10 Things You Need To Be Okay With If You Want A Happy Relationship


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All you need is love. Love is the answer. Love is all you need. Love makes the world go ’round. But does it, really?


Love is an incredibly important part of any relationship, whether it be family, friends, or significant others. Love is seen as the cornerstone, the very binding fiber that brings and keeps people together. But what if I told you…it doesn’t really work that way?

I used to hear people say things like “I love them even on days that I don’t like them” and had a hard time wrapping my head around the concept as I was younger. Today though, I can appreciate the love one may have for a family member, or even a pet, who may bring aggravation at times but you would still do anything for them.

I think that when it comes to relationships, we put a lot of weight on love. So much weight, that it is very difficult to tip the scale in the other direction. People seem to need tons upon tons of disappointment, arguments, or incompatibility to make the “love weight” budge. For this reason, they tend to ignore a lot of the bad things because they still have that one good thing.

Love is not all you need. You need mutual respect, compromise, sacrifice, understanding, the willingness to work at it and stand by him or her when times get rough. You need to be willing to be by their side not only during the bright days but also during the dark ones. To encourage them to become the best version of themselves, but also to love and accept them as they are today.

And, there are things you need to be okay with and willing to accept in order for a relationship to succeed:

1. You need to be okay with your partner not being perfect.

Nobody is – we all have our flaws, we all make mistakes, but when you love someone you accept all of them. Good or bad.


2. You need to be okay with their apology.

When genuine, honest mistakes are made, anyone worth their salt who truly cares about you will take responsibility for their actions and apologize to you. If you are unable to accept their apology, it will extend the conflict and not allow you to move past it.

3. You need to be okay with their past.

We are all adults and we all have a past. Unless you are each other’s first love, you are with a man or woman who has had previous relationships. Some part(s) of their past may still be present with them in one capacity or another – and you have to be okay with that in order to accept them in the way we discussed in point #1.

4. You need to be okay with communicating to them.

Nobody can fix a problem that they don’t know is a problem in the first place. If something they do (or don’t do) bothers you, but you don’t communicate the issue, they will never know to change it. Communication is a fundamental key to the success of any relationship – intimate or otherwise.

5. You need to be okay with them communicating to you.

You have two ears and one mouth for a reason: To listen more than you speak. Relationships and communication need to be a two-way street, and if you are vocal about your concerns but become defensive when your partner tells you about theirs, it will never work.


6. You need to be okay with being wrong sometimes.

Remember point number 1, about nobody being perfect? That applies to both people in a relationship. Just as they have flaws and will be wrong at times, so will you. Accepting being wrong is the key to learning and growing as a person and as a partner. Nobody ever learned something new by being right all the time.

7. You need to be okay with good and bad times.

When you commit to someone, you are not just committing to standing beside them on the sunny days. You are committing to being the person who holds the umbrella over their head during the stormy days. To stand by them through life’s challenges. To be their friend, their teammate, and their partner. 

Be affectionate, be romantic, be intimate, build a strong bond with the person you love. Any good relationship will have (many) more of these times than the bad times, but life isn’t rainbows and butterflies all the time – and you have to be okay with that.

8. You need to be okay with how they feel love.

Everyone feels love differently. I really need to get my hands on “The Five Love Languages,” because I have heard great things about how the book describes the five different ways that people feel love.

The reason why this is so important is that if you and your partner have two different languages, you may express love to them in your way, but they do not feel it because it is not how they communicate. It is easy to see how these types of fundamental miscommunications can cause tension without anyone intending for it to happen.

I think it is worth a conversation with the person you love to figure out which love language they best relate to – and put in the effort to communicate to them in that way, as they do the same for you.


9. You need to be okay with different not meaning wrong.

We were all raised differently, have different outlooks on the world, and approach life’s situations in our own ways. As long as progress is made, problems are solved, and things get done – someone doing it differently from you does not make them better, worse, wrong, or right. It just makes them them, and you need to be okay with that.

10. You need to be okay with yourself.

Love is about acceptance, but not just of the person you are with – also of all the circumstances that surround a relationship. Acceptance of the realities of life, acceptance of responsibilities and priorities. Even acceptance of yourself.

The most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself. If that one isn’t healthy, none of your others will be.

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  1. cvnadagroup2017 on June 26, 2015 at 2:51 pm

    good liink

    • James Michael Sama on June 26, 2015 at 3:44 pm


      • Carly on June 26, 2015 at 10:09 pm

        Mr. James, are you single?

      • James Michael Sama on June 27, 2015 at 8:35 am

        No I’m not Carly, sorry!

        Why do you ask?

  2. YounginAmerica11 on June 26, 2015 at 4:23 pm

    Reblogged this on How to Survive Modern Dating.

  3. Shannon Hebert on June 27, 2015 at 2:02 pm

    I met a guy in Jan. This year and we seem to hit it off really well. We clicked. We have been dating now for 5 mths. In the beginning we talked all the time,sometimes for hours. We had great commucation. He has issues,and he is always either sick or depressed. He will only see me once every month are 2 mths. He won’t communicate with me anymore. It all depends on his moods. He says when he is sick or depressed he likes to be alone and not talk,text or see anyone. But yet he always tell me that he loves me. How can someone tell you that they love you,but never wants to see you or talk to you? He always tells me that he wants me and only me and he wants to be in a relationship with me,but I’m the only one making the effort in our relationship. I just don’t understand that or what kind of relationship we have. It’s like he doesn’t care. But,yet he says he is scared to lose me or I hurt him. But he won’t try and make any effort. We never went on a date yet,he never came see me at my house,and we never go anywheres and do anything together. When we do see each other,I always go to his house and we sit around and watch movies. He always tells me that our relationship will get better in time. I don’t know what to do anymore. I do love him very much and I’m a very loving and understanding woman. Please help.. Thank you.

