An Open Letter To Good Men: Women Are Looking For You
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[social_warfare]
Gentlemen,
There is an unfortunate stigma that revolves around society which tells us that women don’t appreciate good men. That if you want to get a woman’s attention, you’ve got to be a jerk. Or, even worse, the supporting stigma out there is that good men are becoming harder and harder to actually find.
Because of this, fewer and fewer men are putting in the effort to be ‘good’ because they don’t think their efforts will be noticed. We can easily see how the cycle begins: Men do not think women appreciate good guys, so fewer guys act in this way, causing women to become convinced there are no good men left. Rinse, repeat.
The other day I put a status up on my personal Facebook page, it was the following:
I believe men are understanding that a beautiful face means nothing without a beautiful heart and a beautiful mind. Good, mature, established men are recognizing the value of having a teammate in life. Someone he can take on the world with. Someone he can share ideas and discuss life with. Someone who can stand on her own and is with him because she wants him, not because she needs him.
This paragraph, an excerpt from a recent article of mine, stirred up a bit of a discussion. The interesting thing about it was that out of about 30 comments, only one of them was from a man – the rest were from women asking where they can actually find men who think in this way. I was hoping for other men to step in and back me up. To confirm what I was saying is true. To tell the multiple women commenting that we do, in fact, want to find someone with these qualities.
No such luck.
Needless to say, when I write articles and quotes I write them from my own personal perspective. I write from the heart and according to what I really think and believe. In turn, I write on behalf of the good men out there who think and feel the same things that I do. Unfortunately, though, I am beginning to face more and more challenges from this.
Mostly, challenges from women. The “Where are these men?” comments are not exclusive to this one post. They happen often, any time I write something from the male perspective suggesting that we love and appreciate mature, driven, intelligent women. They happen when I write about how men crave depth and integrity in women. I am frequently questioned by women who possess these qualities but feel eternally unappreciated.
The truth is, guys, you’re starting to make a liar out of me. I know I cannot be the only one of us out there willing to voice these feelings on the topic.
Men, I know many of you out there feel unappreciated too. I know you have great qualities and are kindhearted, genuine, and giving. So, this makes me wonder, are you hiding these traits for fear of putting yourself out there and being unappreciated? Are you just saying you want a teammate in life but in reality just want a woman to follow you around like a puppy dog?
The fact of the matter is that good men and women are out there – but they feel as though their attributes go overlooked and therefore stop displaying them to the world. We should never allow someone’s lack of appreciation of us alter our nature. Our value and self worth comes from within, not from the approval of others; that’s why it’s called self worth.
Women want to believe you still exist. They want romance, courtship, chivalry, and respect. They want your love and your loyalty. And they want to give you all of these things in return.
Stay strong, stay positive, and stay true to yourself – the right woman will love everything about you that the wrong women took for granted.
Stand up, gentlemen. The women of the world are looking for you.
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Since ending a 10 year marriage to a serial cheater, I did a lot of soul searching when looking for the type of man to date. This site has been very helpful. Yes, women really do look for good men. Once a date shows that he doesn’t match up to being a truly good man, I move on. I’m not perfect and don’t expect the same, but your site is a huge help!
no offense but what makes you think you deserve a good man? are you capable of loving a man with all your heart after being damaged for 10 years by some shithead? not all of course but generally women with baggage aren’t able to love with their whole heart anymore, and that guarded approach is noticeable from day 1, and is very unattractive.
I will answer “What makes you think you deserve good man?” Because I am worthy. Because she is worthy. Just because some “shithead” (your words) chose to break his promise doesn’t mean that I am damaged. HE is. Blaming the victim is wrong, wrong, WRONG.
Sadly I decided to take a break from dating because, it has become one of the biggest sources of my depression, I have no desire to be what someone else wants at the expense of my own principles, I won’t ever needlessly be a jerk because of some stupid idea of what “women really want” but at the same time I trying to find my way of doing things, which means I need to take a break and work on myself. I guess only time will tell.
good approach and attitude
Hello James.
I would like to quietly address and question an issue I see in relationships these days. As follows:
Why is it that some men and women feel it is ok to discuss personal details of relating with others that are not involved? I find this lacks not only integrity, but in good character. I haven’t seen you address this issue in any of your blogs. I believe it should be.
