Why You Need To Remember Your Value


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For anyone attempting “dating” in the 21st century, there is an overwhelming question of whether or not our generation actually appreciates the qualities many of us were taught to possess by our parents, grandparents, or hell – even Disney movies.

In an age that seems to be overrun by the self-absorbed, those who are perpetual givers often feel as though they are shoveling their heart into an abyss of apathy. The “me me me” generation can easily seem as though they feel entitled to the special attention they are given, and therefore express their appreciation less.

To the giver, this can be quite disheartening. While I believe that someone with a truly generous heart will never do something for the sake of anything in return, everyone likes to feel appreciated by someone they care about, or put themselves out there for.

I think one of the biggest keys to avoiding, or at least minimizing this heartache, is to really begin to slow down and think about who we are giving our time and attention to. Our generations are moving at such an insanely fast pace on a daily basis, that many kindhearted people are just looking for ways to reach out to someone and feel the connection that we all crave.

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This can very quickly cause a feeling of being unappreciated since he/she will act this way towards anyone who even shows a little bit of interest in them. Reciprocated interest or attraction certainly does not mean this person is worthy of your heart and efforts.

I think a lot of us have to teach ourselves to slow down a little bit, and really figure out who is deserving of our feelings before we hand them over on a silver platter.

Remember, you are valuable too. You don’t need to give something to someone in order to keep them interested in you – and if you do – they are not the type of person you want to be around anyway. Make sure people see the value in you rather than what you can do for them.

The first step to other people recognizing your value, is for you to recognize it in yourself. The harsh truth of the world is that there are many people out there who will be more than happy to take advantage of your kindness. However, there are also many people out there who will genuinely appreciate you and treat you how you would be willing to treat them.

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You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty. – Mohandas Gandhi

I spoke to someone once who felt undervalued in a relationship she (was) in. I asked if she could walk into a Ferrari dealer with $50,000 and buy a $200,000 car. She said of course not. The point is, they will not compromise value for just anyone who happens to want it. Demand & value will fall drastically once the “price” slips. Until someone comes along who can afford the car, it will sit in the dealership denying all lower offers.

The moral of the story is: Respect yourself; don’t negotiate your value for someone who doesn’t deserve you. The right person will love all of the things about you that the wrong people took for granted.


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  1. totallyrandomgoodadvice on July 2, 2014 at 5:10 pm

    This is an amazing post! I know so many people that this applies to, and I wish I’d had these words every time I needed to deal with this situation!

  2. Tina on July 2, 2014 at 5:38 pm

    Beautifully said! I needed this today. Thank you. 🙂

  3. Richard on July 2, 2014 at 9:27 pm

    Every word is so very true

  4. lindsaylu54 on July 3, 2014 at 2:01 am

    I’ll admit that I am one of those people that is a giver and I have undervalued myself. The guy I was just dating had told me that I was “too nice and giving” of a person and he completely took advantage of that. After that experience, I am more aware and will not allow myself to be under appreciated or undervalued again. Thank you for the post 🙂

  5. Autumn on July 3, 2014 at 9:30 am

    Reblogged this on browneyedgirldotcom and commented:
    What a great piece by James Michael Sama!!!

  6. MeAndDating on July 4, 2014 at 10:20 am

    I think Michael’s post applies largely to men. Here’s why. When your typical guy likes a woman, he moves quicker emotionally and overdoes it by lavishing her with fancy dinners and fun outings, etc. The woman enjoys the novelty of it all, sometimes overwhelmed and doesn’t give him the feedback that he expects. He then tries harder, calling or messaging her more frequently. He’s totally smitten, but his efforts come across as “clingy” and “needy”, so the woman’s emotions don’t develop and she might actually withdraw. This confuses him, so he tries harder to win her affections and this puts her off him. Her perception of him changes to being “weak”. Often he gets “friend-zoned”, but sometimes the woman takes advantage of him. Some guys become stalkers, pests, etc., losers in women’s eyes, but Michael’s post is about what these men need to remember: their own self-worth. One of life’s sad paradoxes…

  7. rachann12 on July 6, 2014 at 3:24 pm

    Reblogged this on mynewbeginnings2012 and commented:
    This is a great post.

  8. Krissie on July 8, 2014 at 1:06 am

    OMG!!! You read my “mail”. You have described me to a “T”. Thank you so much for this article. I’m single (never married), so no children & 43. I’m waiting for a man to show me the honor & respect I deserve, but I’ve learned I first have to honor & respect myself. I truly treasure the heartfelt things you write about. Finally, someone is bringing Chivalry back instead of “sexy back”. Thank you so much!!!

  9. Cdreamgirl on July 12, 2014 at 8:15 pm

    Reblogged this on Tidbits n Treasures and commented:
    Well said.

  10. conceptualmuse on October 19, 2016 at 3:18 pm

    Morning James not sure it was sure fate that your blog from 2 years ago appeared, but I thank you. I was just discussing this with a girlfriend not an hour ago. I’ve been really learning how to be more discerning with expressions and offering up my love without allowing the intentions to surface. I guess we all want LOVE and sometimes become a bit anxious that it will never come, so am tempted to settle. NO LONGER for me. I trust and see now how I control that ebon flow of gratitude and Love that I’m yearning for, not the other person. So thank you for the reminder.

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