Some of you, the ones who have been reading this blog since its June 2013 inception, might recognize this title. This is a re-vamp of an article I wrote back then. It was one of the first articles I ever had published, and I wanted to give it an updated breath of life. The message is just as important now – maybe even more so – than it was then.
My inspiration (if you want to call it that) for this article was one I saw on EliteDaily.com called “Why You Should Never Do Anything Nice For A Girl.”
The article begins as follows (the rest of it in all of its glory, you can read at the original source).
Courtship is dead. Chivalry is long gone because women killed it. The concept of dating has evaporated into the wind. Being faithful and actually committed to someone is a thing of the past. You may think that this is a rather negative, pessimistic way of looking at the world of dating and sex, but I assure you that it’s only realistic.
Sorry, Preston Waters, but I just can’t be one of the guys out there who agrees with you.
Maybe I’m biased, coming from a family of strong and loving marriages. My parents have been together for over 35 years and my grandparents have been married for over 60. Perhaps it’s because this has always been part of my reality. Perhaps it’s because I’ve built a reputation for tailoring old-fashioned values to fit modernized dating.
Or maybe it’s just because I understand that each individual human being in this world is different, and judging someone brand new based on the actions of someone in your past makes no sense, and dare I say it: Immature.
I am realistic when it comes to relationships. I spent almost a full decade single and “living the life” in the party scene. I suffered, admittedly, the headaches and drama that Mr. Waters so eloquently describes in his article. The heartache that comes along with being stepped on as the ‘nice guy.’
The difference is, I recognized the girls who just wanted to party, as girls who just wanted to party. I learned quickly that they weren’t looking for commitment or the type of guy I was trying to be. By simple reasoning, you might realize that if you leave the party scene, you will no longer find these types of people. And if these are qualities of ‘party girls,’ those who forego the club for a nice lounge, a coffee shop or book store, will most likely adopt a different persona.
They might even, *gasp*, appreciate your kindness and the man you have worked to become. Remember the definition of insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results.
If you want to find a different type of woman – well, then, date a different type of woman.
Am I saying you are never going to get hurt? Am I saying that it’s going to be easy, or happen quickly? Of course not, I understand the rough journey many of us have to take in order to finally find the right woman. But, I also understand the highs vastly outweigh the lows when it finally happens.
My belief is that everyone, no matter where they’re from or what “scene” they’re in, is secretly searching for the same thing. Everyone enjoys companionship, and nobody truly wants to be alone for too long.
Women are so used to being played by guys who are jaded, that each one of us has the special opportunity to be the one who shows them we are not all the same.
I could have bought another car with the money I’ve “wasted” on dates, and maybe have lived another lifetime with the hours I’ve spent being Prince Charming for women who really didn’t really appreciate it – but, you have to find a lot of rocks before you uncover a diamond.
I would still open doors, pull out chairs, buy little gifts for no reason. And I always pay for dinner. I knew that if I became more selective about who I treated that way, I would eventually find someone who appreciated it. And guess what – I did.
The way I see it is, I am not a gentleman towards women because of who they are. I am a gentleman towards women because of who I am. The fact of the matter is, you never know whose day you will make by simply holding a door, smiling, or saying hello. Good women are out there in the crowd just like good guys are.
That woman whose spilled coffee you didn’t help clean up because “all girls are the same” could have been your future wife. Too bad you’ll never know, because you allowed yourself to be defeated by a bunch of egotistical, immature girls who have not yet grown into a woman who will appreciate you.
There’s a woman out there waiting for you to prove that all men are not the same. The question is: Will you prove her wrong or right?
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