I recently watched a woman end a fairly new relationship with someone very promising because he felt the need to discuss the status of their relationship as well as very sensitive personal details with friends and relatives that she had not yet met. Given her recent complicated past, she felt that this was a betrayal and lacked in good character. He felt it was ok to share these details as he was very familiar with the people with which he shared the information. Is this sharing of information not the decision of both parties?
Just wondering.
A. Meredith
>
he has a right to get unbiased feedback from his friends. she can get mad if she wants but the only reason for her to be upset is if she has something to hide, in which case good fucking riddance.
romance, chivalry and respect ? Yes, if you’re willing to WAIT for everyone else and their family to throw you a crumb of time, if he has his job situation under control, if there isn’t something more “fun” to do than be supportive of you that particular day and what you’ve got going on at the time, if if if if…….oh……can you define in a hierarchal chart what PRIORITIES should be for these otherwise good men ? Write a post of how rewarding that teammate situation can be ? Because I sure am looking to be in a relationship where I am ALWAYS the priority ! Tired of putting a relationship first while the other half puts it in the maybe when I get around to it category !
This reminds me of something I read a while back about how a lot of people these days are opting for “part-time” relationships. I think there’s even a dating site to just such a situation.
I guess that’s fine if that’s what THEY want to do, as long as they’re dating a partner that wants that. But for us people who would like a bit more appreciation, that’s just not okay.
I used to date a girl (long-term) who put me dead last on her priority list (that’s if I was even on the list).
If I had to guess, I’d say it stems from that mindset of “I’m going to do everything in my power to get her, but once I have her, I’m just going to take it easy and let her do all the work.”
Unfortunate.
This is exactly what I’m trying to say…..and I was brought up to believe that a part time relationship isn’t a relationship, it’s a booty call !
You should not let a woman do all the work when it come to wanting a good woman, both people should be on the same page and if your not to be honest it wont work…..
Shelly, IMO “good men” don’t want co-dependent situations but partnerships. Being “a” priority when you’re in a relationship is important, yes. Being “the” priority I think is unhealthy.
I get what you’re saying Sharon, I’m just saying there is an etiquette to fitting in all the things that put constraints on our time. I have family, friends, and own a business……somehow I manage to not only make time when he “wants” me around, but I don’t feel that reciprocality. When there is a choice, and I know many times there isn’t, but when there is…..I’d rather be with him. We all have responsibilities and obligations, but some things are just “choice” and it’s in those instances you begin to realize where you stand in the grand scheme of things. And if the buddies at the bar are a better use of your free time, then you usually end up with your buddies at the bar, sans relationship. Especially when I’m informed during or after the fact …..and usually after receiving a text that he can’t wait to come over…..and no text or phone call to let me know that OUR plans changed. It’s that sort of priority I’m talking about.
^ how to spot a narcissist 101.
pro-tip : that women is one.
Men : don’t touch, it makes you sick and destroys yout life. wait or seek for a good woman.
But are there any men that see BEYOND women’s looks? I’m not beautiful, but I’m lots of other good things!
Want to hear something interesting? Somewhere in the last couple of months I stopped caring about looks. As in a woman’s external appearance ceased to arouse or excite interest in me.
I mean, we could go on and on about the implications of the histocompatibility complex on how it creates chemical reactions within us, or the bodily proportions to which we’ve evolved to be attracted. But I think more & more people are starting to understand that we’re more than just a clump of cells, and anyone who would say otherwise is most likely from 10,000 BCE, but somehow managed to slip through a time warp and wound up living in present times. But I digress…
For me, I suddenly started thinking “Yea, she’s got a pretty face, or nice butt, etc., but so what?” A nice smile still gets me, though. =)
Nowadays I need more emotional attachment to find someone attractive.
it’s hella easy to be a 7 or higher by taking 20 min a few days a week to exercise and cutting down on the junk and soda. men on the other hand have to break their ass with careful dieting and heavy duty sessions with the weights. a woman’s natural beauty is a sure way to determine if she loves herself, as a fat overweight woman is usually depressed and has other problems that she’ll bring into the relationship.
