People who are familiar with communication realize that the words you actually say have surprisingly little influence on the interaction you’re having, as a whole.
What’s more important is your tone, your attitude, your body language (if in person) and how you say what you want to say.
There are few times this is more important than when asking a woman out. Okay, maybe more than a few, but stick with me…
If you literally ask – as in: “Will you go out with me?” You’re sending her unspoken messages. You’re putting yourself in a submissive situation and giving her 100% of the power. Women respond to strength, and if she feels like she’s going to be the strong one in the relationship, you’ll be dead in the water from the start.
It’s difficult to ask a question like this while sounding authoritative. While sounding like you know your value. You must show her that you see both her value, and your own.
If you’re too demanding – such as “Come to dinner with me.” You’re immediately putting her on the defensive. Nobody likes to be told what to do, especially a woman. And especially a woman who barely knows you. They respond to strength, but not brute force with no finesse.
So, how do you combine all of the right messages to send, keep your dignity, but not make her feel pressured?
Convey your pre-existing plans to her, and suggest that she is welcome to join you. ‘I’m going to dinner/a show/the game/the museum on Friday, if you’d like to join me.’
This tells her a few things without actually saying them:
You have value. You have a social life and you already have plans. If she rejects you, it’s not going to be life-altering for you.
This also shows her if you start dating that you won’t be clingy and call her 1,000 times per day – because you have passions and interests besides her. This is a good thing.
She has value. You have pre-existing plans that you’re now inviting her to partake in. This will let her know that you want to share an experience with her, and have her be a part of something with you.
You’re not asking for permission to spend time with her, and you’re not demanding that she join you or applying pressure.
Let me know how it goes!