High-Status People Reject These 13 Behaviors in Relationships

Sometimes, finding the right partner isn’t just about watching what they do…it can also be about what they don’t do.

Some red flags are smaller than others. Some even seem tolerable or acceptable. This, more often than not, sets a trap for ourselves to go too far down a road that we don’t belong on in the first place.

I hear it from my private clients all the time: They’re leaving a relationship after decades, while hindsight is showing them that they should’ve left a long time ago.

The easy question to ask from the outside is: “What took so long?”

On the inside, though, we’ve all been there before. We make excuses for poor behavior, overlook things that bother us because “it’s just how they are,” or even lower our standards to dangerous levels because “hey, being with them is better than being alone.”

Spoiler alert: It’s not.

Being with the wrong person will make you feel more alone than staying single ever will.

So, what are some negative behaviors that you should stop accepting if you want a chance at a happy relationship?

1: They never apologize.

Part of living a life of integrity is admitting when you’re wrong (which ALL of us are sometimes, especially when it comes to relationships).

When we enter into a relationship, we’re taking on the responsibility of someone else’s wellbeing in our lives, and that requires an elevated standard of conduct that benefits not just ourselves, but the person that we love.

When we fall short in this area, admitting it and fixing it is how we move things forward.

If your partner never takes responsibility for their own actions or always finds a way to place the blame on you, it’s a clear sign that you’re willing to invest at levels that they are not.

2: They keep making decisions as if they’re still single.

Great relationships aren’t about “me,” they’re about “we.”

Building a life alongside someone means that you’re taking them into consideration when making decisions that affect both of you.

If your partner is living their life as if they’re still single, they’re keeping you at an emotional arm’s length, which means they’re not fully committed to intertwining your lives.

You deserve a relationship where your partner is all in and you’re not left doubting their feelings all the time.

It’s one thing to maintain independence and your own passions…it’s a whole other thing to make your partner feel excluded and overlooked.

3: They get lazy over time.

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times: The romance in a relationship shouldn’t fade after the “honeymoon phase.” In fact, it should increase as your partner becomes a larger and more important part of your life.

If you’re still putting in effort to do the small things for them, be romantic, look good for them on date night, tell them how grateful you are for them…but they’ve stopped trying because they “got you,” the writing is on the wall:

They’re taking you for granted.

Getting into a relationship doesn’t mean that you stop trying just because someone has committed themselves to you. In fact, that’s when the real work begins.

That’s when you KEEP showing up for them. That’s when you KEEP their trust. That’s when you EARN their love every day.

If you’re spotting these red flags in your relationship, have a conversation about it. Tell your partner how you feel. Give them a chance to change their actions.

And if they don’t appreciate you, go find someone who will. Life is too short to settle for anything less.

4: Their presence takes away more joy than it brings.

It’s unfortunate that this even has to be said, but it does. You need more than just “love” to hold a relationship together. It’s possible to have two good people who aren’t good for each other.

It doesn’t matter how much you “love” someone, if they bring more negativity to your life than positivity, you need to let them go.

If you argue more than you talk, are rarely intimate, and/or they are generally aloof, uninterested, and distant…you need to ask yourself what you’re really getting from the relationship and why you’re choosing to stay in it.

5: They keep emotional distance between you.

So…it’s been a few months and you’ve still not met their family? Friends? Work pals?

…why might that be?

When you’re serious about integrating someone into your life, that includes all aspects of it. Not only that, they should be PROUD to introduce you to the people they’re closest to once you’ve established that the relationship is moving in a serious direction.

If they’re keeping you from certain parts of their life, they may only be half in and keeping the door open for an easy escape.

Relationships aren’t part time commitments. Either you’re in, or you’re out.

6: They never compromise, but you always do.

Time and time again I’ve seen relationships where one of the partners is only happy if everything is going their way. Their friends, their family, their home town…but once they have to compromise for you, the shit hits the fan.

The key to compromise is that it’s a two-way street. Otherwise, it’s just you sacrificing everything for them without reciprocation.

Someone who actually cares about you will be flexible to accommodate YOUR wants and needs as well.

7: They don’t put effort into communication.

Here’s the truth: Some people just plain suck at communication. They’re not able to properly craft their feelings into words, they’re insecure about being judged, they were never taught to connect to their emotions growing up…

Some of those things are outside of their control. But, what they can control, is putting effort into learning how to communicate better with you.

We reach a point in our lives where we need to choose if we’re going to be ruled by our past, or work to overcome it.

