Often times, we tend to hear more vocal dissatisfaction from women regarding the current state of dating, than we do from men. But, many times men are equally frustrated or faced with challenges. The problem is, men think it will emasculate them to voice certain opinions, so I’m going to do it here for us/them.
You have an effect on our confidence.
I think one of the aspects of dating which is never discussed, but needs to be more, is the fact that when men approach a woman – he is putting his ego (confidence, not arrogance) on the line. Whether it’s at a bar, in a nightclub, or in a bookstore, men are essentially handing over a wrapped package to you and expecting you to decide if you like it or not before even opening it.
If men get rejected or turned down, it makes us wonder if we’re not good looking or interesting enough. For some men, it can send the mind on a journey to discover where he went wrong. Yes, guys do this too.
So even if you’re not interested in someone who approaches you, letting him down easily is important.
We compare ourselves to other people, too.
Women are not the only ones who are bombarded daily with images of perfection. Whether it be a Versace ad while flipping through an Esquire, or seeing a commercial for workout supplements, pressure to be physically attractive falls on us, too. Whether it is as “bad” as the pressure on women is a whole other discussion, but it’s important to realize that men do feel this also.
Just as the man in your life should put effort into making you feel beautiful and secure in yourself, it’s important for men to hear it from you, too.
We don’t know why you’re with that guy.
To put it bluntly, if men see a couple that, on the surface, looks like the woman is out of the man’s league, he will start wondering why that guy has a beautiful girlfriend and he doesn’t. He will wonder if he doesn’t have the depth to keep a mature, well-rounded woman’s attention. Better yet – that woman. The one he just saw. Why is she with that guy and not with him?
This is why often times men talk badly about a woman’s boyfriend even if they don’t know him. It’s also important to note that secure, mature men are happy enough with themselves to not let this phase them, but it’s common enough to warrant mentioning.
We wish we did/had/were more.
Men with ambition know that the flame is not extinguished once a goal is reached. In fact, the only thing that really happens is a new goal is set at that point. This is why it’s important for us to feel so secure in our self worth, because if we tie it to a certain accomplishment, amount of money, or body fat percentage, there will always be room to improve and we are never satisfied.
Men always want to be doing better. We want to be making more money, lifting more weight, running faster than the guy next to us – but the love and acceptance from the woman in our life can help us become secure in who we are, now.
We like to show you off.
Maybe some men will tell you this, but it’s true. When we are with a woman who we are proud to have in our lives – someone who keeps us intellectually challenged, whose wit keeps us sharp, and whose personality keeps us coming back for more, we want to show you off like a little boy who just built his first Lego building.
This doesn’t mean parading you around in a little skirt like a trophy, but it does mean bringing you around people we trust and care about so you can shine. Any man can go out on the weekend and “get girls,” but it takes a good man with integrity and class to actually keep a woman of value. While it might sound selfish, it’s a way for us to pat ourselves on the back and feel good about ourselves – someone we want to be with wants to be with us, too.
This isn’t to say that men are soft and insecure, but we do have emotions and vulnerabilities, too. Most guys think that women want to be with a “man’s man,” but really aren’t sure what that means – so they sort of fumble along until they think they’ve figured it out.
The truth is, men can be just as nervous and insecure as anyone else – but as the women in our lives, your love can help solve all of these problems.
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