Today, I saw someone ask what a man can expect to get in return from a woman if he is paying for dinner, and other things, all the time.
The short answer is: Nothing. If you do nice things for anyone (not just women) for the sake of something in return then you’re missing the point.
He then proceeded to express his dissatisfaction with how romance is so ‘one-sided.’ So I began to ask myself, is it?
The first issue I see is the false idea that romance equates to spending money. If you think ‘being romantic’ means paying for dinner and drinks, buying flowers and chocolates, and other cliche’ dating techniques…then yes, ‘romance’ is typically one-sided.
But, these things are not romance. Part of it, maybe. Chivalrous, sure. But romance stretches far beyond these actions.
True romance doesn’t cost money. It’s not an action you perform. It’s not a date. True romance is a feeling. It’s a personality. It’s who you are. Either you’re romantic, or you’re not.
True romance is doing small things for each other that you wouldn’t do for anyone else – because they’re based solely on his/her personality. Things you know they love.
And, both men and women can be equally romantic in this sense.
It’s the things nobody else would notice. It’s in the way you walk with someone, touch someone, or kiss them.
It’s not always the big actions. Sometimes it’s the small details. It’s an otherwise everyday, mundane occurrence suddenly lit on fire by the extra care and love that was put into it.
If over time it continues to be one-sided from either side, then this is a clear red flag and you need to evaluate your relationship. But don’t forget another red flag is performing acts of kindness simply for the idea of being rewarded for it.
Romance doesn’t turn off or on, it just, is. Always.