On The Power of Singledom

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As someone who has spent the past 5 years writing about dating and encouraging people to bring romance and dignity back to relationships, I have frequently been met with consistent pushback that sounds something like this:

There are no good people left in the world.

Nobody wants to put in any effort anymore.

I’ve accepted that I’m just going to be single forever.

Negative, negative, negative.

For many people, particularly during holidays and special occasions, being single causes some self reflection (often sparked by inquisitive relatives). Outdated mindsets that tell us being single means we are somehow unfit or unqualified to have a relationship.

In the era of opportunity, though, many of us are walking our own paths in search of ourselves, our passions, and our goals in life. Not always on this list is: A relationship.

I fully believe that being in a happy and healthy relationship brings much fulfillment to our lives in ways that being single simply does not. There is physical intimacy, emotional support, encouragement, and even being challenged – in a context that is just not matched by a friend or family member.

That being said, though, this will feel like a burden if we are not yet comfortable and happy with ourselves as a single individual. Any challenge brought about by our partner will feel like a personal attack. Anytime they become distant due to something they are working through themselves, will feel like rejection. Any small criticism will be magnified ten-fold.

If, we are not yet happy with ourselves.

There’s a reason this is a recurring theme in my writing and why I even wrote a book on the topic. There is a unique power in singledom.

The power of creating the life that you want to live without asking for approval or permission. The power of learning to understand yourself in ways unclouded by the judgment of others. And perhaps, the most important of all: The power to choose.

The power to choose the person you commit yourself to will be fully developed when you’ve defined the type of life that YOU want to live. The identity that YOU create for yourself. The path that YOU want to follow.

Without establishing these inner truths and making your own free choices, it is very easy to fall into a pattern of pleasing others that takes you away from your passions and ambitions. It is one thing to be flexible and compromise; it is an entirely different thing to sacrifice your self worth and dignity for the sake of being in a relationship.

So, be not ashamed of being single. Be not embarrassed to sit alone at the holiday dinner table. Be not afraid to do things alone. To explore, to discover, to create the life you want to live.

Because only when you truly understand who YOU are, is when you truly understand who you want, desire, and deserve to be with.

 

 

7 Comments

  1. Ruby Astari on April 3, 2018 at 10:36 pm

    I love your writing here. Thank you.

  2. mgm531 on April 4, 2018 at 1:24 am

    Gee…I can’t imagine why so many men of a certain age are negative that have worked a lifetime to build a successful career, only to be all but ignored by 80-90% of the women with online dating. I can’t imagine why said man would feel indignant and insulted that he has to resort to groveling and begging to get attention from women that are still pining for their perfect prince charming even though he’s just a fantasy. I can’t imagine why men would just say ‘To Hell With It!’ and just live his life his way and not deal with all the dating drama and BS. Sure seems to be a simpler way to live life to be sure.

    • lonstermash on April 5, 2018 at 11:57 pm

      I feel ya, bro.

    • Sven on April 17, 2018 at 1:22 pm

      Trust me, alone isn’t as bad as being lonely in a relationship.

  3. Mary on April 4, 2018 at 6:35 am

    Amen n good morning 😀

  4. Sania on April 4, 2018 at 10:14 am

    I completely agree! It’s important to be single long enough to find your true self! After that is accomplished, you then have the power to sift through all the fish in the sea and CHOOSE which one to date and commit to instead of settling with the first (possibly toxic) fish that jumps into your boat! That sifting phase can become lonely and discouraging at times, but you hold the power and the wait will make the destination that much more beautiful!

  5. UrsulaB on April 4, 2018 at 2:37 pm

    Absolutely beautiful!

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