Stop Worrying, Guys. Turns Out Women ARE Open to Being Approached


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Every once in awhile people ask me where I get “insight” on women and relationships. I don’t consider myself particularly ‘enlightened’ nor excessively more educated on women than the next guy, but there is one thing that I have always had a habit of doing…


I enjoy communicating, having in-depth conversations, learning about people, observing. I think these are really the best ways to learn the realities of relationships and of each human being as an individual – and – to spot trends that can be used as learning experiences.


I have men tell me all the time that women don’t want to be approached. They are always mean or rude or just generally ignore others. So, naturally, I decided to go to the source.

I asked women if they were open to being approached by men in public.

The overwhelming majority said yes. There were a couple of threats of violence and “don’t fucking talk to me in public” answers, but that’s to be expected.

For the most part, women seem to be generally open to being approached – as long as you’re not creepy about it.

The interesting thing about this new little tidbit of information, is that it goes against everything men typically feel about women these days. That they’re unapproachable, disconnected, rude, et cetera.

Maybe, just maybe, the problem could be your approach.

Eventually we have to look in the mirror and see the forest through the trees. There are (literally) hundreds of women flat out saying they are open to being approached by men – what more proof do you need?

So, guys, I challenge you: Go out today, smile at a woman, and say hello. Don’t ask for her number, don’t be weird, don’t scream it out of your car window or sneak up behind her while she’s wearing headphones.

Just make eye contact with someone, and say hi.

The world is missing real, human interaction – and regardless of interpretation, women are real life human beings who are missing these interactions just as much as anyone else.

We need to have open and honest communication about these issues, and I think this is a pretty damn good start.

So get out there and make a new friend. Let me know how it goes in the comments.



  1. André Nickell on August 10, 2017 at 5:25 pm

    The hell with this BS…”As long as you’re not creepy”. So they get to decide what’s “creepy” to them? Well, no way. And of course they love to be approached, even if they call you a “creep”. It feeds their ego, their narcissism. And what is the enabling factor? the LGBT mentality, more specifically the utterly sich “trans” phenomenon, which will snowball and take over any insecure male adolescent to want to be like Bruce Jenner today.

    • James Michael Sama on August 10, 2017 at 5:36 pm

      I don’t recall saying who makes the call on what’s creepy, I just said don’t BE creepy.

      If you’re creepy, you’re creepy, but yes obviously the person being approached gauges their own comfort level. Isn’t that reasonable?

      • André Nickell on August 10, 2017 at 5:51 pm

        “If you’re creepy, you’re creepy”?? The Australian who got shot to death by the cop was creepy? In the cop’s mind, yes. I put it to you that there is no universal, unbiased benchmark as to what constitutes being creepy. But if the majority start saying so, then, just like for Trump, people will start believing it. But since you have a business to run and an agenda to abide by, I can understand your take.

      • James Michael Sama on August 10, 2017 at 6:00 pm

        What business or agenda are you referring to? You realize this is a free personal blog with my opinions on it, right?

      • John on September 28, 2017 at 8:17 pm

        James – here’s the definition of “creepy”. If a woman likes you, nothing you do is creepy. If she doesn’t like you, everything you do is creepy. So the advice to “not be creepy” is worse than useless. It puts all the pressure of the approach on the man, while the woman holds the creepiness ace up her sleeve. Even if you’re the perfect guy and she’s a bitch from hell, all she has to do is say “he was creepy” and everyone’s on her side. Other than being a mind reader, there is nothing the man can do to help his chances. So he doesn’t approach.

        The main reason women are difficult to approach is because THEY are so insecure and afraid of rejection. So the immediately put up their shield, even before you meet. That always maintain plausible deniability. They always leave themselves an out to be able to say “I was never interested in the first place”.

        I can’t believe you took women’s word for it when you asked if they liked being approached. Of course they’re going to say yes. They don’t want to be blamed for their romantic failings. They don’t know what they want, other than to preserve their ego.

        I actually sat behind 5 women at a bar last weekend. They were playing a game to see how rudely they could reject men. They were purposely flirting to draw men over, then rejecting them in extremely humiliating ways. I was very proud of my gender through; no men approached them, even with extreme flirting. At the end of the evening they were all complaining about that all guys were wimps. SMH

        Guys are getting the memo that women are toxic and dangerous. But women will never accept responsibility for anything. I’m through with them, and many of my friends are too.

      • Rodney on April 25, 2018 at 12:31 pm

        Who defines what creepy is? What’s YOUR definition of creepy? The one sure thing i know about the word creepy is that i’m sick and tired of reading that word and hearing it on tv.
        Also, i think you’re trying to be disingenuous by taking another course on how much women are open to being approached. Believe me and my buddies, they aren’t unless they’re fishing for free drinks at a bar. You must be a simp or a wimp. Don’t quit your day job.

      • James Michael Sama on April 25, 2018 at 3:26 pm

        Hi Rodney,

        Thanks so much for all of these fantastic comments you’ve contributed to the blog. I see by your photo that you enjoy hiding behind an anonymous account – which perhaps is related to why you seem to think women only want to be approached if they’re getting something from you.

