5 Things Men Will Never Tell You
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Often times, we tend to hear more vocal dissatisfaction from women regarding the current state of dating, than we do from men. But, many times men are equally frustrated or faced with challenges. The problem is, men think it will emasculate them to voice certain opinions, so I’m going to do it here for us/them.
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You have an effect on our confidence.
I think one of the aspects of dating which is never discussed, but needs to be more, is the fact that when men approach a woman – he is putting his ego (confidence, not arrogance) on the line. Whether it’s at a bar, in a nightclub, or in a bookstore, men are essentially handing over a wrapped package to you and expecting you to decide if you like it or not before even opening it.
If men get rejected or turned down, it makes us wonder if we’re not good looking or interesting enough. For some men, it can send the mind on a journey to discover where he went wrong. Yes, guys do this too.
So even if you’re not interested in someone who approaches you, letting him down easily is important.
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We compare ourselves to other people, too.
Women are not the only ones who are bombarded daily with images of perfection. Whether it be a Versace ad while flipping through an Esquire, or seeing a commercial for workout supplements, pressure to be physically attractive falls on us, too. Whether it is as “bad” as the pressure on women is a whole other discussion, but it’s important to realize that men do feel this also.
A great example of a man who walks us through our experience with body dismorphic disorder is Shattered Image: My Triumph Over Body Dismorphic Disorder, by Brian Cuban.
Just as the man in your life should put effort into making you feel beautiful and secure in yourself, it’s important for men to hear it from you, too.
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We don’t know why you’re with that guy.
To put it bluntly, if men see a couple that, on the surface, looks like the woman is out of the man’s league, he will start wondering why that guy has a beautiful girlfriend and he doesn’t. He will wonder if he doesn’t have the depth to keep a mature, well-rounded woman’s attention. Better yet – that woman. The one he just saw. Why is she with that guy and not with him?
This is why often times men talk badly about a woman’s boyfriend even if they don’t know him. It’s also important to note that secure, mature men are happy enough with themselves to not let this phase them, but it’s common enough to warrant mentioning.
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We wish we did/had/were more.
Men with ambition know that the flame is not extinguished once a goal is reached. In fact, the only thing that really happens is a new goal is set at that point. This is why it’s important for us to feel so secure in our self worth, because if we tie it to a certain accomplishment, amount of money, or body fat percentage, there will always be room to improve and we are never satisfied.
Men always want to be doing better. We want to be making more money, lifting more weight, running faster than the guy next to us – but the love and acceptance from the woman in our life can help us become secure in who we are, now.
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We like to show you off.
Maybe some men will tell you this, but it’s true. When we are with a woman who we are proud to have in our lives – someone who keeps us intellectually challenged, whose wit keeps us sharp, and whose personality keeps us coming back for more, we want to show you off like a little boy who just built his first Lego building.
This doesn’t mean parading you around in a little skirt like a trophy, but it does mean bringing you around people we trust and care about so you can shine. Any man can go out on the weekend and “get girls,” but it takes a good man with integrity and class to actually keep a woman of value. While it might sound selfish, it’s a way for us to pat ourselves on the back and feel good about ourselves – someone we want to be with wants to be with us, too.
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This isn’t to say that men are soft and insecure, but we do have emotions and vulnerabilities, too. Most guys think that women want to be with a “man’s man,” but really aren’t sure what that means – so they sort of fumble along until they think they’ve figured it out.
The truth is, men can be just as nervous and insecure as anyone else – but as the women in our lives, your love can help solve all of these problems.
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Click here to get my new e-book, The Modern Man’s Guide To Chivalry And Courtship!
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*You have an “effect”, not affect.
Congrats on the recent media. Faking it ’til you make it does work after all.
Nice article and I love your 5 points. They are all so true. The reason we wish we did/were more is because we want the best for the woman in our lives.
Wow. I remember years ago when I would go on Askmen, and I’d read through articles on similar subjects thinking, “You’ve got to be kidding. Is this how other men really think?” Thankfully, these are all points that I relate to, and I think a lot of men, myself included, appreciate that someone was willing to release them.
A lot of substance here, for sure.
[…] View the Original article […]
So I have a question about the last one on the list “we like to show you off.” What does it say about the guy that he doesn’t do this? Does it say more about his personality, or mine? Because I like to be “shown off” and when I’m not, (this could be posting couples pictures on facebook, PDA, or even just saying “I have a girlfriend.”) It makes me feel like somehow I’m not enough. I guess my point is, why are you saying guys like doing this, when in my experience they don’t? Or they do, just not with me. Not good for a girl’s self-confidence either.
Pamela, maybe you have not been with the right guy. Not that he’s not wonderful, but he apparently isn’t meeting some of your expectations or some of your needs. Maybe you just need to have a frank conversation and find out how he feels and what he thinks about being with you. Some men are very insecure and will hide you and themselves from others for fear of being judged. Others are just scum and want to keep their options open (and downplay you in their life). The point is that it’s probably not you, unless you are one of “those” women who makes him feel uncomfortable, inadequate, inept, foolish, bland, etc.
Pamela,
I’ve had the opportunity to be with some really great women. The more beautiful, vibrant, and amazing, the more often I’ve heard the complaint that there was a lack of compliments and doting by their ex boyfriends. Men told them, “you’re beautiful, You don’t need compliments or you’ll get full of yourself”….. I don’t know if this applies to your situation but it is a tragedy. I’ve also encountered people who want to have “secret relationships” with me. Only claim me when it was convenient etc… People who really want to be together overcome anything to do so, and shout their happiness to the world celebrating you as you should be! I will annoy anyone that will listen with explanations, pictures, and stories of the magnificent woman in my life. If the world’s could only meet her!!!!! Hope that helps
” but as the women in our lives, your love can help solve all of these problems”
No it can’t. Other people aren’t responsible for and cannot solve your problems for you. That’s on you buddy.
Hmmm…agree to disagree, respectfully of course.
Of course a person’s happiness is their own, which is why I have multiple articles about why someone cannot create another’s happiness – which is what you’re saying in your comment.
This statement however, if you quoted the full sentence, maintains that insecurities can often be false perceptions of one’s self, so reassurance in any relationship from a partner can often help minimize said insecurity.
Buddy. 🙂
“The truth is, men can be just as nervous and insecure as anyone else – but as the women in our lives, your love can help solve all of these problems”
But that sentence says the same thing as the little bit I quoted, the part you emphasize is “your love can help solve these problems” and that’s just wrong. No where in the article does it give further elaboration you provided in your comment and it’s an important point that I feel should be made right along with what you say above. So if that is what you are saying, which I’m sure it is, i feel as though you could have made the point more clearly that it’s not just that ‘our love can help solve all these problems’. but that “reassurance in any relationship from a partner can often help minimize said insecurity”. It’s definitely not as easy to read, but it’s much more accurate.
Reblogged this on The Thoughts My Mind Has and commented:
Once again, James Michael Sama speaks the truth…glad I’m not alone on this one, but it really does show women a side of men that they probably will never see.