8 Things Guys Secretly Love


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Whether a guy is just starting to date a woman or is in a committed relationship with her, there are small things that she may do without thinking twice that guys secretly love.

While there are many, here are eight to start.


Laying your head on his chest.

When laying on the couch watching TV or laying in bed after a long day, it’s one of the best feelings when a woman lays her head down on your chest and puts her arm over you.

As men, we enjoy feeling as though we are being protective, and this signifies that she feels safe in our arms.

When you text him first.

There is a lot of pressure on guys to always initiate conversation. Sometimes he may not know if he’s being too pushy or texting too much – he might overthink it and not text you at all, which could leave you wondering.

Guys like to feel affection too, and if he’s really into you, he will be thinking about you. Sending him a quick text will brighten his day and spark a good conversation.

When you tell him you appreciate him.

Some people are more affectionate than others, and there’s nothing wrong with however you are. Just remember, if a man puts in a lot of effort into your relationship (as he should), he will never complain about hearing how much you appreciate him.

While he should be able to read your feelings from your actions, some guys need a more direct approach. It will make him feel all warm and fuzzy inside.


Play with his hair while he’s driving.

I didn’t realize how great this one was until my girlfriend at the time randomly did it one day. If you’re riding shotgun, reach over and lightly scratch the back of his head for awhile. Guaranteed to make him smile. (Don’t distract him too much though, he’s driving!)

Brag about him on Facebook.

Some girls go overboard with this. Way overboard. But, if your guy does something nice for you, it never hurts to talk about it or snap a photo of the impromptu dinner he had arranged when you got home from work.

It will show him that you appreciate him and are willing to share your appreciation and love for him with the world.

Really listen.

Women know better than anyone that really listening isn’t just a passive activity. It’s actually an action and it takes effort. Sometimes a guy has something important going on in his life, is working towards a goal, or is just stressed out about work.

When you really sit down, keep his eye contact and become genuinely engaged in a conversation about something important to him, it will let him know you care (even if he already does).


Text him when you’re out with your friends.

I’ve heard some really bad stories about guys who are insanely jealous or don’t “let” their girlfriend go out with friends, and especially with other guys. While I understand the apprehension, a man should be secure enough in his relationship (and trust his girlfriend enough) to not worry every second she is out without him.

If you have a man who is mature enough to tell you to go have a good time, text him every now and then during the course of the night just saying hello. It will make him smile and let him know that you’re still thinking about him when you’re out.

Be affectionate.

You don’t have to jump on him in public, but small things like taking his hand while you’re walking, hugging him in line at the grocery store, or hooking your arm into his as you walk into a party, will make him feel close to you and that you’re proud to be with him.

The little things go a long way.


Men are relatively easy to please. When we say that, we mean it. We don’t require a lot to stay happy and we really do love doing things for our girlfriend to make her feel special.

That being said, relationships are a two way street. The good news is, it doesn’t take grand romantic gestures to make a man happy, just slip a note in his pocket to find during the day, or kiss him on the cheek while you’re watching TV.

These small things will make him (and you) smile.

Now check out the 8 Things She Secretly Loves.

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  1. girlpride219 on March 5, 2014 at 12:25 pm

    Reblogged this on A Day in My Life and commented:
    I love this guy! Everyone should go follow him. He gives great advice to the ladies and the men!

  2. Caroliner on March 5, 2014 at 12:27 pm

    I thank him and praise him face-to-face all the time. But I also praise him on Facebook from time to time for his awesomeness as a dad. He’ll take the night shift or he’ll stay home with our mini man when we get a random case of croup in the morning. Last time I thanked him in the public realm for bringing me coffee to the bathroom while I was doing my hair before church. Small gesture, went a long way, and it made the other girls very jealous 😉 And when it comes to praise and thanks he does the same for me.

  3. shells on March 5, 2014 at 12:30 pm

    Good one! yes men love it when u scratch the back of their head/neck while they are driving!!

  4. Pamela on March 5, 2014 at 2:40 pm

    “secretly love” is an understatement! All the guys I’ve ever been with keep it such a secret that not only do they not tell me they LIKE those things, but many of them tell me NOT to do them! at least most of the things on your list. I’m all for a two-way road, but I’m not gonna be the only one driving on it. If a guy secretly loves when you text them first, then someone needs to tell them it’s OK TO TEXT BACK!!! Ok, rant over…for now. I love doing these things for my man, and do so on a regular basis (when I’m seeing someone), but it’s REALLY hard to continue to do them when your guy doesn’t seem to like or appreciate them. Drives me UP the WALL.

