Will The ‘Hookup Generation’ Ruin Our Future?
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As a 20-something year old male who used to work in nightlife in a fairly major American city, I have observed, and learned more from the “hookup culture” than I’d care to admit.
We all go through our party phase and I would never judge anyone because of it – I was right in the middle of it all myself for years. But there comes a point when you mature and grow out of it. The issue is, many people seem to take extra long to do so, if they grow out of it at all.
It does make you think.
It makes you wonder, is this the way things are going to be now? Instead of looking for someone of quality to spend their lives with, are those in our generation and younger just going to be looking for the next fling?
Furthermore, what about all of the children who are being produced by this culture? The thought of marriage before children, or marriage at all, seems to slowly be losing validity.
It seems almost weekly there is a new ultrasound photo on Facebook from a girl who was just partying the weekend before with her yolo’s and her twerkings and whatnot.
I’m sure many young men and women, when faced with this situation, will put the vodka bottles down and become loving, caring parents. Others, will take 9 months off and dive back into the sea of house music and blurred vision because they’ve not yet grown out of it. I can say this because I see it happen on social media all the time.
And, how many of these sets of parents really stay together through the entire pregnancy, and then how long after birth?
The nuclear family is slowly becoming a thing of the past in modern culture. I don’t think it will ever go completely extinct, but it’s certainly more rare.
Where are the values in these generations? Where are the role models?
And the more serious question – what kind of children will be raised by those who, themselves, do not have someone to look up to or learn from? We are witnessing a new generation of kids having kids. I’m waiting for them to produce the sequel to “16 And Pregnant” which I’ll assume they’ll call “32 And Grandparents.”
How will the next generations run our countries and businesses?
We have to be the role models. We have to be the ones our younger brothers, sisters, cousins, and neighbors can look up to.
Our generations, though not much older than the ones after us, need to be the ones who teach our young men it’s their job to respect women – and our young women that it’s their job to give the men something to respect.
It all comes down to respect for yourself and for others. It comes down to standards and setting boundaries for what you’ll accept into your life.
The first step to making positive changes in society, is to make positive changes in ourselves.
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Marvelous post and it is a valid topic. I’m in my early thirties and all I see is people wanting to play. I have a cousin who is in the evangelical/christian world and even she is all about playing. Maybe not hooking up, but still not wanting to settle down to a quite steady life. I see so many boys and girls out there who just want to play, not growing up, and marriage is always, “Oh, when I’ve made my career finally work somewhere in my 40’s, then I will finally settle down’. But If you’ve lived that long fooling around, will you actually want to settle down? It is frustrating for myself being a single woman, seeing all of this culture, which is why I tend to find older, stable men attractive. They have their life in gear and know what they are doing. It’s a sad and scary thought to see what is becoming of the young people today.
^ what she said.
Social media and online dating have reduced it all to always wondering if you can ‘do better’. How do you know when what what you have is great, when society is always saying ‘there might be something better right around the corner!’
I met a beautiful woman two weeks ago. Had a great two dates. Kissed/made out both times. Then poof, gone. Met her off Tinder. Shes active on there still…but she has yet to tell me ‘hey you know what, i wasnt really feeling you.’
Would have been no harm done, all I wanted is some solid communication, after several women I went out on dates with, she was the one who had her act together, stable career, etc. Something that was highly attractive to me.
Im turning 32 next month. Apparently from what some of my 22yr old friends say, kissing someone means nothing these days. Im old school..I dont lock lips unless I see fit and shes worth my effort to pursue her…but I guess times have changed? Apparently now its ‘sleeping together’ for it to mean anything significant..and even THEN it could still mean nothing, just a fling.
Dating in your 30s isnt what its cracked up to be. Where are all the women who want a good man with a stable career who knows what he wants out of life? Seems like im Long Island they dont exist 🙁
Thank you. And I totally agree with you. Last year I met a guy who was hiking the Pacific Crest Trail. He was sweet, had a stable job, had been married, but even at 37, he was perfectly comfortable hooking up just for a night. Is that all there is to ‘dating’? It certainly seems so. I’m not sure dating in general is all it’s cracked up to be because people aren’t dating. Sleep together, make out, call it a day.
It’s going to make for a very messed up world in 20 years.
I think of kissing and making out the same way. I would like to know where any of the men with old fashioned values such as yours are in the Boston area! I hate what technology has done to dating in the 21st century.
The “Hook Up Culture” makes me really angry not meaning to judge anyone I have fallen victim to it too but I have experienced the bad side of it and will rather be happy single then in a non committed relationship. To think what the children of this culture will become with warped ideas of love is pretty scary . Thanks for this post really enjoyed it and agree with your view points.
Im 37, I don’t want to settle down and live a slow steady life. That scares the crap out of me and really does not interest me. I would much rather stay single, date around when I feel like it, and have sex. Im not hooking up with every dude out there and I give them the shake down before we sleep together (evidence on paper required–I don’t play).
