If She Has These 5 Traits, Don’t Let Her Go


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Never take a good woman for granted.

We can run through countless lists of qualities that men or women want in a potential long-term partner (oh…and we have), but the fact of the matter is that everyone is looking for something different.

As my grandmother used to say — “There’s an ass for every seat.”

That being said, I’m going to posit 5 traits in this article that I think are hard to argue with as what men are really looking for, and should fully appreciate in a partner.

1: She is warmhearted.

I was having a hard time choosing the word to use for this point. Nurturing? Caring? Compassionate? Warm? Kind?

But warmhearted encompasses the idea of someone who is all of the above.

While I believe that [good] men are natural-born protectors and should do everything in their power to make the woman in their life feel safe, I also know that men have their own desires to feel cared for or looked after.

Society has painted a false picture that men are emotionless or cold, but the truth is that we feel our own frustrations, pain, fears, and insecurities.

A warmhearted person doesn’t brush off these feelings when he expresses them — she shows empathy, compassion, and support.

She asks what’s wrong and lends an ear.

Conversely, this requires men to learn how to effectively communicate the feelings they’re having so that she can step up and connect with you.

She cannot provide empathy for feelings she doesn’t know that you’re experiencing.

2: She is independent.

There’s a stigma around the term “independent woman” these days that enforces the false narrative that a woman who’s independent doesn’t “need a man.”

Well — she doesn’t — but that shouldn’t be a bad thing.

Independence is a sign of self-sufficiency and confidence. It shows you that she has her own interests, hobbies, and passions.

A woman with her own opinions and viewpoints will keep your conversations interesting. She will be intellectually challenging and curious about the ways of the world.

She will help open your eyes to new perspective and be interested in the ones you can show to her.

Being independent does not mean being disconnected. It simply means that you have two lives to stack on top of each other rather than one person simply being absorbed into the other.

Double the pleasure, double the fun.

3: She is sexy.


Hear me out before you shoot to the comment section.

This is not about appearance, fitting into a mold, being a certain size, or looking a certain way.

Being sexy is an attitude. It is expression of desire. It is openness of, and connection to — self.

It is the ability to fully connect with yourself and your partner during those private moments in the ways that are most true to your relationship.

It’s about being willing to display that piece of yourself that gets lost in the moment, that can close your eyes with the person you love anywhere in the world and be fully one with them.

Being sexy lives in those playful moments, the intimate glances, the wink across the room at a party.

It’s not about what you look like, it’s about how you connect with another person.

4: She is playful.

Think about all of the serious parts of life. Work, bills, obligations, chores…your relationship shouldn’t have to be on that list.

Sure, there are many serious times in a relationship. We need to have serious discussions, make serious decisions, and live [relatively] serious lives.

That is exactly why being with someone who’s able to be playful and fun is paramount to keeping the balance.

Someone who’s happy, animated, flirty, and fun — when the time is right.

Not everyone is naturally like this all the time, but I believe that everyone has something that they are passionate about or love in their lives — and this love can light them up when they get into the right state.

Someone who’s serious all the time weighs down the mood and makes enjoying the lighter moments in life difficult. Life is simply too short to not include play in your regular schedule.

5: She is socially compatible with you.

It is not realistic to think that every person will always thrive in all different types of scenarios. A situation you love to be in might mortify your significant other.

But, that being said, I believe it is important to develop a versatility in ourselves that allows us to be comfortable in a variety of environments.

This is a valuable trait when it comes to family events, spending time with friends, or even work parties. Life is going to put you in a wide range of scenarios where having your partner by your side is going to be important to you.

Being comfortable with them mixing and mingling on their own as you go off to have a conversations or get her a drink will bring important peace of mind.

Here’s the key — don’t cut ties with her if you don’t see all of these traits all of the time.

Life is about adaptation and adjustment, which means different pieces of people are shown to the world in all different situations.

The most important thing is to find someone you click with, someone you can count on, and someone you can trust.

A well-rounded woman who is dedicated to both improving herself and the relationship is a rare gem that you should hold on to.

It’s never possible to describe a human being in a simple list of bullet points, nor is it realistic to create a list that everyone agrees with — but I believe this is a pretty good place to start.

Never take a good woman for granted, someday, someone will come along and appreciate what you didn’t.

James Michael Sama is an internationally recognized speaker, author, and personal development coach.

Finding success in creating hundreds of viral articles and videos on building limitless confidence and healthier relationships, James has accumulated over 38 million visitors to his website and a collective social media following of over 400,000.

James speaks at live events and in the media across the U.S. and has become a go-to expert with outlets such as CNN, Bravo, The New York Post, The Huffington Post, The Daily Beast, CNBC, The Boston Globe, CBS, and more.


  1. Lonstermash Mash on August 25, 2021 at 1:36 am

    Sadly, I’ve HAD these 5 qualities in two awesome women in the past 15 years, but things still didn’t work out due to each of them insisting on having children, while I did not want children. And I had an amazing woman 24 years ago, but it didn’t work out with her because she insisted on having a lifestyle I could not afford in addition to having children (which I was open minded to having back then). That brings me to the 6th trait (which you forgot to mention)…… SHE’S ON THE SAME PAGE WITH YOU IN TERMS OF LIFE GOALS

  2. Vivella on August 26, 2021 at 5:34 pm

    Great and realistic piece of writing, thank you!

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