    • Rachel on June 27, 2015 at 10:53 pm

      Shannon, I was in a similar situation once, and that was when I learned that love is not enough. I read somewhere a quote, “You don’t have to marry everyone you love.” It made me realize that loving someone is vital if you are pursuing a relationship with them, but just because you love someone does not mean it is the right relationship for you. Like James says, a relationship needs more than love, in order to be healthy…. things like respect and communication and commitment. The things you are seeing are not going to get better with time – they will most likely get worse. You have to ask yourself, are you going to be ok with that? If the answer is no, the sooner you move on the better off you will be!!! It hurts in the beginning, but like all hurts, it heals with time. Put a sticky note on your bathroom mirror reminding yourself that you deserve to be treated with love and respect, and don’t settle for anything less!

    • sharibac on June 28, 2015 at 12:35 pm

      I was married to a man like this for 33 years. You think if you just love them enough they’ll get better and you hope and pray and try to make a life together and you sacrifice yourself for their sickness, getting very little in return. Think long and hard before committing to this relationship. I suspect you are being manipulated and this is not healthy. Please let go and keep looking for the one who asks you how YOU feel and wants to know all about you, just as much as you want to know about him. You should be cherished. Please don’t settle for anything less.

    • Nancy Collis on June 29, 2015 at 12:05 pm

      Hello Shannon,
      I suffer from depression as well. When we are feeling down, we really are way down…….like in a deep pit that you just cannot crawl out of, like something invisible is holding you back from escaping. Is he on anti-depressants? Does he have a therapist?
      I am a person who does not like to take medicine, but I had to recognize that I needed help.
      Your boyfriend is probily telling you his truth, that he does really care for you and wants to be with you. Unfortunately, and he would much prefer he was not like this, he is in a ‘pit’ at the moment and is struggling with just trying to climb out, it takes all of his energy and focus.
      KNow that he WILL climb back out of that ‘pit’ and be the person he really is.
      Depression is a mental illness and nothing to be affraid of. We need your understanding and support more than ever. Depression makes us feel so isolated, so alone……..educate yourself about Depression.
      Now is the time for YOU to be strong and loving for the both of you. He is sick but his illness, our illness, does not by any way define who we really are.
      We are special people and worth loving.
      take care and I hope this helps you a wee bit.

      • Nancy Collis on June 29, 2015 at 12:17 pm

        Another thought……..
        As long as he is not being abusive in anyway, shape or form of course.
        I only describe what it sounds like to me.
        I am not a professional, just a woman that has lived with multiple traumas throught out my whole life, since 5 years old.
        I left a very abusive 14 year marriage one year ago, so i am very familiar with that.
        One of the many things I have learned is to really really really try to hear that voice inside…….listen to what it is saying to you…….it speaks the truth….but it is very easy to silence too……so be present in each and every moment of you life. It is hard to do at first, but keep at it……..that voice becomes louder. 🙂
        And if you do leave him, believe that you are still the wonderful, valued beautiful person you were before you met him!! It is ok to break it off.

      • Shannon Hebert on June 29, 2015 at 8:12 pm

        Thank you so much.. I really needed to hear that. And no,he is not on antidepressants,nor does he have a therapist yet. He is supposed to be getting help very soon. He has had a hard life also. He is a vet,he has lost two loved ones. His mom,and his 3 mths old baby. He passed 6 yrs ago,and still struggling with it. I am doing my best to be as loving,and did understanding and be there for him to the best I can be. He just keeps pushing further away. And that hurts be deeply cause i really care for him and love him very much. And he really seems sincere tgat he really loves me too. He’s always asking me to be patient and understanding. And i have been for 5 mths. Lately we haven’t seen each other for two months. And that kills me. I used to go see him every weekend,but when he gets sick or depressed,he won’t see me for a month.. He is no wheres abusive. But,sometimes i think its more of a mental abuse that he does to me without realizing hes doing it. He is a very illegent man. I just get to thinking sometimes maybe he dioes know what hes doing with the mental abuse and hes playing me. Idk. I dont know what to think anymore. But,i know tgat i love him very much and i will continue to stand by him and see how it goes after he gets some help.. But,Thank you for the comment. I really needed to hear that.

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  9. Talina on August 8, 2015 at 11:18 am

    Hi Shannon. I assume that by “vet” you mean veteran. I don’t know all the specifics of his service, but it sounds as if there could be an underlying issue with PTSD that is being exacerbated by the recent loss. IF this is the case, he needs to get his butt to the VA and get some counselling. On reading your first post, I had assumed that this guy might be an emotional vampire type. One of those people who play on your sympathies to get attention from you. This can lead to comments like, “If you leave me, I might hurt myself.” I am glad that you posted further information. I suggest having a discussion with him during his better moments on specifically what is causing the depression. A word of advice from someone who has been there – if he starts to open up about things he has experienced during his service, combat situations, things like that. You need to maintain your poker face, show very little outward reaction at first – just listen. Then you can give him a hug when he’s done, tell him that you are sorry he had to experience that and that you will do what is necessary to help him feel safe and loved. I would also suggest contacting a local support group or counsellor for yourself to help you cope with helping him, do some reading up on the subject. But, please, regardless of whether or not you decide you are strong enough to help him through this, Please, encourage him, insist that he get counselling before he becomes another statistic.

  10. Talina on August 8, 2015 at 11:20 am

    James, so sorry. It seems us ladies sort of hijacked your comments section.

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