    • Scott on March 12, 2014 at 2:42 pm

      …and here we go. Yay, what a surprise.

    • Paul on March 13, 2014 at 10:30 am

      I think that he just needs to know that you want him to text back (and do it respectfully) and be patient because we don’t think of good stuff easily, and it also might be that you are texting him too often. (Though you might want to check this with a guy that has actually had a girlfriend, and no I am not gay)

      • Big Cat Solutions on March 14, 2014 at 12:36 pm

        Thank you for your input but if too much was once every three days because he never answered the first one I sent? Yeah I dont think that was it. Know the saying “if a man really wants to see you he will make time not excuses”? Yeah I got too many excuses so Iet him go. I’m enjoying being single right now I just had to vent a little cuz I know James can take it lol

    • Leslie on May 29, 2014 at 2:13 pm

      Pamela I agree with just about everything you said, lol. I’ve been told NOT to do these things too, and then they don’t get appreciated whatsoever. I’m glad my boyfriend now is the completely opposite!

  5. GloberApp on March 5, 2014 at 2:41 pm

    Reblogged this on Glober Dating and commented:
    Great Post By James

  6. Gene Ferrier on March 5, 2014 at 6:06 pm

    The men I know don’t secretly love these 8 things, they openly love them.

  7. paintandpolaroids on March 6, 2014 at 12:48 am

    Didn’t know all this! My ex boyfriend hated affection. He would pull his hand away in public when I tried to hold it. And various other things. Needless to say, I dumped him 🙂

    • Mr. Gaydar on March 12, 2014 at 7:55 pm

      i think he mighta been gay

  8. faithamayoti on March 6, 2014 at 3:03 am

    Awww! Thank you for letting us know. This is educative. Am gonna try it out.

  9. marcus13227 on March 6, 2014 at 7:48 am

    Reblogged this on thinktankthought and commented:
    makes me feel like animal hahaha

  10. southernyetsingle on March 6, 2014 at 10:00 am

    Reblogged this on Whiskey In a Teacup.

  11. edremsrola on March 6, 2014 at 6:31 pm

    Take it from an old guy, ladies, these are very good tips.

  12. Dee's Dating Diary on March 6, 2014 at 11:09 pm

    I completely agree that a man should be secure enough in a relationship to trust his girlfriend even when he is not with her. I’m definitely weary of men who are controlling of their girlfriends and extremely insecure and jealous.

    But, for the men who are mature and secure in their relationships, I think it’s a great idea for women to send their beaux a text just to let him know he’s being thought of! This is a great post!! Thanks for sharing!!

    • Scott P. on March 12, 2014 at 3:36 pm

      Dee… Please. Really? I mean SERIOUSLY… “WE” men ARE secure in our relationships… we trust our significant others COMPLETELY. Who we do NOT trust, are the guys that are so called “friends” that go out looking for one thing, and take advantage of certain situations. PS… Trust is a 2 way street…

      • Britney on March 12, 2014 at 4:31 pm

        Scott P. If you are worried about the other men, then you are also worried that your girlfriend/wife is welcoming these advances being made towards her. My boyfriend has never been the type to stop me from going out with friends when I want to. He knows that men do not hesitate to start conversation, try to buy me a drink etc, but he also knows that while I may engage in conversation for a short while (while waiting for my drink at the bar for instance), I will not allow another man to buy me a drink, or follow me to my group of friends, etc etc. He knows that no matter what another man is saying to me, I will never do anything to betray him. SO, I believe that you inadvertently do not actually trust your girlfriend/wife, and it’s not just the other men.

      • Kayla on March 14, 2014 at 7:17 pm

        As a female, I agree with this. I think it’s disrespectful to go out with the opposite sex while in a committed relationship, if for no other reason than rumors. If you heard “Your bf looked like he was having a great time with [insert female here]”, it would probably make you uncomfortable, or at least defensive. Most people have a jealous streak, at least a little, and it’s best not to agitate it if you’re trying to make your relationship last.

      • Dee's Dating Diary on March 15, 2014 at 7:43 pm

        To say that you do not trust the guys that your girlfriend is around and that they “take advantage” is also saying that you do not trust your girlfriend to NOT cheat on you if another man makes an advance on her.

