How To: Ask a Woman Out Like a Man


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People who are familiar with communication realize that the words you actually say have surprisingly little influence on the interaction you’re having, as a whole.


What’s more important is your tone, your attitude, your body language (if in person) and how you say what you want to say.

There are few times this is more important than when asking a woman out. Okay, maybe more than a few, but stick with me…

If you literally ask as in: “Will you go out with me?” You’re sending her unspoken messages. You’re putting yourself in a submissive situation and giving her 100% of the power. Women respond to strength, and if she feels like she’s going to be the strong one in the relationship, you’ll be dead in the water from the start.


It’s difficult to ask a question like this while sounding authoritative. While sounding like you know your value. You must show her that you see both her value, and your own.

If you’re too demanding – such as “Come to dinner with me.” You’re immediately putting her on the defensive. Nobody likes to be told what to do, especially a woman. And especially a woman who barely knows you. They respond to strength, but not brute force with no finesse.


So, how do you combine all of the right messages to send, keep your dignity, but not make her feel pressured?

Convey your pre-existing plans to her, and suggest that she is welcome to join you. ‘I’m going to dinner/a show/the game/the museum on Friday, if you’d like to join me.’

This tells her a few things without actually saying them:

You have value. You have a social life and you already have plans. If she rejects you, it’s not going to be life-altering for you.


This also shows her if you start dating that you won’t be clingy and call her 1,000 times per day – because you have passions and interests besides her. This is a good thing.

She has value. You have pre-existing plans that you’re now inviting her to partake in. This will let her know that you want to share an experience with her, and have her be a part of something with you.

You’re not asking for permission to spend time with her, and you’re not demanding that she join you or applying pressure.

Let me know how it goes!

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  1. Shaahid Syd on August 8, 2013 at 12:18 pm

    this is genius!

    • James Michael Sama on August 8, 2013 at 12:19 pm

      Thank you sir! Much appreciated!

      • Shaahid Syd on August 8, 2013 at 12:20 pm

        No probs…
        Enjoying your blog!

  2. russelmay on November 20, 2013 at 9:51 am

    I’m starting to fall in love with your blogs.

    P.S i just noticed that you like brad and angelina so much you used a lot of their pictures in your relationship categories hehe! More powers!

  3. laura on November 23, 2013 at 1:31 am

    Just to give you feedback from a girls perspective, you are 100% right that woment respond to strength, but I don’t think that is the best way to phrase the question. To me, it sounds like you’re saying “You can come if you want, but I don’t really care either way.”

    • Eugena Woodson on August 4, 2016 at 10:57 am

      I agree with this statement, you may have missed the the mark on this one, as a woman, I want to know that your intention is to spend time with me & not just be a tag along with your already made plans….. Just my P.O.V…..

  4. Agota on December 1, 2013 at 3:49 pm

    I agree with Laura. I’d suggest adding a teeny tiny bit more about how you value her presence, like in ‘I’m going to dinner/a show/the game/the museum on Friday, and would appreciate your company if you’d like to join me.’

    I’m simply in love with your blog though – pearls and diamonds of wisdom! I read through all the posts in a day – looking forward to more!

  5. Charlie on December 5, 2013 at 10:42 pm

    You should do more of these, pretty useful cheers.

  6. eric loke on December 10, 2013 at 10:14 pm

    Why didnt i start reading your blog posts earlier

  7. Rosie on January 6, 2014 at 1:14 am

    Excellent points, as always. Your pearls of wisdom are greatly appreciated. In my opinion, though, I think something that makes the single life especially difficult is that we tend to over-analyze everything. Chances are, most girls won’t think twice about HOW she was asked on a date, unless the invite was rude or invasive, like your “brute force with no finesse” examples. These days, it’s rare for a guy to ask for a date over the telephone, let alone in person, and phrases like “Would you like to go… (fill in the blank)” are almost extinct. That alone is likely to impress. We do respond to strength and confidence (anyone who has that wants it in a partner and it’s an attractive quality) but most girls who aren’t crazy or insanely picky won’t make that judgement from the initial question. Instead, they’ll pick up on it from things like the guy not having a plan (Conversations like, “Sure, what did you have in mind?” and a response of “Dunno” come to mind) or not talking at all through the date leave a much more lasting impression of weakness than guys who ask, no matter how they word it. No need to analyze and sweat over the little things. Something girls and guys need to work on, I know. 🙂

  8. Brian on January 9, 2014 at 12:05 pm

    Just out of curiosity, do you have any ideas on ways to ask if you don’t have pre-existing plans? Say you randomly meet at an event or a store?

  9. Sarah on March 8, 2014 at 5:18 pm

    I disagree. What I love hearing is “I would love to take you out to dinner tomorrow night.”

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