Why Not Everyone Deserves Your Love


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Take a moment to reflect on the society that we are living in. A society of participation trophies – awards for just showing up. A society of some high school football teams who have stopped keeping scores at games so nobody’s feelings get hurt.


A society of endless internet memes that proclaim that everyone deserves love and is perfect just the way they are. But whose love is it that they are deserving of? It has to come from somewhere – and that somewhere is you and me.

Do you feel that everyone is deserving of the love you can give?

Now, this may not be the warm and fuzzy feel of an article you are used to from me, but sometimes warm, fuzzy, unconditional reinforcement isn’t good if you’re reinforcing the wrong thing.

The issue with a society that teaches everyone is perfect the way they are, is that it encourages no improvement or change. No standards. No willingness to move forward because the current scenario is just fine, right?



Some people lie. Some people cheat. Some people abuse. Some people mistreat you or others around you. And if we don’t stand up and tell them what they’re doing is wrong, they will never change. It is like a dog who misbehaves and we continue to reward him/her with treats, expecting that someday they will understand their actions are unacceptable. It doesn’t work that way.

The ones who work to become better are deserving of your love. The ones who will do everything for you that you will do for them and expect nothing in return. The ones who will care for you as if you were an extension of themselves. The ones who compromise, sacrifice, and fight for you.

Those are the people who deserve your love.

I know there will inevitably be people who talk about psychological issues and things people can’t control. I know some out there had bad childhoods or traumatic experiences that affected the person they are, and that does not mean they are undeserving of love – but the expectations should be set that in order to actually receive this love they deserve (from you), they need to work to change and improve.


Stop giving your time, your body, and most of all – your heart, to people who haven’t earned it.

Raise the standards you have for yourself and those around you. Raise your standards for what you expect out of people in order to allow them into your life.

Give everyone a chance to earn what you have to give, but don’t give it away freely, or eventually you will have nothing left.


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  1. Steve Horsmon on August 5, 2014 at 12:11 pm

    Excellent, James! Perfectly said. When a client says, “I want to be accepted exactly as I am. I’m as good as I’m going to get.”, I tell them they will always attract people with the same LOW EXPECTATIONS.

    To deserve better, we must be better. To attract better, we must inspire better.

    Nice job, guy. Love your stuff!

    • James Michael Sama on August 5, 2014 at 12:14 pm

      Thanks so much Steve, I really appreciate that! I had a feeling this post may be a little controversial because it challenges people in ways, but so far it has been well-received.

      Thanks again for all of your ongoing support.

      – JMS

  2. Jillian on August 5, 2014 at 5:07 pm

    ❤️ This so much.

  3. Naicker, Jeeva J on August 6, 2014 at 2:09 am

    Thank you..
    So true..

  4. Wendy Strawn on August 6, 2014 at 1:09 pm

    Thank you James! Hit the nail on the head – now I have a special needs son and there are expectations not of love but what he does that is not acceptable is not rewarded – society wants to let folks off the hook for everything now days it seems (happened when my son did something wrong in school many years ago – and then the school wanted to let him off the hook because he had special needs and I said NOPE – we have to figure out something that will work for him but he is not getting off the hook)

  5. khojia on August 10, 2014 at 5:43 am

    Reblogged this on Reverie | 'revərē |.

  6. Lisa C Jenkins on August 15, 2014 at 11:20 pm

    OMG I love love love love this article!!!

  7. […] wrong relationships show us that not everyone deserves our love. Some people will take you for granted. Some people will lie to you. Some people will cheat on you. […]

  8. Zugey Ramirez on October 17, 2014 at 4:11 pm

    I enjoyed reading this. I am the one with the traumatic experience in my previous relationship. Now, I have found a great guy, but I do not know how to accept that deserving love, and I think I’m losing him. He loves me, and I am in love with him. But i’m damaged inside, and I feel as if he is just about to let go…..I do deserve to be loved….
    Thank you for all your beautiful words….I will continue reading. It clears my mind.

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