        Also, to use the words “take advantage of” suggests that you’re of the belief that women cannot care for themselves and will be taken advantage of and, therefore, must be controlled and watched by a man like you.

        You also have to trust that regardless of who hits on your girlfriend, she will not cheat on you. That’s real trust. And, I completely agree with you that trust is a 2-way street. If a woman has given you reason to not trust her and want to control her every movement, then this woman probably isn’t for you. I appreciate your honest perspective, thanks!

  13. matthewjane on March 6, 2014 at 11:21 pm

    Reblogged this on the man who found true love and commented:
    Thank you for loving me. You know who you are.

  14. thelostkerryman on March 6, 2014 at 11:41 pm

    forget the text period- talk with him directly

  15. Dan Aldridge on March 7, 2014 at 12:06 am

    James, one thing that I really love is when my wife lets me do something for her that really pleases her. She’s so unassuming that sometimes I want to know that I can do something that makes her feel special. That gives me so much pleasure…it’s almost better than her doing things for me. Maybe it feels so good because of that protective instinct you mentioned. We men want to feel like we can keep our ladies happy like no one else can. It’s a great buzz!

    Thanks for this nice post, man. Just checking out your work for the first time, and I appreciate you.

  16. Dan Aldridge on March 7, 2014 at 12:08 am

    Despite rumors to the contrary, chivalry is NOT dead. You are living proof of that.

  17. Jen on March 7, 2014 at 12:58 am

    There ought to be a female version of this.

    • K on March 13, 2014 at 2:56 am

      There’s a link to the 8 things women secretly love at the bottom of the article 🙂

    • Tim on March 14, 2014 at 12:28 pm

      Get out.

  18. eliblr on March 7, 2014 at 1:56 am

    Reblogged this on eliblr and commented:
    i know my fiance likes some of it. shall ask him about the rest. 😛

  19. Pooja Agarwal on March 7, 2014 at 4:12 am

    Reblogged this on The Writeup.

  20. jblondie09 on March 7, 2014 at 2:18 pm

    Love this post…simple an easy to follow 😉

  21. […] that we’ve discussed 8 Things Guys Secretly Love, we can’t forget the general theme of this blog – being chivalrous and romantic towards […]

  22. Shristi Alexa's Creation on March 8, 2014 at 7:39 am

    Hmm did all of that!

  23. Fitsploration on March 8, 2014 at 9:06 am

    Very interesting read! And definitely some things to take into consideration. I’m cautious about initiating those text..great to read a man’s perspective on that. Thank you!

    • Phil on March 13, 2014 at 3:42 am

      Believe it! A lady who texts firsts shows interest, one that is hopefully shared. Obviously there are signs when interest is lost or not shared, but that’s way more individually based. I for one am often not awake when she texts, so that’s the first thing I see and it’s awesome. There have been others who I felt as though I was constantly chasing, I HAD to send the first text or we wouldn’t talk. As he said, it’s a two way street, read the situation and if you’re having solid conversations, say something. If something is on your mind and you want to talk, shoot it his way. Obviously don’t throw caution to the wind, but be open, and most importantly be talkative over the phone, cause we can clam up in person until we’re comfortable.

      • Fitsploration on March 13, 2014 at 9:23 am

        Thank you for the insight! I definitely hold back myself, thinking if he’s interested, he’ll call, text, etc. Funny how we apply different rules of communication when it’s potential partner versus a friend. What I want more than anything is for someone to feel completely comfortable and talk to me as best friend. So that leads to an internal question..why don’t I do the same? Who knows. If there was a simple answer, we probably wouldn’t need these discussions. 🙂

  24. lookitsjs on March 9, 2014 at 7:07 am

    Reblogged this on Trip or Trips!.

  25. frugoal on March 10, 2014 at 9:31 pm

    I agree with all but the texting. I think guys like it when a women is a little aloof and mysterious when she is out with her girlfriends. I thought guys like the hunt, so why text first?

    • charles on March 12, 2014 at 9:45 am

      Guys like the hunt when actually hunting for a girl. When they are in an actual relationship, no guy wants his girl to be mysterious about what she’s doing or where she is…..

