5 Reasons Men Should Start Courting Women Again

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In many of my articles I refer to “courtship” or “courting a woman,” when discussing chivalry and romance, but it is rarely defined in modern times. According to Dictionary.com, what is courtship, exactly?

1. The wooing of one person by another.
2. The period during which such wooing takes place.
3. Solicitation of favors, applause, etc.
4. Ethology. behavior in animals that occurs before and during mating, often including elaborate displays.
5. Obsolete. courtly behavior; courtesy; gallantry.
While “solicitation of favors” is questionable, one of these points stands out to me even more – the use of “Obsolete” in number five, in addition to courtesy.

Why is taking the time to ‘woo’ someone obsolete? Why has it all but disappeared from modern society, and why do I think we should work to keep it alive? Here are five reasons.

courting1

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You’ll develop a stronger relationship.

It is traditionally so that the man in a new relationship will be the one who is courting a woman. As men, we are the pursuers, both naturally and societally. I have often heard men ask “what’s in it for me?” Well…first of all if you’re performing acts of kindness for the sake of a reward (see #3 in the definition above) then it is not true kindness.

Real kindness comes from the goodness of your heart without the want for reward, but it should also be noted that courting a woman will bring two things into your life:

– The type of woman with the maturity and dignity to only accept advances from a man who treats her with respect.

– The ability to therefore grow a stronger and longer lasting relationship with the woman in question, because she will possess the necessary qualities to build one alongside you.

You become better in all areas of life.

Courtship is (Read: Should be) a selfless act. It requires you to put in effort for another person’s enjoyment, learn about them, and learn about yourself in the process. When committing one’s self to efforts such as these, one cannot help but to develop internally as well. We become more aware of the world around us, what people want and need in order to be happy, and how we can help give it to them.

If making others happy isn’t good enough for you – remember that people are willing to do more for those who do more for them.

courting2

You will gain her trust.

One of the biggest factors in relationships failing these days is lack of trust. Either lack of trust during the beginning stages, or even after commitment has been established.

If a man takes the time to court a woman, it requires him to build a foundation for the relationship. Relationships do not simply appear out of thin air. They take time, energy, and commitment to build – much like a house. But a relationship without this trust and friendship is like a house built on sand. It may look good from the outside, but it will have nothing to keep it standing when the weather gets rough.

If a woman has a clear view that you’re willing to build this foundation with her, it will limit her insecurities and help build her confidence in you.

You will intensify your intimacy.

Through the process of courtship, men and women tend to develop a stronger emotional connection than if they had simply jumped into a relationship or a “friends with benefits” scenario. What many people don’t realize is that a stronger emotional connection, especially for a woman, translates to a stronger physical connection.

People think of intimacy as strictly physical, but in reality – it is built through small actions that show each other you care, romance, chivalry, and courtship. Intimacy, therefore, is in reality built outside of the bedroom.

You will find the right person for YOU.

Many people get so caught up in finding the “perfect” person, that they might miss the person who is actually perfect for them. Additionally, I have heard from many men (“nice guys”) that women just don’t appreciate their efforts or personalities, and they get discouraged.

It is important to stay true to yourself, your nature, and what feels comfortable to you. If someone (man or woman) is pushed away by your kindness, then instead of being discouraged, try to see it as a positive sign that you learned early on in the relationship that they weren’t the right type of person for you.

The right type of person for you will appreciate the small details you notice, the kindness you exude to those around you, and the effort you put in specifically for them. Through the courtship process we learn if a woman (or man) is going to be appreciative of what we do for them and how they will respond.

courting4 _____________________________________________________

If we jump into a relationship, as many do these days, we are left complaining about how they “changed” after a few months of being with them, and then breaking up. In reality, nobody changed at all – you simply learned who they truly are.

If we take the time to practice courtship, we will eliminate these surprises down the road and truly learn who we are building a relationship with at the proper time to do so – in the beginning.

Show someone your respect for yourself as well as for them, by keeping courtship alive.

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27 Comments

  1. prudencevwhittaker on February 23, 2015 at 4:05 pm

    Reblogged this on prudencevwhittaker and commented:
    I married my friend. Sometimes we forget and have to be reminded when life gets busy around us. This was awesome and relatable.

  2. Virgin boy on February 23, 2015 at 8:09 pm

    During courtship, how would a man know a woman is taking them seriously? And how would one apply these techniques (all great techniques) to the modern woman who likes men who treat them like 2nd/3rd priorities? Women who “have horrible taste in guys”… I think the problem is also bc of women.

    • Emmie on March 10, 2015 at 11:22 pm

      That’s not necessarily true. I am trying right now to give encouragement to a “nice guy” who everybody but me seems to know that he likes me. Have faith. He will be my 1st priority and I will expect to be his.

