9 Signs You’re Dating A Man, Not A Boy


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In dating and relationships, there are stark differences between men who are emotionally mature, and those who…well, aren’t. For the sake of illustrating these differences in this article, we will refer to the emotionally immature as “boys,” and the emotionally mature as “men.”


This is a list of nine great points from my good friend, Adam LoDolce. For those of you unfamiliar, Adam runs a website called SexyConfidence.com, and has been featured by multiple major media outlets such as Cosmopolitan, MTV, CNN, Glamour, and quite a few more.

But, enough about Adam (Sorry, man), let’s get to what this is really about, the 9 signs you’re dating a man, not a boy.


I was once a boy, now I’m a man. It took me twenty-nine years to get there, but I’ve arrived. It’s more than most men can say.

And that’s because age has nothing to do with being a man. Age is merely a number—actions define who he really is. But here’s the problem—most women spend their timetrying to change boys into men.

Well that ends today. If you’re dating a boy right now, it’s up to you to be a woman and move on with your life.

#1 Boys avoid uncomfortable conversations – men know how to communicate their needs.

Even the best relationships have friction. You’re going to do or say something he doesn’t like—it’s inevitable. Boys are passive aggressive, whereas a mature man will have a productive conversation with you…even if it’s a little awkward.

#2 Boys only want to hook up – men invest their time and energy in the right woman.

There’s a moment in every man’s life when he realizes that being in a relationship makes him significantly happier than chasing “tail” every night. If you’re only hearing from him at 1 a.m. on a Saturday night, he’s not ready to give up his toys. Move on and find yourself a grown man.

#3 Boys will compliment you to get in your pants – men pay compliments because they want you to feel great about yourself. 

There’s a huge difference between delivering a compliment to get something and delivering a compliment to give something. Mature men are givers because they know a mature woman will reciprocate.


#4 Boys live day by day – men work hard to build a future for themselves and their woman.

When you’re only focused on making yourself happy, you can party every night and be lazy every day. Once you realize that other people are relying on you, you’re willing to make the sacrifices you need to support your family.

#5 Boys are intimidated by smart women – men are stimulated by them.

If he’s insecure about his own intellect, he won’t risk it with a smart girl. The boy will stay in his comfort zone, whereas a mature man wants the challenge of a smart woman.

#6 Boys make promises they can’t keep – men say it and mean it.

One of the biggest mistakes I’ve ever made was telling a woman I loved her when I didn’t mean it. I was a scared little boy trying to make a girl happy. A mature man will tell a woman how he feels when he feels it. And if it’s not there, he won’t make it up.

#7 Boys avoid any chance of rejection – men face their fears and go for it.

Here’s the thing, both men and boys hate getting rejected—no matter who you are, rejection sucks.  The only difference is that a mature man will push through his fears and go for it anyway because you’re worth it.

#8 Boys don’t set priorities – a man realizes what’s most important and makes you a priority.

A mature man wants to spend his time with the people he cares about. And if he’s dating you, he cares about you. He will want to be with you and only you.

#9 Boys put you down – men encourage and support you.

Scared little boys will try to drag a woman down with them as a defense mechanism. A mature man understands that he will grow as a man if his woman is growing as a woman.



I was compelled to share this article with you because, like most of Adam’s points, I agree with what he has to say. If you want to get more content from Adam, including frequent videos, click here to connect with him directly!

Click here to get my new e-book, The Modern Man’s Guide To Chivalry And Courtship!



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  1. Manisha Tajne on March 4, 2015 at 9:56 pm

    Hi James,
    Recently I stumbled on your blog.
    I really like the contents and all the information given. Very helpful and practical approach for analyzing relationship stuff . Thank you 🙂

    • Dom on March 6, 2015 at 2:18 pm

      True 🙂

  2. jcw0623 on March 5, 2015 at 10:36 am

    Reblogged this on Finding Fatherhood and commented:
    A great piece on the difference between men and boys. Check it out.

  3. Noreen on March 6, 2015 at 12:13 am

    This brought me to tears, every word of it is correct.
    Replace boy with girl and man with woman and it will still make perfect sense.

    Thank you

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    Reblogged this on pen & paper and commented:
    This might sound mean, but i think i married a boy… (90%) hahahahah

  8. Durdana on July 23, 2015 at 2:11 am

    OMG! James while reading this i felt someone had compiled all my thoughts on how he should be, i know what it is to be a loving authentic person and live with a boy in a man’s clothing, it is almost like living with a wolf in a sheep’s clothing!….i am proud of guys like you,….you are making women smile with hope and hopefully men who are still boys will find an aha moment in here! :)…

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