        That may be the case for you and your buddies, if your presence is not welcome unless you’re spending money – but I never have any issues meeting women in public and striking up conversations without want of anything in return from either side.

        Also, this is my day job, so thank you for helping me make a living by spending your time on this website. 🙂

      • Rodney on April 25, 2018 at 12:46 pm

        Rubbish. Pure rubbish.

      • Rodney on June 25, 2018 at 12:17 am

        Yeah, it works great for mind readers such as yourself.

    • James Michael Sama on August 10, 2017 at 5:37 pm

      Also I have absolutely no idea what trans-anything has to do with this.

    • Michelle on August 10, 2017 at 10:40 pm

      You’ve got it exactly right Tyler!
      People are too afraid to even make eye contact let alone conversation. It is really nice to just chat to a random stranger about ‘nothing’ in a friendly way.

      • Tyler on August 10, 2017 at 10:47 pm

        That’s one thing that irks me a little. I always go for eye contact but people never seem to want to make any. I don’t know if women think it will give the wrong impression if they do or are just scared to, but it makes me a little sad to think that people feel the need to be guarded all the time. I’m super friendly and always looking for more friends, this just makes it harder… 😔

      • Michelle on August 11, 2017 at 10:11 pm

        I am all for eye contact. I was raised to believe that if you didn’t make eye contact then your intentions were insincere and you were up to no good, so I religiously make eye contact. But for me it also shows that they have you’re attention when you look at the person directly, and it shows interest. But I also know that for a lot of people eye contact is very daunting. They perceive it as confrontational or challenging. It doesn’t however mean the door is definitely locked.
        It has taken me almost three years of consistently greeting my neighbour – another woman – for her to start reciprocating and actually even smile and exchange a few words with me.
        It is hard to read people. We all struggle men and women. I sometimes feel like we have built a wall between the sexes and labeled them each as incompatible with each other. It’s one of life’s greatest quests trying to find ‘the’ person who’s out there, hopefully trying to find you. But I guess if either ones gives up at any point you both loose. So with this attitude, regardless of failure, rejection or really bad experiences, really none of us can afford to give up or stop trying.
        And if one method of approach doesn’t quite work out tweak it and try something different.
        Then there’s the attitude/belief that men have to and like to be the pursuers, which squarely puts the ball in your court. But from reading comments on this site and others I’m not so sure this is accurate?

    • Alexander Krastanov on November 3, 2019 at 1:10 pm

      I completely agree with you. I just saw a street interview with girls, who said that they liked to be approached IF the guy is handsome. So much for “open to being approached”…

  2. Tyler on August 10, 2017 at 7:43 pm

    I’m getting much better at approaching women randomly when I’m out and about. A lot has to do with working on myself and with that, becoming more confident naturally so I feel more at ease striking up random conversations with people. One thing I heard from a friend about being creepy: “the only difference between if a girl thinks you are creepy or cute is how attracted they are to you”. Not sure how true this may be, but some behavior will be creepy either way. I think a lot of being easy to talk to is not trying to get something out of the person, as well. Just pleasant conversation can be a nice break for someone in their day. Give it a shot!

    • Justin Scott on August 11, 2017 at 2:52 am

      Tyler, your friend is right in that “creepy” is in the eye of the beholder. I have a few women friends that I’ve called out for this exact behavior. If someone they aren’t attracted to tries to talk to them, says “hi”, etc. they get all defensive and “I can’t believe that guy, he’s so creepy!”, and so on. On the other hand if a “hot” guy they see walks by and says even something that I would consider rude they fawn over “omg he talked to me, he’s so hot!”. So yes, “creepy” can certainly be defined as how attracted they are. I have other friends who apply a more consistent standard and will talk to anyone regardless of perceived “hotness”. They tend to be less shallow and are, in my opinion, better friends. So for the guys, if she gets all disgusted and thinks you’re creepy for saying “hi” then she’s flat-out not interested, and in my experience, rather shallow and not worth wasting your time with anyway. You just dodged a bullet and saved yourself some stress. Congratulations! If you say “hi” and she’s friendly, open, and welcoming, then keep the conversation going… you never know where it might go and she’d probably be a better friend if you get to know her.

  3. Justin Scott on August 11, 2017 at 2:59 am

    “Approach” in this context can be interpreted in a lot of ways. It’s one thing to say “hi” to someone as you’re passing on the street, and another thing entirely to see someone you’d like to date and “approach” them with the objective of getting their number or asking for that date. In the first, asking women “would you mind if a random stranger came up to you and started a conversation with no underlying motivation” you’d get a different answer than if you asked “would you mind if a random stranger came up to you and started a conversation with the intention of asking you out because they find you attractive.” How someone defines “approach” can considerably change the dynamic all around.