@dmcco01
In my opinion the answer to your question is YES and NO. Men always take looks into account and don’t believe a man who says something else (unless he is needy and desperate, but you will smell this). BUT!!! the likings are very, very different. The other day my friend and me had a discussion about exactly that topic. At least for us the whole person is important. And looks are only one factor. And “beautiful” is a very subjective opinion. And now my nice guy side 😉 : You are “beautiful” enough 🙂 🙂
Thank you for this article,i hope i will see the right woman one day. My first date took me for granted for been simple,good,caring. She jilted me for a super rich man and marry him. The second lady i dated is highly hot tempered. whenever she is angry:she can talk so childishly and lowly like a 5 year old kid. This make me feel more closer to her. I want to help her to overcome this massive weakness. She will offend me and i will be the first to apologise. I have endured most of her excesses. She even double dated and i caught her. She begged me to forgive her. I overlooked it and we moved on. At the end of the day she rained load of insults on me for no reason.
It was one of the worst days of my life. I have forgiven her though,i feel hurt once in a while. I have erased her completely out of my mind. I just pray i will see a lady that will appreciate me,irrespective of country,race or religion. For now i am afraid of even dating now. I can’t afford another heart break sooner. I am single and happy but i don’t pray it continue.
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone, powered by Easyblaze
Hey Mr. Sama,
You bring up a lot of good points, and I think you are correct in what you say, but I feel you only bring up part of the problem. Women are out there and want a good man with all the characteristics you usually mention, and, as Ms. Hunt said in her own frustrated way, it does take time to establish the sort of relationship you describe. However, I do not feel that the whole job in creating a relationship falls on a man’s shoulders.
Now, I see what you are doing: you are holding your gender accountable. But please, let me hold my gender just as accountable as yours. Although we women do want a chivalrous man who holds her in a relationship as an equal, she has to be open to seeing it. When I was in middle school I had this HUGE crush on a guy, and that crush lasted through high school and I still remember it fondly as a crush. My mom, however, ruined that by telling me that the guy I’d liked had liked me back. I was never open to the possibility that a guy would like me back, so I never noticed.
I think that women tend to expect a lot from men without realizing that they have to be aware of and responsive to the efforts of men. Life isn’t like a romance novel (aka porn for women), so women have to make an effort, too.
Sincerely,
Theresa
James,
We do exist sir. But its hard to keep trying to be honest and open when every time you display those qualities you receive a negative response. I am a tall in-shape college educated guy in my mid 20’s, yet unless I play into the stereotype of being the alpha male asshole women never respond positively to my actions. From what I’ve found women don’t want a deep guy who listens, they want someone to belittle them. That sounds awful, but from what I’ve found its true. If your nice, ask them about their life, hobbies, etc and you will get a basic answer then she’ll move onto something more interesting. So we act like assholes instead because it works. Most guys will tell you they prefer not to act like an asshole, they would rather just be themselves but that’s not what women respond too.
Now the part I don’t think most women realize is that it is easier to act like asshole. You know why……………because I no longer have to care at that point. Why would we care when we aren’t even being ourselves? So stop blowing the nice guys off because you truly are creating the assholes.
Thank you James, I encourage you to continue to write as you are lead in your heart. Don’t allow yourself to be discouraged regardless of the responses. You are touching the heart and soul of many. Always in life seek what God has to say not man.
Adam, as you aside in Him and He in you and as you commit all things unto Him He will give you your hearts desires.
Adam, at the end of the night and the craze, when women have finally had enough of the ***holes, they want and DREAM to come home to a guy like you. I’m sorry about the women who’ve ruined it, don’t give up on us just yet. I try to appreciate men like you when I occassionly cross paths with one, I feel as if I’ve found a treasure, and you’ve reminded me again of why that is.
~Happy Pursuits!
lauren why oh why would a quality man want a woman who’s been chasing assholes? he has enough respect for himself not to chase after other, lesser men’s sloppy seconds. the lesser the man, the more forgiving he is of your past idiocy. you know this is true because the older you get the worse your prospects become, because younger less tarnished women are available who haven’t had their hearts bodies and souls spoiled by some shithead. “finally had enough”, like a good man is expected to wait for you to get your head on straight. if that’s the case it’s only fair for you to watch him pass you up for other women until he’s had “enough” too, except when he’s had enough he’s not going to choose you at the end of the day. women with your mentality ruin men for good women, you are part of the problem, you.