    • joseph angell on January 15, 2016 at 8:32 pm

      Agreed

  3. Lady Grey on February 24, 2015 at 12:47 pm

    Reblogged this on String of Pearls and commented:
    A brilliant article from one of my all time favorite blogs!

  4. Erynn Haskins on February 24, 2015 at 4:02 pm

    YES!! 🙂 Women want to still be “woo’ed” it’s mandatory in a relationship yet it is so lost in our society. Men will forgo romanticism and forget that it is what keeps the girl interested. We live in a fast-paced society and I would love to see these principles come back.

    • Timothy Donaghue on June 13, 2015 at 10:03 am

      And men also want to bed wooed. You need to realize the romanticism goes both ways, and that you need to do it to keep men interested. We need a society where women step up and actually participate in the romance, rather than sit back and expect it.

      • Timothy Donaghue on June 13, 2015 at 10:03 am

        *also want to be wooed



    • William P Murphy on August 13, 2015 at 3:29 pm

      Free stuff for women?

  5. arrowlynx on February 25, 2015 at 10:28 am

    When I read this article there appeared a lot of interrogation points in my mind.

    You say: “You’ll develop a stronger relationship”
    If you have one, yes. But what if not?
    “The type of woman with the maturity and dignity to only accept advances from a man who treats her with respect.” I would bet any money that most guys who are looking for a good woman understand this phrase especially “treat her with respect” as do all for her, don’t upset her, agree with her and so on. (well be a pleaser, but that’s only my opion)

    You say: “You become better in all areas of life”
    The first thing that came into my mind when reading this section was again: be a pleaser

    You say: “You will gain her trust”
    Absolutly. If I pay for the perceived fiftieth dinner let her mess me around do all for her then the can trust in
    me as a very good provider she will never lose.

    You say: “You will intensify your intimacy”
    “Intimacy, therefore, is in reality built outside of the bedroom.” ……..and within the friendzone. Cool!
    I think that’s simply wrong and leads in addition to the madonna/whore thinking that a lot of guys have anyway. (That beautyful woman on the pedestal is a good girl and I am a knight who has to worship her in order to get her some day…..)

    You say: “You will find the right person for YOU”
    If women over ninety also belong to the “right persons”: Absolutly

    Ok, I know I was a little bit sarcastic and yes I know the psycology behind sarcastic people but I wanted to point out that there is a big difference between “beeing in a relationship” and “looking for a relationship” (= beeing in the phase of courtship).
    And here is the point (at least for me): In order to come into a relationship I have to show that I am a man and that I am interested in a woman and I have to show it in the phase of courtship and that should lead to a good relationship. The consequence for me of this article is that showing interrest in a women (and I always suppose that she is interrested in me as well) namely beeing flirty and escalating sexually is a contradict to beeing respectful. My experience is that a woman who is interested in me very quickly loses interest when I only try to please her or be chivalrous and avoid body contact and don’t move things forward. And following the above points would lead to all but not to good relationship (and yes, sex is for me important)…..am I still respectful :-)?

  6. […] Dating is about courtship. Traditionally, men have been the ones to do the pursuing when it came to dating. They had to prove to a woman (and probably her family) that he was serious about getting to know her and being part of her life. This required effort. Planning the date, and yes, even paying for it. But more than that, being creative. Being thoughtful. Paying attention to what she likes and enjoys, and working that in to the equation. All of these things draw the line between just dating and courting.  […]

  7. […] 5 Reasons Men Should Start Courting Women Again | James Michael Sama. […]

  8. […] I agree with Ginger. There are lots of things you can do that are creative and don’t cost a lot of money. But let’s get real, I live in D.C. and dating in an urban area is expensive. And while I’ll pick up the tab from time to time, the financial burden disproportionately falls on the guy.  But as James Michael Sama so clearly puts it in his 5 Reasons Men Should Start Courting Women Again,  […]

  9. […] I agree with Ginger. There are lots of things you can do that are creative and don’t cost a lot of money. But let’s get real, I live in D.C. and dating in an urban area is expensive. And while I’ll pick up the tab from time to time, the financial burden disproportionately falls on the guy.  But as James Michael Sama so clearly puts it in his 5 Reasons Men Should Start Courting Women Again,  […]

  10. […] means to you, even though you’ve already “gotten” her? It’s important to keep courtship alive, because when we stop showing effort to the person we’re with, the relationship begins to […]

  11. Rohan Roger David Zener on June 13, 2015 at 4:27 am

    “What i need is a gentleman who does the best he can,
    There to hold my hand, i want him to understand,
    Of course i want diamonds and expensive things,
    ‘Cause a girl gotta have her favourite things!”

