10 Signs She’s A Lady And Not Just A Girl


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If this is your first time being exposed to my writing, I feel the need to preface this article by saying that probably 80-90% of my blog posts are focused on men and how we, as a gender, can be/do/act better in life and in love. So, save the ‘sexist’ or ‘woman-bashing’ comments please – that is the polar opposite of what JamesMSama.com is about.

Since, though, there has been such a frequency of those types of articles lately, I wanted to turn the tables a bit and discuss the woman of today. The woman who wants the gentleman. The woman who wants to be shown by the right man that we are not all the same. The woman who wants to hold herself to higher standards and be an equal teammate to the man in her life.

Just like there are standards of conduct to be met in order to call one’s self a ‘gentleman,’ the same goes for a ‘lady.’ So, then, what are some signs that the woman in your life has matured to the point where she can be the equal half of a power couple?

1. A lady does not need you, but she wants you.

There is a quote I remember reading once that said something to the effect of: “Immature love says ‘I love you because I need you,’ while mature love says ‘I need you because I love you.'”

I think this is an important concept, because an established, intelligent, mature woman certainly does not need a man to take care of her – but she will want a teammate that she can take on the world with, who will have the same drive and ambition as she does, and she can form a mutual support system with.

It is always important to remember that men want to be wanted, and if a woman is too apathetic towards him or really pushes the “I don’t need no man” attitude, it will just drive him away.

2. A lady can hold a meaningful conversation.

It doesn’t matter if you are talking about something trivial or life’s greatest mysteries, it is easy to spot the stark differences between a girl whose primary interests include sparkly shoes and the Kardashians, and a woman with depth who you can have a real, meaningful conversation with.

The type of woman you marry is one whom you know you will not constantly have to stress over topics of conversation with. She is not one you will have to pry three words out of as an answer to an important question. She is one you know you can communicate effectively with when it comes to life decisions and issues that will arise. She is one you are comfortable having make decisions when you are not around. She is one who has her own opinions and will let you know exactly what they are. She is one you can talk to for hours and be disappointed when the conversation ends.

3. A lady takes pride in her appearance but it comes second to her inner beauty.

Class is not a matter of style. It is not a matter of the price tag on your outfit. Class is in how you carry yourself, how you present yourself, and how you treat other people. One cannot be considered “classy” simply due to how they dress – it’s a matter of what you exude from within. Man or woman.

4. A girl expects things from you, a lady appreciates you.

As a man, I take pride in my ability to take care of a woman. Particularly in the beginning of a relationship, I enjoy picking her up, paying for dates, and taking a more traditional role when it comes to courtship.

That being said, it is much appreciated when a woman reciprocates and shows you she is willing to contribute as well, rather than sitting back and expecting you to take care of everything just because she is a girl.

A lady will appreciate the things you do for her and the effort you put in. That is a much different message to send a man than that of entitlement.

5. A lady understands that less is not always more.

Yes, I’m talking about clothing. A lady who carries herself with class knows how to put herself together to look sexy, but also refined. She walks the line between sexy and beautiful, and is never trashy.

Girls think that the higher their skirt, the sexier they look. A lady is confident enough to know she can be completely covered up and still hold the attention of every or any man in the room – if that’s what she wants.

6. A lady does not constantly seek attention.

Most times, the women who don’t look for attention are exactly the ones we should be giving our attention to. A girl who is always being brighter, louder, or shinier in order to get the attention of those around her is telegraphing the fact that she is not comfortable enough in her own skin in order to be fulfilled with herself. She is still looking for outside validation in order to boost her own confidence.

A lady appreciates the attention you give her, but she does not require it to thrive.

7. A lady has a vision for her future.

A girl will just float along in life without really having much direction. Of course it takes some of us longer than others to figure out what we want in the long term (it has taken me awhile), but eventually we have to grow up and get our ducks in a row, otherwise we will have nothing guiding us towards a real future.

The house, the cars, the dog(s), the kid(s), the business(es) – whatever it is that she wants in her life, she will know and will probably already be working towards it by the time you meet her. If you are lucky, she will want you to be her teammate and build your empire together.

8. A lady understands the importance of compromise.

A girl holds a ‘my way or the highway’ attitude and will put her stake in the ground without intention to move it. A lady understands that life is constantly changing and nobody knows everything. Someone may enter her life or a new experience may change her outlook on something – and there is nothing wrong with that. In fact, it’s the only way we can learn and grow as human beings.