Sama- Thanks for another great article. I totally agree. Good men are still out there. I can only speak from my point of view. I won’t settle for anything less, even if I don’t get married. It has to be someone with strong Christian values and morals, so that even in our disagreement, which will happen, our strong Christian values and morals will stand the test of time because it is based on Christ the solid rock. Though the winds blow (sickness, disappointment, etc.), our house which is built on the rock, will stand the test of time. Blessings for a great 2015 and beyond.
Tony, I totally agree with your comment. I have been privileged in meeting many great men in my life. The timing of God is perfect I pray He send you a Good fearing wife just as you desire in Jesus precious name may it be so.
Could tell this one came from the heart James.
There was something you said in this that I’ve known for a long time now, and I’m so glad you brought it up, because it should be the primary takeaway of this whole article.
That point (which was a little more between the lines than actually worded) is that men should never base their actions based on how women respond. You’ve stated in previous articles that if women don’t appreciate chivalrous acts, it shouldn’t matter. We don’t do good because of who someone else is, we do good because of who we are.
People acting like jerks because it may be more effective than being a gentleman (or just pain decent) just disappoint me. So what if it is more effective? There are more important things than getting girls.
I’ve read letters from guys saying how they just ignore their female friends if they’re ever upset, insisting “I’m not your boyfriend – I don’t want to hear about it.” And here I am, confused as all hell, thinking, That’s how you talk to your friend? How about being supportive, instead of being a sellout?
Anyway, now that my rant is out of the way, keep them coming James.
James I would to say just be you and the rest will follow….
this is psychology 101, people will naturally lean towards behavior that is rewarded, and away from behavior that is punished. there’s no good or bad in this, it’s just how living creatures behave. all animals do this, humans dogs cats, we do what works, and avoid what doesn’t work, we do what has good consequences, and avoid what has bad consequences. what you call being a sellout other people call not being a masochist.
You’re an idiot.
You will all find your better part, just work on yourself and work to be happy without need of external source. You will know what I mean when you succeed it and you will.
Reblogged this on My Joyful & Redeemed Heart.
Good one – as always!
I agree with Adam (above) though: every time I try and act like a real man, I get the short end of the stick. Every time I intentionally act like a jerk, I get plenty of attention. And I get attention from good girls too, not just the shallow ones.
So really, the question is: why do so many women react to jerks and jerk-like behaviour? Why do they put up with men being (there’s no polite way to put it) assholes?
I’ve heard some women state that if they didn’t lower their standards, they’d never get a partner. But that just means that men can push to lower them further.
And it spoils life for the rest of us.
It shouldn’t be like that.
And women can help make the change.
Shouldn’t they?
I have to agree as well…..
James,
In the past, a guy told me that I was too good for him – so that explained why we weren’t meant to be for each other. It was both disheartening and discouraging. Some people say the problem with me is that I often act more like a best friend and not a potential girlfriend or future life partner. What do these guys want from me? I can’t seem to win. They go after girls who play hard to get and treat this whole idea like a game. I’m the one who remains unnoticed, but I’m not going to be that kind of girl just to get them to feel challenged. Ugh.
[…] It will be appreciated, gentlemen – because women are looking for you. […]
Reblogged this on PrincessaMae.
Hmmm… wouldn’t say that women don’t appreciate good men. More a case that women have the hardest time recognizing a good man when they see one.
And everyone, male or female, has a certain set of physical criteria that they have cataloged away internally as their “ideal” mate. There can be some flexibility on how far a person will stray from this ideal, but it has its limits. For guys, this ideal usually revolves around weight and age. But for women, it focuses primarily on height. Trust me, at 5’6″, I am keenly aware that no matter how much you fit the “good guy” mold, any woman over 5’2″ (4″ difference so they can dance in heels) is going to pass me over.
I also tend to be a bit reserved on a first date. You don’t get my full wild & humorous side until I know you a bit better (then it’s difficult to turn back off. lol). So if you have a first date that was just “okay”, give it another date or two and see if the guy opens up a little more.
Good guys tend to be the ones who had the most difficulty getting women’s attention growing up. The short ones, the nerdy ones, the social outcasts… They try so much harder because that’s what they are used to.
This is totally my dad, but the problem he keeps running in to is most the women he finds dint really want a man like him, he gets constantly ‘friend zoned’ as do pretty much all the nice single men I know. (even my husband was perpetually friend zoned until I came along). much of women’s trouble, I think, I’d they don’t realize that the best friends make the best husbands.
google nice guy and you will see why you wont find use, we are not wanted, hated and despised, not attractive boring entitled, etc.etc. etc. cause no woman ever thought, ” wow he introduced himself in a nice way, so hot” first thought” nice guy= boring”have to change the game to get any attention.