  26. Ray on March 10, 2014 at 10:46 pm

    James either you are girl yourself or gay with extreme feminine tendencies. Ladies this is our actual List
    Guys want
    1)girls to be secure
    2)girls that love beejers,
    3)girls who ask them for advice or to fix stuff so we can show off our manliness,
    4)girls who are independent and has her own shit going for her
    5) girls who can cook
    6) girls that take as much or more interest in her looks/physique as we do
    7)girls that can initiate, hold and challenge an intellectual conversation
    8)girls that love beejers

    Maybe replace that last beejer one with adventurous/ down to try new stuff all the time (travel, extreme sports, food etc)

    • Big Cat Solutions on March 10, 2014 at 11:02 pm

      You are an oaf and a fool. Everything that is wrong in the world. Thank you for continuing to prove to me why I’m single.

    • Messrs on March 12, 2014 at 7:22 am

      Ray, didn’t you know? James was talking about Real Men.
      8 things real men secretly love.
      Not immature boys like you.

      • Birdy on May 29, 2014 at 4:43 pm

        well said 🙂
        He has to grow up to appreciate those things though 😉

    • Amanda L. on March 12, 2014 at 11:25 pm

      I will probably be the only girl on here who likes this list more than the one in the article lol! <3

  27. Cane Jason on March 11, 2014 at 3:04 am

    Reblogged this on Cane Jason.

  28. Nate on March 11, 2014 at 6:07 am

    I don’t agree with Ray at all.
    I believe these are all very accurate! I have had all of these things happen one time or another, and they truly are the greatest!
    so as a 20-year old guy, I think its safe to say that this is true, no matter what age a man is.

  29. asrozanas on March 12, 2014 at 3:15 am

    Reblogged this on Adam Rozanas.

  30. walexmarceva on March 12, 2014 at 4:27 am

    Reblogged this on Walexmarceva's Blog.

  31. Don @ How You Can Find Love on March 12, 2014 at 8:24 am

    #2 is huge. When my wife and I first starting dating, she would randomly text me at times saying something simple like “hope you’re having a good day”. It blew me away because all of the women I dated before her never did that sort of thing. It’s easy and it’s sure to put a smile on our faces.

  32. Billy on March 12, 2014 at 5:55 pm

    I agree! Thank you for wording it out.

  33. princenothing on March 12, 2014 at 9:21 pm

    31/m agreement. Don’t know about playing with hair while driving. Maybe if I still had enough hair… I love when my wife puts her head on my chest while we lay in bed or sit on the couch, and when takes my arm in public.

  34. Amanda L. on March 12, 2014 at 11:04 pm

    1/8 of these my husband gives a shit about. To me this sounds like a very needy and insecure guy…
    Is this for guys just starting relationships? Even then…maybe my husband is just very confident, secure, and not needy haha.

    • James Michael Sama on March 12, 2014 at 11:10 pm

      I’m confident, secure, not needy, and have a long term girlfriend – but I like these things. As do many of the other commenters.

      Maybe your husband just…doesn’t like these things, eh? Everyone is different.

      • Amanda L. on March 12, 2014 at 11:22 pm

        Never said everyone wasn’t different. : )
        Just my personal opinion. And experience.
        But hey, I married my first boyfriend, never even kissed another guy, and still very happy 9 years in.
        So I’ve never had any other experience.
        These things just seem like they are more important and common in early on relationships.

  35. Chastity Joy on March 12, 2014 at 11:48 pm

    Whenever my boyfriend and I are going somewhere (and he’s always the one driving because he doesn’t trust me driving skills), I play in his hair nearly, if not, the entire ride. I know he likes it by the way the nudges at my hand with his head… like my dog does when I rub her lol.

    • gotcake21 on April 1, 2014 at 5:29 pm

      My boyfriend does exactly the same thing. I stopped playing with his hair one time and he started moving his head to try and find my hand again. I thought it was adorable; he’s my puppy haha

  36. the man on March 13, 2014 at 4:34 am

    I mean all of this is really just bullshit, every guy is different and honestly I don’t give a Fuck about half of the shit on this list

  37. questforahusband on March 13, 2014 at 6:02 pm

    Reblogged this on Quest For a Husband and commented:
    Love this guys blog. Great stuff for both men and women.

  38. questforahusband on March 13, 2014 at 6:03 pm

    reblogged on http://www.questforahusband.com

    Love what you are doing. It’s pretty great material.

  39. Sadec on March 14, 2014 at 3:26 am

    I don’t know when’s the right time to do these things. Guys tend to only do things just for sex, so when they are being “affectionate” I take it as they are only trying to pull a move. It takes me a very long time to become affectionate towards a guy. I’m not really an affectionate person towards adults anyway. Only elders and children. But anywho, a guy will have to do wonders for me to show my feelings because I have a solid wall blocking the ability for me to show feelings towards a guy.

