Why You Need To Stop Giving Your Heart To The Wrong People

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Take a moment to reflect on the society that we are living in. A society of participation trophies – awards for just showing up. A society of some high school football teams who have stopped keeping scores at games so nobody’s feelings get hurt.

A society of endless internet memes that proclaim that everyone deserves love and is perfect just the way they are. But whose love is it that they are deserving of? It has to come from somewhere – and that somewhere is you and me.

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Do you feel that everyone is deserving of the love you can give?

Now, this may not be the warm and fuzzy feel of an article you are used to from me, but sometimes warm, fuzzy, unconditional reinforcement isn’t good if you’re reinforcing the wrong thing.

The issue with a society that teaches everyone is perfect the way they are, is that it encourages no improvement or change. No standards. No willingness to move forward because the current scenario is just fine, right?

Wrong.

Some people lie. Some people cheat. Some people abuse. Some people mistreat you or others around you. And if we don’t stand up and tell them what they’re doing is wrong, they will never change. It is like a dog who misbehaves and we continue to reward him/her with treats, expecting that someday they will understand their actions are unacceptable. It doesn’t work that way.

The ones who work to become better are deserving of your love. The ones who will do everything for you that you will do for them and expect nothing in return. The ones who will care for you as if you were an extension of themselves. The ones who compromise, sacrifice, and fight for you.

Those are the people who deserve your love.

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I know there will inevitably be people who talk about psychological issues and things people can’t control. I know some out there had bad childhoods or traumatic experiences that affected the person they are, and that does not mean they are undeserving of love – but the expectations should be set that in order to actually receive this love they deserve (from you), they need to work to change and improve.

Stop giving your time, your body, and most of all – your heart, to people who haven’t earned it.

Raise the standards you have for yourself and those around you. Raise your standards for what you expect out of people in order to allow them into your life.

Give everyone a chance to earn what you have to give, but don’t give it away freely, or eventually you will have nothing left.

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15 Comments

  1. eighteen on July 17, 2015 at 3:33 am

    Reblogged this on myfemininecore.

  2. Susan on July 17, 2015 at 4:48 am

    It’s a timely article, James. Thanks. I am currently in a friendly relationship with a guy who displays romantic feelings for me but who is also quite distant. Very frustrating, especially because I have developed feelings for him, but after reading your article I know the best way to protect my heart is to forget about him and move on.

  3. literally on July 17, 2015 at 9:31 am

    Thank you! Needed this today

  4. Bela on July 17, 2015 at 1:29 pm

    🙂 James, nice photo.

  5. Rachel on July 17, 2015 at 1:38 pm

    I appreciate your willingness to go against the flow by stating what needs to be said instead of what people want to hear! I have often heard people say “Love me for who I am,” which is true, but that does not mean that you shouldn’t still expect that person to improve themselves…. or that you shouldn’t have standards for behaviors you are willing or not willing to tolerate in a partner.

  6. SM on July 17, 2015 at 3:10 pm

    Very aptly put! there are a lot of people out there gloating about being accepted the way they are, but posing unreasonable expectations from others because they only deserve the best… Not to say that one doesn’t deserve the best, but only if you are willing to but your best out there!

  7. Durdana on July 18, 2015 at 12:19 am

    i have just recently started reading your articles , on fb as well as in my mail! and most times the first thing i say is OMG! he is writing my thoughts,…Congrats on being a class apart from the rest,….keep doing what you are doing, it must definitely be ringing bells in many minds n hearts,……if i lived in your city i would have treated you to a cup of tea! Thank you,….blessings 🙂

  8. rlcarterrn on July 18, 2015 at 6:14 am

    Excellent article, as always! It’s so frustrating to watch friends lower their standards & end up getting hurt over & over again. As you say, if that goes on long enough, they won’t have anything left to give. :/

  9. Rivaldi on July 20, 2015 at 11:52 am

    Thanks James for the article, the perfect timing for me to read this since I developed too much feeling for someone and I thought it was a misunderstanding between us. I tried to contact her but what I received is an illogical reason. Great suggestion for me to set my standard high and never be easily fall for someone.

  10. chloe9021 on July 26, 2015 at 7:19 pm

    Reblogged this on Time to Evolve and commented:
    The ones who FIGHT for you….THOSE are the people who deserve your love. Why can’t I always remember this? It would prevent a lot of my sadness

  11. Stop Giving Your Heart to the Wrong People - on July 28, 2015 at 3:32 pm

    […] Give everyone a chance to earn what you have to give, but don’t give it away freely, or eventually you will have nothing left. – Originally appeared on James Michael Sama’s blog […]

  12. Jay on August 25, 2015 at 8:01 pm

    Reading this on a daily basis as a f reminder, especially since I’m feeling vulnerable.

    Thank you.

  13. Momofahel on January 7, 2016 at 7:35 pm

    Needed to read this but a little too late as I’m 4 yrs into a now unfortunate one-sided marriage. I wish I had of learned this in time.
    Thanks for your to-the-point articles. They all seem to speak to me in some way whether to show me where I need to improve on myself or to show me that certain feelings I have are validated and I do deserve better treatment than I receive.

  14. Romaninlove on May 29, 2016 at 7:42 am

    I completely disagree.

    Love is not selective, just as the light of the sun is not selective. It does not make one person special. It is not exclusive. Exclusivity is not the love of God but the “love” of ego. However, the intensity with which true love is felt can vary. There may be one person who reflects your love back to you more clearly and more intensively then others, and if that person feels the same toward you, it can be said that you are in s love relationship with him or her. The bound that connects you with that person is the same bond that connects you with the person sitting next to you on a bus, or with a bird, a tree, a flower. Only the degree of intensity with which it is felt differs.

  15. […] article was originally published at jamesmsama.com. Reprinted with permission from the […]

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