That being said, of course values are important and nobody should sacrifice who they are or what they think is right without a damn good reason to do it – but as they say, be firm on your goals but flexible in your approach.

9. A lady takes responsibility for her own life.

Whether man or woman, a sure mark of maturity is the ability to recognize your own mistakes and shortcomings in order to work on them. Immaturity leads someone to thinking they have it all figured out and if anything is going to go haywire in their life, it is going to be someone else’s fault. It is easy to see how this would halt progress or conversation in a relationship, as well as put constant strain on a situation where one partner is always avoiding blame.

10. A lady is someone you can envision a future with.

Until recently, the concept of sharing a long term future with someone was always a fuzzy one to me. I would think about five or ten years down the road and really not be sure if I could see myself with the same woman I was currently spending time with. While this is not necessarily reflective of the maturity level of the woman, it certainly can be.

While a girl will only have you looking a few weeks or months down the road – A lady is someone you can picture waking up next to 10 years from now and still wanting to kiss. A lady is someone you can picture coming home to and being excited about it the whole way there. A lady is someone you can picture picking up your kids at soccer practice. A lady is someone you want as your co-pilot in life. Your teammate. Your best friend. your confidant. And your lover.

She is one who makes you want to be, do, and become better. A lady’s presence in your life will make you want to become the best version of yourself, without changing who you are. Not just because of what she does or says, but because of who she is. She will change your outlook on life and on love. She will show you that all of that time you spent with the wrong girls, the girls who made you wonder if they were all the same, the girls you couldn’t really take seriously or picture a future with…

She will show you that all of that time was worth it, and when you find her you will appreciate her even more than you realized you would.


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  1. exiledscot on January 20, 2015 at 10:30 pm

    Hi James,

    Happy to say…I have found my Lady….thank you for confirming what I already felt to be true!

  2. michelledancy2014 on January 20, 2015 at 10:37 pm

    I think this hits the nail on the head but I have to say that I cringe over the “less isn’t always more” section. I completely understand what you’re saying, and maybe I cringe because of the community I live in that is very religious and tends to be very condemning and judgemental and I work with so many woman that have just been beaten down. I REALLY believe that a woman should wear whatever makes her feel beautiful..without apology. Everyone has a different style and everyone has their own opinion of what’s “too short”. Just my two cents 🙂

    • sharonkariwo on January 21, 2015 at 7:09 am

      I wish there was a Like button… because I agree with you!

      • michelledancy2014 on January 21, 2015 at 7:41 am

        Yes! I was a little iffy about saying this because I know exactly what James is saying BUT who determines what’s too short, too tight, too low, etc?

  3. steveroseblog on January 20, 2015 at 10:44 pm

    Great post!

  4. Esme on January 21, 2015 at 12:25 am

    Hey James! Thanks again for highlighting some important attributes I believe all women can aspire to. After seeing the number of prostitutes attend today (it’s cheque week where I am, so boyfriends and pimps beat their ladies into submitting their money to them) and what these women are going through- I pray and try my hardest to do anything in my capacity to get them to this point. These women deserve so much more. I wish they could hear there are men like yourself who value these things.

  5. Megyn on January 21, 2015 at 12:58 am

    Thanks James, great post. I feel like the women reading this probably resonate with you because they already embody all of these traits and/or are looking for the kind of man whom you describe that would appreciate these attributes. Thanks James, keep being a light! I know there is more of you out there.

  6. zandilelambu on January 21, 2015 at 8:18 am

    Reblogged this on zandilelambu.

  7. Sheri on January 21, 2015 at 10:03 am

    This is great. After being married in an dysfunctional marriage for 15 years, I am out dating again. I want to ensure that I am the best I can be so I can find the right person for me. I look forward to reading more. It helps, as a woman, to get inside the mind of the man. And to know that you are desired for more than just sex. I know how to tell from your blogs…. so thank you again.

  8. louisely on January 21, 2015 at 10:07 am

    Reblogged this on Louisely's Blog and commented:
    Let’s be a teammate and build our empire together…..👫

  9. dmcco01 on January 21, 2015 at 10:26 am

    Hum. I only got a “C” on this test…

  10. Mary flaven on January 21, 2015 at 2:17 pm

    Loved reading this and I couldn’t agree more! Well written. Thanks for sharing 😉

  11. Bonnie on January 21, 2015 at 5:05 pm

    I thought this was well-written and not sexist in the least, good show!

