Your Most Important Relationship

Growing up, we are exposed to fairy tales and love stories. Grand romantic gestures and transcending life challenges for two people to be together. Ending up “alone” is consistently portrayed as a negative, and riding off into the sunset with your soul mate is shown to be the supposed goal for all of us.

Sure, we all want to find someone – but when this idea of win/lose is ingrained in our mind from an early age, what does it create?


It creates an incredible pressure on people from youth to find, and be with someone. It tells us that our worth is based on our ability to get somebody to commit to us.

If we look at things in this light, we can begin to see why people stay in negative relationships that don’t truly make them happy – they have someone. They might fight more than they kiss, they might barely talk to each other, they might never go out on dates together…but hey, at least they’re not single.

And, the cycle continues.

This perception has to change. We need to teach our youth to value themselves rather than whether or not someone is in their life. We need to teach them that true happiness comes from within, and only then will they be fully suited to have a healthy relationship with another (fulfilled) person.

You don’t need someone to complete you – only someone to accept you completely.


You can be happy and fulfilled single, or you can be happy and fulfilled married with as many children as you choose to have. Just because two lifestyles are different doesn’t mean one is better or worse than the other.

The most important relationship you’ll ever have is with yourself. If that one isn’t healthy, none of your others will be. You need to value yourself enough to not settle for less than you deserve. To look at a situation that is not bringing you what you need out of life, and be able to say “I deserve better, dammit.” To walk away from what doesn’t make you happy or grow you as a person.

It has been said that we only accept the love we think we deserve, but the beautiful part about your thoughts is that you can control them, they don’t have to control you.

You can be happy, if only you decide to be.

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12 thoughts on “Your Most Important Relationship

  1. I was going to write a blog that pretty much sums this up. I decided not to and saved it for later. But, you are right I have no idea why people think that being single is this awful thing. If people spent more time finding themselves when they are single and figuring out what they really want instead of getting into relationship after relationship maybe they would find something greater than a short romance.

  2. I find that more often than not, the feeling of ‘self worth based on your ability to have someone commit to you’ is a female mindset. Males, (more often than not) rather believe their self worth is based on the ability to have sex without having to commit with as many partners as they can. But this is a great article for those emotionally trapped women who are treated poorly in their relationship, yet continue to stay in it despite they obviously deserve better.

  3. Nice entry. I agree. Another point to build, something I learned from Christian Philosophy, is that you need to learn to love yourself first before you can love others completely and unconditionally; for we cannot give what we do not have. 🙂

  4. “If you can’t love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love somebody else?” -RuPaul

    It took a man in a dress to get this idea drilled into my head. And it is true.

  5. I’d love a post on how to develop that beautiful relationship with ourselves. I feel like so many people struggle with that.

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