5 Disappointing (But Real) Reasons Why He Ghosted You
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Disclaimer: This will probably piss you off. Only continue if you want the blunt truth.
Overall, technology is a great thing. It allows us to become educated on literally anything we are interested in. We can stay informed, we can connect with anyone across the globe, and we can improve our lives in a variety of ways.
But on the flip side, it has also given people the ability to hide behind a screen when saying or doing things to someone that they would never do face-to-face. Unfortunately, this has drastically changed the norms of dating (and breaking up).
Whether or not you’re familiar with the term ‘ghosting,’ you may have experienced it in the past (or maybe even done it yourself). Essentially it’s when someone just completely disappears and ends the relationship with no explanation.
Here are some possible reasons why this might have happened. Note: Some of these might piss you off. I’m not writing this to score any brownie points, I’m writing this to reflect the uncensored truth. I do not think there is any excuse for ghosting and these are not meant to be justifications, just potential explanations.
There wasn’t a real foundation being built.
One of the things I talk about ALL THE TIME is how we don’t seem to really be connecting and bonding with each other anymore. This could be for a variety of reasons like texting replacing real communication, or focusing so much on ourselves that we never prioritize anyone else.
Here’s the harsh reality: If your primary mode of communication with someone is through a screen, then they begin to take on the shape of a virtual set of words that responds back to you whenever you send a message. It sounds heartless, but this is why being face-to-face is so important. To simply stop texting someone when things go south is a quick and easy way to express disinterest.
The problem is, we forget that there is a real human being with thoughts and feelings holding the other phone. And if a deeper bond hasn’t been forged with that person, it is much easier to just walk away.
He wasn’t feeling your interest in return.
With the ‘I don’t need no man’ attitude that spreads like wildfire across social media, men are consistently reminded that women don’t ‘need’ us anymore (depending on who you ask), which makes for a much different approach to dating and relationships.
If he feels like he’s bothering you, or feels like the interest isn’t reciprocated, it is very possible that he will simply ‘give up the chase’ and might even think he’s doing you a favor by reading your signs and going away without having to be told.
It is rare that men really feel wanted or truly valued – so believe me when I say they are more likely to stick around and even put in more effort if they feel that the interest is reciprocated.
If he doesn’t think that you’re emotionally invested, then he doesn’t think that you’ll be hurt by him disappearing.
He didn’t see a real future together.
None of these are good reasons to ghost you (as I said earlier – I don’t think there ever is a ‘good’ reason) but this one might be the worst. He just made the decision that things weren’t working out, and instead of sitting down to talk to you about it or what he was feeling, he simply disappeared and avoided the tough conversation.
I believe this is a result of failing communication skills where we don’t truly understand how to have difficult (but necessary) conversations, so we just end up avoiding them altogether.
Dating is a hobby for him.
The more I write this post, the more uncomfortable I get. I almost don’t like putting this down in black and white because it just sounds so terrible, but when I started writing 5 years ago I pledged to always give you the genuine truth.
Some men simply date for fun. It’s about a conquest, or an accomplishment, or simply something to pass the time. Perhaps he doesn’t want anything serious and is just looking to feed his own ego by proving to himself that he can get a woman’s attention.
I know this because I was there once. I was a very late bloomer when it came to understanding what women wanted, and when I finally figured it out, I spent a lot of years going out and having fun with no interest in commitment. I never lied or manipulated anyone and I was always open about what I did or didn’t want, but that doesn’t necessarily make it right.
Someone else came along.
Maybe he is dating as a hobby. Or – maybe he really is dating to meet someone special. As many guys as there are out there like I described in the previous point, there are just as many guys who really do want to find a loving, caring, genuine relationship. Guys who have evolved past the ‘player’ phase and have grown up like I did.
The hard part to swallow about this point? If you’re looking for a monogamous relationship, you understand that only one person is going to fit the bill. This means that 99.9% of people you meet and date, simply aren’t going to work out.
This also means that you are going to be in the 99.9% for those people, too. And when the .1% comes along for him, he may not have the wherewithal to properly inform you. Your only source of the information might be through his updated Facebook status or a friend telling you they saw him out with someone else.
I will say this – I know none of this bodes well for the resurgence of the gentleman, but rest assured that a man who truly carries himself with honor and integrity, and understands that you’ve both become emotionally invested in the situation, will have the courage and dignity to sit down and end things rather than just disappearing.
Have you ever been ghosted? Tell me about it in the comments and what you think happened.
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FREE E-BOOK: 15 WAYS TO KNOW YOU'RE DATING A GENTLEMAN