5 Ways to Recognize Healthy Love


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In a culture of ghosting, love bombing, and swiping…can we still recognize healthy love when we see it?

The points in this article are written to give you a clearer vision of what healthy love looks (and feels) like, so you can recognize it when it comes along.

1: Healthy love lets you feel free.

Never mistake possessiveness for love. Yes, the person we’re with should be proud to be with us and enjoy spending time with us, but healthy love allows you to continue being yourself, seeing your friends, and pursuing your passions.

Healthy love does not restrict you, discourage you, or hold you back. Those are signs of possessive toxicity that will likely only get worse over time.

Note: This is obviously not about couples who love doing everything together and find joy in it. The point here is that “permission” to live your life should never be required in a healthy relationship.

2: Healthy love contributes to your life.

I cannot tell you how many students I’ve worked with who’ve told me that their partners contributed virtually nothing to the relationship. These are marriages that, when looked back on, had a slew of red flags that weren’t recognized until it was too late.

One of the biggest signs of a person who is serious about us is that they put in effort for us. It sounds simple, but it can easily be forgotten as we get excited about someone new and start overlooking small things that could be larger concerns over time.

Healthy love grabs that small thing at the store that reminds them of you. It brings you coffee when they get their own. It does the small things for no reason. Healthy love supports your ambitions and comforts you when you’re in pain.

Healthy love enhances your life and brings value. It never discourages you or holds you back.

3: Healthy love supports your growth.

Healthy love values who you are today and supports you on the journey of personal evolution. Healthy love wants to see you thrive and succeed in all areas of life, because it’s being given by someone who is working to do the same.

Someone trying to keep you from becoming your optimal self is nervous about you outgrowing them, or is living in deep-rooted insecurities that they are not enough for you. In response, they’ll try to hold you back from becoming everything you can.

Don’t let them.

4: Healthy love communicates without judgment.

Communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship (intimate, friendships, professional…). It’s how we learn each other’s desires, hopes, dreams, fears, wants, needs…and the type of love that fully accepts and embraces you will hold space for you to share all of this, and more.

Healthy communication is calm, logical, productive, and non-judgmental.

If both partners in a relationship approach their communication from this place, problems are more easily solved, and some of which may be completely avoided in the first place.

5: Healthy love comes from within first.

The most important relationship that you’ll ever have is with yourself. If that one isn’t healthy, none of your others will be.

To feel a deep sense of self-worth is the first step towards raising your standards high enough to refuse anything less than what’s in this article. Healthy love from another can only be received by someone who is ready for it, and if we do not truly believe that we deserve it, we can subconsciously reject it and sabotage ourselves without realizing it.

Creating an atmosphere of healthy love with your partner will empower you both to grow, develop, and thrive…both as couples and as individuals.

And when you’ve got that, what more can you ask for?


Let’s connect: Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | Coaching & Speaking | Join me on Clubhouse -> JamesMSama.

1 Comment

  1. Lynn Mcaleer on February 1, 2021 at 2:38 am

    I’ve had success w/ your advise! Thank you

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