    Yeah, go shit yourself, you dirty Witty K…nigget.

  12. Arthur Chall on June 13, 2015 at 11:12 am

    I am good thanks. Modern women are garbage. None of them are wife material.

  13. AlekNovy on June 13, 2015 at 12:19 pm

    No thanks, I’ll pass…

  14. markxneil on June 13, 2015 at 12:45 pm

    I have to wonder why it is that men have stopped chasing after women, and you all STILL think it’s men that is the problem…. that it is men that must have yet more and more and more expectations and responsibilities placed on them… which is all this list is… more expectations for men to pander women women. I never see any articles telling women what they should be offering in return, or telling men what they can expect from women. Ever think this selfishness, these constant demands of men, might be why men have stopped wooing you? Cause you’re just not worth it anymore. Ladies deserved to be courted, but I’ve not seen a lady in my lifetime.

    • kak on January 17, 2016 at 12:55 pm

      I’m sorry. We are out here. It does start with how a wonan feels about herself, how she respects and appreciates your efforts as a man, and how she puts effort into you and how receptive she is. It is honestly a complete shift in thinking about relationship. And Im not talking about going back to the 50’s or being a doormat or codeoendent. Its about MUTUAL RESPECT and caring. Building something requires vulnerablility and caring. Think of it, the relationship, like a newborn. Feed it. Care for it. It will grow.

  15. Mhra Leander Pallat on June 13, 2015 at 3:17 pm

    With feminaizi laws declaring everything under the Sun as domestic violence, with men kicked out of their own houses with restraining orders given at the drop of a hat according the the whims of women and made homeless, with false accusation epidemic going on, with women having free license to lie in court without fear, with the right to due process (guilty until proven innocent) taken out for men accused by women, father’s basic human rights totally trashed with feminaizi state sponsored impunity, fathers thrown into debtor’s prisons when they are layed off and unable to earn the same amount of money that they earned at the peak of their carriers, with huge number of innocent men rotting in prisons with horrible criminal tags slapped on them by the women whom they dared to go into relationship with, sky rocketing divorce rate and an epidemic of gold digging going on, I would say that it is time for men to crank up the gray matter in their brains, think rationally and logically with sound cost benefit analysis and then take decision about going into relationship with a woman and not be fooled by reading their emotional manipulative crap written in this article.

  16. tarzanwannabe on June 13, 2015 at 5:13 pm

    I wish I could meet this author in person. I’d punch his fat fucking face so goddamn hard his simp beard would come unhinged. What a sick-fuck pathetic article.

  17. Diss Ident on June 13, 2015 at 10:12 pm

    3 reasons NOT to court women – I won’t even bother with refuting the 5 silly “reasons”:

    1. “You will chase a utopian idea, not real women.”
    She will never love you back. Don’t ever listen to people about what they say want, look at what they do. She will only love what you can do for her; for everything else she has her friends. You will chase a unicorn among women, and you will find only real women who are interested in money, resources, status.

    2. “You will waste your time and money for nothing.”
    As the author says, courtship is a “selfless” act. Only women benefit from it. During the process of courting countless women to find the one, true lady, you will throw away your resources, and lull yourself and pat yourself on the shoulder that you’re being “oh so selfless and altruistic.” If altruism for altruism’s sake is what makes you become a better person in all areas of life, you’d better stop courting women and volunteer in peace corps, humanitarian organizations, etc. instead. The difference is the former is not a selfless act at all, because your hidden expectation is to impress women with courtship, whereas the latter is driven by true altruism.

    3. “The author is interested in keeping the traditional Institution.”
    Look at his resume. Do you think he’s interested in men’s needs? No. He’s a dating, relationship, blah blah coach. Happiness is never outside your own. No human who feels incomplete and unhappy without a partner can reach completeness and happiness with one either. The author’s whole raison d’etre and suggestions are based on a faulty premise.

  18. Charles Marquette on June 14, 2015 at 1:03 pm

    I can give you 10 reasons why sane men–who got good things going for them–should state the fuck away from modern women. Courtship and Chivalry got killed by feminism and we going to make sure they state dead. The blue pill men are still dreaming and they don’t want to let it go.

  19. William P Murphy on August 13, 2015 at 3:30 pm

    Will women go back to being submissive to their husbands as a trade off?

  20. […] means to you, even though you’ve already “gotten” her? It’s important to keep courtship alive, because when we stop showing effort to the person we’re with, the relationship begins to […]

  21. […] her how much she means to you, even though you’ve already “gotten” her? It’s important to keep courtship alive, because when we stop showing effort to the person we’re with, the relationship begins to […]

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