The Advice Nobody Gives You About Attracting Women
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Want to learn how to attract women? It’s easy, really. You can go buy a book, watch videos, or spend endless amounts of your time memorizing lines or strategies or methods, so you can get her attention over the other guy.
You can spend months in the gym until you’ve got the perfect 6-pack, and a jawline that looks like it was carved out of stone.
This, could potentially be a how when it comes to attracting women. But, it’s similar to me spending time telling you the principles of how to swim – odds are, when you actually jump in the pool, you’re still going to be screwed.
Do you want to know the secret that nobody tells you for attracting women into your life?
That’s it. That’s the big secret.
I’m not talking about getting lucky in the gene pool or looking like Channing Tatum’s stunt double. I don’t mean being physically attractive. I do mean you’ve got to work to become the type of man who is actually attractive to a woman.
There are no pickup lines or methods or pre-scripted texts you can send that will actually keep and maintain a relationship with a woman.
The only thing that will keep a woman with you, is a woman who wants to stay with you.
To learn, grow, develop, become a whole individual who is not chasing after a fleeting moment of satisfaction with a woman thinking it will complete him.To live your life in the way YOU want to, regardless of whether or not you are in a relationship.
The ironic part is that this is not actually about attracting a woman at all. Creating and living a fulfilling life is something you should do in order to establish your own happiness for yourself. A life that will satisfy you regardless of if you’re with someone.
A life that you’ve chosen, not a life that you’ve settled for.
So many men out there want the magic bullet. They want to know what to do, say, or wear in order to get a woman’s attention. They leave ridiculous comments on social media, as if a woman is going to respond with “Hey, I really like the way you complimented my boobs just like the other 197 guys who commented on that photo. How about getting a drink?”
They say dumb things in bars. They fumble around on dating apps. They look for a quick fix – but that’s not how relationships work.
Relationships are not band-aids, nor are they simple or easy. They do not maintain themselves, nor do they stay in the same state which they began.
They evolve, constantly. You evolve, she evolves. Your relationship quickly outgrows each phase it enters, and no short-term solution is going to prepare you for that.
Do you know what will prepare you for the right woman when she comes along? Learning to live your life in a way that you’re passionate about. Building a life that you enjoy.
Health is important, so being in good shape is probably part of the equation. But it will not keep a woman in your life.
Enjoying your profession is important, so feeling fulfilled in your work is probably part of the equation. But it will not keep a woman in your life.
Taking pride in how you present yourself is important, so being well-dressed is probably part of the equation. But it will not keep a woman in your life.
The only thing that’s going to make sure a woman stays in your life, is her desire to be there. And, she is only going to want to be with someone who has worked to be a whole, complete person – just like she has. Someone who was happy before she came along. Someone who is driven to be who he wants to be – for himself.
Newsflash, guys: Women hold the power when it comes to dating. You do not tell a woman you’re going on a date, you ask her, which means, it’s her choice whether or not to accept.
And, in the age of independence and options, women are bombarded daily by men who are the new-age versions of dudes who yell out of car windows. It didn’t work then, and it doesn’t work now.
So, just stop. Stop trying to find the right woman. Stop searching and hoping and living your life in despair wondering if you’re going to be single forever.
Stop trying to find the right woman, and start focusing on becoming the right man.
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EXCLUSIVE ADVICE & OFFERS RIGHT TO YOUR INBOX (NO SPAM)
Seems like good advice for everyone in any kind of relationship, like family and friends, too. Feeling secure in your own self is a strong and generous place to come from. When I really love my life and myself, I feel like I have a lot more to give others and can invest in relationships out of a place of love and wanting people in my life rather than fear of losing people. Thank you!
Wise words. Thanks James. xx
So it’s not reinventing yourself it more like finding your purpose & focusing on what you can do best?
[…] Originally Posted at Jamesmsama.com […]
Mr. Sana, this advice is a decent beginning point. Absolutely, a woman has the right to say No for any reason, and a man has to earn her attention and attraction, and a man has to bring something to the table. At the same time, the advice is so general that I don’t think it gives a good direction to the kind of people who need the advice the most.
In my experience, the biggest reason men have a hard time dating is, the inability to interact socially. Communication in dating is extremely nuanced, and there are games to be played because, for understandable psychological and cultural reasons, it’s rarely blunt and obvious.
People have a hard time communicating and persuading for many reasons. In my case, I’m mildly autistic, and so I have to work a lot harder than others to understand things like body language, tone, and hints. I’m not saying this to complain, but to state a fact — this is my obstacle. It’s not the only reason men can be awkward, but whatever the cause, the effect often is the same — we cannot communicate well.
I’ve tried for years to learn basic human interaction, and my biggest obstacle when learning how to date is, that people are unable or unwilling to teach me to change. I usually get the most generic advice. “Just work on yourself” is one such piece.
I hate to tell you, but just being attractive isn’t nearly enough. No one wants to admit this, but being a good dater involves salesmanship and advertising. A product or service might be the best in town, but if no one knows about it, the store shuts down. In the same way, I might become a great guy, but if I don’t have a way to let women know it, I’m single. Even if an awkward man meets a woman, and she gives him a chance, he’ll have no clue how to do something with it — this is something I admit I know from personal experience.
The few times I’ve received good advice were when people actually taught me, for instance, to look at body language, to bluff a little when approaching a woman — in other words, to make myself look mentally stronger than I really am — and to understand what women commonly mean when they say one thing or another, like when women say, “I’m busy this week, but you can call me next week”, and they mean they’re not interested.
I’m sure there are plenty of men who read your blog, hoping to find some way to do a better job out there, to be stronger men while still respecting women and being a proper gentleman. I think you’re a gentleman, sir, and so I’m trying to be as respectful as possible while giving you my feedback — and I apologize if I have failed.
My point, however, stands. If you really want to teach other men how to be good daters, show us how to communicate, to approach women, to recognize a level of interest, to start online conversations, to flirt without being overbearing, to know when we’re doing well and when we aren’t. Generic advice is well-meaning, but it doesn’t help, especially “Be yourself”, which basically means, “Keep doing something that doesn’t work.”
I also apologize if I sound upset. After years of having other people tell me to just work on myself and become a better man instead of giving me advice I can use, I suppose hearing it one more time just made me want to say something.