10 Things Your Boyfriend Should NEVER Do
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It’s exhausting, really. It’s exhausting to hear stories day in and day out of mistreatment, of disrespect, of downright inexcusable behavior by men while I dedicate much of my time writing about how there really are so many good guys out there.
Before I get the backlash, yes, I understand women are far from perfect too. But that’s not what this article is about.
This article is about being tired of ‘men,’ as they call themselves, doing a disservice to the rest of the human race by essentially being void of any respectable qualities whatsoever.
And, I’m done with it.
There are simply some things that no boyfriend, husband, significant other, or human being should ever do to another human being. I want to outline 10 of them that should send you speeding off in the opposite direction.
He should never pick apart your looks.
“Oh, if only your hair was a little longer.” “If only you lost those couple of extra pounds.” “If you would only wear more makeup…” A good man will never take jabs at your appearance in a way that is demeaning to you or makes you feel badly about yourself. If he is doing this, he is purposely attempting to lower your self worth so you will not feel confident enough to leave him. It is his way of trying to control you and it is emotional abuse. Walk. Away. Now.
He should never invade your privacy.
In a healthy relationship, there is no need to hide anything. Texts, emails, Facebook messages – whatever. But that doesn’t mean your partner has the right to snoop through them if you happen to leave your phone around or your computer open. Someone who does this is showing you a massive insecurity on their part and is likely projecting their own infidelities and issues onto you. This should not be ignored.
He should never discourage you.
A sign of a person’s confidence in themselves is how they help to support the ambition of others. A good man will always be willing to help and support those around him, and will never be discouraging or insulting.
He should recognize your value, he will not make you feel the need to prove it to him.
The minute you feel that you have to prove your worth to the person you’re with is the minute you’ll know to walk away. A man or woman should be with you because they value and appreciate who you are, not what you do or how well you sell yourself to them.
He should never make you feel like an afterthought.
While a relationship shouldn’t be someone’s entire life, it is certainly a large part of it. I’ve heard too many stories about women who constantly get cast aside for “guy’s night” or something.
A man should have have a network and individuality, sure. But there is a difference between leading an active social life, and knocking the woman in your life further and further down your priority list.
If you feel like you’re waiting for him to come home more than you’re actually with him, it’s time to step back and take another look at where your relationship is going.
He should never make you feel like you are alone in the relationship.
Relationships are a partnership. A team. A two-way street. They’re supposed to enhance your life, not complicate it. If you are with a man who is complacent in life and love, puts no effort into you or the relationship, then it’s time to re-evaluate.
Keep in mind, it’s natural for people to get depressed and unmotivated at times. If this is someone you’ve been with for a long time, I’m certainly not saying kick him to the curb at the first sign of a slump. We all go through them – but what I’m referring to here is someone who is just apathetic and makes you feel like he doesn’t care.
You deserve someone who will wake up every morning and pledge to do and be the best they can for you.
He should never cheat on you.
There are plenty of arguments in the world that monogamy is not “natural” and that humans are not biologically wired to spend an entire lifetime with one single person. Regardless of the scientific validity of this statement, one thing remains true: Monogamy is a personal choice made by two people in a relationship. There is literally nothing physical binding two people together – just a decision.
A good man will never cheat in a relationship because cheating means going back on his word or breaking a promise he has made to someone he loves.
He should never disrespect you.
Easy. Simple. Basic. But, often overlooked. A good man will show respect to everyone around him. He will not be condescending or put anyone down, regardless of intelligence level or professional position. As the saying goes, ‘a man of quality is not afraid of equality.’
He should never avoid important conversations.
Whether it be between family members or in a relationship, a good man understands that no problem can be resolved until it is faced. The only thing that avoidance of difficulties will accomplish, is delaying the inevitable and potentially making things worse.
There is a difference between choosing your battles and avoiding conflict altogether – the important thing is to know when to hold’em and when to fold’em.
He should NEVER abuse you.
There are many different types of abuse, certainly not just physical, and certainly not just in a relationship. Someone can be emotionally abusive towards a child or pet as well as their significant other.
Regardless, they all have one thing in common: The desire to break another down. A good man recognizes that his confidence and worth comes from within himself, and never from attempting to place others below him.
At any sign of any type of abuse, walk (run) away immediately. It will not get better, and you deserve more.
There is just too much lately. Too much negativity. Too much combativeness between genders. Too much mistreatment. Too much argument and not enough collaboration. Not enough love. Not enough respect. Not enough caring.