Naw, the women smart enough to do that (appreciate a nice man and realize that nice men make the best husbands) are already married to their nice men.
Women are looking for good men? What are you smoking? Too many women would dive head fist into a pool of acid before they dare think positively of any guy. Why do you think so many guys have given up hope and have given the middle finger to approaching women?
Being a man that was treated like a second and third class citizen from a woman and only stayed till the kids were old enough then divorced still am nice and try to be gentleman and a good man just wish I could meet a woman willing to walk with me and not be so fast to put me down because I do not want to be a jerk. And I wonder where are all these good women keep running into the others.
You know? I really really really REALLY wish I could believe this. I’ve lost the will to trust and I don’t think I could. I’m sorry, ladies, but I am withdrawing. I’m not saying that all women are all the same – they’re not – but I just can’t forgive the way they test needlessly when we’re just trying to get to know them, how they intentionally withhold communicating what they want with the intent that men fail, and the way they reprimand us tersely, sternly, and with disgust when we’re just trying to be ourselves without any intended harm to anybody. I feel that you ladies just flat out assume we’re ALL bad – and it hurts way to much! I would have rather you took a sword and driven it straight to my heart. At least then I’d clearly know where I stand. Thank you for your time.
Once again, when women ask where all the good men are, they need look no further than their man-hating feminazi sisters, who ran them off!!!
I believe a lot of men (and perhaps women) are confusing being a jerk with confidence. They are NOT the same thing. Good men can (and should) should be self-aware enough to be confident without being cocky. Unfortunately, I rarely see such men in the wild. Not being a jerk doesn’t mean becoming a limp noodle.
Women usually don’t look for good men until 30 or so, usually only after they’ve spent the past decade or more wasting their best, most fertile years with bad boy douchebag after bad boy douchebag. In essence, the flawed Alpha Fucks-Beta Bucks mating strategy. Most of the “Good Men” these women now want are either married, gotten divorced, or have seen their friends get divorced and do not want to risk experiencing divorce themselves. More importantly, after 10-15 years of largely being ignored by these same women these “Good Men” have given up on the idea of marriage because they now see it as a financial, legal, and existential threat to their well being. Add to this the reality that these men are utterly disappointed in the poor quality of woman they now have to sort through, who are often divorced, with children, debt, or a partner count that makes any chance of sex being meaningful unlikely. There’s also the likelihood that at that age, dating is just too time & energy consuming for it to be worth it. The cost of dating in comparison to pursing their interests is just too high.
And why exactly should any guy wait around for some woman who wouldn’t give him the time of day before only to support her and her bastard kids years later?
Well first of all i would have to really find a Good woman that is Not so very high maintenance, independent, selfish, spoiled, greedy, picky, and very money hungry, which then i would really have it made now that so many women now that have their Careers are making a very high salary since so many of them want the Best and will Never settle for Less.
This article is based on blue-pill mantra, which may give a ready some nice “feelz”, but the reality of the situation says otherwise. Marriage (and live-in relationships) with women are downright dangerous these days. Rape hysteria on campus has most men avoiding contact with women completely. The news is out: feminism has become an anti-male hate movement and too many young women have bought into it. Men are “checking out” of relationships because men are simple and logical creatures. Women simply fail a quick cost/benefit analysis: they are now far too much risk and trouble than they are worth, and to them commitment just means “until I decide to check out and lawyer up.” For all the women who cry “Where have all the good men gone?” The good men are also SMART men and want nothing to do with modern relationships especially in North America.
Sid, you are so spot on. I see the very same thing.
To Insidious Sid, you made one Excellent comment which really tell the real story how women are these days. And what makes it very sad is that they are the ones that win in court Most of the time Unfortunately.
Sid: That’s why the whole setup today is 100% risk and 0% benefit when it comes to dating/courtship/marriage, etc. The way the legal system is set up now, a guy has no due process and practically no chance to have his day in court. What self-respecting man would sign onto a legally sanctioned hosing like that?