Regardless of natural communication skills (or lack thereof), a relationship can only fully thrive and grow if both partners put in the effort to connect with each other on a deeper and more intimate level.

If they’re not even trying to bridge the gap between you, it’s time to ask yourself why you…are.

8: THEY HAVE NO AMBITION.

James, what’s with the all caps? I’m making sure you see this one for a reason.

I have served hundreds of high-achieving private clients over the years, and there is often a trend in their relationship frustrations:

They felt like they were dragging an anchor. I have literally heard that analogy twice in the past week from separate parts of the world.

It goes without saying that this problem occurs independent of gender.

So, what’s an ambitious man or woman to do?

The answer is simple: Not easy, but simple:

Look for someone who is on the same upward trajectory as you.

Someone who lives their lives with passion, purpose, and meaning.

Someone who not only has goals, but is also chasing after them with veracity.

Someone who you can see as an equal teammate on the journey of life.

And, most importantly, be honest with yourself about whether or not the person you’re with is actually what (or who) you’re looking for in this regard.

Too many relationships last for decades while one (or both) people secretly wished it would end. Eventually, someone needs to pull off the band-aid and set things in motion.

Usually, it’s the person with a higher level of self-worth and self-respect, because they run out of tolerance for settling for so much less than they deserve.

The only question is: How long will you hold on before enough is enough?

9: They’re hot, and then they’re cold. And then, they’re hot again.

Listen, every couple goes through rough patches. Everyone has disagreements. Everyone needs to find their “middle ground” when merging to separate, individual lives together.

That’s all natural, despite being challenging.

What doesn’t always happen, is when someone exits and enters into a relationship. They swing so far between hot and cold that you get a tan on your frostbite.

They’re so inconsistent that you don’t know if you’ll still be together tomorrow, or the next day.

Hot and cold should be a setting on your faucet, not your relationship.

I know, I know…when things are good, things are really good. That’s what keeps you sticking around during the shitty times…knowing that when they come back around, it will be hot as fire.

The problem is, the lows are really, really low. And, they seem to be more frequent than the highs.

This brings us back to point #4, taking away more joy than they bring.

This is why consistency is so important: So you know what you’re getting, when you’re getting it. Life is full of surprises, your partner’s commitment to the relationship shouldn’t be one of them.

10: They don’t fully support you.

Have you ever had a great idea, made a great accomplishment, or gotten excited about a new opportunity…but your partner shot it down or minimized it?

This can take all of the wind out of your sails and feel defeating or discouraging.

In a healthy relationship, partners support and encourage each others’ passions and ambitions. They’ll make you feel invincible, like you can take on the world and accomplish whatever it is you set out to do, because they’ll be right there beside you the whole time.

11: They don’t bring you peace.

Passion is important, but there’s another “P” that is too often overlooked.

When you’re sitting on the couch at night after a long day: Peace.

When you’re laying in their arms on a Sunday morning before getting you of bed: Peace.

When you see them across the room and feel the serenity that comes from knowing they are fully yours: Peace.

The right partner doesn’t rob your life of peace. They don’t throw you into chaos and make you feel like you’re trapped in a storm.

Instead, they shelter you from it and make you feel calm, safe, and cared for.

12: They don’t make you feel respected.

Someone cannot fully trust or love you if they don’t first respect you.

And if someone doesn’t respect your opinions, your intellect, your viewpoints, or your value as a human being…then they do not deserve your emotional investment.

13: They let themselves go.

That’s right, you deserve for your partner to take care of…themselves.

Taking care of one’s own mental and physical wellbeing is tantamount to their ability to maintain a healthy relationship.

If they will not care for themselves, how can you trust that they’ll care for you?

If they don’t value their own health, how can they value yours or that of your children?

If they don’t put consistent effort into improving themselves over time, how can you stay attracted to, and excited about them as a partner?

That attraction and excitement is exactly what you deserve.

• My free private newsletter is for those who want unfiltered and actionable insights to live an even better life. Click here to join 20,000+ subscribers.
• My private clients find themselves living more confident, purposeful lives and cultivating healthier relationships with those around them. Click here to book a free call to see if we’re a fit to work together.
• James Michael Sama is an internationally recognized speaker, author, and personal development coach.
• Finding success in creating hundreds of viral articles and videos on building limitless confidence and healthier relationships, James has accumulated over 39 million visitors to his website and a collective social media following of over 400,000.
• James speaks at live events and in the media across the U.S. and has become a go-to expert with outlets such as CNN, Bravo, The New York Post, The Huffington Post, The Daily Beast, CNBC, The Boston Globe, CBS, and more.