We need to stop making excuses for those who mistreat us and start lowering our tolerance for this nonsense. Any self-respecting decent human being will treat you with the love and compassion that you deserve.
If they don’t, then what’s the point of staying with them?
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How about we add one more to the for-once-unnumbered-list? He should walk away, without regrets, from any woman (like my MBA ex, or my son’s girlfriend, or my best friend’s wife, or thousands or millions of others) who felt she had the right to do 90% of those listed behaviors.
Sounds more than reasonable. Not sure that it fits into the theme of this article, but I don’t think anyone would disagree with you.
Very good point you’ve raised here Jim…
“yes, I understand women are far from perfect too. But that’s not what this article is about.”
I’m pretty sure James addressed this.
Great blog man, You might want to increase the line spacing, I’m using chrome on a macbook and some of the letters are touching. FYI.
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From: James Michael Sama <email@example.com> Reply-To: James Michael Sama <firstname.lastname@example.org> Date: Saturday, March 26, 2016 at 12:29 PM To: James Ewing <email@example.com> Subject: [New post] 10 Things Your Boyfriend Should NEVER Do
James Michael Sama posted: “It’s exhausting, really. It’s exhausting to hear stories day in and day out of mistreatment, of disrespect, of downright inexcusable behavior by men while I dedicate much of my time writing about how there really are so many good guys out there. Before I”
Michael- are you single- I love how you think!😊
I guess Michael is married, or at least in a relationship. If he practices what he preaches, he’s definitely the best guy any woman can find.
This needs to be rewritten along the lines of “noone should do these things to their partner”. That way it encompasses all relationship/union types. In reality, we basically just need to treat each other with the same love, compassion, dignity and respect as we would want to receive from others.
I’ve been having a rough time lately- I would consider my last relationship as emotionally and verbally abusive and its hard dealing with it. I have found myself reaching out to my Ex and him doing the same but more out of feeling lonely than anything else. I am trying to embrace the truth, it was not a healthy relationship and one I would not want my future daughters being in, nor would hope he would want his own daughter involved in. This article is giving me a little more strength to walk away for good and change myself for the better. Thank you!
One has to wonder why, based on your description, you would return to your ex. Esepcially in light of the article you’ve tied you post to. The answer is, relationships aren’t as simple as Mr. Sama would like you to believe. Violence should never be tolerated, but often “emotional and verbal abuse” aren’t always unidirectional. You need help in understanding why you “need” a relationship like this. A professional therapist can help, reading pop psychology articles, as found here, won’t.
My one guy friend was like that to me – he would demean my dreams and goals and said they would never happen. This was discouraging for me. I agree with those things and yes going to therapy to learn relationship skills is also a very good thing!
Thank you James – one of the main things that drove a wedge between me and my last ex was his insistence on spending every single Friday & Saturday night with him chums. I work hard for my weekend, and expected to have at least one night be devoted to me. He tried to turn the tables that I was jealous, insecure & demanding. Yeah, guess I was pretty jealous. I thought I deserved a weekend night together, a chance to make love, a chance to wake up together and spend a weekend morning in bed together. Nope, drinking was more important, and my weekend mornings were spent alone, as he was sleeping it off.
He made it clear his relationships with his boys & their drinking club came before me.
He has a new girlfriend now, who happily accepts his neglect. I should feel happy for them, but I just feel sorry.
I think you are calling for a return of gentlemanly conduct as a societal norm. Bravo!
I’m curious…has anyone else encountered people who take things too far in the other direction? In other words…there is no room for being human, or making a mistake, or communicating when a behavior might be unacceptable to the other person and working through it to make the relationship stronger.
I am really enjoying reading your work. I wanted to ask you something since I notice it in the theme of your articles… Trust… or the lack there of is an insecurity within the non-trusting individual. I also note that you say as long as they have not been given a reason to distrust. But what is your stance if they have been given reason, such as cheating or lies.
I know you’ve also said a man won’t cheat on a woman he loves and vice versa, however we live in a world where man (50%) of us come from a broken home. With horrible role models and/or some profound reason their home broke up. So I believe people do make mistakes – out of fear not love.
So if a partner breaks trust, but is truly repentant and comes back humbly… and is accepted back, but the trust is not back right away. There is insecurity. What would you say then?
Thank you, I do appreciate your view and perspective. I couldn’t agree more good relationships take conscious effort.