  12. fjmatthews on January 21, 2015 at 5:56 pm

    Reblogged this on Quite Franklii.

  13. fjmatthews on January 21, 2015 at 5:57 pm

    This is beautiful and reassuring 🙂

  14. cherlainevillas on January 22, 2015 at 1:43 am

    Reblogged this on Even If Everything's Not About Me and commented:
    Becoming a lady as it is.

  15. shaethepoet on January 22, 2015 at 5:41 am

    Reblogged this on The Mind of a Poet.

  16. Renz on January 22, 2015 at 10:36 am

    Reblogged this on Surrender Not.

  17. MeAndDating on January 23, 2015 at 10:07 am

    Thank you for pointing out just how few ladies there are in the world…which makes the ones that are so much more special.

  18. Michelle Tellez on January 24, 2015 at 11:09 am

    Reblogged this on Ellez Thoughts .

  19. CC on January 26, 2015 at 9:33 pm

    I have to disagree a bit on the expectation vs. appreciation part. While I understand the message you’re trying to convey, I think a woman/man does have the rights to speak out if he/she feels that his/her needs aren’t met. Having a standard is pretty much the same thing as having an expectation, don’t you think? I appreciate that a man being a gentleman, but there are things that play as “deal breakers”. I’m sure men have expectations when they enter a relationship with women too.

    • James Michael Sama on January 26, 2015 at 9:35 pm

      While I understand what you mean, CC – that is a slightly different message than I was putting across with that point.

      What I mean is expectations of a man giving, giving, giving. Perhaps an expensive dinner every time they go out without saying thank you or ever reciprocating. Maybe *expecting* a certain type of gift for a holiday without doing something nice in return or showing appreciation – things like that.

      Of course we should set standards and “expect” others to meet them, but expecting being treated like a queen while she does nothing in return and does not show her appreciation, is what I was talking about in this article.

      • Stefanie on February 24, 2015 at 2:08 pm

        As my grandmother put it: “Find a man who treats you like a queen, and when you do, you better treat him like a king in return.” It goes both ways.

        I enjoyed this article, thank you for writing it.

  20. Katherine on January 30, 2015 at 12:50 am

    Brava, James. On point.

  21. […] az első írás, amit a fickótól láttam, a 10 Signs She’s A Lady And Not Just A Girl címet viselte, amitől kicsit rosszul lettem, mert hát 1. mindig gyanakszik az ember lánya, […]

  22. Rachel on February 10, 2015 at 1:04 pm

    Good blog, spot on. I am sharing it with my 2 daughters that are in their 20’s. I too have some exception to the “less is more”, but do understand your point. I was also a bit sad to see that the pictures of the women only represent one type of woman… thin, young, perfectly made up… typical society marks of beauty.

    • James Michael Sama on February 10, 2015 at 2:45 pm

      Rachel, thanks for sharing with your daughters!

      The photos I use in this article and every one of my other 500+ articles are simply photos I think look good, represent class and elegance, and are aesthetically pleasing.

      They hold no deeper meaning nor do they ‘represent’ any type of person. They are just pictures I like, that’s all.


  23. Mimi on February 11, 2015 at 4:20 am

    It’s a nice campaign to teach men how to be chivalrous today. I believe men should be men in every way from opening doors for women to catering to their every need and want. This is the type of chivalry I would like to see happening today. If the attitude is about usury than it’s not chivalrous. I have met very few men that know what chivalry really means and practice it in their daily lives. I remember visiting Newport, RI and I met several men young and old that practiced chivalry in their daily lives. I was a visitor to this lovely town and they rolled out the red carpet making sure me and my mom had everything we needed or desired. We didn’t have to lift a finger to do anything that required a man’s attention. It was absolutely amazing and I was in awe by this experience. Everywhere we went they would ask if we needed anything and is everything okay? It was more then the casual gesture these men went out of their way to make sure we were taken care of as women. I have never seen this anywhere else in my travels or where I live now. I miss Newport, RI… I wish parents would teach their son’s how to be chivalrous so that they would understand how to be chivalrous men.

