9 Traits of a High Quality Man (and How to Attract Him)


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The first step to getting what you deserve is knowing who to look for in the first place. The next step is understanding what they’re looking for in return.

It’s a controversial thing to say that someone is “high quality,” because it implies that some people don’t fit the bill. Let’s be honest, though, there are dishonest, manipulative, and toxic people in the world who’ve not worked to earn the title of being “high quality.”

What traits DO high quality men exhibit, then? And, how can you stand out from the crowd to attract them:

1: He keeps his word.

An undeniable quality of a man of value is that he keeps his word. He is reliable, trustworthy, you can count on him, and you know that when he says something, he means it.

This is only something that can be proven over time as he shows you that he is consistent and genuine. Keeping someone’s word once or twice, or only when things are going well, is something that anyone can do.

Staying consistent and keeping promises (both to you, and himself) is where his true colors come through.

This is reflected in how he lives his own life. Is he inconsistent with habits and routines? Or, does he respect himself enough to build stability and congruence with his actions?

2: He makes you feel safe.

For years I have said that the greatest compliment a woman can give a man is that she feels safe with him. Not just physically safe, but emotionally safe. Spiritually safe.

Does he support you, encourage you, elevate you? Or are you always concerned about his mood, his criticisms, his outbursts?

You cannot fully trust or be at ease around a man who is volatile in his temper and his mood. Maintaining composure and having done the work in order to be in control of his emotions (instead of the other way around) helps you feel a sense of comfort and safety around him at all times.

3: He is present.

We all have a million things going on in our lives. We are all busy with work, bills, families, social obligations, social media addictions…

When a man of quality is with you, he will be with you. Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally.

He will focus his attention on you and never make you wonder whether or not he is fully invested in the conversation or your time together. Being present is about eliminating distractions and giving your energy to the person you’re with, not to the screen in your hand.

4: He is attentive to your needs.

To be attentive is to pay close attention. When it comes to your needs, wants, and desires; attentiveness is more than just a passive trait.

Attentive is active, in the sense that he will step up and help to fill these needs. He’ll pay attention to what’s happening in your life and do whatever he can to add value and contribute.

Whether it’s something as small as getting your favorite tea on his next trip to the grocery store, remembering your mother’s birthday, or making dinner when he knows you’ve had a long day, attentiveness is a clear mark of a high quality man.

5: He is emotionally connected.

First: Let me acknowledge that we all have unique emotional journeys and nobody should EVER be made to feel guilty for struggling or battling internal demons. We have all been there to one extent or another and it is a very real struggle.

The point being made here is this: A man of quality will put in the work to build a deep emotional bond and connection with you as his partner and teammate.

If he doesn’t choose (notice I didn’t say “if he’s not capable”) to do this, how can you trust that your relationship together is solid and built on a foundation of true commitment?

6: He has direction in life.

How can you hope to plan a future with a man who doesn’t have a future planned for himself?

Priorities and circumstances change frequently in life, and we all need to adjust accordingly. But, having a clear vision for what you want your life to look like is the only way you’ll know who is truly compatible for you, because they share similar views.

A man who is floating at sea without a destination may very well just be trying to hitch his boat to yours. This is a recipe for dependency and doesn’t support you two being equal teammates along the journey.

7: He’s attracted to your strength, not intimidated by it.

Great relationships function as a team. You will have strengths he doesn’t have, and vice versa.

A man who is secure in himself will understand this and allow you to shine in the areas where you excel. Conversely, he will show you his own strengths and what he brings to the table as your teammate.

Men who are still insecure and immature will shy away from a woman who has stepped into a new level because they simply won’t know how to interact. Allow him to be on his way and to find someone in the same stage of life.

8: He acknowledges and faces challenges.

Whether it be in his personal or professional life, something shifts in a man when he stops being afraid of rejection.

He will set higher goals, dream bigger dreams, work harder work.

He will take bigger risks and understand that he has the ability to climb out of any defeat.

He trusts himself because he has built up the confidence over time through trials and tribulations.

No relationship comes without challenges, and we need to know our partner will be there to handle them alongside us.

9: His presence inspires you to rise to new heights.

Relationships are the strongest when both teammates are lifting each other up. Encouraging, inspiring, supporting.

A man who tries to hold you back or drag you down hasn’t yet developed the maturity to understand that you both work best as a cohesive unit when you’re both at your strongest.

Anyone who tries to keep you down is nervous you’ll outshine them and take away their thunder.

The man who’s ready for you will stand beside you so you can shine together.

Attracting high quality men:

The most attractive women are not the ones who are always worried about how to be attractive.

They are the ones who are living their own lives with passion and purpose. Who are clear on their goals and relentlessly pursuing them. Who are loving themselves, and those around them.

Remember #7 above: High quality men are ATTRACTED to your strength, not intimidated by it.

This means that projecting this strength out into the world is a beacon of light for the man who is looking for it. It’s reflected in how you carry yourself, how you treat yourself, and, the level of treatment you accept from those around you.

Your value is not determined by your relationship status. Your value is decided from within, and then the boundaries and standards you set are in proportion to it.

Living a full and passionate life is the very thing that attracts men of quality to begin with. And, expressing an openness to finding a teammate along the journey.

It all begins with the power you stand in by yourself. The confidence, peace, and presence you have by yourself.

That is what a high quality man is looking for. A woman who he knows has her shit together and he can trust to support and encourage him as he does for her in return.

High quality men are not looking for women who display the same qualities that they’re looking for in return.

You don’t attract what you desire, you attract what you project.

Live in your power. Be certain of it. Don’t let the world knock you off balance.

The benefits here are two-fold:

You’ll attract higher quality men by living YOUR fullest life, and, you’ll love every moment of your newfound energy in the process.

Once you fully connect with this realization, you’re able to let go of any sense of neediness to be in a relationship and focus on the life that lights your soul on fire.

Then, you’ll be fully ready to lock arms with the man who’s ready to receive you, and take on the world together as a team.

James Michael Sama is an internationally recognized speaker, author, and personal development coach.

Finding success in creating hundreds of viral articles and videos on building limitless confidence and healthier relationships, James has accumulated over 38 million visitors to his website and a collective social media following of over 400,000.

James speaks at live events and in the media across the U.S. and has become a go-to expert with outlets such as CNN, Bravo, The New York Post, The Huffington Post, The Daily Beast, CNBC, The Boston Globe, CBS, and more.

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