’s you two against the problem, not you two against each other.
Find someone who understands that.
10: They prioritize you feeling seen and heard.
Life gets crazy. Work, bills, family, chores, hobbies, errands…
But at the center of it all, remains your relationship.
I have always believed that your relationship should be a core priority in your life. This is the person you’re pledging your heart, body, and soul to — and your connection with them influences all other parts of your life.
It can put you in a good or bad mood.
It can influence your energy.
It can change how you handle challenges at work.
And, a good partner, in my opinion — will always remember the commitment they’ve made to you.
They’ll do that by making sure you feel seen and heard in your relationship.
If you need to talk about something, they need to be there for you.
If you need them to hear you, they listen.
If you’re feeling distance, they pull you closer.
If you’re feeling smothered, they give you space.
Whatever it is that you need, you should feel that they prioritize giving you space to receive it.
As the old saying goes, don’t make someone a priority if they only treat you like an option.
If you both prioritize each other, though, that’s when the magic happens.
The green flag is waving. Ready — Set — GO.
Finding success in creating hundreds of viral articles and videos on building limitless confidence and healthier relationships, James has accumulated over 38 million visitors to his website and a collective social media following of over 400,000.
James speaks at live events and in the media across the U.S. and has become a go-to expert with outlets such as CNN, Bravo, The New York Post, The Huffington Post, The Daily Beast, CNBC, The Boston Globe, CBS, and more.
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