5 Things You Need To Give Up To Be With The Right Woman

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As we get older, we find more and more things changing around us without any real warning. Our priorities shift, our goals shift, our desires for what to do on the weekends shift. Suddenly, you couldn’t care less about the bar on a Friday night and just want a movie on the couch.

Suddenly, you couldn’t care less about that one night stand and you just want someone to build a life with. Suddenly, you realize your priorities are changing – and you have to change, too.

Change is hard, because it requires losing people and things out of our lives which have been a big part of our existence for a long time. But, the funny thing is you eventually realize you are not really losing or giving up anything at all. You are simply shedding the skin of your life which no longer serves you.

Here are five things you need to ‘give up’ in order to find the woman whom you’ll eventually realize – you wanted all along.

You need to give up your bad habits.

Maybe you’re terrible at saving money. Maybe you’re a poor communicator. Maybe you don’t eat as healthy or workout as often as you should. The point is – to be with the right woman you’ve got to work to become the right man. It’s true that the right woman will love you for who you are, but it is also true that she will hold standards for herself and the man she allows into her life.

You need to give up having to be right.

No relationship is sunshine and rainbows all the time – despite the vision you may get from some of my other articles. There will be disagreements, there will be arguments, and there will be, above all: compromise. 

When these situations arise, flexibility is key. You cannot always have things your way and expect a relationship to operate smoothly, it requires give and take from both people. If either teammate feels the need to constantly be right, they will be closed off to hearing and adjusting to their partner’s opinions, and the relationship will implode.

You need to give up your ego.

When we are in our early 20’s, we are invincible. We don’t need anyone. We are the crème de la crème. But, with maturity comes the realization that nobody is perfect and that we have a lot to learn. Subsequently, we understand that many of these learning experiences come from the woman we will fall in love with, as she brings a fresh perspective to our lives. But in order to open ourselves up to these experiences, we must leave our ego where it belongs: In the past.

You need to give up your immaturity.

Maybe your avoidance of commitment or aversion to romance served you well when your weekends were full of bars and clubs, but when you are building a foundation for a future with a mature, established woman, you must adjust your approach.

Successful couples learn and grow together. They mature as individuals and as a team. To be part of this team, you need to understand that growing up, women didn’t dream of men who gave them a mediocre effort. Give her your passion, love, honesty, and energy.

You need to give up your short-term thinking.

When we are younger, it’s natural to think a little less about the future and a little more about the present. The right woman will understand that it is difficult to plan a future with someone who has no future plan for themselves. She will only want to commit to someone who will pledge to not only support her while she pursues her goals, but who pursues his own as well.

It won’t fly to just “see where things go” – she will want a man who she can count on as her teammate in life and in love.

The best part about giving up these things is that you are not really losing anything at all. In fact, you are gaining wisdom, maturity, and the potential for a more fulfilling happiness than you would find if you held onto these limiting habits.

What are you really giving up? You are giving up the boy you were to become the man you were always meant to be.

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13 Comments

  1. Harry on August 8, 2015 at 10:15 pm

    “Suddenly, you couldn’t care less about that one night stand”
    Really?!!! A person for whom this was importatnt is giving relationship advice

  2. Harry on August 8, 2015 at 10:19 pm

    And since “Susan” hasn’t yet commented today, allow me:
    Oh, what an inspiring and upliftinng message today! Keep writing, I need more of your fantastic wisdom!

  3. Al on August 9, 2015 at 2:38 am

    I see your friends are ahead of me, so i wont bust your chops. But dude, it sounds like your trying to convince yourself of these things.

  4. Graciela SouthernBelle on August 9, 2015 at 8:32 am

    I thought the article was very well done. It is great advice for many guys who have a hard time adjusting to thinking about more than just themselves. Finding and keeping the right person in your life is no easy task and I say that you are helping lots of people! Do keep writing and ignore the negative comments – no doubt they are jealous and wish they could be you!

    • Phil on August 9, 2015 at 10:20 pm

      Yep, we all want to be hack, wannabe writers without credentials gathering the accolades of damsels in distress. Trying hard to convince ourselves that we have some “new” ideas on a time-worn topic.

      • Charlie on February 6, 2016 at 1:05 am

        If you say this man is trying to convince himself of the truth, then by extension all the MRAs and ROK dudes are also trying to convince themselves of THEIR truth. In fact, anything anyone writes is an act of trying to convince themselves of what they are writing.



  5. Samantha on August 9, 2015 at 1:19 pm

    You left out the most important thing a man has to give up to find a quality partner. When a man is mature enough to judge a woman on her inner, not outer beauty then he is open to being with a good woman. Men who are constantly searching for beauty in a partner will never be worthy of an intelligent, kind, creative, humerous woman because she will want to be respected for her inner qualities, not what she looks like because smart women know beauty fades. She won’t want a man focused on her apperance because of this, Until men grow up enough to look beyond looks they are not worthy of a good woman .

    • Harry on August 9, 2015 at 10:16 pm

      @Samantha Only in the USA does this kind of thinking fly. And not with men by the way. If a man doesn’t find you attractive, and he isn’t a sloth too, then forget about it.

  6. Steve on August 9, 2015 at 10:25 pm

    Hey Samantha, check out the photos James uses of Plain Jane models. Notice how hard he’s trying in his photos to be the hunk gentleman.

  7. […] Originally appeared on James M Sama’s blog. […]

  8. Jim Christian on January 21, 2016 at 10:16 am

    Old article, but the only thing you left out that a man must give up, the very object of the article, the opinion of the writer, is you need to chop off your balls and hand them over to the woman. The owner of this blog and the advice he “gives” is fat, sloppy and womanly. A man gives up nothing to be with a woman. A man has what he has and the woman fits in or hits the road. Men, you give up not one thing for women. Women come and go by the dozens, your habits and ways of doing things, including how you handle women must NEVER change. No woman respects a man that changes in any case. As for marriage? What man is insane enough to do THAT? Please, this blog is feminist-corner, meant to weaken and demean men. You’re a fraud, Sama, an abject fail.

  9. […] The best part about giving up these things is that you are not really losing anything at all. In fact, you are gaining wisdom, maturity, and the potential for a more fulfilling happiness than you would find if you held onto these limiting habits. What are you really giving up? You are giving up the boy you were to become the man you were always meant to be. — Originally appeared on James M Sama’s blog. […]

  10. […] Originally appeared on James M Sama’s blog. […]

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