7 Things Women Want You To Understand


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I know, the words “women” and “understand” in the same sentence might make you a little nervous. Understanding what women want or what they are about is an age-old perplexity that few, if any, men will ever escape.

But it’s also important to realize that few men take the time to really learn about women. I don’t mean sitting down with “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus” for a night of reading with a glass of scotch (though that might help too). I mean really exploring individual women as the intricate beings that they are.

Over time, there are valuable lessons to be learned. Here are a few I’ve picked up along the way.


They remember everything.

Women have fantastic memories. Beyond fantastic. Fantastic would be if they remembered mostly everything but now and then, something slipped their mind. Women, in general, remember everything.

This means that even if you think you’re making a harmless comment or muttering something that you didn’t think twice about, she will remember it and it will remain in her mind for better or for worse.


They want you to remember, too.

You don’t have to remember everything, but remember the important things. Remembering things means that you pay attention to her. That you really listen. That you understand listening is not passive, but actually requires action in order to retain the information you’re taking in.

Dates that are important to your relationship, small things she may have mentioned she likes a few weeks ago, when her parents’ anniversary is. It all means that you pay attention.


Understand the little things matter.

I have more than one article on the topic of chivalry and romance. Small things like taking her coat or pulling out a chair. We may think they are so insignificant they don’t really require our attention, but that’s precisely what makes it significant in the first place.

If a woman knows you’ll put in the effort consistently to do the small things, she will know she will be able to trust you with the big things, too.

virtuous-empire: || VE ||


Don’t criticize her friends.

Her friends have been around since long before you were, good sir. This doesn’t necessarily make them a bigger or more important part of her life than you are, but it does mean that you should respect them as individuals and as someone she cares about.

She may not always be getting along with all of her friends, but remember point number one? If you make a comment, even about something she already knows to be true, it may stay wedged in her mind and make things more complicated.


They can tell when you’re staring.

You think the smoothest tool in your arsenal is when you see a woman walking in a general direction and happen to look a few feet in front of her so she walks through your line of sight…that way, you didn’t really “look,” you know?

The problem is, she noticed, and every woman within a five mile radius noticed, too. Women expect men to look, but just keep in mind they don’t usually end up with the ones who won’t stop.


Cologne. Wear it. But not too much.

If you didn’t know, the sense of smell is the sense we have most closely associated with memory. This means one of the best ways to be memorable to a woman is…to smell good.

Good hygiene is infinitely important, as is putting in effort to find an appropriate cologne. If you’re lost on this, ask a female friend or search through the pages of your favorite magazine for suggestions.


If she loves you, she loves everything about you.

Many men are insecure about their bodies, even though we don’t talk about it. But as the saying goes, when you love someone for who they truly are, everything about them becomes beautiful.

This is how women feel – they will even love the things you are insecure about because they are part of the man she loves. So keep improving, but don’t be too hard on yourself.

You want more, you say? Here are two bonus points.

Manners matter, good looks are a bonus, but humor is a must.

When asking (mature) women what they want in a man, a sense of humor is typically at the top of the list. Life is challenging and a man who can make a woman feel happy and comfortable by making her laugh is attractive (Never downplay any serious situations by trying to use a joke to lighten the mood, I’m just talking about day-to-day life).

Manners and kindness are also important, and the more a woman realizes what she wants out of life and out of a partner, these qualities gradually move up the priority list, and physical looks continue to move down.



Your compliments are stale.

Honestly, have you been on social media at all within the last decade? Words like “beautiful” and “gorgeous” have been so diluted that you can ring them out like a wet towel. This is unfortunate, because these words can have sincerely powerful definitions when used in the right context.

Women are flooded with comments (both in-person and online) basically daily, and they are sorely lacking in the creativity department. If you want what you say to have an impact, then you’ve got to put a little more effort into them.

Women are dying to find an interesting man. Are you going to be him?


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  1. Roger on July 3, 2014 at 8:37 pm

    I feel as though you can do all of the above things to create wonderful relations with any lady. This is a shot in the dark… but I feel like this applies to friendships just as much. You can be an interesting guy, but if there’s not chemistry on her end (and you’ll know if you are paying attention per the above suggestions), then it’s a lot easier to know how she’s feels about you.
    Now I’m only 18 years old and have limited experience with romance, so I’m wondering… what does everyone else think?

    • Sophia on August 19, 2014 at 6:06 am

      Hey Roger!

      I just want to express my sincere encouragement about you reading these kind of articles. You are on the right place, boy! Keep going and soon the lady of your life will be totally yours (if she is reasonable enough – and I guess you don’t need anything less than that). I don’t usually comment anywhere on the internet but I was impressed seeing that you are genuinely interested into these articles. And as I am a young woman, I would only tell – James’ advices really rock!!! So, keep on going! : )

      • Roger on August 19, 2014 at 6:35 pm

        Thank you much Sophia. I haven’t gotten the chance to date anyone yet. My few female relationships were/are platonic. However, if/when I have a “lady of my life” I’ll know what to do 😉

  2. Mel Hayes on July 8, 2014 at 4:55 pm

    Spot on! And I’m a women so thumbs up for getting it all right 🙂 the other piece of advice I can give our 18yr old friend above is support her no matter how crazy you may think the idea is… If she is so excited to set a goal to go to the moon get excited too and believe she can do it 🙂 no women wants a man that stamps on her dreams 🙂 but in the same way no man wants a women that does that to him. Lift each other upwards together and your relationship will truly shine 🙂

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