  40. rodneynoland on March 14, 2014 at 6:26 am

    Reblogged this on The Waterkin Studio.

  41. Joe on March 14, 2014 at 10:36 pm

    We also really like blow jobs

  42. Zach on March 15, 2014 at 1:11 pm

    These are gay.

    • James Michael Sama on March 15, 2014 at 1:17 pm

      Hey Zach,

      I’m not sure if I follow. Can you let me know how a list of things referencing what women do for men in heterosexual relationships are indicative of a man being attracted to another man?

      Curious to hear your logical reasoning behind the comment.


      – James

  43. Katie on March 20, 2014 at 2:48 pm

    Curious how this would apply to a long-distance relationships, since the guy I just met lives several states away. I would appreciate your thoughts.

  44. Coup De Grâce (@sirenqoh) on June 2, 2014 at 10:39 pm

    I’ve actually had men tell me i’m over affectionate simply because i care. One of them exclaimed “can i help you?” when i put my arms around him. Some men find it suspicious, probably because they think it’s manipulation. And some don’t want affection at all. They just want sex. It’s extremely bewildering and i am so much less affectionate because of what i’ve been through. It can make you scared to get close or reach out, but i still try.

  45. Maria Harris on August 22, 2014 at 10:59 pm

    As always, great writing! Something I often do is tell my boyfriend that I love him by using his name. I will say, “I love you, Brett” or “Brett Merritt” bc it is personal and feels much more connected than just I love you. There’s nothing wrong with not saying their name but it just feels more, I guess, powerful and meaningful, personal. I like it when he says my name too.

    • James Michael Sama on August 22, 2014 at 11:04 pm

      I love that Maria! That’s a great point I can add to future articles, and I totally agree with you. 🙂 Thank you for your input!

      – JMS

  46. The Modern Day Fairy Godmother on August 22, 2014 at 11:05 pm

    Reblogged this on The Modern Day Fairy Godmother and commented:
    Not sure about the playing with his hair while driving but everything else is so true!

  47. rachelmhamm on August 23, 2014 at 11:03 pm

    Ladies I think these are things a guy that has atleast somewhat -already shown interest in you- loves. If the dude is unsure about you or doesn’t like you, this list wouldn’t be right for that situation. I do like this article though because it mentions many things a not so openly affectionate/ guarded girl like myself should learn to consider and practice from time to time when I am in a relationship!

  48. francelag on September 4, 2014 at 9:41 pm

    Reblogged this on Francela Gutiérrez.

  49. […] previous articles we have discussed things that men secretly love, as well as things women secretly love. Some, admittedly…not so secret. But, many of these […]

  50. […] article was originally published at jamesmsama. , and taken from Your Tango, and reprinted with permission from the author. For more from Your […]

  51. […] 大好きな彼氏のために、料理をふるまったり、サプライズプレゼントを考えたり。好きな人のためにやりたいことは多いけど、何をしたら喜ぶのかわからない、と悩んだことのある女性もいるのでは? でも、もし男性が喜ぶことが、意外と些細なことだったら?繊細な恋愛心理を突くことから、男女問わずファンが多いJames Michael Sama氏。彼が自身のブログで、男性が密かに好きなことについて語っています。 […]

  52. […] 大好きな彼氏のために、料理をふるまったり、サプライズプレゼントを考えたり。好きな人のためにやりたいことは多いけど、何をしたら喜ぶのかわからない、と悩んだことのある女性もいるのでは? でも、もし男性が喜ぶことが、意外と些細なことだったら?繊細な恋愛心理を突くことから、男女問わずファンが多いJames Michael Sama氏。彼が自身のブログで、男性が密かに好きなことについて語っています。 […]

  53. […] 大好きな彼氏のために、料理をふるまったり、サプライズプレゼントを考えたり。好きな人のためにやりたいことは多いけど、何をしたら喜ぶのかわからない、と悩んだことのある女性もいるのでは? でも、もし男性が喜ぶことが、意外と些細なことだったら?繊細な恋愛心理を突くことから、男女問わずファンが多いJames Michael Sama氏。彼が自身のブログで、男性が密かに好きなことについて語っています。 […]

  54. […] jamesmsama […]

  55. […] article was originally published at James M. Sama. Reprinted with permission from the […]

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