But why does marriage have to take place at an alter? Why between one man and woman? Human tradition made it that way and society accepted it as such.
People are content and thriving being in open relationships, living together without getting married and exploring their options. I live in DC and this place really fits none of the ‘text book’ relationships you all describe, and I love that about this place!
Its what the person defines as acceptable to them. Why be forced to live by a cultural standard that not everyone agrees with anyway?
The world has really gone way beyond any of that, and I say its about time!!
The “hookup generation” is leaving its mark and will most certainly change permanently the way that dating is done in our society. Being a more traditional dating minded gentleman I have found two things: 1.) Not only is it more difficult to find people looking for the same type of relationship but 2.) It also brings a stigma onto you when you are in one.
1.) I try to meet as many new people as I possibly can, which is quite easy for me right now as I am still new to town. I think that apps like Tinder are great and efficient for trying to meet new people as well. Odds are, in a bar, you are basing your decision whether or not to give someone a chance based on a 5-15 second examination of their appearance. So why not expidite the process with Tinder. We both matched so there’s attraction, that’s the whole idea. So what should come next? To me it would be a little conversation to see if you hit it off, if so exchange numbers, make plans to meet for coffee or a drink and see what happens. If at any point it doesn’t seem like a relationship worth trying then be honest: make it just friends, or say that you just don’t think this is working at all.
It really should be this easy. Even going up to someone to introduce yourself should be easier than it is, but I think the “hookup culture” has also put people on the defensive because they assume that some 20-something guy coming up to them and making conversation is looking to score instead of genuinely being intersted in just getting to know them. I imagine there are a lot of missed connections because of misassumed intentions.
2.) I’ll keep this one short. I was the guy who had a girlfriend throughout most of my college years. Sure we would go on dates sometimes but mostly we wanted to try to hang out with our friends and do “regular college things” with everyone else and have the same experiences. Looking back it is clear that a lot of people placed this stigma on me and whomever I was dating because we were traditionally dating in a hookup culture. People would say that they didn’t want to impose so that’s why we weren’t invited to something or they assumed we would be doing our own thing, or that they didn’t want to be the 3rd, 4th, 5th…etc wheel.
**I say this with caution because there have always been some people (hookup minded and traditional) that have never seemed to care that we may be a couple.**
I understand that people want to have fun and not have to worry about committment or the slow down associated with settling down with someone. I understand that they have a past that may make them wary of trusting someone fully and openly. What I don’t understand is how they can put themselves through the closest thing to “no strings attached” (which by the way, there is no such thing…it’s more like minimal strings attached) and be ok with the way that ends up making them feel. Whether they admit it or not, I have had too many friends who try to live this lifestyle still end up feeling hurt and ashamed and like less than they should. It’s hard to even know what to say to them, other than something along the lines of what do you expect when you are just throwing yourself into a hookup.
Personally I just don’t see the benefits to being alone and just hooking up when you want to during some of the most challenging years of most peoples lives. What is so bad about the idea of having a teammate by your side during this time?
you have tons of good thoughts! Although I have never lived the traditional college life (joined the military at 18) I can say that the military is the same for the most part, in how we associate ourselves with others and our social circles.
I believe you are the exception these days. Im not sure where you are from, but where I live there is no normal in dating. This is DC. Our culture is mostly gays, trannys, bi’s and swingers. The exception, believe it or not is the white collar capitol hill intern looking for a steady person to date. I think location has a lot to do with what is normal and acceptable so to speak.
For me, settling down is a hassle. I want to travel the world. I want to live light, so I can move on a whim. I want to be in social circles and experience many different types of people. Maybe date them, maybe not. Settling down is really something that I can’t see myself doing b/c of lifestyle choices. Being with one person in life isn’t something I really want. So what seems normal to you, is odd to many, including myself.
However, deep down I have cinderella hidden in my heart. I guess if the right guy comes along and the world stops its rotation for a few moments, I would maybe consider spending time with him. But, I haven’t found anyone that takes this serious. Its hard enough to connect online, let alone in a bar. But, I do try. Could I try harder? yes. Do I want to try harder? Not really.
I guess this is where I say to each his own. I love the fact that different rules where I live. I love the fact that normal is weird here. I love the fact that you know what you want! I respect that. I wish you well in your journey. Perhaps the journey to love will leave us both surprised!
All my best,
It isn’t just younger people doing it–I’ve seen comments on dating advice sites from women in their 40s and 50s who have no problem sleeping with a man (or multiple men) they barely know right away.
The hook-up generation. Sigh … no love, no class, no couth, no self-respect or dignity. In the moral gutter. As long as you run around, no respectable man or woman will take you seriously.
When you lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas. Bottom line.
I agree with you BP!! The hook-up generation? is it a generation? I see it as a selfish act and has nothing to do with age. People using each other like that when there is so much more to us human beings!!..At 47 i stopped going on dating sites because every one of the guys just wanted to hook up and it became boring for me, i just could not bare the thought of hook-ups , may be lie down with dogs generation?