The One Simple Key To A Happier Relationship


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I often receive emails or Facebook messages from readers – not all of which I have the time to answer. I do my best to read through them though, and one had stuck out to me in the past.


It was from a female reader who wanted input on her relationship. One of the lines in the message said: “I think at some point I want what every other girl wants. A boyfriend that makes her feel like she matters.”

At some point? At some point? As if to imply that up until that elusive some point, whenever that may be, it is acceptable to have a boyfriend who doesn’t make you feel like you matter?

No. Just…no. The very foundation of a relationship is love. Appreciation. Respect. Trust. Affection. All of which need to be mutual and all of which make someone feel like they matter. If you are not receiving these things in your relationship, then what are you in the relationship for in the first place?

Think about how you acted in the beginning of your relationship. Do you still do the same small things you were doing then? If not, why not?

The small things you do in a relationship are quite often actually the big things, because they show you are willing to put in effort for your teammate for no reason other than that you care and want to make them happy. No holiday or special occasion required. You don’t need a date on a calendar to show your love. You just need, well, the love.


For a happier relationship, take the time during every single day to do something small to show your partner that you care about and appreciate them. Lives get busy, days get hectic, but that consistent effort is what keeps your relationship a solid battering ram of life. The two of you together, busting through all of the challenges you face. [Happy] relationships do not just continue on their own without any work.

It doesn’t have to be big things. It takes less than 30 seconds to send a text that will make her smile. Have a busy day planned? Send an early text – a good morning text does not just say ‘good morning,’ it says ‘you are the first thought I had when I woke up today.’

It takes no money to kiss her in the middle of her sentence.

Do you still reach for her hand or put your arm around her while you’re walking? If not, why not?

I want to make it clear – both men and women have this responsibility. If someone is not meeting your standards for how you want to be treated in a relationship, you need to speak up and make your feelings known. Why would you stay with someone who isn’t what you want?

You may not even realize it, but being neutral and generally apathetic in a relationship can be hurtful. It may not be on purpose, but not feeling wanted can often be the same as feeling unwanted.


Hold higher standards for yourself. If someone is great in the first few months of your relationship, but slowly stops doing what you loved about them – they haven’t changed, they’ve just revealed themselves to you.

If you don’t put in the effort to make your partner feel special every day, you lose your right to complain when someone else does. Life is too short to waste your time with people who don’t appreciate you.


Click here to get my new e-book, The Modern Man’s Guide To Chivalry And Courtship!



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  1. Grace M. Gomez on June 29, 2015 at 12:46 pm

    Something is wrong with the article and you can’t read it.

    • James Michael Sama on June 29, 2015 at 12:48 pm

      Hi Grace! Thanks so much for commenting – the article appears fine on my computer, can you give me a little more information as to what is wrong? I will do my best to address it and get it fixed asap.


      – James

  2. Jaketanakkarakter on July 2, 2015 at 5:46 am

    Good article

  3. […] Licensed material used with permission by James Michael Sama […]

  4. […] Licensed material used with permission by James Michael Sama […]

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  6. erlenstar on July 28, 2015 at 12:55 am

    great article and so true. I tend to be the one always making sure the other person knows how much they mean to me but can’t seem to get that in return so move on. life is too short and its obvious i’m just not the woman who is “the one” else my man would be the same way. I meet lots of wonderful, handsome, fun guys but will wait for the one who is as into me as I am to them or it just wont last forever! I know it will be worth the wait and refuse to ‘settle’. i’m also prepared if it never happens and have wonderful friends and family so don’t ‘need’ a man, just would like to share my great life with someone else great. Thanks for keeping me on the right track Mr. Sama!

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