    • arrowlynx on February 20, 2015 at 11:24 am

      And……. ? I open or keep the door open even for men and children. What is so great by doing this? More important is that most men think when they do what women formal say as for example the content of your post above they can get a woman. They don’t. Stop telling men such a nonsense. But I am adaptive, perhaps have women changed and I didn’t noticed it…. 🙂

  24. […] 10 Signs She's A Lady And Not Just A Girl. […]

  25. YL on February 20, 2015 at 6:09 am

    How much hypocrisy and words to justify it! One does not need a man or a woman as a husband, partner, wife or whatever it is to explore or to take the world with; there are enough people who can do it even better; mutual support system depends also on two people who avoid the extremity of being either too independent or too needy. It is based on selflessness, interdependence and interconnectedness; in other words, the mutual generosity of giving and taking. If a woman does not need me, so I definitely do not need her. I can take care of myself and do not need any favor of a woman.

    However, the happiness comes first of all from ourselves and based on that from relationships where we know both to give as well as to receive. In other words, it comes from kindness, generosity and many more. Hence in such relationships especially in romantic ones and in marriages, the greatest expression of love is found when being able to be generous in the most trivial, the most mundane and the simplest places, not because the other person is incapable to do this, not because he is stupid to know how to do it, but because it is a sign that we are willing to please and be generous with our partner not only in the great and big things but up to the most simple and evident ones.

    Brainwashed by feminist misandry most women do not know anymore today how to receive and on behalf of that return the favor. What they want is just to receive and the code for this is I don’t need you, I want you meaning I don’t need you because I’ll have to return the favor but I want you to do what I’ll decide. Unfortunately, we live in a world where feminist evil and hate of men has killed all this expression of those small daily acts of gratitude, generosity, compassion as well as the whole concept of love; a world where the relationship is a woman self-centered institution as well as exploitative against men- an institution where the self-proclaimed princess needs only a slave to satisfy her all desires but give nothing in return to the men.

  26. YL on February 20, 2015 at 6:45 am

    Intelligence (and even wisdom) without love and compassion is arrogance and very often can become ill natured; love and compassion without wisdom and insight is naivety. Being intelligent or wise without other properties of the heart do not guarantee you are a good person. There are many women and girls who can engage themselves in a meaningful conversation with you, but this still doesn’t make them a lady. On the other hand, there are women who are maybe not the CEO of a company or have a second degree from oxford, but can be amazing persons and are true ladies. What you write on this topic is degrading a lot of mazing and awesome women and this represents the other feminist hypocrisy and hatred namely that against other women who do not think like them

  27. Elaine on March 3, 2015 at 3:49 pm

    There is something wrong with this article.

  28. Kate's Bookshelf on June 15, 2015 at 3:45 pm

    As always, right on, James. I love this article because sometimes I sit there and wonder what I am doing wrong… Nothing per say, but at least I have these down. Great article and I feel I should print it out and hang it on the wall to look at each day as a reminder. Thank you. (and a side note in regards to the images you use in one of the comments above. I LOVE the pictures you use. I think they are stunning and you have great taste. My own personal opinion. I feel they represent women that look and act like ladies, and men that look and act like men. It’s a win win. Half the time I read one of your posts because of the pictures)

  29. Sheraine Lauterbach on June 15, 2015 at 4:25 pm

    I would just like to take a moment to send a super huge thank you for always writing such beautiful articles. Your articles give me reason to believe that there are exceptional gentlemen like your self out there. Thank you and I wish you all the best for your future articles and always look forward to your posts. Keep up the exceptional blogging!

  30. Captured Moments Media on June 22, 2015 at 11:36 am

    loved this post..it takes us a while sometimes to completely grow in all these area..good writing, I think I’ll share!

  31. Jaketanakkarakter on July 4, 2015 at 1:56 am

    Reblogged this on jaketanakanak.

  32. Jaketanakkarakter on July 4, 2015 at 2:07 am

    Great post

  33. Shahla Khan on July 20, 2015 at 10:48 pm

    Reblogged this on That Feminist Life and commented:
    great post

  34. Drimey on January 11, 2016 at 11:24 pm

    Well here is my experience…………. I have found that its men who insist on “my way or the highway”. This is why I live my life the way I want to. And men never get closer than friends now.

  35. Matt on November 12, 2016 at 6:04 pm

    Dated a girl like this once. Seemed like she was top notch. But it was a farce. The truth is all these things can be mimicked by clever people who deep down aren’t genuine. Lesson: time is your friend. Never be too hurried

  36. jennyoveson on March 30, 2017 at 5:55 pm

    Reblogged this on ~The Pink Lemonade Ladies~.

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