Before you approach a woman, ask yourself these 5 questions


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Part of the confusion that’s been spread throughout dating (and all social interactions) these days is not knowing what the proper etiquette is for approaching someone, saying hello, or trading a smile.

When we think about it, these are some of the most basic of human interactions. Our minds automatically scan a room for faces looking for familiarity (this roots from our primitive mind; think, a caveman trying to find members of his tribe). Yet, women often tell me that men never approach them in public, even when they are open to it.

Contrary to popular belief, gentlemen, women ARE open to being approached – but there is a time and place for everything. How do you know if this is the right or wrong time? Ask yourself:

1: Is she wearing two headphones?

A couple of years ago there was an article that came out encouraging men to physically reach over and remove one of a woman’s headphones from her ear in order to start a conversation. DO NOT DO THIS.

If she is wearing both headphones at the gym, while she’s reading, on her laptop at the coffee shop, or any other situation where she has entered into her own zone, save your compliment for the next time you see her.

(I specify two headphones here, because wearing a single one while the other hangs loose could be perceived as more of an ‘open door’ and shows she is listening to something but not completely closed into her own world).

2: Is she making eye contact with other people in the room?

If you’re at an event or social gathering, pay close attention to how she is interacting with the crowd in general. If she is laughing, smiling, chatting with people, and generally having a good time – odds are she is in a friendlier mood that welcomes further social interaction.

If you’re not sure either way, casually walk by her and smile. If she avoids your gaze, it’s a no. If she meets your eye contact and smiles back, then say hello.

If she is tucked into a corner either by herself or with friends, she is more than likely signaling to the room that she’d rather be left alone and isn’t feeling the vibe. Going up to her will only show that you cannot read social cues.

3: Is she already in motion?

She probably does not want you tagging along on her jog, as she hurries to her car from the gym, or while she’s loading her 3 kids and 397 bundles into the SUV.

4: Is her body language open, or closed?

This is perhaps one of the most obvious but also overlooked signals of availability, or unavailability. Crossed arms, body turned away from you, avoiding eye contact, or other ‘barriers’ should all be clear signs to save the pursuit for another day. Some ‘dating coaches’ will try to sell you ways to overcome her attitude, but if you make her uncomfortable in the process, you’ve already lost.

5: Am I confident enough to do this without sounding like a creep?

I’m a BIG proponent of introspection. As someone who coaches men on personal development, confidence, and dating principles, this is an absolutely pivotal part of the process.

Even if all of the other answers above give you the green light, you need to be honest with YOURSELF about whether or not you’re mentally prepped for that interaction. Most people these days are often in a hurry and being stopped by someone who is asking random questions or attempting to give a compliment while in a rush, will not be well received.

The more casual and effortless you can make your approaches appear, the better. Comfort is the most important thing when it comes to interacting with women. It helps build trust, build attraction, and build intimacy.

If you fail to create this foundation from the beginning, nothing else will follow afterwards.


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