The 8 Pillars of Being an Attractive Man
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Consider for a moment the differences in process between hunting and fishing. I don’t participate in either, but I think we all understand that one requires a more proactive approach, while the other is better suited to those who have the right ‘bait’ they can cast into an area and see which fish they can get to bite.
I feel that dating, for men, has transitioned much from hunting, to fishing.
Women are tired of being hit on all the time, they’re tired of being approached when they clearly don’t want to be, and they’re tired of guys who can’t properly read the social signals they’re sending out to leave them alone.
So, as born ‘hunters,’ where does that leave the single men of the world?
My opinion is – it leaves us learning how to fish.
If you’ve not put some serious consideration into how you’re presenting yourself on a regular basis – both online and offline – it’s time to take a step back and put these things into place. Note: These are independent of dating, and will also serve to help create a more fulfilling life for you regardless of your relationship status. The best way to attract someone, is to live an attractive life.
You’ve got established goals and dreams.
The first step to building a fulfilling life is understanding what’s going to make you fulfilled. A great way to do this is to pay close attention to where your mind wanders in your spare time. Are you always thinking about cars? Fashion? Video games? Art? Whatever it is – use this as a beacon to explore ways to make a living in that realm.
How does it relate to dating? Simple – a woman cannot picture a future with someone who hasn’t yet pictured a future for himself.
You’ve worked to become a strong communicator.
Gone are the days of fluff and smalltalk. People either do not want to talk about anything at all, or they want to talk about something that actually matters in the world. The old quote ‘It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it” comes to mind. Understanding the nuances of communication – both verbal and non-verbal – is paramount to being able to effectively express your thoughts and feelings while accurately interpreting those of others.
How does it relate to dating? I’m sure I don’t need to explain that one further.
You’ve got a great sense of humor.
After long days at a demanding job, coming home to someone who is unable to help you unwind and lighten the mood will just extend the feelings of monotony and trudging through life.
You are not possessive or jealous.
Possessive overbearing men are kryptonite to strong women. Smothering or coming on too strong to this type of woman is the quickest way to ensure that you push her away immediately. She is busy and doesn’t need (nor want) her hand held constantly. She works best with a man who lives his own life alongside hers, not one that tries to intertwine the two.
You’re still comfortable taking charge in the relationship.
Taking charge in a relationship does not mean taking charge of her. Just because a woman may be in charge from 9-5 on Monday through Friday, doesn’t mean she wants the same responsibilities in a relationship. At the end of the day, many women still appreciate a man who is the man,and will make plans for them on date night. A man who still romances her. A man who is chivalrous and respectful. A man who understands that a woman can be independent and should still be treated as a lady.
You’ve developed tact and class.
Two men can say the same exact sentence to a woman, and the one who doesn’t come across as creepy or grimey will be better received every single time.
You’re not a giant man-baby.
A man who constantly needs reassurance or validation from the woman he is dating will likely not find what he needs if he pursues a woman who is strong and independent. She will be secure and confident in herself and want the man she is with to be the same. While she will likely show him love and affection because she cares for him and wants him to feel loved – she will not constantly be reminding him of how much she needs him in her life. Because she doesn’t.
A strong man will not expect to be needed by a woman of this caliber, but it is important to note that men still want to feel wanted, and we all still need to love and affection to feel valued in a relationship, so this cannot be overlooked.
You’ve built a varied skillset.
You don’t need to have a ‘very particular set of skills’ like Liam Neeson, but no matter what women say, they want a man who is capable of stepping up and taking care of things when need be.
Even if you stay single forever, learning a variety of skills that will allow you to be self-sufficient in life is going to bring a slew of benefits your way. Becoming more attractive to women because if it is an added bonus.
Do you agree? Disagree? What did I leave out? Let me know in the comments!
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OK, so I have established goals and dreams that I have actually achieved (a stable well paying career for 24 years and outright home ownership in greater Los Angeles), I am pretty good at communicating and actually CALL women rather than texting if we are to have an actual conversation, my friends and most women I’ve dated tell me I’m very funny and witty, I’m pretty good about not being possessive or jealous (as long as she doesn’t do crazy things like want to hang out with an ex-bf one on one or wants to go to a club in order to get men to buy her and her friends drinks—yes, this actually happened to me with an ex gf), I’m definitely a take charge guy in terms of making plans and being VERY romantic, I’m tactful and classy, I don’t act like a man baby as described, and I know how to step up and take charge when needed. But apparently that still is not enough for a lot of women I have tried to date/have dated. Now, I know a bit thing standing in my way is my desire to not have children and only wanting a woman who looks really good, but besides that, it should not be this difficult
Sounds like you have a lot going for you in life, which is great. Yes, for some women kids are essential in choosing their partner, but for some women, they don’t want kids, maybe you haven’t found the women out there who don’t want children.
I am 24, I am married, and have a 6-month-old. This was not planned. But I have learned a lot in a short time.
You seem to have a lot of positive traits about you from your description, but something stood out to me. You said “only wanting a woman who looks really good”…. to me this indicates either a superficial level of wanting a woman in your life, or you are not looking for anything serious (which is your choice).
Looks fade over time. In this sexualized and pornified culture, women have become sexual objects for men’s “appetites.” But in truth, women are human beings with feelings, dreams, goals, etc. Just like men. Women and men both have their insecurities and desires and preferences.
When you’ve dated in the past have the women noticed you were interested in them only for their looks (if that is what you were interested, just going off what you said in your comment)? If so, that might be a reason they leave. Women, like men, want to be valued for Who They Are not What They Look Like, because at the end of the day we have messy hair, bad breath, and maybe stretch marks, but we as people are still beautiful.
Have you been able to achieve a deep emotional connection? You said you were good with communication, which is great! Communication is key in any relationship. And with communication, have you had mutual interests in your dating relationships? Activities you do together? Those are always great for enhancing bonding.
Have you been meeting people with the same relationship goals as you? Are you interested in short-term dating? Exclusive? Open relationship? Long-term? That could be another reason why things might not have lasted, different goals long-term.
Just some things to think about…
I hope you find the woman for you one day though! Keep looking!