  4. 49ersfan4life88 on August 11, 2017 at 6:04 am

    Ya I wish approaching women and having attractive conversations was something that didn’t have to be learned, it sucks that it can’t be instinctual or natural or innate, getting better at it later in life has to be the most painful thing about it. Ask for men approaching and Men initiating the interaction, that will probably Remain the norm until our sun expires and incinerates the Earth

  5. Cj on August 11, 2017 at 8:56 am

    I find some of theses comments interesting. From a woman’s point of view being creepy involves overt sexual advances, life comments, cat calls etc. What happened to a simple “hello my name is….what is yours?” I think the online dating culture has a lot to do with how one approaches another has to do with this. No one uses common courtesy anymore nor wants to hold a simple yet respectfully intelligent conversation anymore and for a woman like myself it puts us on guard when we sense someone may approach us. There are numerous scenarios going through our mind that we need to react to in an instant. So yes one’s approach is everything and a woman prefers the gentlemanly approach every time.

    • tylerpreik12 on August 11, 2017 at 2:37 pm

      So if a guy is approaching you CJ, can you tell his intention before he says anything? Are you guarded until you see what he wants or what he says to you? I have had a few random conversations in the past couple months that were more to fill time and I wasn’t trying to get something out of the person, and they went quite well. On one occasion I spoke with a young lady for maybe 20 minutes and didn’t even get her name. Something was obviously bothering her, but she didn’t give the “go away” vibe and even asked me a few things before going on her way. I would have liked to perhaps ask what was wrong, just ran out of time, but she didn’t seem uncomfortable talking to me. Was I being a gentleman with the approach and conversation? Maybe more so than other’s may have been, but it seems to be working for me. Hopefully her day got better afterwards anyway…

      • Cj on August 17, 2017 at 11:43 am

        Sounds like you were taking the right approach. A simple conversation just to pass the time is not what my comment refers to. I don’t have any problem with simple conversations say in the elevator or hallway with a stranger who is polite and courteous. But quite frankly those are few a far between. I don’t think I have my guard up and I do try to treat everyone equally unless they are being blatantly rude. I can’t comment further on your experience since I only know what you have stated on here. But overall those who are under say 35 or even younger interact very differently than those much older and it is working its way into how men approach women in general when there is some kind of interest. Polite conversation is missing and most often one just jumps right to the point without taking the time to get to know someone, at least that is from my perspective. I said it once but I will say it again with a few words added, what happened to a simple hello my name is…..what is yours? and then proceed from there?
        This is just my point of view. Have a great day.

  6. Cj on August 11, 2017 at 8:57 am

    I find some of these comments interesting. From a woman’s point of view being creepy involves overt sexual advances, life comments, cat calls etc. What happened to a simple “hello my name is….what is yours?” I think the online dating culture has a lot to do with how one approaches another has to do with this. No one uses common courtesy anymore nor wants to hold a simple yet respectfully intelligent conversation anymore and for a woman like myself it puts us on guard when we sense someone may approach us. There are numerous scenarios going through our mind that we need to react to in an instant. So yes one’s approach is everything and a woman prefers the gentlemanly approach every time.

  7. hmickeyjd on August 11, 2017 at 11:38 am

    Really? After 30 plus years of seeing the exact opposite, why should I believe NOW that the allegedly fair sex wants to be approached? Sounds like false hope to me.

    • James Michael Sama on August 11, 2017 at 3:51 pm

      Because there are literally hundreds of women commenting on the (linked) Facebook status TELLING you they want to be approached. What more do you need?

      • hmickeyjd on August 11, 2017 at 4:49 pm

        What more do I need, you ask? How about an end to the culturally sanctioned misandry out there that all but demonizes guys just for being guys? Is that too much to ask?

      • John on September 28, 2017 at 8:24 pm

        What do I need? I need them to be honest. Actions speak louder than words. What I’m seeing when I’m out and about directly contradicts what you say women are telling you.

    • Rodney on April 25, 2018 at 12:39 pm


  8. Ash on August 11, 2017 at 10:24 pm

    I agree that women want to be approached, but they also want politeness and respect from the one approaching.

  9. John on September 28, 2017 at 8:28 pm

    Until I start seeing women going to jail for making false rape accusations, I won’t be asking anyone out.

    Until I see the family courts lose their anti-father bias, I won’t be getting married.

    Until I see women being prosecuted for paternity fraud, I won’t be having sex with them.

    Until I see emotional abuse of a man by a woman recognized as being just as bad as, if not worse than, physical abuse, women will not have any part in my life.

  10. Leonardo Quintero on February 8, 2018 at 12:38 pm

    Creppy = ugly, not handsome enough to the girl. It is too risky to try to approach a random girl and the reward (if any) does not worth most of the times . I understand girls have the right to choose yes or not, but women’s rejection is most of the times humiliating, mean and intentionally rude and despective, even if your approach was extremely respectful and courteous. It is like they enjoy to punish a random guy for all the sh#t they had to endure with former boyfriends. I’m sick of that.

  11. Seeking It on March 15, 2018 at 11:13 am

    Then there is the I have a boyfriend lie.

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