You can look for a “good man’, but we’re gone. Women bring absolutely no value to a man’s life. Nothing. It is not safe to even talk to a woman anymore. If you don’t know why men have disappeared, you’re either stupid or in denial. Neither is very attractive. As for the men, we’ve never been happier. It will take an awful lot to make us risk getting involved with women again.
Before you start reading, I just want to point out that this is my opinion based on personal observations and perceptions…
You are correct in your assertion that good men and good women still exist, but for a good man it’s difficult to sort the good women from the bad. There was a time when society had standards and since most people didn’t stray very far from tradition or what was deemed culturally acceptable, it was a lot simpler to find a spouse. There weren’t so many variables to consider; By and large, you were already compatible; All you had to worry about was whether you found one another attractive and whether your personalities were complementary. Nowadays you worry about attraction, personality, religion, career, life goals, interests, whether they would be a good role model for the kids, whether you have similar values and beliefs and whether or not you can trust the person to be there for you in the end. And more often than not we put more weight on superficial traits that don’t mean anything. Moreover, we are so busy trying to “have it all” (studying, working, traveling, etc.) that there just isn’t enough time to sort through everyone to find that rare match. And to make matters worse, in the midst of all of the chaos, people still opt for instant gratification and temporary fulfillment in the form of hook ups, FWB or serial monogamy while they wait for “the one” to fall into their laps. And thanks to the normalization of these behaviors no one wants to be vulnerable anymore and no one wants to give 110% to their relationship anymore.
When I see a woman with an extensive sexual history or a list of failed relationships I think, “if she was a good woman surely one of her ex boyfriends would have recognized that and married her” … if they didn’t that could only mean she’s either A) not a good woman or B) she doesn’t know how to pick good men and so clearly she is incapable of appreciating what I have to offer. Then comes the issue of pride… Why would i devote my life to a woman who spent her most eligible years giving herself to non-committal men while expecting nothing in return. Men want to feel special as well. If I gave a woman everything she desired, emotionally, financially, sexually, etc. and then told her that while I was dating her I was also dating another woman and providing her with similar “benefits” she would be devastated despite having being completely satisfied before this revelation. Why? Because she no longer feels special. She no longer feels like my one and only. THIS is how good men feel when women have multiple sexual partners. Yet when men express any negative emotion on this matter people say “Don’t slut shame!” or “You’re just insecure!”. In consequence, a lot of men feel disinclined to put in the effort and attention into a relationship to make it last. A good man wants a woman he can call his own. Feminism will call that “possessiveness” or “oppression” but a good man will see that as his “Duty”… Men will always take better care of something that he perceives as his responsibility. “Dependence on a man” is not the antonym “women’s liberation” as most would have you believe. By “dependence” we’re not asking you to submit to the will of men; we’re not asking you give up your careers and be a house wife”. We’re asking you to allow us to serve you faithfully as a loving partner (i.e. WE are trying to submit and devote ourselves to YOU) but you have to give us something worth respecting and not take advantage of us; show us that you appreciate our sacrifices and meet us halfway.
In the end, when you talk about “Good Men or Good Women” these days it’s a lot like shouting into the wind. Every man and woman, good and bad, believes himself or herself to be good. The issue stems from the fact that we no longer have an “objective moral standard” in society. The traditions and cultural norms that once existed have been reduced to a hodgepodge of subjective morality where most people do what they want (i.e. the “me, myself and I” mentality) and find all manner of ways to justify poor choices in their life.
With freedom comes choice, and with choice comes consequence and responsibility. You no longer have your parents, society or the church telling you what to do, but instead of rebelling and doing the opposite perhaps you should ask yourself why they were preaching such things in the first place. It’s arrogant to assume that you know better than the thousand generations that preceded you. People say that we have liberated ourselves from “Oppression” (in some respects we have) … but I say we have also turned our back on “Honor, Responsibility and Discipline”.
Agree with above comment. Most women want to ‘slut around’ during the tounger and best years of their life, then when age starts to have its weight, they ‘suddenly’ change…, they start to look for good men…What makes them think good men will want what others have used, abused and trashed time after time??? Good men dont want sluts.
I quit dating when it became clear to me that I wasn’t good enough except as a place holder for some other guy. I see no reason why I should “prepare the ground” for someone else. I have since found my life to be much better without any woman in it. I love watching the bad boys who thought they had it made getting raped in divorce court now.