In the recent past, we have discussed what to expect when you enter into a relationship with a strong woman. I feel that one extra step should be taken, though, and clarify what this means from a “what to do” or “what not to do” standpoint for the men who may find themselves fortunate enough to be in a relationship with an equal teammate.
Needless to say, every person and relationship is going to be different, but I do think it is important to hold ourselves to certain standards of conduct. In no particular order:
Don’t be a pushover.
I believe that this is one of the bad habits that causes a lot of tension between men and women, particularly strong women. A strong woman who is established and secure in herself wants to be with a man who she can stand next to on the journey of life. I often find that guys who consider themselves ‘nice’ and then wonder why they can’t attract the type of woman they want, have simply become far too flexible for the sake of not making any waves or having disagreements.
I’m certainly not advocating starting arguments, but the fact of the matter is that you are your own individual person with your own opinions, and a strong woman is going to value you standing by your beliefs.
Don’t wait for her to make all of the decisions.
Some of these points may be counter-intuitive, because she may be the type of woman who makes decisions all day, every day. So, naturally, you will assume that she enjoys taking the reins and choosing where you’ll go for dinner, what movie you’ll see, or hell, maybe even what pants you’re going to wear.
The fact of the matter is that just because someone needs to take on a certain persona in their professional lives does not mean this is how they want to spend their private time. In fact, it’s all the more reason for you to take charge. She will appreciate someone else taking care of things for once, as it is likely a rare occurrence for her.
Don’t ever discourage her from doing anything.
Regardless of what kind of person you are dating, there should never be any discouragement or stifling of enthusiasm. Relationships are about being each other’s cheerleader and lifting each other up, never about tearing each other down.
Furthermore, a strong woman who knows her value will never put up with anyone who doesn’t make her feel like she can accomplish anything in the world. She already believes in herself and knows that she can. Negativity will not be tolerated.
Don’t call or text her constantly.
Yes, people are often attached to their phones, but they also live busy lives and are sometimes maybe just not in the mood to talk to anyone. If you smother her too much she’s going to see you as a Stage 5 Clinger and never let you get any further than you’ve already gotten. Sometimes the easiest way to lose someone is to want them too badly.
Don’t make her think you need her approval.
Arrogance is certainly not attractive, but neither is self-deprecation or a complete lack of self-esteem. If a woman thinks you are going to need constant reassurance 24 hours a day, you can bet she’s going to step aside and let someone else give it to you. If you want a mature, confident woman in your life, you’ve got to understand that she wants to be an equal in a relationship, not a babysitter.
Don’t be a neanderthal.
Basic table manners and just common courtesies are seemingly more and more rare. Things as simple as texting during a date, being rude to the waiter/waitress/bartender, or any other act that shows your human decency could use a tune-up will have her heading for the hills.
She holds standards for how she acts, so she is going to be this way with the man she chooses to be with as well. Nobody wants to worry about bringing someone new around their family or friends and having them embarrass themselves.
Don’t be too apathetic.
I know I just told you not to smother her with calls and texts, but it’s a matter of finding the sweet spot. You don’t want to smother her but you also don’t want to pull a disappearing act because you’re afraid of showing too much interest. If she doesn’t know that you actually want to spend time with her or talk to her – she will just find someone who does.
There is a big difference between playing it cool and being too distant. Make sure you find the middle ground.
Don’t treat her like any other woman you’ve ever been with.
I mentioned earlier that every individual and relationship is different. While of course we can take lessons from past experiences, the fact of the matter is that we have to approach every new person who comes into our lives with a blank slate. She is not your past, and you are not hers. Do not pigeon-hole her or just make assumptions – because if you get something wrong it’s going to show her that you are not paying attention to her, but instead are just treating her like everyone else you’ve ever dated.
Every woman who men complain is “guarded” is only that way because she has been burned or hurt in the past. She is only that way because she has either repeatedly felt or seen betrayal or dishonesty in relationships. Are women disloyal and dishonest too? Of course they are – but I am challenging you as men to rise above all of that noise and to not allow your past to govern your future.
Not only to see the future as clean, new, and bright – but to bring that mindset to your next relationship. There is too much negativity and skepticism in the world today. Be someone’s beacon of hope. Be the reason a woman finally realizes that not all men are the same. Hold yourself to a higher standard, and you will always win in the end.
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